Talk : Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate V

[treedelivery]

Welcome to the 5th thread.

An amazing day to begin a new journey together. The thread babies are arriving and we take this as a positive nod from the great karma controller - whoever and whatever that may be.

Good luck to our thread, to the souls who read, those who post, those who drop in to learn and hold hands.

Our cyber bench is a supportive place, we sit outside hospitals as strong but scared women go to ride their wave. We huddle in our cottage when the weather is bleak, stormy or biting cold.

When the sun shines on us we share stories of real life, gain strength and giggle together in times of warm weather.

Ahhh just lost my post

Well i suppose it was a miserable post anyway.
Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine.

Been an up and down few days for me. My friend just told me her sister is pg and due a few wks after my EDD, the same sis who gave birth on the day of my sons funeral last year. Said congrats, a little unconvincingly and the sobbed and was arsey with DH when she left!!Whens it my turn??? We cant even get pg without support.
Mishtabel the strenghth we all have had to find is amazing and quite unbelievable at times. We have all been through so much, it takes mighty fine women to survive!!
Coffee, i'm sending you extra strength for tomorrow and know that i will be thinking of you.
No offence taken justaboutkeepingawake. Lovely to hear pearls of wisdom

I have the consultant tomorrow. I phoned her secretary the other day to find out when our app was and it was June!! Explained our situation regarding fertility and we now have it tomorrow morning!! Wasnt expectiing that one
xx

Oh well, I've just seen there is actually a book called "Getting to the other side of Grief". It's about the loss of a spouse, but I think the main idea is the same. So it turns out I am not so original after all...

Justa, did you mean that behind a pastel bookcover there is grief, or that the pastel bookcover is a sign of hope? Or is it me going on an on again and splitting hairs? Mind you, I did have a glass of cider earlier, so I have an excuse this time.

The earlier sadness has been replaced with numbness. It's good to be numb though sometimes, my mind is shut.

Popsy, sending you a big hug. I feel for you struggling with these fertility issues. I think it's a good sign though that you did conceive, so there must be hope somewhere. Good news about the consultant appointment,I hope it will be a positive one.xxxx

Coffee - sending you strength and support for tomorrow xx

No Justa, don't shut up, pleeeeease...

Blondie, thank you. I think writing and reading in here about strength has helped me.

I think I may beat you to that just. Fear I may become a bitter n twisted lonely old woman! Finding othrs bring pg difficult again.
Coffee, struggling with fertility and ttc had been really difficult. It makes me feel an even bigger failure and causes a lot of stress. I never thought in my darkest nightmares that I would have to bury 2 babies and now having to struggle to get pg again makes me wonder if it's the right decision. I keep changing my mind. Does that mean I don't really want a baby or am I so scared I'm trying to talk myself out of it! Very confused!! Hugs and strength for tomorrow.

I've often thought about putting everything I've learnt into a book, if I was brave enough. Not a intellectual book, just a book that helps others that are suffering the agony of loosing a baby. My head teacher sent me a book wriiten by a midwife who has lost her baby. The sincerity and emotion in that book reasurred me that what I was feeling was normal.

Xx

Actually, I think we should start a Mumsnet Guide to Pregnancy Loss. There are guides for pregnancy, babies,etc, so why not one for women who find themselves in our situation?

Popsy, you are not a failure. Would you think that someone else who was in the same situation is a failure? Sometimes we are just so hard on ourselves.

I really hope the consultant appointment tomorrow will give you some hope. xxxx

Thanks for the words of support Coffee your completely right i think i was just supprised at myself i knew she was due and i tryed to psych myself up mentally but i didn't think it would hit me like that i thought i would be sad maybe have a sob but i'm actually more angry! not at my friends or anything just at the universe in general i think....but then aren't we all?,
Justa that pastel cover; flowers and curly writing made me lol i saw a book earlier called 'what to do when someone dies' now that is an awfull title for a book!
Popsy i'm glad u got an appointment for tomorrow that was a turn up for the books! i hope all goes well for u fingers x'ed.
Coffee again i will be thinking of u tomorrow sending lots of love and support, be gentle to yourself XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Thanks coffee
We should put our heads together regarding support, it may be therapy!!
Will let you know about tomorrows appointment.Just hope its not more bad news, my negative side is saying thats why she has rushed the appointment through. Whilst the other side is saying that she is pushing is through because she was the one that did the amnio that caused the infection that made me loose my last baby. She said she would help us in any way.

xxxx

Drama. Last year my best friend told me she was pg just after I lost my baby I was furious , hurt angry sad. You name it, I felt it. It was the worse part of grief gor me. I felt out of control.
What you felt is completly normal. Unfortunately you just can't prepare yourself fully. Take care. Xx

Thinking of you today Coffee xxx

And Popsy, I hope your appointment goes okay xxx

Its nice to see you all, despite dealing with your own recent losses, being there for each other xxx

Coffee, I spoke to the Consultant about the B12 when I went for the autopsy results. He said that he didn't fell it was necessary to take the B12. He felt that it would only be appropriate if I was mal-nourished or anemic. Personally I think if you spoke to the GP they would pescribe it. I don't think there is any harm in taking it. Its highlighted in some studies for older people as high dosages of Folic acid can disguise a V B12 deficiency...

