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support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

998 replies

bezzyk · 20/10/2009 16:33

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

OP posts:
tackyChristmastreedelivery · 24/12/2009 10:42

Happy Christmas to those of you who will be knee deep in festivities, but I'll be back tomorrow for Christmas hellos.

Have a lovely day everyone, I hope you are all ok. Able to enjoy the distractions of the season, and able to run here and ppour out if you can't. It's a funny time of year for so many. Good, but 'funny'. I'll be around this eve when the girls are in bed.

busierbee · 24/12/2009 13:19

Cando -what lovely news and just in time to offer joy at Christmas - may I ask your due date darling lady?
And Justadoodles - are you actually HAVING a baby on the 28th?!!!!Oh my oh my if so. How moving - a Christmas baby.
I sense the business on the thread - have to go and ice my very first home made Christmas cake - no apricot jam so have used marmalade. Does it matter? I guess not since no one ever, ever eats it do they?
Big big snuggly boozy hug to Bezzy (hic) and Mrs Brighton Lady- lovely pair.
Tree - so meant and wanted to post a card to you, well to all of you really - but somehow have failed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 24/12/2009 14:10

Oh Bee, I haven't posted any!! We hand delivered local ones last night, I guess I'll be doing Happy New Year cards this year

How are you Bee?

Cantdothisagain · 24/12/2009 14:53

I eat Christmas cake Bee! Marmalade will be fine. Please send me some. Actually (shamed emoticon here) I bought mine from M and S this year...

Due in mid-late April, Bee. Still can hardly believe it. It's much harder than you think, being pregnant after what we have been through. I just can't seem to equate being pregnant with a healthy baby at the end of it. But am being scanned every 4 weeks for peace of mind. Justa - you're so nearly there - will you tell us when baby Justa comes?

OK, better return to family. I am tired tired tired of entertaining already! What with that and lots of snow... And I am thinking of you all, knee deep in your own cooking and wrapping and talking.

justaboutisfatandtired · 24/12/2009 15:47

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VivClicquot · 24/12/2009 18:06

Just a quick one from me to wish you all a very very merry Christmas and here's raising a toast to a fabulous December 29th for Justa, and a truly wonderful 2010 for all of us. I reckon we all deserve a good one, don't you?

Love and kisses to all,
Viv xxx

busierbee · 24/12/2009 20:07

Canny Cando - I can only begin to imagine the confusion and refusal to be able to believe a baby is coming. I do not underestimate it darling at all and is of course one of the reasons I am so unsure about going down the IVF route. Maybe as all the lovely healthy babes are born safely we can all begin to take comfort and hope,
Justadoodles - cannot believe you are so close to delivery of our very first thread baby darling lady. If you can text from hosp to Tree or anyone then we can spread the joy for you!
Off to do more wrapping.
hugs all round
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cantdothisagain · 24/12/2009 20:47

Oooh I am excited! Have just built a gorgeous playhouse for DD complete with cooker, sink and washing machine, plus table and chairs for her to sit at.

DH and FIL building toy farm as I type.

Viv is so right. May 2010 be our year. And you all have a great day tomorrow. I will be thinking of you all.

justaboutisfatandtired · 25/12/2009 04:36

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busierbee · 25/12/2009 11:15

Merry merry Christmas day to every single woman who has joined us here this year - you all deserve the biggest of hugs and kisses and smooches.
It is a good day one way or the other.
Love to all
Busier Bee
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
in my new dangly earrings!

Mrsbrightongirl · 25/12/2009 13:36

Merry Christmas all you lovely ladies.

Congratulations on the happy news, Katiecubs and NumptyMum!

Cando :-) So happy about your reassurance scan. Big sigh out...and breathe.

And welcome too, to the new ladies on here, Helenlouisey, Emmabemmasmom (hope I havent missed anyone). I'm so sorry you've had to join us. You've come to a very supportive, kind place.

I cooked for 12 people last night! Think it was edible...else everyone was very polite. Day off today...lots of eating, drinking, playing games and starting to draw up a list of goals and plans for 2010. Have good feelings about next year.

Lots of love and hugs to everyone. You are in my thoughts daily even though have been posting less recently.

BG xxx xxx

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 25/12/2009 17:31

A very Happy Christmas lovely people.

Peace to all, we here know how important peace is. Be it peace for those in the turmoil of war, or peace of mind that so many of us fight for. We keep striving for peace. xxxxxx

[No peace here thus far, but dh has taken the girls upstairs for a play as I think I was getting a cats bum face. Ha! Half an hour on mn. Yay!]

