support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities

[katiecubs]

Hi girls - i hope this becomes a useful area

So sorry to hear Kittens. Can't believe you're having to suffer again. Hope today goes smoothly for you.

Much love (and a big glass of wine tonight)

Bk x

Kittens, I am really sorry to hear your news. Life is so bl**dy cruel sometimes. I don't know what to say. I will be thinking of you today. Please come back and post us when you feel up to it.

Ladies, things with me are fine. I feel guilty for even putting these posts together but I know you would want to know.

Hi Allstars thats brilliant news i'm so glad to hear it! Don't feel guilty though, i'm sure Kittens would be very happy to hear it too (as Mishtabel said she has been so supportive and generous to us all)

Kittens thinking of you today and over the coming weeks xxx

Hi HelenLouisey. Others have answered your questions but I will add this in case it helps. I had a termination for T18 with my first pregnancy and now have a healthy DS from my second pregnancy.

The Fetal Medicine Unit that cared for me the first preg told me to call them direct when I was 6 weeks preg again (which took 8 long months, I also recommend ovulation sticks...)

My first scan was the 8 week scan which looked encouraging. Next was the 12 week scan where everything looked completely normal and the consultant was so confident things were fine that we declined the CVS offered. Just had the nuchal triple test. They scanned me again at 16 and 20 weeks and all good.

Can you phone the Unit that looked after you before and go through these questions with them? I would be surprised if they didn't have someone there who could help.

Good luck. x

Forgot to say why I was even on this thread. Am 9 weeks pregnant but on scan yesterday no heartbeat and embryo sized 7 wks (am sure of my dates), so booked for ERPoC next week. Following HavingKittens story closely, I hope she went OK today.

Am wondering what tests they might do on the poor bub after ERPoC and what we might find. Does anyone have experience of this?

I'm so sorry to hear your situation, Mimsy ; it is especially kind of you to think of and help others at this time (ie HL).

I've not had experience of EPRC I'm afraid.

Thinking of you and Kittens today, both having to come to terms with bad news from yesterday's scans; it's so sad when you see that your baby didn't make it .

xx

Mimsy, we had an ERPC last March due to abnormalities. The test they perform is the same as a CVS. They take placental tissue and analyse this for the 3 major trisomies. T21, T18 and T13. They may depending on your circumstances also take some fetal material (sorry for the terms used) and attempt Karotyping. This looks for other major genetic abnormalities and is in more depth.

One thing nobody told us about was the potential that these tests may not work due to the nature of the procedure. I wish someone had told me this as had I known I would have had an actual CVS pre ERPC and at least we would have known for sure. I do not know if your hospital would do this but it might be an option.

I am sorry for your loss.

Hi Everyone. Today went pretty smoothly. Everyone was very lovely to me and I didn't have to wait too long to go in. I've been zonked out most of today as I think the anasthetic was quite strong but also didn't get much sleep last night so the combination of the two, and the strong painkiller wiped me out.

I've not been feeling too miserable yet. I'm sure it will come and go. I had a few moments yesterday. As the pregnancy was only 5wks old I don't think it really had a chance to get off the ground as such. I didn't feel the strong maternal feelings that I had felt in previous pregnancies which had developed a little further along so maybe that's why it doesn't feel like such a wrench.

They told me that next time (if there is one) they will scan me at 7wks so I will find out if the pregnancy is viable as early as possible.

Mimsy, I'm so sorry you're going through the same. You were a couple of weeks further along from me so I expect it's going to be that bit more heartbreaking. Try not to worry, it's over very quickly and your hormones will then get a chance to settle down over the following couple of weeks rather than being up in the air for the indeterminate time it would take if you were to let nature take its course.

They are sending my, erm, "products" (as the so nicely put it) for genetic testing too. They didn't do this with my first miscarriage but because I've had two TS21 pregnancies they said they will try to find out more. Although they can't guarantee any findings as 5 weeks may be too early.

