support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi all,
Katie, good for you to use this as an opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do. Maybe it was just the push you needed? All the best with whatever you decide to do

Cant, I forgot to tell when you asked the other day whether we knew the baby's sex - 'it's' a girl. You should hear the sympathetic comments I have had from people when I tell them I'm having another girl. I actually had someone say the other day 'Oh, that's so sad, are you going to try again?' Sad? These people have no idea!! No matter what I say, not many are convinced that I'd really want another girl. You just have to shake your head sometimes...

Don't think I have welcomed BigMomma and Allstar (properly). Welcome and congrats to you both. You have both been through so much, it's almost unimaginable. Allstar, my NT was 3.0mm this time and all is good - c-section Friday. The waiting is so hard I know. I wish I could say it gets easier the further you get, and I think there was a short period there where I felt pretty confident, but I have to admit, the last week or so I have felt quite panicked. Keep expecting something to go wrong right at the end. I just try to keep busy as I can (my mind, not my body, am now officially a lounge lizard). All the very best to both of you xx

Just had my booking in appointment today - better late than never. Actually thought I had booked in ages ago, but that was just for theatre. When I went for a ctg last week they couldn't find my notes - and we eventually figured out it was because I wasn't booked in. Midwife was very good about it, but I could just imagine the roll of the eyes and shake of the head when she left the room.

Hope everyone else is okay. Lins, Shangrila, how are you going?

Take care all xxx

Lins, Shangrilla, you're both due this week, am I right? How are you both feeling?

I've not been on the two threads much over the past few days. At the moment I am feeling on the edge of tears quite a lot so have been hiding from the sad stories. I thought it was hormonal, and it probably is in part but I was chatting with my OH and he said "I think I'm a bit hormonal too then, cos I'm feeling a bit susceptible to my emotions" - even though we are trying to keep a lid on it I guess we are both pretty terrified.

Katie, good to hear that some good will come from this situation. Maybe your little bean is already bringing some luck

Mishta - lol about not booking in, and I thought I was leaving it late to book in! Hope all goes well for you this week (esp Fri!!!) and that the waiting is bearable. Same goes for Shangrila (Thurs, I think?) and Lins (also Thurs?? depending on induction?). Thinking of you ALL.

And Kittens, I know what you mean. This is the thread where there is both sides, there ARE the positive good stories after the sad ones (the ladies due this week for starters)... but on the other hand approaching scans is so difficult when it's your own personal history that you are afraid to repeat (or afraid to get something like someone else's history). I'm glad you were able to find that your OH felt the same way, I think it helps to know you're not the only one. And I really hope the days feel like they go swiftly until you have your scan and you get more certainty. Fingers crossed for you... xx

Hi all, please send labour vibes this way, I just want to do it now and have the baby safely out...
Am as ready as I can be (which is sort of ready) and the baby is all engaged and head down.
I am anxious about how it will all go, but don't want to wait any more now.

Mishta - I'm growling at people saying to you how sad it's a girl!!! What cheek. I say 'how lovely!!' xxxx

Shangrila, are you sleeping ok? I had the longest night last night, Dd kept waking me up or I woke myself up needing the loo, or turning over. I am so uncomfortable.

Had a counselling session today, the lady is so sweet. She offered to visit in hosp or at home if I needed support in the early days.

Have just eaten one hot cross bun, buttered, and 3 crumpets. Have got a carb induced sleepiness now, yawn. This is my first proper day of maternity leave when Dd is at nursery, so I may just lay on the sofa now!

Love to all. Lins xxx

Sending labour vibes your way Lins ? hope you don?t have too much longer to wait! Do you know if you are having a boy or girl? Mishta and Shangrila only 3 more days to go ? wow!!

Thanks for all your advice everyone re. redundancy issue ? feeling a lot more positive about the whole thing now, like you say Mishta it is also a real opportunity!

Kittens good to see you back, I am feeling quite similar to you at the moment. Am either crying over something ridiculous or snapping at OH. Only a week on Wednesday until my scan and as it gets closer I?m feeling much more on edge ? when I think about it I feel on the verge of a panic attack. Are you feeling ok generally?

Hi Katie, I'm feeling ok generally. Well, apart from the queasiness and sleepiness. Unfortunately January is a terrible time of year for work and I've had bugger all so I don't have much to keep my mind occupied in the run up to the scan. How are you feeling?

Sorry Mishta, forgot you were also due this week. Good luck ladies.

I can't believe, Mishta, that people are assuming you would want a boy. Although I can because I am now getting similar comments (even though nobody knows I have lost two girls). People say such strange things, dont they? and see babies as 'boy' or 'girl' rather than 'person in own right'. I think it's lovely you're having a girl and I look forward to hearing about her. Can't believe it is so soon!!!

Lins, sending labour vibes to you. Maybe plan something you really, really want to do, so the baby will contrarily decide to make its appearance instead?

Shangrila, nearly there for you, too. Three thread babies coming so soon...

For the first trimester people, the scans will be coming soon. What do you intend to have - nuchal plus combined blood test? It's so scary, but it's reassuring, too. (I say that as someone still not entirely reassured...).

