Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

hey all, just checking in. Hope everyone is ok.

mrsbigz, im so sorry for the loss of little Noah, i wanted to say thanks for your thoughts and hope you're doing ok. also, such a good point about remembering you've gone through labour and birth, we definitely deserve to treat ourselves really well at the mo.

cinnamon, i wanted to let you know i had pretty bad cramps 2 weeks after the birth which freaked me out a bit, having not had them for over a week. i guess it was all just shrinking back down. (this was my first pregnancy so i have no idea!)

i thought AF was popping back yesterday (just over 4 weeks after) and i have to admit to being pleased the cycle might be back (thinking we might be able to try again soon, i think that whole 'urge' to try again is pretty apt for me)... anyway it wasn't so i got a bit down.

was better today until phoned parents in UK, clearly my mum hadnt thought about it, but she kept talking about the visiting of the grandparents for mothers day, and showing me her presents from my bros. it's suprising what people don't think about. im going back to work tomorrow too so they were asking about that and saying 'just keep your chin up'. i know they dont know what else to say, but, well it's not always that simple is it? most of the time i'm fine and then it's like being sad catches up with me at random times, so that's what im worried about. (ghslaine, i think you were saying this and it made me feel more normal that it happened to you too, so thanku) also all the students/staff responses means there's a lot of reactions to prepare for!

still i feel like it's time to go back, i get so unproductive at home, amazing how days can go past and i do so little!! (which i know is ok, but will be good to get some routine back i think)

bluecat i wanted to say thanks for sharing your follow up appointment details, i have mine in a week so it was good to hear what they might ask... tho i'm not sure what i would say if he advises we wait another 6 months til ttc...i so know what you mean about your own normality being that you want to ttc, i just feel like im in limbo at the mo. and im so with you on the stats, i guess once you've you been on the 'other side' of the stats, it doesnt mean anything anymore, which i spose is what people mean when they say we lose our naivety about it all.

anyway am rambling on so will stop! should probs get stuff ready for work!!

thanks again for your support ladies, you're amazing.
xxx

hello ladies, i too have been thinking about you all today. mothers day takes on a whole new meaning when you have had a loss - recent or not. i hope you're all being looked after and cared for by your families.
my day has been quite bittersweet. i got up early and watered the cherry tree we bought yesterday to commerate Noah and that was special for me. next year when it has grown and blossoms i hope my heart won't be quite so heavy.
my dh is planning on getting me a locket for mothers day, and putting the hand and footprints of baby Noah inside for me....quite a lovely thought (and quite unusually thoughtful of my hubby - he's not a sentimental person by nature, but our loss has obviously brought out a softer side to him). i look forward to receiving it and being able to carry a reminder of him around with me all the time.

cinnamon & cremegg dh and i too have already talked about 'needing' to try again. initially we were a little confused about how we felt....almost like we were trying too hard to move on but we have both realised it's our way of coping, the need to actually 'do' something. when we had our mc in october, the way we got through it was to try again straight away. we waited until we'd had one visit from AF and then tried and were lucky enough to conceive Noah that cycle. i have no illusions that will happen that quickly again this time, but we do feel the urge to try as soon as we can. partly an age thing, i'm 37 this year and dh is 40. when the bereavement nurse came out on friday, she mentioned ttc, and said basically as soon as we feel emotionally ready we can try, there are no set timescales.

cremegg i hope your return to work goes as smoothly as possible tomorrow, and people are kind and sensitive to your loss. i'm planning on returning to work a week tomorrow (if i'm ok physically). i should have started a new job/promotion on friday (within the same organisation) and am (probably unecessarily) worrying about the time i'm missing.

i too have had horrendous cramps today and yesterday with a lot of blood - kind of took me by surprise tbh! i don't remember cramps of this intensity after having my 2 boys - however i was probably preoccupied and didn't notice them. i will keep an eye on it, however it is reassuring to know that this is not uncommon.

cant thank you for your kind words, i hope that you are enjoying your mothers day with your long awaited babycant :)

thinking of all of you and our babies today - many hugs xxxxxx

cremegg The consultant took me by surprise really I wasn't expecting him to be concerned with how I was, I thought he was just going to go over my scans and talk about future pregnancies. He said six months and then said he can tell by your face that that has just gone straight in one ear and out the other! He laughed about it though and was super nice! He also said the placenta had been sent off for testing, something which I was unaware of! Anyway it all came back fine. Good luck with your appointment and I hope you don't mind having to go back to the hospital. My consultant said about waiting also to put a bit of space between me and the hospital......Which is a bit tricky when I work there!

