support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Sensitively handled treetops darling but let's shout from the rooftops anyway - Hurray, hurray and bloomin hurray again. Am delighted for you and for that dear couple.
Am sending delivery strength to our Justa and a big empathetic hug to Lins - I know that disjointed feeling from being in a new and not yet gorgeous house.
Cando - you sound calmer and more able to enjoy the prospect of your baby coming.

Bezzy - hic from me.
Am off to Paris on the eurostar tomorrow with my LM! Aren't I a lucky bunny!
Gentle hug to anyone reading who is suffering - do not feel bad to share here with us. Amongst the glad tidings there is naturally the usual old crap to endure.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Justa

You will get your section I am nearly sure [unless I missed something and you are going under general? But even then I don't think they will see it as a problem unless your lun function is affected]. Well done on making the shops.
Have a good sleep tonight, or at least an exciting sleepless night at any rate. What an amazing feeling. I went to bed the night before my induction feeling like I was on the edge of a waterfall, about to dive off. My waters went at 2am so I effectively got shoved off the edge

A new baby by this time tomorrow. Wow. You have my wishes, envy, excitement and hand holds.

Me too waving hanky but also wiping tears and snot with it.
It is a precious, precious miraculous crazy thing. You have carried out a long journey to get here Justa. Glad you reading from your sick bed and glad you managed a bit of pre-baby shopping. Let's face it - probably last bit of shopping you will manage for a while.
Just watched Meet me in Saint Louis - now that is my kind of movie.
Hugs all round
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello, I pop in and out of this thread now and then. I find it hard to stay around too much as reading all the new sad stories gives me the fear a little bit. I popped in early in September when my last due date was meant to be and you were all lovely, thank you. Not been around much since due to other family dramas keeping me preoccupied.

I was wondering if any of you can tell me if there is a "pregnant after the kind of thing we've been through" type of thread around here? I find it so hard to find stuff on this site! I've been on a couple of sites, this and Babycentre and can find "pregnant after miscarriage" and "pregnant after loss" but nothing catering for those in our situations.

I found out the day before Christmas eve that I am pregnant. Early days yet, will be 5 weeks on Wed. I've known 5 days and I feel completely flat. So sad that I can't bring myself to feel any excitement or happiness yet. I have told my family (I had too - Not drinking over christmas would've raised much suspicion!) and my MIL and everyone is delighted and excited... and I'm not. I'm just very very apprehensive. In the last 2 and a half years I've had a MMC and 2 Terminations for TS21.

I feel like I need to be in the occasional company of those who understand how I feel but not sure this is the right place to help me with my optemism if you know what I mean (I'm sorry, I hope that doesn't make me seem selfish)

I have another question too for anyone else who's gone the 5mg Folic Acid route - The consultant at UCH put on the recommendation for my prescription that I should take that dose until conception and then revert to the normal dose in the first trimester. Can anyone else share their experiences? I would've thought it would have been prudent to take the higher dose whilst the baby is developing

Hello HavingKittens.

I think this is the thread for 'pregnant after the kind of thing we've been through, as this is a relatively new thread. So the people who founded it are now slowly edging towards ttc, or are in pregnancies, or are deciding if ttc is on the cards for them in the future.
I hope that makes sense!?

Congratulations on your pregnancy. If you have read through you will see your feelings of apprenhension are shared by those who have concieved following trauma. In reality, how could you not be apprehensive. I'm so sorry you had such hard choices to make.

I'm sure the lovely souls here will want to hold hands with you through this time, I know I will. I haven't actually had any pregnancy traumas, I just sort of found my way here.

Bee might have some insight into the folic acid thing, I know she did a little research into it.

Do your family know what you have gone through? I think people generally have no idea how to talk about or treat these kinds of things. The general coping mechanism seems to be to forget and plough on - which doesn't really work when you have the fear. You need acknowledgement and gentleness. I hope you can find it here.

Hello, thanks for your reply.

Yes, my family know everything. They are very supportive and gentle, bless them. It's just that even though I have said to them that I can't even begin to think in terms of 'a baby' at the moment it's hard for them to stop themselves being hopeful - they are the lucky ones without the scars, even if they have shared my disappointment.

I will email Bee about the Folic Acid issue and see what she thinks. We actually have the same consultant so I'm guessing she may have the same answers from him as I did. I 'met' Bee over at the ARC board before this thread started up - we had been through the same experience in the same hospital weeks apart from each other oddly enough.