Allstars, I'm delighted to hear that all went well in your scan. Please don't feel bad about posting that news in the same post in which you commiserate with me. This thread is all about the tentative and scary journey we all face embarking on a new pregnancy and it is heartening and lovely to hear others' good news. It gives people like me the strength and inspiration to think about trying again. Thank you to Lins and Shangrilla for giving me that hope after my last termination too. I am so pleased that you both have lovely babies to cherish now.

Wierdly, it's actually almost a year to the day since my last termination! This was a much more gentle experience.

Thanks for posting, Kittens. Wish I could give you a big hug, and either a big comfort mug of hot chocolate or a very large glass of wine. I'm glad that the hospital staff were supportive and kind, it helps a lot.

I hope you get some rest over the next few days.

xx

Yes thanks for posting Kittens i'm very relieved to hear you got through today and were treated kindly. Hope you are getting well looked after by your boyfriend this evening and get a good nights sleep tonight. Big hugs x

Mimsy, sorry to hear of your loss too. Hope that next week goes ok as it can and they are able to do they testing and provide much needed answers x

Numpty, I'll take the large glass of wine thanks , oh and some camembert and french bread followed by a large bowl of mussels please!

And some pate?

Kittens, you sound very together given what you went through today. I hope the glass or two of wine gives some comfort. It's so hard. I hope you're doing okay.

Mimsy, the same goes to you. I am sorry you're going through this as well.

Allstars, thanks for reporting back your news. It is always heartening to hear positive stories, for all of us. It will be Kittens turn next.

Thanks everyone for thinking of me, and thanks to Havingkittens for posting more about it. I hope you recover quickly. I am glad you said that about it being a gentler experience, I am very glad to hear it.

Am drinking a large glass of wine right now and it is going down a treat.

Thanks Allstarsprincess for the info on the testing. They didn't mention what you said about the tests potentially not working due to the nature of the procedure. I will have to ask them about that. All I can remember is they said the test may not get a result because it has been 2 weeks since the baby stopped (going by size) and by the time I have the op it will be 3 weeks - so the tissue might not be suitable to test anymore as it breaks down (they explained this better than I just have). I will make sure to request they do Karyotyping specifically.

Thanks for the info. I am sure I will be back with more questions soon.

I meant to say earlier, Allstars I'm really glad that things are OK for you, and I'm sure no-one begrudges ANYONE good fortune and good results here, we all know too well what it's like to get bad news; I really hope things go well for the rest of your pregnancy but do please keep us updated.
xx

Hi Kittens - how are you getting on? Sorry I wasn't around yesterday, but I'm pleased that things went smoothly and gently for you. You're probably feeling pretty numb today but I hope you have plenty of comfort around you. And wine/stinky cheese/seafood etc.....

Mimsy, I'm so sorry to hear you're in a similar situation and I hope the next week passes as well as it can for you. I think you're right to see if you can get some more information about the testing and karyotyping that might be possible for your lost one.

And Allstars - so happy to hear that there is some good news for you! I agree with the sentiments here that its really important for us to see the good news as well as helping with the bad. There has to be hope that good news is possible after all of the heartbreak and I'm so pleased that you're doing well.

Love to everyone else and hope everyone has a good weekend. No news from me - I'm just blissfully keeping my head firmly in the sand for another couple of weeks until my first scan. What I don't know can't hurt me and all that. xx

Hiya LittlePoot, I'm getting on ok. I think the combination of Nil by Mouth, anesthetic and stress has had a very unfortunate effect on my IBS so I've been feeling a bit rotten physically but mentally I am doing ok. Have had a few tears and some serious grumpiness but I am feeling very rational about it all. I'm sure all of those different feelings will take turns in making an appearance over the coming weeks. I will probably start trying again in the not too distant future. Not sure when at the moment but I suppose if I want the odds to be favourable I shouldn't wait too long.

