support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

I'll say Happy New Year now - cos I expect I will be asleep on the sofa pretty soon!!
I know this passing of the year and the beginning of a new one can be a very emotion filled time - lots of sadness and loss brought to the surface, and thoughts of what could have been. So I'm sending virtual hugs to everyone tonight. It's a tough time.
In the past I have said 'Happy New Year' in a very nonchalant and innocent way, but to all of us here I wish you a peaceful New Year, and hope that your wishes come true in 2010.
Lots of love to everyone on this very supportive thread.
Special hugs to Bee who kind of begun it all. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Happy New Year to everyone from me too. May it bring more happiness, peace and fulfilment.

Can I just say thank you: to Queen Bee for bringing us all here; to everyone for supporting each other, specially Tree and Justa who havent been there themselves in the same way but have tremendous empathy and generosity; for the wit as well as the understanding. I have learned so much from you all - from the pregnant ones for coping with the stress it brings; from Bee and Bezzy for handling yet another loss so recently with so much dignity and lack of self pity; from Tree and her precious gift to her friends; from the way we all carry on despite everything.

I am thinking of all our lost babies tonight and of the underlying sadness that doesnt really go away, and I really hope that 2010 is our year, bringing, as Eulalia said, wishes fulfilled.

PS No resolutions from here since I can't keep them. Not going anywhere either since a) I never do and b) I can't walk, so it's a Marks and Spencer party food night here as well!

Welcome home baby Justa.

And you sister is a GP, right?

Welcome home Justa and baby Justa - so glad you're both safely home and getting some tlc; sending lots of hugs your way, hope you get some rest to aid your recovery.
xxx

CONGRATULATIONS Justa! Sorry to hear the section was complex and traumatic and the recovery care awful. Really hope you find things easier at home.

How much did he weigh?

And yes, a New Year miracle, a happy ending to 2009.

Oh ladies
Have had such a bad few days - as you know Lins and you too Tree and Bezzy and therefore possibly you too Cando - such overwhelming waves of sadness and loss and loneliness. So many could have beens and consumed with detailed memories of little tiny legs on scans and babies that only every lived in two dimensions on a screen in an hospital somewhere.
Just all so very painful - so I know that if I feel this way then so do many other women here. The recently bereft and the pregnant and the non- pregnant alike. So I am moved that you have mentioned me and touched that here you still are. You really are the only living tribute to the tiny lives of my three babies. The only tribute. And so this thread is a tribute to them all.

And Justa - am filled with tears of joy and sadness for your very precious miracle baby. I wish I could kiss his little head and say thank you to him for being okay and safe and here. He is part of the journey really - as he is the first one to make it through to life. Thank god.
Dearest Justa- so sorry the road to delivery was rocky darling but you are home and he is safe. Bless the little man.

Anyone out there reading whose heart is aching - I reach out to you and hold your hand. In the end we cannot fight it; it happened and it has shaped us.

There are two positives for me from all the sorrow.
One is my love for my LM - so solid and present and alive and ours.
The other is all of you- the residents of the cottage. By the fire, are the very, very new ones- the recently bereft - the ones who are still in shock and who need us to care for them. On the velvet sofa are a few old gals, maybe Lins and Tree and Bezzy. On the pale blue linen one are Justa and me and Cantdo - Eulalia and Mishta are chatting in the kitchen. Our Mrs BG is a bright young thing out on the razz but will be home soon- radiant and in love.
The newer recruits are strolling up the path with cake and wine - I think it is Having Kittens and Katiecubs and Numpty mum. Shangrila is calling later on the phone too.
I have missed important people and am sorry if have.
Ilovemydog how lovely to see your name here tonight.
Gosh - three glasses of Champoo already and wisfulness sets in.

I wish you all a gentle year ahead, I truly,truly do. I anticipate some beautiful baby threaders and some more pregnancies and some who want to be and are not.
We will be okay.
Love to you all
Thank you for being here so very much,
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee, that's a truly beautiful post. xxxxxxx

Justa - enormous congratulations for your little miracle, that's the best news. Look after yourself, (remember, soft blankets, comfort food!) let everyone pamper you. Wishing you a speedy recovery, and lots of cuddles with your tiny new boy. xxxxxxxxx

Bee, beautiful post indeed. This thread is indeed tribute to your three lost angels - and to your amazing strength, dignity and generosity of spirit in dealing with it.