cantdothisagain My consultant said about being strong enough to cope with the whole will my period come, will I be pregnant then the disappointment when it does and I understand what he means......I can't help feeling angry that I'm back here, I should be having a baby in 3 months.....It was all planned. My baby's due date is also the day after my son's birthday so I'm really hoping I deal with that day well :-(

Hope everyone is having a good mothers day! I was at work this morning so trying to persuade my partner to do the school run tomorrow as he's off and I missed my mothers day lie in!

I don't know feeling a bit numb again today, not really happy or sad just a bit empty xx

hi all,
I have tried to let today pass me by, should have got my first mothers day card- It hurts that it hasn't happened, just wasn't meant to be.

Mrsbigz, Cinnamondog, Cremegg I can relate to the need to ttc, im further on than you having lost Isabelle in august, the need to be pregnant is overwhelming at times, she was my first pregnancy so we havent achieved having a child yet, we started ttc in november as time is not on our side, im 35 and dh is 45, all the books talk about 35 as being the time it all goes wrong, miscarrige, infertility, abnomalities, it makes it all the more scary.

Cremegg thinking of you for tomorrow, hope your return to work goes ok and that you get lots of support.

love to all the mummies on here xx

hey all,

i wanted to say thanks for 'listening' yesterday, re reading my message tells me i was pretty down.

work went well today, was pretty nervous driving there but it was fine. the 2 guys in my office were lovely, even gotta a hug. then the senior leaders welcomed me back at staff briefing, then a few people said really nice things throughout the day. one lady (who has always been a bit weird with me anyway) completely blanked me when i said 'Hello Angela' right to her... was kinda interesting if you know what i mean! in terms of students, i could tell they were worried about what to say (i teach senior school boys!) but they were sweet and filled me in on their dramas (the swimming carnival and a locker getting smashed!?)

mrsbigz I'm sure you don't need to worry about your new job, make sure you take the time you need, and then you'll be back on form to wow them when you're ready. i think i could have gone back a little sooner perhaps, as it feels good to have got back to a routine, tho i didnt as im a Religion teacher and would have had to teach an ethics unit (which focussed a lot on abortion/euthanasia etc and religious views) and there's no way i wanted to do that, now i'm teaching fair trade and charity to that class, much better!

bluecat, how is it working in the same hospital? Sounds like you def can't avoid it that's for sure! For some mad reason i dont mind the hospital i went to/am going to... maybe it's because the scan where it went wrong was in a different place, and then the birth, because of the lovely m/ws isn't a bad memory if you know what i mean. also i've been back to meet up with counsellors there and even the first time back i didnt mind, i think in some way it make me feel like i was closer to Indy (sounds daft as a brush i know) But saying all of that, I will no doubt be nervous, in case they change their mind that it was a random occurence, and worrying about what if they find anything else from the chromosome analysis, tho fingers crossed and I'm pleased it's only a week away as I want to know all I can.

Am hoping I don't get too crazy when ttc, sure i will, but i guess it will help that at least it is in the right direction (this may be too much info, but using condoms at the mo is a bit of slap in the face, when you want to be pregnant but have to use them, frustrating!)

How is everyone? Hope yesterday wasn't too bad, and hoping there was some spoiling!

CE xxx

Hello lovely ladies,

We all made it through yesterday then? Hope it was a happy day for you all, with good memories and lots of love.

A really quick one, and one looking for advice, again! Having read so many of your stories, I realised that I was quite sad that my partner and I had not named our lost little one. Actually refering to her as 'little one' for me is quite upsetting, as that is what my mum unconciously calls my 4 year old and everytime she does, I get upset. Also, giving the baby a name would make her seem even more 'real' for everyone else, less likely to be forgotten by family and friends. Stupid reasons maybe, but my reasons!

Decided to discuss it with my partner on Saturday, but was completely taken aback by his reaction. He became really, really upset; not angry, tearful. We discussed in detail his reaction to my suggestion, why I thought it was important, and why the thought upset him so much, (he has said that he is just about coping with the loss, to go through naming little one would remind him of what we have lost and he does not think he can deal with that right now). It then dawned on me that although I have managed to find support, and a way of talking through my feelings with people who really understand, he hasn't had anything.

