support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Perfect Tree! I did actually eat a teaspoonful of golden syrup at the weekend when making biscuits with Dd, so now I know why!!

Bee, we all know how much you care. I little distance is a good thing when you feel you need it. The intensity of this thread cannot be sustained when you have so much healing to do, to go onwards with your life and all the choices to be made. Take it easy and enjoy your kitchen!! xxxx

Am obsessive about my kitchen! Never has a granite worktop shined like mine does - well once a day at least.
Have made peas soup today; an old friend from university days has been for lunch. And last night i managed to light the fire in the sitting room all on my own without smoking us all out.
Nice to hear from you Linsy Pinsy - I would love to hear some details of Casa Lins - is it a Victorian pile?

Friend brought some chocolate brownies - three of them are winking at me. Stop. Have eaten one already and a mountain of bread and cheese - double the quantities my skinny friend ate.
This weather demands carbs.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxx

Just checking in to say hello to you all - life has taken a different gear here hence why I haven't posted for a week or so. DH is still off work and now on Ad's at first the side effects were pretty horrid but I think we are working through them an perhpas now he is starting to feel some benefit. Selfish as it sounds I'm feeling better too partly becase he isn't so stressed and down.

Tori - read your post and I just wanted to say I can empathise with how you feel - I've had two terminaations in the last 15mths and at the moment am not able to contemplate not trying again - though the prospecting is pretty terrifying.

I've been off work the last few days with a rotten cold so I spent a bit of time reading all the posts I missed yesterday and I have to say I you all gave me a real sense of hope and optamism so thank you all.

All the best

PF

Cake?

Where?

I had apple pie and cream for dinner. At 9.30 ish so that is a verrrry healthy approach to nutrition. Oh yes.

Granite worktops. We have oak and the whole family live in fear of my wrath lest they leave a drop of water on it and we get a mark.

We have 2 already. DH was not so D that day. He got ---> and also a good bit of [hmmm]

Which reminds me I must nag him to oil it soon.

Do tell kitchen door details. I spent 6 months choosing our new kitchen in new house, and it went in about 14 motnhs ago. So still fully kitchen obsessed. I really hope you like the new room Bee. x

Hellllooooo pelvic. It is lovely to hear from you. I am really glad your dh is working through it. It must be so good for your soul to see him picking up and making some progress. Come see us anytime

Alright Tori? Hopefully so, out there resting up or reading and lurking and waiting for the mood to type. Keep warm and eat carbs [Bee says it's the weather for them]

All this food talk! It must be because of the grim weather.
I'm just tucking in to cheese scones with loads of butter on. Just made them with Dd. I reckon if I train her well enough, she can make them for me when I am breastfeeding next bub!! Not too much to ask a 3 year old is it?

Hello to all and hope your houses aren't getting washed away in the rain.

xxx

Hi everyone, I'll never be more than a very sporadic poster, but I wanted to give a little update to anyone who remembers me (I hope I don't upset anyone with this).
Anyway, after the awfulness of the termination in May, and a miscarriage a few months later, I fell pregnant yet again and this time, it seems there's a chance that everything might be ok.
Had utterly, utterly terrifying 12 week scan yesterday and T21 risk fell from 1 in 112 (based on my age plus history) to 1 in about 2300 and to 1 in 12,000 for the other trisomies. The sonographer was very thorough and spent ages checking for all sorts of markers that we didn't even know about last time round (e.g. middle bone in little finger?). We have very mixed emotions after what happened first time round, but feel incredibly grateful that there just might be a chance of things working out this time, although obviously there's still a long way to go.
Best wishes to all those who are pregnant, all those thinking about trying again and all those still dealing with what has happened. Having spent the last 8 weeks in a state of total dread, I'm not yet sure whether I'll be able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy now, but somehow those 8 weeks did pass and we did manage to get over this first hurdle...
Kate x

No lins not too much to ask at all! My cat can make muffins ;-)

I'm hoping this terrible weather lasts all weekend to be honest - i feel like holing myself up at home with dvd's, wine and lots of hearty winter stodge!

Tori i hope your break away helped, It's been 2.5 months for me too now and i'm eager to start TTC (when i work out what's going on with my cycles!) i guess it's a totally natural way to feel but like you i'm terrified.

Hope you all have lovely weekends ladies!!

Katie xxx

Hi Kate - i think i'm too new to this thread to remember you but i'm so glad to hear everything went well with your scan. That must be the most amazing news, congrats! It's so nice to hear stories like yours, thanks so much for sharing and i hope the rest of your pg passes smoothly :-)
Katie xxx

Katerina
I remember you very well my love and must say am so pleased for you- I think you and I miscarried at about the same time didn't we?
You deserve this little slice of happiness and luck and have done so well to get through these 8 weeks.
Can I cheekily ask how old you are? You know how obsessive I am about my enormously advanced years - 42 - so I need hope.
Congratulations on your pregnancy - truly.
Keep in touch as and when.
Beee xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Katerina. I remember you, I can promise you we all do. Congratulations!

It's wonderful to hear the news, everything crossed for you.

Katerina - Hurrah, that's great news. I remember you and it's always so good to hear how people are getting on (pregnant or not). I know exactly that dreaded wait, and hope you can start patting you tummy now, bonding with your little pea and believing that it might be ok this time! Congratulations!

Justa - I'm so suggestible...want that cake NOW!