I confess that I had imagined you dancing the light fantastic in Paris, uber-chic, sipping glasses of red and being glamorous. I hate the reality of you struggling and sad. Oh Bee. This doesnt go away, does it? The scans, the silent sonographers, grim faced consultants, the loss of hope. And we don't have the consolation of being able to remember our lost babies properly because we never really knew them.

But you are so right, we remember them together here, in the space YOU created. I will always be grateful for that space and the possibility of remembering and commemorating. Bee, you are truly special, and you have helped me carry on. I wish so much that your wishes are granted in 2010.

Let's light a virtual candle to our lost babies, and snuggle up on the sofas in the cottage. We have made it this far.

I am struggling not to cry and I don't even have the excuse of alcohol. I just feel so grateful to and overawed by Bee. Hugs to everyone else, and see you next year.

Oh Bee! It's life. Nothing as exciting as new life and the circle therein. Bee, you have made this thread such a warm place (and Tree of course dressed in her cashmere socks) and for that, I toast you!

Shall we raise our glasses and propose a toast to:

Busier Bee -- who has shown compassion through adversity, created a warm space for those needing it and along with Tree, Justa, Can'tDo, Linspins, have given hope and to use the words of Can'tDoThisAgain, 'being able to remember our lost babies...'

Happy New year...

Wonderful news Justa. Sorry the circumstances were less than ideal though.

So poignant Bee. I wish for an ounce of your wisdom.

Happy new year all

bk xx

Dearest Justa - loveliest of news to conclude the year on. My love to you and yours.

Fleeting of visits via the phone. I am struggling with no proper Internet access but wanted to wish you all health, happiness and dreams and hopes realised in 2010. Here's to us all!

Oh girls - have sneaked up away from neighbours and read your messages - golly such kind words. Am kind of overcome. We have ALL made the spot here safe and lovely.
Am so touched by your kind words truly I am.
Love you all
You know that.
Off to light a boozy lantern in the sky - and will think of you as do so.
So lovely to hear from Shangrila and Ilove
kisses
and Happy Twenty Ten
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Hi all, have only got a minute as visitors have just arrived from Melbourne. Just needed to say huge congrats to Justa! Beautiful news. Sorry it wasn't smooth sailing. Just glad you are both okay

Cant, I think you summed it up perfectly, the gratitude we have, to Bee especially.

And Bee, yes it's true, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be here, being able to offload our feelings, and remember our little ones with others who understand. How I love your vision of the cottage. Would love to be in the kitchen, chatting to Eulalia, or any of you. I could ask Eulalia in the flesh what does Hogmarnay (?sp) or Cidildh (again ?sp) mean instead if having to google it as I did. Thank you Bee xx

Anyway, best get back to my guests. Love, peace and happiness to each and every one of you xxx

Hello everyone, specially Bee. Glad you came back and read our messages. And hope the new year has begun with you feeling slightly differently. I remember last NYE, when I was waiting to see consultant to discuss implications of condition of first lost baby. It was like being in a strange limbo. My heart goes out to you as you have endured two more since. And to everyone else who has lost, and feels in limbo, or sad, or whatever.

On the subject of cashmere, how annoying is it that I have beautiful cashmere socks for Christmas but can't get a sock on my wounded foot?!

And Mishta, I am loving the idea of you googling Eulalia's Scottish-isms. I imagine you two in the kitchen. Can we send Bezzy in there too to knock up some cakes?

Bacon sarnies and lots of tea in the cottage kitchen this morning. Or porridge with cream and brown sugar by the fireside. Power showers or long bubble scented baths for those getting dressed but dressing gowns all day allowed!!

(do you think I can actually move there? I wish this horrid new house had a power shower, the bathroom is so grim).

Morning all! xxxxx

OOh Lins the cottage sounds so inviting this moring - i would kill for a bacon sarnie and long bubble bath. Unfortunately the in laws are on the way and we have a roast to prepare.

I just wanted to raise my glass to Bee too, a bit early in the day maybe but thank you so much for creating this thread and welcoming me and everybody else. That goes to all of you ladies, you have been such a support to me over such a difficult time in my life, i would have felt so lost and alone is lins hadn't picked me up and brought me into the warmth of the cottage.

Finally massive congratulations to Justa - what wonderful news i am so happy for you and your gorgeous boy. Happy New Year! xxx

Came to say something sensible and useful, but am actually just sat with huuge dollops of tears. I stand with ilovemydog whose toast to all of us is just lovely, but particulary for our the thread founder Bee.

Oh Bee. I will never ever forget you or your babies.