Now it may be that he doesn't want to, but apart from ARC, do you know of any other support for dads going through loss? Any advice gratefully received.

Hope you are all holding up well; how are those of you who've gone back to work bearing up? (I'm back on Wednesday, not sure how I feel yet!).

Big hugs xxx

hello ladies.

cinnamon first of all huge hugs to you and to your partner. i think (certainly in my experience) that our partners feel like they have to be strong for us and emotionally support us and more than often you are right, they need the support themselves too. the only other place i can think of off the top of my head is SANDS www.uk-sands.org although i'm sure there must be others out there, maybe even at a more local level?

cremegg i'm so glad your first day back went as well as can be expected (apart from Angela!) and that your students were if anything a great distraction by the sounds of it. re: your teaching, I can completely understand why you wouldn't have wanted to go back any earlier and teach the ethics lessons.....that would have been far too hard. I'm glad you feel you've got some routine back, that's what i'm looking for I think at the moment....not used to being around the house so much!

bluecat i'm sorry that yesterday was hard for you ((hugs)), I must admit I was grateful for my other children and when it was all getting to much for me emotionally they were there to (unknowingly!) cheer me up. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been had this been my first child. I truly hope that your ttc journey is succesful very soon, i understand the age concerns and yes i guess there is a greater risk the older you get, but there are plenty of woman older than us who have normal uneventful pregnancies despite the age - so hoping that we will fall into that category. sending you many hugs and smiley thoughts xxxx

well, today i experienced my first 'out of the blue' emotions (in public as well). dh works from home (he's a graphic designer) so i dropped ds1 off at preschool and decided to attempt a bit of window shopping at our local shopping centre (not too far away!). was all going ok, until i wandered into Tesco for some bits and pieces, turned into an aisle and there was a tiny newborn baby in a pram (with her mum) and she just started to cry, you know that faster than fast newborn squeal.....well i just froze and promptly burst into tears!! even trying to avoid her after that i still typically managed to go down a couple of aisles. then a little further down the store a group of down syndrome adults and their carers walked past....also hit me like a slap in the face :( i must have looked a right state at the check-out (with my 2 slabs of blue cheese to 'cheer' me up).

my 6 weeks appointment came through today though it confused me as although it is in the outpatients dept at the hospital, it was labelled under antenatal care (rather than postnatal) and for a minute i wondered if they'd forgotten to cancel something. and i picked up my sick note from my doctor - to pass onto work - and he's signed me off for 2 weeks (great) for "pregnancy related problems"!?! erm, well yes, the problem is that I'M NOT PREGNANT any more!? did make me wonder whether my doctor had actually received, or read the updated notes on my file?

then to top it all off (though bless him, not his fault at all) i took my 3yr old to bed tonight, and asked as i always do which book he'd like me to read to him. he chose "the new baby" a book we bought back when i was expecting ds2, and geez, i've not even SEEN it for ages, but there it was, and i had to read to him all about Mr and Mrs Bunn having their new baby and bringing it home....all the time with a huge lump in my throat and a false smile on (though i don't think he noticed!)

so shortly i'm going to eat my blue cheese (one of my passions, though even that doesn't taste so good now as i know i'm only eating now because i'm not pregnant any more)

sorry, rant over. just been one of those wierd days and i'm looking forward to it being over.

thank you all (again) for listening. you really are lifesavers at the moment xxxxxxxxx

Another quick one.

Rant away mrsbigz; our neighbours have their daughter and her....you've guessed it.....little baby staying at the moment. Keep being woken up by new born cries in the middle of the night. Not doing my nerves any good!

I ate my body weight in brie and gorgonzola, (my non pregnancy friendly vices). Didn't help much. Oh dear....

It will get better, thanks for the SANDS info.

xxx

cinnamon (((hugs))) that must be hard. hope they're not staying too long.

just had to ask - you HAVE tried cambozola cheese haven't you.......you would LOVE it!!!

I sure have - brie and gorgonzola in one happy package!! It is good actually, even in my grumpy state I have to admit it.

Okay, one final rant. It's second time round for me and my partner so my eldest 2 are actually my step children. There are reasons why my partner got complete custody of both over his ex wife which I won't go into, suffice to say she has parenting issues.

