support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

Hi LittlePoot - glad you got your results back, though I'm guessing it must have been a sad reminder too. I can see what you're saying about the relief that it's not a 'repeated' problem - I hope it makes trying again easier.

Oh, and fingers crossed about the holiday - we're also due off on hols on Fri, but at least ours is only to the south of England so we can drive if need be. One of my colleagues was stuck in Italy and just started/booked train travel across Europe today, likely to take him 3 days to get back. And now it's on the news that Scottish airspace is open so there's the thought that if he'd stayed put he could just have flown...

Oh Little P, am so ashamed you've rememembered me - and it's odd as it's the first time I've read in months. Well since my 7 weeks scan. Have been totally unable to come on here at all or on the other thread - not been able to get on the computer generally as been soooo sick and in bed at DD's bedtime and that's my usual computer time but also I intend to post several times a few weeks back but just couldn't bear to even look on hear - been in such a state of anxiety. Esp as I know there are so many of you on here who've had repeat problems and it's so common to have it happen more than once. I've been repeating Katiecubs name like a mantra as it only happened once to you.

Anyway had my 12 week scan today and all was fine - as it would be with the egg of a 22 year old rather than my own - not that I needed to tell them that. But the lead up has been hell, utter hell, not been sleeping, been crying, arguing with DH - to the point of discussing divorce regularly. But here I am, with a - so far - healthy baby on board and the nausea fading. Never thought I'd see it. Still don't really believe it.

But also have been deeply ashamed of posting a hugely needy post and then never coming back. I'd even decided not to post again as I felt so bad....And as for the "main" thread I briefly glanced once and found the raw grief too much to read, just toomuch to cope with. But having been there it would be good to be able to offer support just not sure it's a place I can bear to go back to just yet.

I missed Can'tdo's baby - Can'tdo congratulations, your name was the other name I kept repeating but not intentionally....

And Little P - as people kept/keep saying to me about runs of bad luck - they do end, sooner or later you get some good luck!

Hi Peanuthead - so glad to hear your 12wk scan went well . Don't worry about being absent, I think we all handle it in different ways. This thread wasn't around when I was coming up to mine and it was hard being on the other thread.

Oh - getting called to get DS out of bath, back later...

Peanuthead and the new mini peanut - I'm so happy to hear from you! That's such fabulous news and I'm just so pleased. I can imagine its too much for you to take in for a while, but there's no rush - another 5 or 6 months before you really have to come to terms with it after all. Read back on here if you want - Numpty, Can't and Shangrila have all been discussing how hard it has been to get used to the idea that actually everything is ok this time. I think the take home message was just to go with the flow - or maybe that's just me...

But you've got nothing to be ashamed of you silly thing - you don't 'owe' us anything. We - these threads - are just here for support, and for us all to use as we need. Yes - use. Use, abuse - whatever helps. And if you needed some space without coming here, or were just too damn sick to cope, then that's all fine too. You can be as needy or as unneedy as you want. There's always at least one of us here with the energy to spare to help you through - please remember that. One day, when you're feeling strong, maybe you'll be here offering hands to hold and words of strength. Or maybe you won't. Maybe the threads will just serve their purpose and you'll move on. Either way - the most important thing is you and your expanding family.

I know what you mean about the other thread - such a lot of pain on there at the moment. So I'll keep my flippant remarks to this room. But the truth is, despite the crappy luck, I'm really feeling pretty good. I credit the running - although obviously that's not much use to you peanut! But whatever it is, I'm doing well. I'm positive and even energetic, and I'm genuinely thinking that next time it might just be ok. And more importantly, that if it isn't, I'll make it through to the next time. Probably with a lot of needy posting on here.

As for the fighting with DH - yes, there's been quite a lot of that on here too. Kittens and me particularly. It seems to have passed for now with me, but I'm sure I'll be back to my usual moody self the second those hormones go again. C'est la vie I reckon. For better or worse he said. Things will get better, and then it will all be worth it. Hang in there peanut. Don't expect too much from yourself and we'll be here if you want us. xxxxx

Hi all. Littlepoot that is good that you have had your results and there's nothing untoward there. Fingers crossed for us and Kittens this month. DH and I managed to get our TTC act together this month, so I have some small hope for this month.

Peanuthead, please keep posting when you have the urge or just lurk away. Whatever helps. Now that you are past the 12 week I am sure your anxiety will come down a few notches. I know that with my second preg my worry fell off a lot after each scan - I was scanned at 8, 12, 16, 20, 24 and was quite chilled by the 20 week. Pregnancy hormones kicked in I think! I got anxious again after I went over my due date, but all was good and DS was born 1 week later.