Congratulations Justa, I hope you are able to recover peacefully with your family. x

On sensible tear sodden note, do you need that foot looking at Cant? It might need dressing if it is deep

Morning poppets
How lovely to see you all here this morning -am so touched by your kind words. It is our home, our virtual bit of mutual support and gentlenss and how valuable it is to us all in fact. When it seems that no-one on this planet understands a sudden cloud of grief and pain, there is always a gentle friend here who just does know. The humour and banter and honesty and support is unique in my life.
Dearest Justa- how is the wee man this morning? I met a newborn at a party recently - it made my heart race with anxiety - but somehow feel that if I were able to hold and coo over your baby, it would somehow heal a bit the pain.
Cando- I agree with Tree re the foot honey - maybe get it checked out - can not bear to think cashmere socks going to waste. Colour please?

Bezzyboodles- how is the day for you darling? I am wishing you strength honey for the year ahead.
Mrs BG - hangover status please.
Lins my lovely co-founder- which you are of course- I do wish you could have a gloriously extravagant bathroom to rest your tummy and spirit in.
It will come in good time I hope.
Am off to try and restore order in very untidy house and hopefully stroll on Hampstead Heath before the sun goes down.
kisses and teary hugs to all
Beexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone, I just wanted to thank you all for your words of comfort and advise you've offered me over the past 2 weeks. This is a truely special place with special people and wish you all a Happy New Year and hope 2010 is a good one for all of us, I think everyone of us deserves it !!

Congratulations to Justa and your gorgeous little man, treasure every moment with him, he is a special little boy. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Take care everyone, I know 2009 and our babies are never going to be forgotten, but I hope we can all look to the future and 2010 with hope and strength x x x

Congratulations Justa. What wonderful news to end the year on and begin a new one. So very happy for you. Hope you recover quickly from the c-section. Look forward to hearing more details about it all.

Lovely, lovely words and toasts from everyone last night. I couldn't log in yesterday, but imagined what would be said and was right. Even away, this thread runs deep in us.

Bee, hangover status is...nil, I'm afraid. Was posing with water as vodka during many a drinking game! Oops. Was indeed out on the town though...with friends playing board games...does that count?

Beautiful full moon last night. Always find full moons comforting.

Thank goodness it's Twenty Ten.
Love and hugs to everyone. Thanks for being here.

BG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Happy New Year one and all. I hope the year brings wonderful things for everyone.

Congratulations to Justa, what a way to start the year! Lovely

I ended up staying in last night and watching a DVD with my other half a couple of bottles of Becks Blue which is actually a reasonable substite when the urge for a cold beer arises. The non-alcoholic wine was not so exciting but fairly pleasant. Needless to say I didn't have a hangover but did feel rather nauseous regardless - maybe the symptoms are creeping in now.

I have been feeling fairly jolly today, despite the queasiness, which I'm pleased about as it was this day last year that I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully I've not felt too painfully poignant about it.

Two nice things to start the year off -

1. apparently there is only a full/blue moon on New Year's Eve every 19 years so perhaps it bodes well.

1. Hasn't it been a beautiful day? Sunshine tends to lend an air of optemism, especially in winter, which I think is the perfect feeling to start the year with.

Hi all - and Happy New Year.

We saw the blue moon last night too - wasn't it beautiful? Not blue, but big and bright. As Kittens says, I truly hope it heralds a better time ahead.

Poignant seems a good word for entering a New Year when the old year has such mixed memories - joy and then sorrow; and the things we have lived through cross with us from that year into this new one. I much prefer New Year's Day than New Year's eve: I prefer the starting afresh, the new day, rather than the bidding goodbye.

Am hoping that for all who are here, and for all who are quiet just now, that the new day and new year will bring new strength and new hope... and perhaps a good breakfast at the thread cottage (whether in Scotland or Dorset; perhaps it's a timeshare?)

And a special 'thinking of you' for Bee and all who have those memories of sad times so close just now.

xx NM

Happy New Year Everyone and special congratulations to Justa . How could I have missed it the other day that you had your baby? I had thought all the babies were due in January. Hope all is going well for you both and the rest of the family.

Am typing with my 'Chambord' nail varnish clicking away. Painted my nails (free bottle with the delicious raspberry liqueur) on Hogmanay/New Year's Eve. Not worn it for years and also painted dd's nails, first time she's ever had any on. We are stuck in somewhat as 2nd is a holiday in Scotland and had fresh snow today, my car is broken and dh asleep on sofa! Going to go out tomorrow though.

Sorry would love to chat individually but I seem to have run out of words..... Bee I feel in particular needs a big thread group hug.

love from Snowy Scotland xxxxx