She is also pregnant, due the same week our baby would have been due, and since finding out she has decided she wants more regular contact with the boys, (more regular than once every 6-7 weeks) as she has come over all maternal. Which means she turns up at our house, a walking, talking reminder of what we have lost, rubbing her stomach and telling us how her scans are all clear and isn't morning sickness a b**ch. Last saw her after the bad scan but before our TOP and I almost died. Dreading having to see her again.

Am wondering if emigration is an option........ Me or her, don't really mind which.

Rant done - sorry!

hi, i used to use the sands forum with my first termination as this thread and section didn't exist on mumsnet. I think there may be an area for dads but i'm not sure - it was shut for a while and i was getting over the worst so i didn't go back when it reopened. it will probably be quite hard for him to find easy support like we have as i'm just not sure if all men feel the upset in the same way. my partner has real trouble connecting with the baby when he can't see it - ie before it's born, or indeed after for some time. I think you could both get counselling from the hospital which might be useful.

Mrsbigz i was also signed off for pregnancy related problems after my termination. it means it doesnt go on your sick record so don't get it changed. x

Cinnamondog That must be so hard for you, I have a friend who was due ten days after me and as her bump gets bigger it stings a little bit more! Sometimes I have to stop myself thinking things as I know that's not really me......I don't want to go down the bitter route but sometimes it's hard to stop myself, and this girl hasn't done anything and will prob make a good mum. I can not imagine how it must feel to see her with a healthy baby especially when she has already had two and not cared for them properly. It just proves that life really isn't fair. Could you not ask your partner to deal with her while you pop to a friends for a coffee?

mrsbigz I think you have addressed that post to me by mistake as this was my second baby and I don't have the age concerns.......I'm so sorry to hear you were upset in Tesco, it's the baby aisle that gets me.....All the equipment etc and a memory of my partner and I getting all excited at the things we would need.

cremeegg I find working there ok, I'm only part-time as I went back to University full time so I'm quite busy at the moment and I find that not allowing myself time to think really helps!! I'm pleased returning to work went well, I worried people would treat me differently but no-one mentioned a thing, I think they were frightened too.....Which was strange really as it's like it never happened and I don't know if that's good or bad. I hope your follow up goes well next week. I have decided to ttc straight away against the consultants recommendations......I too worry about driving myself nuts and I've already started really! If you speak to anyone ttc even when they haven't had a loss they are the same.

Hope everyone else is as ok as can be. I'm really feeling the unfairness of it all at the moment but trying to think positive thoughts. xxx

sorry bluecat you're right, i was addressing that to flower (doh!)

thanks for pointing it out x

Hey BlueCat83

Did I mention she has also terminated 2 other healthy pregnancies in the last few years, not convenient apparently......

Stop it Cinnamon - I'm turning into a bitter, old woman! I am trying desperately to take to take the moral high ground/ be a bigger person in all this but, my God! It's hard!

Partner doesn't want to face her either, for all the same reasons as me. We are going to ask her to stay in the car and call when the boys need to come out, (she has to meet them from home as she generally turns up anything from 20 minutes to an hour late, and we do not want the boys hanging round somewhere waiting for her, even if they are old enough, (15 and 12)). Problem is that we have asked her to show some compassion and good sense in another, similarily emotive situation and she agrees in principle, then just does what she wants anyway, safe in the knowledge we won't call her out in front of the children. Still, let's see. Maybe impending motherhood will be the reality check she needs and she will able to see our point of view.

Ha ha ha ha....sorry.....!!!

I know positive thoughts are hard right now, (look at what I've just written!), but we will all come out the other side of this and I've got a feeling we'll all come out smiling. Partner and I are ttc soon too, so maybe we should concentrate on this time next year when we will both hopefully have babies or bumps.....fingers crossed......xxx

mrsbigz/manitz - thanks again both for the SANDS info. Partner and I are escaping to a hotel this weekend to lick our wounds and spend some quailty time together, so am going to bring it up with him then. Just think it is so unfair on dads that they get swept aside in this. I know my chap has sobbed his heart out so many times in the last few weeks, yet everyine keeps asking how I am and telling him to 'be strong' for me. Which he is, but still.

cremegg - glad the return to work wasn't too bad. I also work with children, so am nervous about starting back Wednesday, but know that if nothing else the will keep me busy! And at least you have the easter hols at the end of this week to look forward too!

Off to feed the youngest, then do the nursery run in the rain - hurray!