Numptymum, the UK holiday is looking like a great move!

Gardening wise I have not planted anything in my window boxes yet. Thinking just lettuce and herbs like mint and rosemary. This is my next little project! Ciao for now...

... back after longer away than expected, making phone calls/plans for our trip south next week.

Anyway as I was saying (and as LittlePoot remembers) I didn't really acknowledge that I was pregnant until after the 14wk scan, as for me that was the milestone based on my experience last time. I was still nervous/hating the 18wk scan too. But once everything was shown to be looking normal I was able to start thinking that, rather than basing my expectations/fears on my last experience (ie last summer), I could actually base them on my first experience (ie with DS). So I've generally been feeling more 'settled' and at peace with day-to-day progress; yes, sometimes the kicks seem absent, but then other times there are lots - so when I worry, I try to hold out for a few more hours and pay real attention to what's going on. With DS my only two worries were when he turned breech at around 32wks, and when I got low amniotic fluid at 40+10 - so those are my next 'watersheds' to see how things will be with this baby.

But you will get there. I think it helps to have your sights on the near future, in a way, even though I dreaded scans. At least it gave a focus, another hurdle cleared. And I'm very glad to hear the morning sickness is clearing too .

And, as LittlePoot says, don't feel that you need to be here, posting. I find it helps sometimes, at other times I feel that I have nothing to say. And I don't post much on the other thread - I've been there a bit more in the last month than I had in a long while but it has been a sad time there, many new people. However they equally find support by helping each other. Sometimes 'older' voices help to give a different perspective (even on the TTC/being pregnant again front). But they find their own strength, as we all had to.

Anyway, wittering on. Glad to hear that all is well and if/when you feel up to it, let us know how it goes. But only if you feel able, don't feel obliged.

Mimsy - good luck on your TTC! As for the lettuce, think they would appreciate you taking pity and not planting them just now - freezing winds and volcanic ash probably not the best combination...

Night night all, xx

Ahh, Peanut, I'm so glad to hear the scan went well. I can only echo what everyone else has said about taking it one step at a time. It's so much harder for us to "settle in" to a pregnancy I think, with all that we've been through. And not suprising you've been fighting with your man. Even when they are at their most supportive they can't empathise with all the emotions and tension that goes on when you are the one actually carrying and fretting about the baby. Tensions run very high at this time when you feel very precarious indeed. Wishing you the best. Sorry you're feeling so sick too. :-x

Well, it's "egg week" again for me this week so, of course, I've put my back out doing pilates! Typical! I shall have to make sure he is gentle with me in our pursuit. I think the time between finishing my period and ovulating is my favorite time. I feel laid back and rational. Once this week is over I will revert to being an obsessive mad person imagining various "symptoms" and obsessively reading everyone elses symptom spotting threads. Lol. Still haven't joined any TTC threads yet. Have you Little Poot or Mimsy? I see VivClicquot has started one about TTC after miscarriage.

Peanut, I think Cantdo has been posting occasionally on the other thread about the new arrival which may be why you've missed it. I'm like LittlePoot in that I only lurk there occasionally really. I am in a good frame of mind and feeling positive, especially after hearing that my miscarriage wasn't due to chromosome problems, that I don't feel the other thread is the place for me at the moment.

Hi all. Can't do two threads at once, can't even manage one - but I have been lurking, as I manage to read even if not type during feeding sessions.

Just wanted to say congratulations on a good nuchal scan to Peanut. You're really on your way now.

I agree with the others that conflict is normal - just the way the stress comes out. But I am glad that you all sound so positive and upbeat.

Good luck with the TTC, Mimsy and Kittens and LittleP. And hope Katie, Peanut, Numpty, Katerina, are all doing well and getting nicely bigger.

Thinking of you if not posting. Still feel overwhelmingly lucky and happy.

Hello Can't. Lovely to hear from you and we're all feeling happy for you too!!

Kittens - I haven't joined any of the TTC threads either. I had a look a while ago but I wasn't crazy about the 'atmosphere'. All a bit competetive somehow. And I wasn't keen on the fact that you seem to have to 'fail' on one thread then rejoin the next - is that right? I might check out VivC's thread, but to be honest, I feel more at home here and I know you all understand our situation. And give good gardening advice. I can cheer you on in the week/10 days between egg day and test day! You seem to be on a different cycle time to me - I'm just about getting to the 'is that a symptom' time, but my hopefully upcoming holiday (volcano permitting) is doing something to take my mind off it. Maybe.... xx

When are you supposed to be going LittlePoot? And where? Don't count on the holiday taking your mind of symptom spotting. I was convinced on my last holiday that I was pregnant, and I wasn't. Will you be back before POAS time?