I now have New Years eve, closely followed by my own 40th birthday party to get through trying to avoid being asked why I'm not drinking! Part of me thinks "Bugger it, just tell people. It's not as if not telling in previous pregnancies did any good in not jinxing it" but on the other hand the natural response is for them to be excited and happy which just brings to my attention the fact that I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I do want to be pregnant, obviously. I just need to get to mid February before I can take it in properly I think. Maybe that will change when my motherly hormones kick in, who knows. No symptoms as yet apart from ridiculous mood swings!

On the plus side... I just baked a cake

Hi everyone...

Bee, I am incredibly jealous. Paris. What a fantastic way to spend the nothing days between Christmas and New Year. Does mean you will miss the first thread baby - but you can raise a glass of French vino to Justa...

Hi Havingkittens. I'm in a similar boat to you actually - in that I've had 2 terminations (one for fatal chromosomal problem, one for fatal developmental one) and am now about 24 weeks pregnant. I have no answers to the folic acid question as I haven't been pregnant with a T21 baby but I think Shangrila is well versed in this. I will say though that pregnancy has been hard. I have struggled to believe in it and am just beginning to now. I've had scans at 12, 14, 19 and 23 weeks (my situation is different from yours, in that my second termination was for a condition picked up on at 20 weeks, not via nuchal/combined testing, as it was developmental - which meant even passing the 12 week stage meant no relaxation for me). What I recommend is just taking every day at a time, and, at your stage, actually just trying to ignore what's going on, living your life as best you can. Do you have other DCs? That makes it easier IMO. But anyway, please come here and we will hold your hands - there are several of us feeling like you and you don't need to feel the thread will pull you down, it's actually a positive nurturing sort of space, not a misery-laden one, funny as that might seem...

Lins, so soon your baby will be here! Can't believe you managed the ski trip. Respect. I wouldn't, I think, have dared - have been scared enough of the ice here...

Yay Tree! I too well up with your news, and with Justa's imminent delivery. The thread will end 2009 on a high that hopefully bodes well for all of us in 2010. We need it, don't we?

Hi everyone else. I am fine, apart from injured foot - it sounds comical, but actually I am struggling to wear a shoe/boot, and my foot is a pretty awful sight. In terms of how I feel in myself, I'm mentally and physically exhausted from entertaining inlaws, a non-sleeping DD and a painful foot. But I'm beginning to feel slightly less doomsworthy about this baby. I still am very anxious, but I feel less terrified, I think. Still haunted by nightmares of possible horrors, so there's a long way to go... but I am managing it.

Lins, I want to delete things from my memory too, and yet I don't, for the same reasons as you. I think we have to learn to live with the losses and the shadows, as you are doing.

OK, big hugs all around: to Tree and her happy couple, Justa for tomorrow, the pregnant ones for healthy babies, to Bee, Bezzy, MrsBG, because you are great.

Wish me luck getting my shoes on tomorrow to hit the sales, three days after everyone else....

Havingkittens
Sweetie - can i just say a very gentle 'well done' on being pregnant. I totally know how you are feeling as have been there myself- as you know. You are pregnant and that is enough for now.
Boy we have been through the mill and I think the best you can do is deal with each day as it comes, let a little hope and joy into your heart if you can manage it now and again and hold on tight through the rocky journey.
This thread is a supportive and gentle place as you know - but sometimes reading about other people's pain and loss is not always what you want to hear when in the midst of worry yourself. I felt that way the last time.
Our consultant is a very trustworthy dude if you ask me; I think however that they none of them even knew about the 5mg thing until we told them about it. I presume you have been taking it before conception which is surely the most important time since you do not know you are pregnant until 2 weeks post the great union of cells. The baby's chromosomes were decided at that moment hun so you have done everything you can to help it on its way. He seemed to imply to me that iit could do no harm at all to continue.

Shangrila generated the whole folic acid discussion here and she is heavily pregnant with a healthy baby after many, many losses so let's see if she reaches out to help you.
If you want to chat to me emaily way then please do so - am robust enough (at the moment!) or even on phone. I think you have had your fair share of sorrow honey and there is much hope that all will be well this time. I surely hope so.

I do not think you need to tell anyone at all really. If you are not drinking, well, it is none of their business and if they guess, they guess but you do not need to spell it out unless you want to.

I also asked for and got a very early reassurance scan from UCH - if you feel that may help then go ahead and get one asap.

Sending you enormous love and supportive hugs
Beexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Cando with the sore foot
Love - is it possibly broken darling?
Get thee to the hospital if so.
Sales - pah! Am waiting impatiently for Toast online sale - will sigh, wish, dream of cashmere wrap around cardi and then order some fingerless gloves have had my beady eye on.