Big hugs all xxx

mrsbigz That's ok got a bit confused when I was reading it! ha ha xx

cinnamondog I would not be able to deal with this woman, she clearly has no real regard for human life and if it wasn't for the bump I'd suggest under the patio rather than emigration! I think when you have been through something like what we all have you gain a real value for how precious and what mini miracles babies really are. I hope this time next year we are all in a much brighter place. I try to think about being blessed again with a future pregnancy and find my thoughts go from it's not fair as I have already been and should be having a baby in 3 months to, it's going to take ages this time, and then to snap out of it!! I do fear that like the consultant said my next pregnancy will be stressful.....I think that's a given when you've been through something like this! He said we can have the green tick with a future pregnancy around 20-23 weeks which really is a very long time to worry! I remember when I had my termination reading the book of remembrance in the room and it really brought home to me that babies really are little miracles. xxxx

Ha ha - BlueCat, you have made me laugh! Believe me, both my partner and I have strongly considered the patio over the last few years.

20-23 weeks is a long time, but....... that still leaves four months (ish) of being excited, happy, bonding with little one, enjoying being pregnant. That's definitely something to look forward to! Babies are miracles, you are absolutely right, and I reckon we are due some miracles pretty soon!

xxx

I'm loving the positive thinking Cinnamondoy and you too are absolutely right. I often lurk on the sister thread about ttc after a termination and take comfort in the positive stories on there.

Good luck with the ex and keep the front door closed and her in the car xx

cinnamon i would well and truly slap this woman. i'm proud of you for biting your tongue, but totally agree you should see as little of this woman as possible. grr, my bloods boiling just thinking about her!
i have a friend in a similar situation. her sister has 8 (yes 8!?!?!) kids of which she is currently guardian to 3 of them, and the other 5 are staying with family members too as her sister is NOT a good mother (for all sorts of reasons) - my friend rang me in tears a few weeks ago to tell me her sister is pregnant again with #9....and she can't even look after the ones she has. this baby will either go into care, or my friend is looking into being its guardian too - but OMG, people like that just make me sick - she should be sterilised or something.

Also just wanted to say good luck tomorrow on your return to work - hope they are gentle with you xxxx

bluecat - wow, 20-23 weeks! is that a general timescale do you think for people who have been through a TOP in our situation? dh and i want to start ttc again as soon as we can. emotionally we are definitely wanting to try, physically.....well as soon as my cycles get back to normal i suppose. i kind of feel weird about wanting to ttc so quickly - we've talked about it loads and we both want to asap, i think it's our way of coping with this loss. i know that another baby will not replace noah at all, but we both think that at least trying will help us to focus more on the future - plus we know we definitely want another so why wait? i'm sure there'll be people (we can name them!!) out there who have their opinions on it being 'too soon' but we've decided to just not tell anyone in real life anyway.

today was a slightly better day for me. still had tears and some wobbly moments but it was easier than yesterday. one day at a time.... tomorrow i'm going to pick up my locket, and am looking forward to getting it and putting the hand/footprints in it so i can have a little reminder of noah with me all of the time. my hubby chose a beautiful locket, teardrop shaped...i was impressed by his choice as it is not his type of thing - he had a hard enough time when we were choosing our wedding rings!!

anyway, should go to bed. i'm finding myself staying up later than i usually would so that i'm SO tired by the time my head hits the pillow i just fall asleep....no laying there thinking and mulling things over.

ooh and i spoke to my (new) boss today who was beyond understanding. told me there was no rush to come back to work, the most important thing was for me to feel ready to return, and there was no pressures at all. he was lovely. so i may take the full 2 weeks i was signed off for after all.

finally, just one question. i know i'm going to bleed for a few weeks, but i just wondered (sorry if TMI) i've been getting quite a lot of clotting and can't remember if i had it after my other 2 births....is it normal a week later, and if not should i be worried? still getting a lot of cramps too though i think that's fairly normal.

right, i'm really going now. why can i never just stop writing when my head tells me too - seems like my fingers have a life of their own. i think i just find it quite therapeutic writing. maybe i should write a journal or something, save making you ladies read lines of babbling!!

night night x

Hi mrsbigz- good to hear from you again. Don't know if this will put your mind at rest, but I had a lot of clotting and actually got quite weak and shaky with it last Wednesday, (one week on), also loads of cramps. Like you, I don't remember it being as heavy after the birth of my DS, and it did scare me a little, but it's all eased off this week. Had really bad cramps last night, (like very bad period pains), but no bleeding for 36 hours so think it was just everything going back into place. But give your doc a quick call if it goes on too long.