Love to all xxxx

Hi all

Briefly because I am not as talented as Mishtabel and struggle to type with baby. I am lurking though and am thinking of you all. Gina, Popsy, Coffee, Dramamum - you are amazing in the way you are managing to support each other despite your own raw pain. It is still such early days for all of you.

Pregnancy jealousy is a nasty but inevitable side-effect of what has happened to us, I think.

I dont have time to speak to you all individually but I do want to respond to what Justa said. I don't know about where strength comes from, if it's innate or learned, but I do know that losing my 2 babies has made me a much more giving mummy now who doesn't take anything for granted, a much stronger mummy in some ways (and anxious in others, probably). Coffee, your care over Silvia shows your strength. I was much weaker than you and let the hospital plan the funerals.

Good luck with the fertility apptment, Popsy.

I have a question. Why in the ARC real-life stories do they never feature anyone who has had a diagnosis of fetal abnormality and decided to continue the pregnancy? My second baby had renal agenesis which is terminal. But some women, I know, have chosen to carry the baby to term (the baby would die shortly after death; there is no possibility of any life, however short, since the baby would have no lungs). Although I did not choose to carry to term, and terminated, I am puzzled that no such testimonies feature in ARC newsletters. Anyone know why?

Thinking of you all...

Hello Coffee

Hope today passed smoothly for you. So many stages to go through, occasions to mark. It's a long old haul. I wish only the best for you from here on in...

In response to your question about B12 supplementation, I took a 1000 microgram tablet, available from Holland and Barrett - elsewhere too, I have no doubt. Again, not sure if it was absolutely essential but no harm in trying. And (frivolous comment) my skin was beautiful for the duration of the supplementation. Every little helps for self esteem, in my book.

Love and best wishes to you all and also special hugs to Justa. Good to see you around again, but wishing that times were happier for you and yours. x

Popsy, hope todays appointment went well and your next step is soon.

Hello Dramamum. I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of your little boy Liam.

I'm glad I'm not the only who thinks of themselves as becoming bitter, I'm very bitter indeed....

Today is my first full day back at work. It is hard being here, but much easier than being out and about, exposed to babies and pregnant women. You see I'm filled with bitterness and anger at the moment and its sending me further down than I ever thought I'd be.

Coffee and Popsy, thinking of you both today... and Mishtabel, after your recent post, thinking of you, Bella and Sheridan. I liked the thought you had of Sheridan being around, and perhaps being the reason behind some of Bella's smiles...
xx

Good morning lovely ladies,

Thank you for all your words of support yesterday, and thank you as well to Gina and Shangrila for answering my question about B12. I am actually ok, and for the first time I feel like I am ready to turn a corner. I haven?t yet, and I won?t be able to do so until our consultant appointment in May, but although yesterday was a heartbreaking day, I also feel that we needed it. We buried the ashes, the chaplain was there as well and said a prayer, and it just feels right (whatever right means under these circumstances) that Silvia is now there, with other children, and we have a place to go to and be close to her. I am carrying her around all day, but that place is already so special to us, and both dh and I felt at peace yesterday. When we came home, I planted some forget-me-nots in the garden, and I know they will remind me of her again when they bloom.
Also, yesterday morning I had an appointment with the bereavement midwife at the hospital. She is lovely and we talked for an hour, and although I felt quite shaky going back to the antenatal clinic where I had my booking in appointment, it was ok in the end. She gave me some good news as well, she had chased up my blood tests results and Silvia?s problems don?t seem to have been caused by a virus. And now, feeling so relieved about it, I realise I had actually been very worried that something I did could have caused the damage in her brain.
So now the next hurdle is the consultant appointment in May. I really don?t know how I would cope if it turns out there is a problem with us and there are chances of this happening again. But I can?t think about this for the moment, I just feel exhausted and need some time to just go through the days at a calmer pace. I really hope the way I?m feeling now is a sign that I am on my way to recovery, I am cautious about it, I?m still quite fragile.
Popsy, I hope your consultant appointment yesterday was ok? Allways, I have many days when I feel angry, how could we not be? We did everything we could for our babies, and yet it wasn?t enough to save them. The fact that you struggled with fertility issues makes it all much harder, but I do hope that somehow you will find peace and your IVF will be successful in the future. I am sorry as I don?t seem to find some better words to help you a little.