I have 4 weeks 'til my 12 weeks scan. Feels like a lifetime! Tomorrow I have an 8 week scan just to see that all's going as it should be. I'm already nervous about that one let alone the 12 week one. I will see what comes up on the Nuchal scan. I will be having it with the top FM Consultant at UCH so I'm sure he will be very thorough. Although there's a good chance I will have the CVS I think as it gives such a definitive answer and the uncertainty will be driving me nuts. I think I will decide on the day based on how the Nuchal scan goes though.

Can't am having my NT with bloods a week tomorrow - that's the standard at my hospital. I'm getting very, very nervous about it. Really hoping results will be good and i won't need a CVS!

Kittens am feeling really horrible - retching pretty much all day, had to run out of tesco's last night to be sick. Not fun.
Good luck with the scan tomorrow, let us know how it goes xxx

Katie, I had the standard NT and bloods combined too at 12 weeks. I had decided that the risk level that came out of that would determine whether or not I had CVS. My risk came out as less than 1 in 36000 (nearer 37000). So I decided against CVS. Though I should add that I think that risk is just for DS - they said v low risk for other chromosomal abnormalities but wait for anomaly scan to confirm. i should also add that CVS/amnio seemed less relevant to me as I was in deep fear of a developmental problem that they wouldnt pick up. Also in fear of Turners again, but Turners tends to be picked up well via NT I think.

Kitten I keep thinking you're more pregnant than you are. Good luck with the 8 week scan.

Yes Kittens - please let us know when you can how it all goes tomorrow. I'm actually just on hold to the ultrasound department trying to book in for that early dating one, but am three weeks behind you so plenty of time left to panic. I'm already thinking that my odds will have to be super high before I could forego a CVS. I'd like to think that if I was given your odds Can't then I'd decide that 1/37000 sounded unlikely enough, but after a 1/4 last time I'm not expecting quite such good news. I think at our hospital I get the nuchal scan for free but would have to pay if I want the bloods again (I paid last time). I would want them both I think - seems the scan on its own is not as strong - so if I'm going to have to pay I may aswell pay for the Harley St version. Especially as I work about one street up from Harley St. But then I don't know how I would then co-ordinate back into the NHS if the results led to me needing a CVS again - anyone know? I can't afford to go private for that as well. Saying all that, I still need to get to the 7/8 week scan first and check all is fine so far. So maybe I shouldn't get too hung up too soon?

Very excitedly waiting for bump news for those due this week and sending all my very best vibes all round, however advanced the bumps. Lots of luck due to us all here I think. xx

God, well they were spectacularly unhelpful! Ultrasound won't book me in because I haven't been to my doctors yet (docs is an hour away from work and don't do out of hours appointments) and they wouldn't want to do a scan before 12 weeks anyway. Fetal medicine will only do the nuchal scan so can't do the early dating, and the emergency unit only do early scans to check for ectopics or other disasters. Supremely unhelpful all round. So I'm going to have to bunk off work and get into trouble next week to get to my doctors and then be 'insistant' that the ultrasound department book me in at 8 weeks not 12. Maybe I should just lie about my dates. So much for the helpful service I had last time....

Sorry - just needed to moan. Surely this part shouldn't be difficult?

Oh I'm sorry to hear that LittlePoot. Which hospital are you under? I have had the same midwife for all of my pregnancies because a she told me that I could self-refer myself straight to her if I didn't want to wait for my doctor (who was very unhelpful). Are you able to self refer to your Antenatal dept? Do you still have the number of your last midwife? Maybe, if she was helpful last time you can explain your anxiety to her and see if she will help.

Littlepoot that's rubbish - i had the same problem. I was told i would get an early scan by my doctor and midwife but the hospital said no they only scan from 11 weeks plus unless it's an emergency. So anyway i went to the EPU and said i was having sharp pains and they then arranged a scan for the next day.

I do feel a bit bad about this (was having some pains but not as bad as i said) but at the same time i was promised a scan and for my own sanity it really was needed!

I do love the NHS most of the time but their communications are absolute sh*te. So fed up of being told one thing and then getting another.

Yes, I was going to suggest going to the EPU feigning sharp cramps. Would be better than lying about dates for sure. Only think is you'll probably be waiting a long time to be seen which may be tricky with work if you're already having trouble getting time off to get to the doctor.

LittlePoot - I'm in Scotland (devolved NHS) so I don't know if things differ here, but we were offered a range of options for diagnostic tests/screening when I was pregnant last time round: CVS, bloods at 15/16wks or amnio (they didn't offer nuchal routinely due to staffing - or something...?). So if you do go for a private nuchal, I don't see why you couldn't then request a cvs on the NHS if you felt you needed confirmation.

Also I don't know whether it was because I dealt with our FMU with Iola's diagnosis, but they were fine with being first point of contact when I became pregnant again. I was booked for a scan with them at 8wks and this time, the nuchal at around 11/12wks. It does seem odd that an FMU wouldn't do an earlier scan, although I've only experience from my own hospital. If you got helpful service last time is there someone who helped that you can contact again?