9 children?!? That is unbelievable. Well, as my grandma used to say, 'vermin always breed - look at rats'. Sorry, that's a terrible thing to say but like bluecat I'm still in that place where I get quite angry about the unfairness of it all. All I hope is that in all these situations that the children are all safe and loved; unfortunately having worked in Social Services for a while, I know they often aren't. Adults can be so selfish.

I'm also wondering about the timescale thing? I guess 20-23 weeks is because we would get our abnormality scan and any late diagnostic results by then? Was also wondering how long it took other mum's to get their 6 week check up; it's 3 weeks Thursday since our terrible scan and 2 weeks today since losing little one and I still haven't heard anything. Desperate to have some questions answered, should I chase them up?

Thanks for the good wishes about work - I work for a national charity running a youth group for teenagers at our local special school. They're a lovely group but hard work! I'm doing an easter egg hunt, bless 'em!

Hope everyone else is okay? The 3 of us seem to be monopolising the thread at the moment! It just helps so much, I'm a little addicted...

xxx

hey ladies, how are you?

I feel I am turning a corner a little this week (will be 5 weeks thurs) Think going back to work helped.

Getting nervous for the 6 week appointment monday tho... I am dreading the Dr saying we have to wait to ttc. The first Dr I saw at the confirmation scan said 3 months, the genetic counsellor said after one cycle... my DH is v concerned with waiting til it's all ok (whereas I have to admit I'd prob go with just waiting the one cycle) so really hope he doesn't say wait as I know DH will stick to the letter... and breathe!

Cinnamon: Seriously cannot believe you to deal with DHs ex... and also can't believe she has such a close due date... mother nature certainly tried to test you this year! You sound like you have done very well to take the high road :)

mrsbigz: you sound like you are doing well, one day at a time is definitely how we have to take it. Also, loving your DHs locket idea, how lovely of him. It inspired me to perhaps get a ring with Indy's name engraved on it. (A ring as i always leave my wedding ring on, but get agitated with other bits of jewellery for some mad reason!) V good about your boss, I was impressed with how my school were with me... being a Catholic school i genuinally feared they would be horrified, (i still told them exactly what happened) but they have been so supportive.

bluecat: i have so been lurking on the sister thread too.. am even 'watching it'. its so nice to take in the hopeful stories! I think I would have more scans if I get pg again, they mentioned one at 15 weeks would be able to tell us about the kidneys, so i know what you mean about that is a loooong wait, i struggled to not tell people til 12 weeks last time... pfff wish people would mention that its not always a guarantee after that point!!... anyway I love your point cinnamon about just enjoying it up til then anyway.

Now I'm getting all carried away thinking about when/if I would tell people if I became pg and Im not even ttc yet! Must chillax!

Have a good day gals,
CE xxx

oh and cinnamon, i would say it wouldn't hurt to chase them up, i found having the appointment date gave me something to focus on a bit while feeling in limbo. i got mine the day i left hospital, but as im in Oz that is not any help really :s
xx

trying to resist third comment but can't: am horrified with own spelling of 'genuinely'... tutut x

Hi Cremegg - good to hear from you, and glad you are feeling a bit better and a bit brighter. Is it 12 hours ahead down under, or 13? It's that long since I was last in Oz that I can't remember.

Think I will wait 'till tomorrow, then chase the hospital. 3 weeks is long enough I think. We've been told 3 months wait ttc, but that was so that my cycle was settled for dating, etc. apparently. We've said June, though I'd be happy to go again asap. Sensibly, (when has sensible had anything to do with it??), I guess a few months might be good for my body. Anyone else gone on an insane health kick? I've always been pretty healthy, but good eating went out the window while pg as morning sickness took pretty much everything off the menu. Now it's fresh fruit & veg, oily fish, wholegrain, no alcohol, the works; I'm obsessed! Just desperate to make sure everything is 'right' for next time - though if luck is against us again all the mackerel in the world ain't going to help!

And...ummm....can I admit I've been hanging round on the sister threads too....?? Oh dear.......

Isn't it so odd that so many people on this thread work in schools/ with kids or in healthcare? Hmmm......sorry, just thought about it.