I think the 'am I/aren't I' that I've been going through the past couple of weeks and the build up to the scan have possibly been more stressful than the 'oh, right, Shit, so I'm not then' situation I find myself in now. I don't feel like I've lost a baby, it was only a couple of millimetres and stopped developing only a week or so after my AF was due so more like a pregnancy that didn't take (what they call a chemical pregnancy I think). Very disappointing, but nature's way. At least a difficult decision was taken out of my hands by mother nature. Maybe that sounds cold but it's not really. I wish more than anything that I was one of those lucky people that can just go from the peeing on a stick and getting 2 lines to painting the nursery, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I am 40 and my partner 44 and things are not stacked in our favour for a smooth ride.

When is your first scan LittlePoot? I will pop my head in and check for news from you.

Thinking of you Mimsy. I hope next week is not too hard for you. Look after yourself and your man. If you're anything like we are you may find yourselves being grumpy with one another just because you're both feeling upset and frustrated (and you'll be on a bit of a hormonal rollercoaster). Make sure you recognise when this happens and try to stop before it gets out of hand and communicate well with one another. You will need each other's comfort. Sorry, I hope that doesn't sound patronising, this is from my own experience after 4 losses. Yours may be different.

Hello sweetie - thanks for checking in. I know exactly where you're coming from with being 'pleased' that a difficult decision was taken out of your hands - I always wished that could have happened. It's the decision that kills me the most. Cruel to make a mother (to be) make a decision that goes against every instinct (and hormone) in her body. As if the loss of a baby isn't enough. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to have gone through this for the fourth time. Its not right and its not fair. And others too - Bee, Can't, Shangrila....it just shouldn't be this hard. I admire your strength, but I really shouldn't have to - you should never have had to be so strong.

I'm glad you're feeling kind of ok, although sorry about the tum. Turns out pregnancy gives me a touch of IBS, so I know a little bit about how that feels. Except that I'm grateful for mine, if you know what I mean. My first scan is the 16th so I have another week and a half of 'blissful' ignorance before having to go back to the hospital.

Take care and be kind to yourself Kittens and good luck when you do decide to try again. And the same for you Mimsy. Just not fair at all. xxx

Good luck, Little Poot, with the scan (this isnt the nuchal is it? it's an early scan? or am I losing track?). I always found ignorance quite reassuring too so I see where you're coming from. But you don't have a history of miscarriages, so you don't need to worry overly about that scan. I understand entirely why the nuchal would throw you into a spin. Even the word is stressful. Anyway, good luck!

Morning Can't - yes, it's the early dating scan coming up - at 9 weeks ish. And you're right, I've got no reason to expect it'll be a problem, but then I haven't really got a history of anything much, having only been pregnant once before. The whole thing's a bit of a mystery. I just hope I get to the really scary bit - actually having a baby - this time. It's funny - I never think about that part. I was having a look at the ante-natal threads and there's loads of worry about how they'll cope with a new arrival. Guess there's plenty of time to get used to that part if the next few weeks go to plan. xxx

Morning LittlePoot - I'm still only just getting my head round the probability that I'll be having a baby, so I don't think it's unusual, esp when your only previous experience didn't work out that way. Also, I think there is so much going on with scans etc in the early weeks that those scans are your focal point for a while. After my 18wk scan last week, I found that my next appointment at the hospital was at 40wks - which seems ages away. So I'm still not quite thinking about it.

Must go change DS who is very whiffy...

Love to all, esp Kittens and Mimsy at this time. xx

Morning all hope you enjoyed your weekends?

Kittens thanks so much for coming back and updating us, I know it must be hard. You sound like you are being so sensible and positive despite feeling horrible. I really hope that if and when you decide to try again it happens for you quickly ? I?m glad you are not giving up; I fully believe it will happen for you!