This volcano is getting to be a pain now isn't it? It's looking like a job I have coming up may be postponed because the Directors can't make it over from South America. Boooo!

Incidentally, I mentioned last time that I always seem to get a BFP around a notable date (Christmas, New Year, Valentine's etc) - my next period is due on my 6yr anniversary with my other half. That would be a nice anniversary present. Hmmm, fingers crossed

Well, hopefully I'm flying off to Egypt on Friday for 10 days. POAS time (or more likely my period) will be due about halfway through the holiday. I might take a stick with me because if I get food poisoning or something, I'd rather test and make sure I'm not pg before taking any drugs.

Rubbish news about the job though kittens - is it something reschedulable or was it a kind of once in a blue moon sort of a job? Looks like the planes are just about to restart flying so fingers crossed it'll all be ok.

And good luck with the anniversary being an extra special occasion! I was talking to Can't a while ago about a freaky orchid we have which has started to flower just as I found out I was pregnant both times. Even more weirdly, it broke out into bud at New Year as the POAS said yes, but then 'stopped developing' about 6 weeks later and never quite managed to flower. I know the feeling..... Am keeping an eye on it for further flowery developments before we go. xxx

I remember your conversation about orchids. Spooky!

Yes, I just heard the airports are opening again. That's good news all round.

The job will be happening either way, just a few weeks later if they can't make it over in time. The directors are coming from Argentina.

Good to hear from you Cantdo. So pleased your little one is in your arms at last and that you can now finally feel the joy you have been waiting for x

Hello Girls,

Hope you are all well! I have been so hectic with work I have hardly had time to come on lately so am just catching up on all the goss! News here is that we accepted an offer on our flat and it all seems to be going through so keep your fingers crossed for us with that ? Hove seems that one step closer now. I now have 3 weeks left of work before I finish up so hopefully I will be able to dedicate lots of time to house hunting!

I had some sad news at the weekend though, one of my close friends had her 12 week scan only to be told it was a missed miscarriage. I called her right away and told her my story and I think it helped her quite a bit, more than anything she was just do disappointed that everything she had been planning for had been in vain ? it really brought it all back. So very sad.

Aside from that everything with me is good the bump is growing and the baby is kicking away ? I?ll be 24 weeks on Monday which I understand is viability day. Another milestone but August still seems a long way off. We?ve bought nothing for the baby so far but me and OH went to John Lewis at the weekend to look at prams and all I can say is WTF?! Who would have thought it could be so confusing.

Allstars ? lovely to hear from you so glad you are doing well. Have a lovely holiday won?t you ? we are also squeezing in a trip to France in May, a babymoon someone called it the other day!
Peanuthead ? huge congratulations on getting through your scan i am so pleased. I hope you are able to relax a bit more now.
LP ? Glad you found some peace in your test results and have a brilliant trip to Egypt, I am dead jealous having always wanted to go there!
Numpty ? have a lovely hols also!
Can?t ? so glad you little miss can?t are home and happy ? how is DD enjoying her new sis?
Mimsy and Kittens (and LP again) ? Good luck with the TTC this month!

Lots of love also to anyone I have missed Katie xxx

Hi all

Firstly a sigh of relief as it looks like those of us with holiday plans WILL be able to get away, after a week of chaos. As far as I know my colleague from work is still not back... (but then he must be exhausted, so perhaps he's recuperating!). Hope LittlePoot and Allstars have a nice time away - we're just heading in the direction of Brighton to see my folks, so not nearly as 'holiday' but nice all the same.

I'm feeling massive though, seem to have had a growth spurt the last couple of days. Luckily I have my letter from the doctor saying I'm OK to fly - last time I was never even asked for one, but this time I feel larger and more obviously 'pregnant'. Hoping it eases again soon though, I hate feeling this stretched. It makes me grumpy with DS who is going through a phase of wanting to be carried rather than using his legs...