Dearest elses
Will say a little parisian prayer for you all somewhere on the pont neuf - love y'all.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Havingkittens - congratulations! I am 36 wks preg after 2 terminations and one healthy little girl (yrs old now). It's been a rocky road, and actually still is...pregnancy after loss is inevitably difficult. Do hang around here...I think everyone on this thread does a grand job supporting both those whose grief is raw and new, and those a bit further on down the line (when grief can still be raw at times!) .
On the ARC parents forum there are plenty of people in the same boat as us, and its good for specific worries but do stay here.
I wondered at one time about starting a thread specifically for pregnancy after termination, but actually the need for support and understanding about the babies we have lost mixes so much with concerns for future babies that I think here is the place to be.
Maybe it's good that others are pleased for you - I had almost the opposite: long faces and 'have you seen the doctor yet?' and was upset that no-one seemed happy for us. There's no pleasing us is there!
Good luck anyway and keep us posted. xxxxx
love Lins

I wish I could spell.

HavingKittens, in terms of hiding pregnancy I am a guru. Still most people don't know about me and I'm 24 weeks and actually quite big now... Anyway drinks: at a party/pub, order tonic water/virgin cocktail, or a glass of wine and pretend to sip it. People aren't that interested, apart from nutters like me who obsess about other people's pregnancies. And telling people doesnt jinx anything, it's just about who you feel comfortable knowing about it. I decided I would be fine if people knew I was pregnant and miscarried but I struggle more with the termination part, I don't want to be judged.

Bee, the foot is simply burnt, not broken, but it's v painful. Gah. Clumsy me.

Getting all excited about thread baby now....

Hello everyone

Linspins, glad to hear all is going well with your pregnancy. Yours was one of the cases I read that gave me hope when you first shared your news (I have been a bit of a lurker here!). Of course I am pleased and relieved that everyone is happy and optemistic. It's true, there is sometimes no pleasing us! I was worried about telling my mum because last time she was a bit apprehensive and I was disappointed. I'm more frustrated at myself for not feeling how they are. Maybe it will come. Like I say, not much in the way of symptoms yet. Occasional voracious thirst and mood swings is all for now so I guess it will sink in more when I start feeling like shite!

Nice to hear from you Bee, I see you're off to Paris tomorrow. Lucky you! The Eurostar chaos seems to have subsided now, thank god. My folks came last week over from Lille on the train for Christmas and it was really touch and go whether they were going to make it! They will be heading back on the train the day after you. Nice and handy for us going from St Pancreas isn't it? As you suggested, I will be asking my midwife to arrange an early scan for me, probably at 8 weeks. I've had the same midwife throughout my 3 pregnancies and she is an absolute star. Also my Doctor who is a sweetheart has a doppler and has said I can go and see him anytime for a listen if I'm concerned.

God, I can't believe I'm going to be hanging around in the EPU and FMU at UCH again. Horribly familiar places with awful memories attached. I do hope to be able to leave them with a somewhat happier association this time!

Cantdo - ouchie, I totally know where you are coming from - sort of - I had bunion surgery this time last year so know how dreadful it is to be impeded by a painful and unwieldly foot! Keep it elevated whenever you can and put icepacks on it. Expensive as it is, if you have any Elizabeth Arden 8 hour cream it's fantastic for burns. A little goes a long way and it's a panacea for many other skin ailments. Or, possibly cheaper, have a look on Google for Lucas' Paw Paw ointment which is supposed to be equally incredible.

I am planning to 'drink' something like vodka lime and soda (sans vodka) on my birthday and have them replaced by my boyfriend and best friend who will undoubtedly end up very pissed from drinking all the drinks I get bought! I'm not that fussed about the not getting drunk particularly but more, how annoying my friends will become after about midnight as they get more and more drunk. Oh yes, and the fact that although we have a 3am license I will probably be ready for a snooze well before then.lol.

Will keep you posted x

Kitten, the memories associated with those hospital rooms are terrible. I have to keep going back into the same counselling room and the same ultrasound room where they told me my last baby had no chance of survival. Sitting in those rooms I can almost feel the numb horror of what happened last time. But that memory is now lying underneath layers of more positive memories as I've had more positive scans.

The party sounds fun and exhausting!

Justa, sending you all my thoughts for today.

Havingkittens, don't worry about not feeling excited or positive - I felt just the same, and the feeling of guilt for not being happy was worse than the 'not being happy' part! At times I have even felt that I didn't want this baby - but I think it's just because all ones emotions are so jumbled up.
Take it bit by bit. Hope you don't feel too crappy with morning sickness.

