Hello all, going to try to make this a quick one as I have a resume and application letter to write ( and hand in tomorrow) so that I have a permanent job to come back to post maternity leave. Am currently on a contract that runs out in February.
Bee, I read your post to Shangrila yesterday and thought it was lovely. That is what is so good about this thread, people GET you. I am so over my MIL stating with a puzzled expression "I can't understand why your not excited, your having a baby!" I have tried to explain that perhaps if she'd been through what I had, she would understand. But she thinks cause I've got the 'all clear' my worries are over. But, like you said, I won't feel safe til our little one is here. Until then I have pretty much accepted that I will be stressed, moody, etc. I hope you are going okay. You seem to be in touch with your feelings, which is always a good start.
Shangrila, I'm sorry about your depression but glad you are feeling better today (yesterday?). Although i'm not
depressed as such, I do have many low times too. This makes me feel ungrateful, because after all - I'm having a baby! But honestly I think it's all just the constant worry - it's bound to do something to our psyche. Rock on the next 8 weeks and 2 days (for me anyway - planned caeser by my request). I go on maternity leave 21 Dec, and although I'm looking forward to it, work is one place I feel most 'normal'. I think it's cause I am preoccupied with other peoples problems there, and less focused on my own. Take care
Eulalia, I can empathize with your doubts. I didn't wait for the 20 week heart scan. We were going to, that was our plan, but by 17 weeks, after 4 weeks of indecision, I just couldn't handle the seesaw of emotions anymore. I would read something positive about DS one day, and feel I wanted to have the baby, then I would read or hear about something devastating (like a 3 year old with DS and heart issues so bad that she had never left hospital) I knew I could handle whatever came my way, but I also knew my decision would affect the rest of my family. A few months after the termination, I kind of broke down one night after a recording of the babies heartbeat came through on my iPod - it was accidently on my playlist. I was all of a sudden positive that I had done the wrong thing and now couldn't change it. I had chosen to stop that heartbeat, and what if he was to become the best thing to ever happen to our family? What if his issues were all mild? Anyway, following that, I did what these wise women have said, went back to when I was making the decision, and realised I had not made it lightly, and that I had done the best thing I knew what to do with the information I had at the time. If I had have had a crystal ball and could see how things may have turned out, it might have been different. But I didn't, and fear of the unknown was too much for me. Since then I have been at peace with the decision, I just find it sad that I, or any of us, are put into the position of having to make that kind of awful decision at all. You take care also
Anyway, I made the move (houses) and am so glad it's over! I did not realise how much junk we accumulated over the years. The house we are renting is gorgeous, it has a pool which is lucky as the heat here has been shocking. One major flaw - it is on the market and if it sells our lease is up on 28 Jan - one week after baby will be born. Fingers crosses it doesn't sell. And poor Lins - if I am correct your moving the 28th? I hope you have lots of help. Even then it's a horrible job. Will be thinking of you!
Speaking of jobs, must get back to resume or I won't have one. Thinking of you all, and hello to the newcomers xxxxx