Coffee, your words always help. Wow, you had such difficult day, yesterday, but it sounds to me as though you've weathered the storm. I'm so glad you've found a place for Silvia that is right for you all. You will always carry Silvia around with you.

I remember being relieved that it wasn't a virus that harmed Lilly and Rose, but then it brought up so many more what if's? Like you I worry about it being a problem between me and DH and it may happen again. I so hope May brings you the answers you need. We should also be getting Rose's pm results in May. We can hold each others hand....

Hi Ladies

I hope you don't mind me posting this on here, but just wanted to give you and future posters some information about how I've been affected by Asherman's Syndrome following my termination.

Some of you may remember me, I posted quite a bit in December / January time following my termination for T18 the week before Christmas. Well following my termination I was diagnosed (through self diagnosis really )and am now being treated for Asherman's Syndrome which is basically scarring of the uterus.

Although this is quite rare it is a risk when having a termination, and one that I don't feel doctors give you enough information on in order for you to look out for symptoms following a termination (or any D & C or uterine surgery) The main symptoms include menstrual changes, such as reduction in flow or absence completely of periods, as was the case with me, pain during the time you are menstruating (as the flow can't escape), unexplained infertility, and unexplained recurrent miscarriage.

There is a fantastic website www.ashermans.org/ with lots of information and a great Yahoo group of ladies affected in the UK. Unfortunately lots of GPs have never come across a case of Asherman's and it is usually misdiagnosed.

Really I just wanted to make people aware of the condition, I really don't want to scare anyone but if you do have any of the symptoms described above please don't ignore them, there are a couple amazing Doctors in the UK (one of which I am being treated by currently) who you should get referred to as it is a very specialist condition (but very treatable).

Helen x

Hi Helen

Good to hear from you - you sound a lot more positive now, I guess having a confirmed diagnosis and getting treatment from a doctor you trust must help a lot. I really hope that the treatment goes well, and that you have much to look forward to in the future... xx NM

Morning ladies! just a quick one to say it's still me (Dramamum)have just tweaked my nickname ever so slightly (it rhymed better) hope your all ok...or as ok as u can be, i dropped DS back at nursery on mon and had to endure lots of sympathetic faces (DP had already informed them in a loose sense what had happened)but i was well prepared for it and just smiled and churned out my usual 'i'm fine just taking it a day at a time etc...' speech; the funny thing is i am getting there slowly i just don't want to constantly be reminded of what i've been through! also just been informed one of my best friends is pg and.....felt nothing but happy for her no green eyed monster!? maybe it's just actual births that set me off? very parculiar. Think DP is trying to distract me we were thinking of going to a gig in June and i joked it could be my birthday present to which he replied 'no i already have something in mind for your b-day' wonder what he could be up to???? lotsa love DM XxXxXx

Hello all
Coffee your day sounds perfect. I think whatever is right for you and DH is the right thing to do. There are going to be many hurdles along the way, but you have passed a few, with dignity and repect for yourself and your Silvia.
Dramamama the sympathy smile is always a toughie. That script will come in handy. Congrats on the no show of the green eyed monster. Massive achievement! Ooh any clues on the bday gift? Wish my hubby was as inventive
My appointment on Monday went really well. Tests have confirmed that patau wasnt genetic, just rotten luck. Cons said she would take over my care when i get pg again and considering my previous she wouldnt do an invasive test unless scans showed the need.We thanked her for rushing our appointment through and she said "anything for you and to ease your stress" i could have hugged her!!
Question- when did your period return?? I thnk i ovulated 2 weeks ago, but no period yet.
xx

Hey popsy, Yeah u gotta love the script..follwed up with the i'm ok head bob (a-la friends)lol it seems to work.
No clue on the b-day supprise yet although he is wynding me up something chronic and i have to wait till june to see what it is!
Good news for u then! so pleased for u what a relief i haven't had a period yet still early doors for me prob won't have one till the middle of may but we have decided to ttc after that so will keep u posted! XxXx

Hi popsy, great news that the appointment went well and that the odds don't seem stuck up against you. I am lucky not to have experienced trouble with infertility, at least not yet, but I think you can take heart from the fact that you did conceive 3 times. There is some hope there, though I know there is also so much anxiety and nothing can relieve it yet.

To answer your question: I had my first period about 6 weeks after my termination, but had another 2 bleeding episodes since, though nothing "normal". I also ovulated about 2 weeks ago, I did buy some tests this month, although I'd never used them before. I just wanted to see if there is at least a sign of normality. The midwife I saw on Monday told me it will most likely be another month until I can expect a normal period.

Dramamama, it's great to have something to look forward to, and well done for coping so well with the nursery run.

I guess I'm ok, very sad tonight, but ok though. I'm counting the days until our consultant appointment in May. It seems like May will be an eventful month, Allways and Bezzyk also have their appointments then, Bezzyk on the same day as me.