support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Thank you for your messages.

I am 7 weeks. This is very hard for me as I personally have always been against this...I would never judge anyone for any reasons but I just never thought I would have to make this choice. I have two girls aged 2 and 7 months. They are my life and my joy. I know that when I am old and grey I will regret things in my life but I will never regret my children and that is why this choice is so hard for me.

My husband and I have been having issues and have been separated twice since August. We are back trying again. I know that I cannot have 3 little ones on my own and not knowing for sure if we will make it, terrifies me.

He has also just lost his job. I have decided that right now is not the best time to be bringing another baby into our little world. I feel bad enough that we are not secure for the girls we have and I could not bring a baby into a life that is unsure and unstable. I know that if I have to go it all alone I will manage and will make the best life I can for the girls, but with 3...I just don't know. I have also suffered from PND so have been taken off my pills a few weeks ago when I found out. I am afraid of what this will do and if it will come back, maybe worse, after this one. In my heart, I don't want to have to do this...I just wish things were different. But after a lot of thinking I know it is the best for me and my family. I know I could not handle this mentally or physically as I had issues with my second and being pregnant again so quick has already been taking its toll.

I just wish I was strong enough to make it work...

Sorry for rambling...and thank you again for your support and for just being there to listen.

emma - welcome and a huge hug from me. I totally understand. I have 3 kids and they are very hard work and the 3rd has almost literally worn me out and my 2nd was well over 3 when I had him! You've still got a baby, a very young one and your other child and all the issues you mention are reason enough. How horrible for you to be going through this so near to Christmas. What justa has said makes a lot of sense so not much more I can add. But keep coming back here and talk as much as you need to.

Back later to chat more, off to try and squeeze in a tiny bit of shopping.

xxxx

Just a quick one - mad busy at work so just skiving off to catch up for a couple of mins Thanks for all your congratulations girls! I feel very lucky right now

Viv, i'm glad you got through the funeral ok, that was so lovely of the priest to include both of your lost babies in the service. Good luck TTC again as soon as you are ready - hope you get that BFP soon!

Hi Emma, sorry you are having to make such a painful decision. I hope you get through it ok and get lots of support from those around you

xxxxxxx

Hi Katiecubs, just wanted to add my congratulations to all the others on here on your recent engagement! What a way to propose!!

I do apologise though emmabemmasmom that this is crossing posts with your posts about what is a very difficult situation for you. I do hope the support you will certainly get on here will help you at this difficult time.

Viv - I love your first wedding photo, something a bit original. You look gorgeous.

Ha justa, I like that demoted to a sheep. I do have to say dd used to be a terrible figet so it is something they do tend to grow out of eventually. Now I just get "how do you spell....?" endlessly and yesterday it was a trip to the library. Fine, but we had to play at libraries when we got home....

We are looking after a baby this weekend, actually ds2 is. Sam the nursery 'baby'/doll which comes complete with his own toothbrush, pyjamas etc. ds2 hasn't shown much interest in him, as I said above he prefers Barbie dolls.

Going to say more but being nagged at so will sign off for now. xxxx

Hi everyone, just about to slump in front of the X factor final... How are you all? I am thinking of you.

Emma, I have no wisdom, but hope you can reach the right decision for you and come to terms with it. You must be emotionally shattered at the moment.

Nothing new from here. Loving the stories of nativity plays, weddings and honeymoons. Bought some flat knee high boots today - can you believe I didnt have any? - because all my knee high boots were high heeled and I just cant manage them anymore (pregnant plus toddler plus general oldladyishness) for long periods with the result that I never wear skirts, and I would like to. Not least because I have yet to find a pair of maternity jeans that stay up, and the constant hoiking is annoying. I am not complaining though, feeling very blessed. Except for a horrible cough and cold...

Thinking of all of you in your different places and hope this is a gentle weekend for us all. This time last year, to the day, I went to the funeral service of my first lost baby. And promptly caught horrible flu (presumably my body expelling the horror). How many more horrible anniversaries are there going to be?

Wishing all of us a peaceful run up to Christmas.

Tracky bottoms do stay up but I (ahem) don't own any trainers and could hardly wear them with my low wedge ankle boots (which I've been living in). Plus don't think I could go to work in them... Actually the best trousers I've got are from my pregnancy with DD, over bump bootcut from Blooming Marvellous: they are immensely flattering AND they stay up. However they are light summer-weight trousers and they are beige. Which doesn't work with a todder in the winter.

I feel funny about this anniversary - the anniversary of the service of my first baby (who was born in October - they took ages over the postmortem). I have nothing to remember this baby by - not like Stella, I have no photos, no hand/footprints, etc. I called her Lucia (light). What I am thinking although I am not a believing sort of person is that Lucia was with me when I lost Stella, and now they are together in another kind of world.
I think the hardest thing is that it's just me who remembers them. They have left no mark, other than in my memory (and in my current neuroses).

Anyway - back to normal - the usual Sunday activities beckon. I guess I could wear tracksuit bottoms to soft play!

Realize my post was just me-me-me.

I am thinking of you all - Bee, hope you are nestled with your lovely family and LM; Lins, in your new house; Justa - baby staying put!; Tree, all recovered; Bezzy, baking a storm; Katie, Viv, MrsBG, all with wedding stories in 2009, so weird; Shangrila, on maternity leave; and anyone else (MrsV? Katerina).

Oh and Emma - I hope you are doing okay.

I can't read, I can only swoon and faint. We have news here if anyone is following the egg donation.

Some of you might not want to go there and talk about it, so I'll just drop in the above link for those who do and bugger off. Much love everyone. x

Have read and want to send my thoughts to you Cant. What a day for you, what a comforting thought that the girls are together.