Justa - all positive vibes your way!!! xxxx

Lins xx

Just wanting to send love and best wishes to Justa for today xxx

And congratulations to you Kitten xxx

Hi all

Kitten - I'm also pregnant after losing my baby this summer, and don't really feel anything either way yet (even now after a good 12wk scan, which was our turning point last time). I think I'm trying not to feel too attached. At some point I know I'll feel the pregnancy is real and going OK enough for me to believe it will end up with a baby, at that point I'll start to feel more secure about it. So don't worry about being excited, you've been on a very diffucult journey so far and you are doing what will help you get through the next stage. Just tick the boxes for each passing day, and pat yourself on the back for getting a little further on.

Cant - poor you, sore feet can't be ignored. I hope it gets better soon. I'm really glad you are beginning to feel more hopeful about this pregnancy, I think I'll be the same around that stage (I hope!).

Thinking of all those who are heavily pregnant (Lins, Mishta?, Shangrila and any others) and of course Justa - hoping for all the best today!! xx

Good afternoon Ladies ? so sorry I never wished everyone a happy Christmas before I pootled off to the sea ? v. v. bucy last week at work!! I hope you all had lovely days regardless.

Massive congratulations to tree what super news! And good luck to Justa for today ? am very excited to hear about the new arrival ? I had no idea it would be the first thread baby, what a milestone! Plenty more coming too.

Hello Kittens ? I?m in a very similar situation to you right now, am 7 weeks today (after a termination in September at 14 weeks). I actually started off feeling quite positive about it but have slowly descended into a state of despair and panic (lack of symptoms this time round is freaking me out). I keep reading that every pregnancy is different but I?m not able to be rational about it at all. I would love to be excited about it but like you I just can?t connect it with a happy ending. Will keep my fingers crossed for you if you can keep your crossed for me Another coincidence is that I also have my birthday in early Jan and am also planning on the mixer sans vodka trick. I was out for my boyfriend?s birthday just before Christmas and someone bought us both a Jager bomb each ? he had to down them both really quickly before they noticed I wasn?t drinking mine ? he ended up very drunk that night!

Can?t I hope the foot is getting a bit better poor you. Good to hear from you Lins, glad the move went well ? sounds like you have been very busy!! Hope you have fun in Paris Bee. Love to everyone else xxxxx

Aahh, already feeling quite at home here now . Seems to be a few early pregnancies going on. Katie, hopefully we will be bump buddies throughout the next 8 months. I don't feel I can join the regular birthclub threads along with other newly pregnant ladies as I don't want to put the fear of god into them!

Cantdo - sorry I typed late last night and neglected to say how brave you are. It must be terribly hard for you to have such uncertainty throughout your pregnancy. I have all my fingers crossed for everyone here.

Lovely news about the first baby to arrive from the thread. I came back onto this board after a couple of months away from it so missed that. I guess there'll be a couple more on their way soon. So good to hear!

I was just reading back one of my posts from yesterday and laughing at the fact that my comment about baking a cake probably looked like some kind of euphamism for a bun in the oven when actually I was just sitting here typing and enjoying the house filling up with the smell of baking cake (my first attempt of baking a cake in 40 yrs! - if you don't count the Victoria Sponge and Swiss Roll I made at school)

Hello everyone.

Wonder how Justa has got on.

me too. Just logged on to check for news...

Same....

Ah well, we'll have to wait till she gets home. I haven't her number for texts. Bummer, she'll have a 2/3 night stay so we will have a long wait.

Glad you are feeling at home HavingKittens, you are part of a mini antenatal thread here. Maybe when you are futher along you might feel more comfotable on your 'official' antenatal thread? You could even namechange if you wanted.

If not, not to worry. We are very pleased to have you on the couch in the thread cottage. x

Watching triffids thing on BBC [this the woman who rarely watched tv] Hard to take invading plants seriously......

Ha! That soounded like you should leave here for antenatal thread.

Not what I intended I hasten to add. I'll get mi coat...

Also by way of explanation as my post might sound a bit mad, we talk about a thread cottage for sitting about in. It has a rural location [thinking Scotland] and overlooks the sea. Very comfortable sofas and a huge warm aga, well stocked lader and superior wine cellar. The weather usually reflects thread or someones mood, which can range from stormy angry weather, to grey sad days, to sunny bright spells.

We also have a thread bench, which is located just outside the doors of all the major maternity hospitals. Usually has a few of us sat on it for moral support when someone has to visit such places.

That all sounds loony when I type it, but seems perfectly reasonable in the thread