Going out for a walk in the gales and dark in a minute, cos dd is obsessed with 'a dark walk, mummy!'. She thinks its soooo exciting to go out in the dark. I love the pleasure in little things like this that children have. Just hope we don't get blown away!

xxLins xx

Oh Lins - you are so right. The pleasure in the small things.
A dark walk. It kind of makes me want to weep with how charming that is. And you with your tummy waddling in the darkness and wind!
Wish could share a boozy cake with you all.
hugs and kisses
Beexxxxxxx

ps Tree - I wrote you a long post all about my kitchen, went to answer the door and one of my children had logged me off.
And thus it goes with children.

But I want to know what door you have chosen....

Off to town soon to see the Christmas lights being switched on. I think they have a few fairy lights draped between Greggs and Shoezone but dd thinks it's amazing so won't scoff . Pleasure in small things - quite right. Small towns in middle of nowhere......hmm. I struggle

Have a lovely Sunday everyone, hugs to those who are not in the zone to have lovely Sundays just now. It will come. x

hello people! i feel a need to offload/seek advice...
i had a t last year, my only one, which was tough (no sedation allowed, t was incomplete...).
recently my bf had to have one. due to her current circumstances i had to take her, look after her children then have them all to stay for the weekend.
unsurprisingly i haven't coped with this situation very well at all.
i have been overwhelmed by my feelings of resentment towards her, which i know is neither kind nor caring. i'm angry because i had begged her to use emergency contraception as i knew i would be the person to pick up the pieces, but she didn't. i'm angry because she didn't take care of herself - this was her t number 5!
i have retreated from this friendship, which i know must hurt her. i started having panic attacks a week before i took her to the place, thankfully the attacks are subsiding. i really don't know how to move forward with this situation. i seem to have tried very hard to ignore it all, but i also feel like i'm kicking someone who is down.
i feel very mixed up!

I dunno what to say really maristella. I think GP would be a good plan, because whatever your friend might be in the midst of, you need your own feelings dealing with first.

Hi Maristella you poor thing what a terrible thing to have to cope with. You are obviously a very good and caring person to help your friend though this when it was so hard for yourself.
I agree with the other posts though, please take some time to think about yourself. You have already gone out of your way to help your friend and to be honest it's not your responsibility - perhaps she is relying too heavily on you and needs to stand on her own two feet for a while.
I suffer fron panic attacks and anxiety too from time to time and am having the odd bout at the minute - i'm not sure if you have already seen your doctor about them but there are lots of options out there is they become unmanageable.
Hugs Katie xxx

p.s hope everyone else had a good weekend
your night time walk sounded fab lins!

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for your kind words, they really do mean a lot. It's funny - while I hardly ever post here, I do lurk a lot, and I was actually more wanting to be able to tell you our news, even though I've never met you, than I was most of our friends - just because everyone here truly understands what it feels like.

Bee - my position is a bit different to yours, this would be our first baby and I'm a little bit younger at 34. I was quite shocked how bad my base risk level was as a result of age and history. Six months ago it was something like 1 in 400, now as a result of being an extra few months older and having had a T21 diagnosis, it had come right in to 1 in 112. But what I take comfort from, and I hope that you might be able to too, is that good bloods and nuchal can push the risk level right back out again, in this case to 1 in 2300 or something. It just showed me exactly how much it is all a question of chance and the specifics of each pregnancy in isolation.

Love to all, K x

You know what Kate? I think basically they give you 1 in a hundred if you have had a previous DS pregnancy. So your odds appear much worse than they are really. And now you have had this good scan. I do so hope you can enjoy your pregnancy - it is such a rare and lovely state. So inevitable to not enjoy it after a trauma such as we have had.
Do look after yourself and air your fears here - many women here are pregnant so never worry about upsetting us - you more than most people deserve our support and compassion.
big hugs to you and to your hubbie too
Bee xxx

Dearest Tree
Are you ready for a full on bout of kitchen sex babes?
Then I shall begin... after hours,nay weeks of indecision which was so agonising I almost did not want a bloomin new kitchen, I decided on ivory (cream to us) high gloss cupboards with stainless steel long, thin horizontal handles.
Floor is oak and I am demonic if anyone walks on it let alone spills anything on. Tiles are creamy white too - those London brick ones like you get in public loos and the tube.
I have a wee feature wall in a dandelion prinr wallpaper.
It is all a bit scarily tidy and shiny for a slut like myself - I feel a bit like I am borrowing it and The Kitchen Police will come and whip it off me anytime soon.
My piece de resistance however- and god only knows how I managed to persuade him to go for it - is my larder style, Nigellaesque double cupboard. Naturally I whizzed around Waitrose and stocked up with preserved lemons and organic granola.
The honey-nut covered, cardboard cereals are hidden in another cupboard as are the spaghetti hoops.
Sometimes I wonder into my -sex shop- oops kitchen, open said larder and sigh.
I like my kitchen.
I would rather have had a healthy baby.

Does anyone have a recipe with preserved lemons in?
Bee

Gin and Tonic with preserved lemon?

Tequila, salt and preserved lemon?

Corona with preserved lemon?

Hello all sorry am scarce. Not in a place to be posting, am waging a war in my head which I need to resolve before I can think about offering support to others.

Congrats Kate, wonderful news.

BK xx

thank you so much for your responses
i think the fact that i had the panic attacks showed me that firstly i'm human and secondly they served as a warning against not putting myself first, and not protecting myself emotionally. i have had historical probs with panic attacks, and have guzzled copious amounts of rescue remedy in the last few weeks!
recent events have also hinted at the possibilty that my coping mechanism might entail being a bit of a control freak... i'm obsessed with the now and the future and will not (can not?) revisit the past.

hope everybody's monday didn't feel too mondayish...