Katie - hope the sale goes smoothly and you can find a great place in Hove. I'm a real limpet, need to be prised out of every place I've ever lived, so I'm not planning on leaving this place just yet... Re baby stuff, don't get too swayed by all the 'must have's' of baby lists. A cot or cotbed, small clothes (0-3m) and nappies are the main requirement in the first instance, along with either blankets (useful for swaddling) or sleeping bags (useful for babies that escape swaddling). We got nearly everything from either eBay or NCT sales. The prams are a MINEFIELD! We decided not to get one until we needed it, so I just had a sling to start with and got a Maclaren Techno when he was around 3mo (and it's still working OK, though a bit 'out of shape' from him pulling at it...). Enjoy the shopping/research! I'm very sorry to hear about your friend; I think it's only having gone through something like this that I can really appreciate how it feels, and I am sure she will find that she can share things with you that perhaps she won't with other friends. Equally, her knowing that you are now pregnant and all going well will perhaps give her hope for the future.

Better go - got tea cooking (or rather cooling down to a point where we can eat it!). Love to all, xx

Gosh, we all seem to be drawn to Hove somehow! Good luck with the sale Katie. Hope you managed to get settled somewhere nice in Hove in time to enjoy the summer down there.

LittlePoot, You've probably gone off on holiday now but if you're reading this on your phone from the airport, have a lovely time. Hope the holiday does take your mind off the 2ww and that you come back with good news.

Numpty, oh no, bad timing on your DS's part wanting to be carried. It must be hard making him understand why you can't carry him. Hope you have a lovely time at the seaside, the weather's supposed to be great again this weekend. (of course it is... it looks like I might be working again at the weekend!)

Peanut, hope you're feeling good and positive these days and that the nausea is continuing to wane.

Mimsy, how are you doing? Have you turned into a symptom imagining maniac yet? I'm going to try hard next week to remain a rational and calm human being. HaHa, we'll see how long that lasts.

Hi Kittens. I haven't even got any preg tests in the house this time round. I'm off to Boots pronto.
And how's your back?

Have a great holiday Numptymum...

Hi Mimsy, my back recovered in time for the crucial few days at the end of the week!

With regards to pregnancy tests, I buy a combo pack of super cheap OPK sticks and pregnancy tests from www.homehealth-uk.com Both have been pretty reliable and because they are so cheap I can test without feeling guilty. In the past, when I've tested and got a feint line that's when I've gone off to Boots to get a ClearBlue digital test so I can see the word "Pregnant" on there!

Thanks for that link Kittens - I need to stock up and I am always so shocked at the prices in Boots! ta...
Not feeling very preg though. I would be very surprised! You?

Bit early to tell really. I only Ov'd on Saturday.

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me posting on here (as not pregnant yet !!!) I terminated for T18 last December and unfortunately then suffered from Asherman's Sydrome as a result of the surgery. Anyway 4 months down the line and after weeks of tests, an operation and hormone treatment, yesterday I was given the green line to start TTC again. I am really excited but also very scared. I suppose up until now TTC again has been put to the back of my head until I got myself physically sorted.

Did everyone else find it a completely nerve wracking time when you started TTC again? I keep reminding myself that what happened was just bad luck, but am scared lightening will strike twice I think I am also doubly scared as suffered from hyperemesis in my last pregnancy and was in hospital twice due to dehydration, so had a pretty horrendous time up to 11 weeks(not sure whether there was any link with the T18 and that though)

Helen xxx

Hi Helenlouisey, you are very welcome here. There are a few of us back on the TTC mission here! I think the next thread will be titled along the lines of "Pregnant or TTC after termination for abnormalities"

Yes, I was definitely tentative about trying again. Especially after 2 terminations for TS21, but although I sadly miscarried my last pregnancy early it was a relief to find out that there were no abnormalities detected in the tests for that pregnancy. So, it is possible that the next time will turn out ok (fingers crossed).

I think only fate has the answers to how things will work out for us all as individuals but it does seem that in a majority of cases it has been a case of terrible bad luck.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that not too far along the line we will all be sharing good news with one another on this thread. There have been some lovely success stories here recently so I'm hoping you will be heartened by them.

Hi Helen and welcome! As kittens said there are quite a few girls TTC on here so you are in good company!

I'm so glad to hear you have been given the green light to try again, it's only natural to feel scared but we are all in the same boat here so totally understand. I'm 24 weeks pregnant now and still nervous but everything is looking good so far

BTW I didn't have hyperemesis but I had dreadful morning sickness in my first pregnancy and it has definitely been milder this time around, I think increased HCG is very common in many of the chromosomal disorders so you may find then when you get you get pregnant again it's much better. I really hope it happens for you soon.

Kittens and Mimsy good luck with the POAS when it comes round xx