NumptyMum · 27/12/2009 09:10

Merry Christmas one and all! I wasn't near a computer yesterday. We are surrounded by winter wonderland at my BIL's place (he rents a place in the grounds of a small castle!!); it's heaven to sit indoors looking at all the lovely snow, with central heating working .

Here's hoping that 2010 brings better things for all of us - and that Justa has her baby safely at home for NY eve.

xxx NM

justaboutisfatandtired · 27/12/2009 09:31

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Cantdothisagain · 27/12/2009 09:36

Belated happy Christmas from here too!

We have a white Christmas, which is now a precariously black icey-snowy Christmas. And I managed to scald myself with boiling goose fat on Christmas Day (dropped it on my foot...) so have been HopAlong ever since.

Thinking of you all especially those who've had very recent losses, and Justa, get well before Tuesday! Our first threadbaby is coming... though you're right, if not Tuesday, it will happen soon.

Hope everyone's having a nice break.

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 27/12/2009 13:55

Hello everyone.

Get well soon justa - I guess you have a fab excuse to take to your bed and refuse to emerge for a while. Always good to stock up the sleep before birthing! Our first thead baby. Wow.

I like the sound of small castle Numpty!
Well done on cooking for so many MrsBG. Bet it was lovely.
Hope foot improves HopAlong. CantHopAlong would be a great namechange should you ever feel the need

Huge day for the eggy people. It is their scan tomorrow. Should be 6 weeks. Eek.

Much love to Bee. And all the thread ladies out there. xxx

justaboutisfatandtired · 27/12/2009 14:27

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tackyChristmastreedelivery · 27/12/2009 14:32

Yes that's a bummer.

I suggest plenty of toast and dvds for dc's.

I am actually hungry. Surely that is not allowed at Christmas?

Blimey - you are having a baby really really soon Justa!!

busierbee · 27/12/2009 14:57

Hello to you all
AM very envious of the proper snow you have Cando and others too.
Me jolly enough here; subdued a bit I guess and saw some delightful wee bubbas and toddlers in snow suits at the park today- is wobbly making still. Trying very hard to hold onto fact that i HAVE HAD all of this babyhoodom. Just feels so very far back in time and so very unappreciated by me at the time and now find not appreciating them as they are now as am grieving for the lost ones. ARgghhhhhhhh.
It makes for detachedness I think doesn't it grief? Dearest Justa - you sound a poorly lady - but I guess the baby will be snug and warm and oblivious to all this in its watery den!
Everyone else - festive cheer to you.
Especially you Treetops - sounding a little like how I feel somehow.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 27/12/2009 15:33

Bee- I was mulling over something and your post reminded me of it.
I think when people have grandkids they feel they have a chance to 'do it again', the way they think they didn't when thay had their own. I wonder if you have a bit of the same thing going on? You want your chance to do it again, as a wiser person, so you can soak it up. I realise you 'aint NO grandma but must be a different women in many ways to when you had your dc's. For a start you have lovely man.
I can totally understand that. I am also sure that when your dc's were little you too were in the zone, wrestling snowsuits and folding small clothes. You didn't miss it, you were there. And as you were last heard of hanging with your ds on a rubgy tour in Barcelona, you still are totally engaged. Which is truly admirable given all you have been through. YOu take great joy in your children Bee. You should be ressured by that.

I have just packed mine off to visit nanas with their dad. I could literally dance for joy at having some head space. Yet I know when they are grown up I will wonder why I wanted to miss a second of these precious years.

I think maybe [do feel free to log off now as I am rambling completely off topic] it is a mother thing. An instinct, to distance them a little. Especially after the toddler years. To give them their space, so they can go be their own people. Maybe that's why we can't really rememeber it when we think back. I can't rememeber dd1 at 1, yet is was only 4 years ago! How can that be?

It feels wrong, yet I can't fight it. I feel a bit detached and like I am looking in the window of this house. Since dd1 got older. She has changed so much, but is so needy in so many new strange ways.

I'll stop typin gnow, what am I on about!? I am clearly a woman who needs a drink. I haven't been drunk/had a drink since 2007. It can't be right!

linspins · 27/12/2009 16:44

Hello all!

Gosh...where to start...

Firstly, a belated happy Christmas to you all. big hugs to everyone. xxxxx

I am back now from (computer exile) France, and survived it! Travelling when almost 36 wks preg isn't funny, especially as once there I felt very vulnerable walking around on snow and ice, so was practically a prisoner in the chalet. But all 24 of the family party had a good time, especially the skiers and the children. So although I can't hand on heart say I had a good time, it's done, and the baby didn't put in an early appearance. And magic moment - when dd met Father Christmas out in the snow on the slopes after a torch light ski procession. Her little face....ahhh.