Two weeks today. Had a little cry at 10.58am again, first one in 2 days. Little steps every day I guess.

Going to try to get my printer working again; need to do a big batch of consent forms for an easter trip to my youth club kids parents tonight and printer is going insane and smearing ink eveywhere. Technology....

Oh, mrsbigz, I'd take the time if you can. As manitz says, it won't effect your employment record, and your boss sounds excellent so I would take advantage of the time to R&R a bit. Plus when you go back, people will assume you are okay. It's still early days and you are going to have a wobble or two, you might find it easier at home? Though cremegg also has a good point, going back could be a distraction....no help really....sorry!

Hugs again all xxx

Hello ladies - busy thread at the moment but lots of positivity and mutual support which is good to read in such difficult circumstances.

Cremegg - regarding TTC - there's not a medical reason to wait (unless you're awaiting genetic testing). It's useful to have had one period afterwards for dating purposes but not essential. Emotionally its a different story though I guess and will be different for everyone. So in that sense it will be when you and your DH feel ready (despite what different Health professionals have to say). The urge to start TTC asap seems fairly unanimous for women who've been through this and it's not to replace a lost baby but to get back onto the life path that we were knocked off unexpectedly. Other people having babies around us is made especially hard because for them the life path continues as planned and it brings home the unfairness of life. For me the urge to get pg again wore off a little as time went on and I slowly came to terms with my loss and began to relax a little after all the heartbreak. I'm currently pg again (which you'll know if you've been reading my neurotic posts on the sister thread!) and despite being very glad about this it's also thrown me back into that world of fear and I still feel the loss of my baby girl Leila very profoundly.

Bluecat - regarding the green tick at 20 - 23 weeks. Hopefully you can get a little reassurance a bit earlier than that when the time comes. I'm currently 8 weeks pg and went for an early scan today. They've booked me in already for a detailed scan at 18 weeks and said that I could have another one after that if they couldnt get enough info at that stage (depending on baby's position etc). It's a long way off for me and lots of hurdles in between but good to know what I can expect.

Cinnamon - health kick sounds very positive and good to get your body in tip top shape! It's early days for you so not surprising you would have a wobble now and then. Grief always hits in waves and unexpectedly. But you sound a very positive person and are coping so well.

MrsBigz - the locket is a lovely idea. I looked everywhere for a silver heart pendant after losing Leila which I planned to get engraved with her name and DOB. I'm actually still looking for something exactly right but suspect I am being far too particular!

Flower - how are you? I hope getting past mothers day has helped a bit. I think pg seems so unachievable when your trying each month and getting a negative result but then all of a sudden in one cycle it can happen. I really hope it does for you soon. Have been thinking of you.

Love to everyone else.

mrsbigz cremegg I think he said 20-23 weeks as the baby will then be big enough to get the most detail, if you think about it it's probably the same for all pregnancies it's just when you have been through something like this it makes you more concious of the things which could go wrong. He mentioned having earlier scans and the first hurdle being the nt scan which I think I will absolutely dread!! As for his advice for waiting six months, I'm not going to take it. It can take months to conceive as it is without adding on another six! We too feel that another baby would not replace Harry but it would go some way to filling a very empty hole if you know what I mean.

cinamondog Harry was our first baby together as my son (who is almost 9) is from a previous relationship and my partners first biological child. We had spoke about having a baby for a long time but as I already had a child I wanted to make sure that we were 100% going to stay together (not that you can ever say that!). With it being his first child he was also hit really hard and he was my rock through the termination but it is all about the woman and sometimes I feel the partners get really over looked.

Looking back I can't believe how much we went through it still in some ways feels like it all happened to someone else! We had our first scan at 11 weeks and had a high nt, the specialist we saw was almost certain it wasn't chromosome related so we opted out of the cvs. We had more scans for 6 more weeks till we found out just how bad it was and in-between every scan we tried to keep positive but it just got worse with every one. This makes me so worried about a future pregnancy, but I always believe you shouldn't not do something just because it frightens you.

cherrybug Big congrats in the pregnancy! I'm glad your first scan went well. Will they be doing an nt scan then? How early can they do them? My consultant mentioned a scan before the 20 week one too, I think the 20-23 week date was just a time when they could be totally confident. I have been reading some of your posts whilst lurking on the sister thread. I can only imagine how nervous you must be feeling facing all the scans etc again. xxx