My weekend was nice if I little odd ? I went back to home to the seaside and met up with all my friends. One friend had a two year old, one has a 3 month old, one is 30 weeks pregnant and another is planning to TTC as soon as she gets married in June. As you can imagine the conversation was heavily baby themed, everyone was asking what my plans were and I felt like such a fraud already being pregnant but not saying! Then my friend with a 2 year old announced she was 13 weeks pg with her second, that?s exactly the same as me and I couldn?t help think it was some sort of bad omen. Silly really I have no reason to think anything will go wrong and I wish I could just come out with it but I just can?t seem to find the words to tell people

Then there is another thing playing on my mind (sorry bear with me) my first baby girls due date is coming up in March and I want to do something special to remember her but I don't know which date to use. You see by my dates she was due 1st March but at my first scan they changed this to the 14th March. I have had irregular cycles so I knew my own date could be wrong but it would have been impossible to be two weeks out as I would have had a positive pregnancy test before I had even conceived her!

The doctor said the syndrome she had could have caused slow growth which would explain this but as a result I have no idea of the date she would have actually been due. Does anyone have an idea of what they would do in this situation? I just want to decide on a date and stick to it you see.

Love to all xxx

Hi Katie

I know just what you mean about not finding the words to tell people. Most folk at my work still don't know. We have a team meeting next week and as several people work from home, it will be the first time I've seen them since Christmas; it makes sense as the time to tell them, but it's finding the words. Especially as last time I told them at a team meeting, and only a week later found out about all the problems. So I do know exactly what you mean re not finding the words, or not knowing quite how to say it. At some point it will become bloody obvious though (I hope!). (Thinking here that for LittlePoot it may be even MORE tricky, given she will hopefully be joining the mass maternity exodus from her work )

Re remembering dates, I'd go with the one that you will remember. What is the date that is more meaningful to you? In reality that is what is important, the date that you will remember in your heart. Although I had a due date for Iola, I knew if she had lived it was very unlikely she would have arrived on that date (given DS hung on for another 14 days), but I chose to remember it as it was the more meaningful date for me.

Feels almost odd, just being 'pregnant' now. The waiting time, without immediate dates to distract me and give 'deadlines'. I know this is a GOOD thing, but just means I have to wait until beginning of March before my next appointment, before knowing everything is still OK. However I am getting kicked sometimes now, generally as I'm trying to fall asleep...

Hoping all is well with everyone else also waiting for different things - and for those no longer waiting, but with their babes in arms: Shangrila, Mishtabel and Lins. Hope that all is well with you and your little ones. xx

Just realised my comment about waiting might be a bit insensitive to those who are waiting for sadder reasons - please forgive me.

Katie - I agree with Numptymum. Choose the date that means the most to you. We found out last year just 2 days after my husbands birthday. As we were expecting to go out and tell everyone our good news that evening it is the date that is most prominent in my mind for remembering. The actual procedure was the following Monday. I chose not to remember this date as my DD has a friend whose birthday is on this day. I did not want to recall what happened each time I see him.

Numptymum - I know what you mean about being pregnant now. After our news last week it finally started to sink in that we might actually get to meet this baby.

Sadly because they do not know if it is genetics or just 'plain bad luck' we are still under consultant care and have the option of another scan in two weeks. I do not feel that we need it but will keep the appointment in place just in case I change my mind.

Our scan last Wednesday was incredibly thorough and we found out that we are having a boy. In all we were scanned for over 1 hour 45 mins and they ticked off all the regular checks and then loads extra including placental blood flow, full measuring of each brain section etc. In a way I am feeling much calmer knowing that we are having a boy. Our previous conditions have a much higher prevalence in the female sex so it seemed like an omen. I had previously thought that we could not carry boys following our miscarriages but I feel as though this is meant to be now. I am much more at peace about where I am.

I managed to tell a crowd of mums at DDs art class today. I did not want to but my DD was playing with a young baby and told them about her 'brother' in my tummy. Someone asked and I had to come clean. It upset me though that the telling was not on my terms but DD is so excited that she is telling everyone.

Sorry for the dump of information. I lurk here most days but it seems I am still unable to just pop in and out with a comment or two. I will try to work on that.

Hope everyone else is well.