Also remember that unless there is a genetic link, each pregnancy is different. We had good odds with DS which is why we didn't opt for a private nuchal last time. Obviously I've no idea what my results would have been with Iola, but they wouldn't have been good. This time round I'm back to good odds, not as great as with DS but I'm nearly 3yrs further down the road and pushing 40. So do try to bear that in mind... I know it's hard though.

Thanks guys. I'm with the Rosie in Cambridge, and they were incredibly helpful and supportive during the nightmare which was last year. But not today it seems! The only name I could remember today was the consultant but when I said 'Prof Smith said ....' they seemed to think I was just name dropping and didn't really take me seriously. I'll see if I/dh can remember any of the midwives. Unfortunately was high as a kite on morphine for the majority of my interaction with them so generally don't remember a whole lot. I did have a nice community midwife though and I should still have her number somewhere - maybe I'll try that.

I know I shouldn't dwell on things (and obviously, I'm blaming hormones) but I've been stewing over one of the comments I had today when I said I was struggling to get time off for a doctors appointment as it's a bad time at work. The reply was 'well, if it's important to you then I'm sure you can find some time'. If it's important to me? ??? Seriously? So unneccessary.

Will do as you suggest and contact the nice midwife and take it from there tomorrow. And will keep trying the doctors looking for a well-timed space. Just so disappointing - I was taking a lot of heart from the fact I was expecting to (i.e. was told I would) be 'looked after' and supported through everything this time and so now feeling a bit lost and anxious again. Not helped by dh being away for the week. And hormones. Way too many of them it seems!

Oh - and thanks Numpty for your wise words about the odds. I'm sure you're right, but it's just hard to imagine good news when my only experience of odds in pregnancy so far has been so bad. I hated the cvs though, so I will definitely try and be rational, assuming of course I get that far. Nothing taken forgranted, that's for sure.

Quick hello to all. A bit wrung out by everything and not particularly able to offer any gems of advice at the moment. Never mind, hopefully the end is in sight.

1st trimester ladies approaching nuchals/first scans etc I hope that you all get the reassurance that you need. Like many, I hate the nuchal with a passion as it is there where the first of my many bubbles burst. But it is a helpful diagnostic tool and can mean that no further testing is required. Little Poot - I see no problem of mixing and matching NHS and private options. I've done it a number of times, on one occasion having a disastrous private nuchal and then able to arrange an NHS CVS within 2 days. Again, I'm in Wales, so devolved healthcare too but I'm assuming that England will be the same.

Katie, I do hope you are able to find a long term employment path that suits you. Primary teaching is a great option to consider and really in the news at the moment! TA experience is the very best starting point, so I hope it proves fruitful.

Kittens - good luck with the scan tomorrow. I'll be logging in to see how you go.

Big waves to Cantdo and Numpty too. I don't think any of us will ever manage to be totally reassured, ever again. But hang on in there, you're doing fine.

And to Mishta and Lins - almost there. Why is the home straight so hard? Sorted things I'd been pretending didn't need doing today. So maybe that's why I'm feeling extra wobbly and generally hopeless. Right, I'm going to sign off now before I depress everyone completely! See you all soon.

LittlePoot - for what it's worth I've been fairly pessimistic about this pregnancy so far, it's a coping mechanism in case anything DOES go wrong. It IS hard to imagine things going well; but take it a step at a time and congratulate yourself and the little bump on getting another day further on. And gradually you will work your way towards a date when you will get more clarity about how things are, and go on from there.

I really hope you can get hold of someone supportive re scans etc: I was able to call our FMU direct, I think if you go via a reception they are less helpful as probably a lot of people would like early scans given the chance. So if you can get hold of that midwife or SOMEONE who remembers your history, hopefully that will help. I do hope so. So rotten to cope with this when your DH is away...

Nearly there!! Did you ever get your hospital bag sorted...? you're not depressing anyone: we're all too excited for you although appreciate that you'll be feeling nervous right up to the end; here's hoping Friday sees little Shangrila safely in your arms (or even actually ON Thursday, with luck).

Thanks Shangrila only 2 days to go now for you so exciting!

How are you doing Numpty? Hope you are feeling well. When is your next scan?

Hope you manage to get it all sorted tomorrow Littlepoot xxx

Shangrila and Mishta, wanted to post and wish you luck in case anything starts early!! (and Mishta, can never work out which way the clocks work for you, so for all i know it's thursday there now!!

Shangrila, what's up hun? Are you nervous about the little one coming out safely? This bit is so hard...
I'm all worried something will happen to the baby, or to me, or in fact to anyone I love!! It's all irrational and unfounded but there anyway. If it helps to tell us, fire away. You won't depress or scare anyone.

I an having a sweep today, never had one before but though it might kick start stuff. I really didn't want to go over my date (again, irrational). Midwife is coming round to my house to see me, which feels a bit odd, home life and 'medical' stuff colliding.

Lots of love to everyone awaiting/fighting for scans. It should be so easy but every health authority is so different and it seems to be a lottery whether you get good care. Stick up for what you need though. xxxx