New house is a mess - really depressing to come home to. So much to do to it and it doesn't feel like home yet. Silly idea to move before Xmas cos you can't call upon loads of tradesmen to come and quote for stuff. Am a bit overwhelmed at it all, and can't muck in and help due to enormous bump. I am now at waddling stage, and bits of me hurt that shouldn't. ouchy.

Justa - masses of good luck for the 29th. Will be thinking of you and waiting to hear of safe arrival of mini justa.

Hello to newbies - specially to helenlouisey. I have had two terminations for severe chromosomal problems, and know the deep and painful sadness they bring. Big hugs to you, hope you are surviving this 'festive' season (which can just underline loss when you are so raw).

Horrid 'groudhog day' moment a few weeks ago: driving to my work xmas night out...to the same place as last year, with the same people in my car, me driving cos i'm pregnant...same as last year. Only last year I was less preg.
Sometimes I feel that I'd like to wipe bits of my life from my memory, a bit like deleting a file. Except then I would loose all the good bits with dd too.

I haven't read all the thread properly but I think congratulations are in order to katiecubs and Numptymum? Hurrah! We will have a little gaggle of thread babies.

Speaking of which: I was thinking on Christmas day of all our little babies that aren't with us. They are not here, but are not forgotten and I sent them all a little extra love flying up through the snowy alpine air to wherever they are all playing. Typing this, am suddenly in tears again. But haven't really let much out recently so probably good to cry.

Counselling is still going on, am now at stage where I am separating out the grief and anger at losing another baby, from the actual next baby growing now. I was really angry and confused a couple of months ago, and was directing this at the baby inside me, which felt so horribly wrong. And without going in to too much detail I had gender issues too with this baby, which needed addressing properly. It's all been a bit like a storm, which started off fierce and was wreaking havoc in my life, and gradually by talking through stuff, I have managed to 'down-grade' my emotional storm. Now it's more of a blustery day, as winnie the pooh would say.

Must stop now as ought to be cooking dinner...

Tree - hope all still ok with egg story, so exciting. xxxx

lots of love everyone. xxxxxxxxxx

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 27/12/2009 16:52

Hello Lins. So so so so good to hear from you.

Stormy weather.

I must say well done [and hope it isn't too horribly patronising, you know it isn't meant to be] for doing such massive hard work at the counselling. It is utterly draining and some of the hardest work of life. You have been uber strong to do it whilst pregnant imo. I know there was an element of having no choice but to deal with these issues but you had the choice to bottle it up, to let if affect your relationships with dd and new baby and family and yourself. You have been brave to grab it by the goolies and shake it till it down grades it's self from hurricaine to blusterous day.

You are one strong lady.

Mishta · 28/12/2009 05:25

Hi all,

Welcome back Lins. Oh, to be a prisoner in a French chalet...only in my dreams. You must be due about the same time I'm booked for my c-section (now 21st Jan again). As for your house - at least it's YOURS. Will be at least 6 months til we're in ours - still finalising plans, and with the Christmas break that, too, is at a standstill. Glad your storm is settling

Cant, ouch to your foot! Good excuse to rest up. You are probably feeling tired anyway

Tree, all the very best wishes for you and your eggy couple today! Enjoy your solitude while you can

Bee, I bet you did appreciate your children as much as anyone when they were small. I sometimes think I took that time for granted, til I see a video, or photos that remind me of just how much I used to do with them. It was just so long ago, it's hard to remember

Justa, hope you feel better soon. I suppose it was inevitable that you caught it too. I've had a cold with a chesty cough for the last week, I should be thankful I'm getting it over and done with now, cause i probably wouldn't be as reasonable about it all as you sound. So excited for you

Numpty, forgot to congratulate you. I remember you from when I first joined the thread (?August).

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Since going on maternity leave, I seem to have taken up full time whingeing. I'm sure my family are sick of me. Raining here (good, gets me out of going fishing with family), but still very warm and humid, just adds to the feeling of exhaustion. Am also a bit anaemic, so concentrating on building up my hb for birth - I drink Spatone, which you probably know is iron-laden water from your region (Wales I think). Most hate the taste, but I love it - then again I'm one of those who crave dirt, of all the stupid cravings to have. Baby was breech, but is now oblique apparently. Still time to turn, but I don't think it makes much diff seeing as I'm having a c-sec, unless waters break, then it's bottoms up and off to hospital asap I'm told.

Anyway, hope you all had a nice Christmas. Take care xxxx

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 28/12/2009 12:56

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/844243?pagingOff=1#17973716

Eggy thread. x

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 28/12/2009 14:01

Wonder if you will have time to visit us today Justa, I hope you are feeling better nad able to prepare for tomorrow!