We remember there were 2 girls, one called Lucia and one called Stella. Cant is holding the images and memories of these 2 little girls. x

Hi Girls,

How were your weekends? Sounds like it was a very tough one for you can't - hope you got through it ok. It must be comforting to know that Stella and Lucia are together, wherever they are though.

My weekend was largely dominated by Xfactor too. And sadly enough Cheryl Cole's night in - she is really starting to get on my nerves and what the hell is up with her new song?!

Tree, i commented on your other post too but congratulations again to you and your friend

Longtime thanks for stopping by and thanks for your congratulations. Hope you are well!

Katie xxx

Hope you are feeling better today Cantdo.

What lovely news tree! A perfect Christmas present.

Hi Katie & everybody.

ds1's teacher really upset me today. He refused to take part in the carol singing on Saturday (dd did it fine) and she expressed her "disappointment" to him and me. She acknowledges he has a disability on the one hand but then comes out with things like he will have to do better. FFS he has a problem with activities like this, firstly because he doesn't see the point in singing carols, just doesn't understand it. Secondly it is extremely confusing for him to do something with the school on a Saturday. Thirdly he doesn't give a shit if she is disappointed so she's wasting her breath!!

Sorry rant over. Best get to sorting out my living room. Got our tree but has been sitting in the trailer outside all weekend.

xxxx

Hey everyone x

Hope you all had good weekends. Mine was reasonably uneventful although I managed to make headway on my Christmas shopping and write all my Christmas cards, so I feel a bit more in control on all things festive now.

Katie - I had an X Factor-tastic time too. DH is gutted as he had a bit of a man-crush on Olly, but I think the right man won in the end. Just a shame they've picked that Hannah Montana monstrosity for the winner's single.

Feeling a bit nervous as DH and I are going in for our blood tests tomorrow morning. I've convinced myself that if there is a problem, then it will definitely lie with me as DH is an identical twin, and his brother already has a daughter, thus meaning he can't be reproductively-challenged.

I have no idea if this train of thought has any basis in fact or science, but it's definitely nibbling away at me. Sigh. I guess we just have to keep our fingers crossed it all comes back fine.

Anyway, thinking of you all lots and lots x

Hannah Montana ? I did not know that! Cripes how embarrassing.

Try not to worry about tomorrow Viv, it?s highly unlikely there will be anything wrong with either of you. The vast majority of these cases are just damn bad luck. I know it?s easier said than done though ? I went to my genetic counselling session convinced they were going to tell me something awful, they just told me exactly what I had already read ? just bad odds! Hopefully it will give you some peace of mind though.

Eulalia your DS?s teacher sounds horrible I?m not surprised you are upset. I don?t know the background to his disability but it does not seem she is making much of an effort to understand it!

Hi all

I agree about the X factor single. A real dirge of a song.

Viv, please don't worry about the blood tests. I think Turners is thought to be bad odds, as Katie said. To be honest, though, whatever comes back, you just need to tell yourself that overwhelmingly the odds are in your favour to try again for a healthy baby. Easier said than done from me, I know, since I am Neurotic Queen. But that is how it has been presented to me.

I feel a bit of a fraud making you all think I was miserable all weekend. I wasn't. There is just some underlying sadness that's always there, but heightened by the anniversary. DH has bought a little ornament of two little girls to commemorate our lost girls. That touched me. He remembers too. And you do - thank you all of you, specially Tree our fertility goddess.

Eulalia, I guess your DS's teacher doesnt get it, does she? But how frustrating. It is probably hard enough for him to not feel able to join in without her sticking her oar in. Disabilities can be difficult to understand but you would think she would be trained for this...

Katie, how's your shagfest going?! Sorry that was crude. But you know what I mean. I you've taken Justa's advice you are probably exhausted... I would be....

Hope everyone else is okay. Bee you have gone quiet on us. Hope it is a peaceful silence and not a tormented one. And to the other missing souls.

Hello Cantdo
Hi lovey - just logged on very quickly and read the news of the month from our Treeletter - am truly relieved for all of you. What a journey has been passed and what a good vibe you have activated our Tree.
Busy bee here - just sobbed to end of Small Island.
Write soon
kisses
Bee xxxxx

Hello everyone,

have had dd1 woes at school so have been distracted. Still delighted with eggy news, and warmed by your well wishes. Thank you one and all for the good wishes. It's not always easy to feel good about good news afterall.

Cant, I didn't think you were miserable, you just gave a 5 minute airing to the saddness that is part of the background noise of life now. Sometimes it is quiter and sometimes it is screaming loud. Your DH did a lovely thing.

Dear Bee. Thank you. I feel the same too. Just a positive little drop in the ocean, the ripples are off and flowing. I thought of you, and all of you, but of Bee as thread talisman, every step of the way.

Funny you should ask about the shagathon Can't - apparently it went quite well as i tested today and it seems i am about 5 weeks pregnant! Crazy month for me

It's very early days and i'm naturally very scared and excited at the same time. I won't be telling anyone until a lot later on but i wanted to tell you guys as i think i will need my hand holding whatever the outcome. I've decided to be very positive about it though as negative thoughts can't help the baby - It's due around mid Aug i think!

Love to everyone xxxx

Katie!!!!!! Congratulations!

I know that you will be taking it cautiously, one day at a time, but we will be here holding your hands. This has been quite a month for you, hasn't it - a lucky month.

And August babies are lovely.

Congratulations Katie!!!!

Thank you Can't, Thank you Justa!

And sorry everyone for infiltrating the thread with my news over the last week hope everyone is ok xxx

Thank you Can't, Thank you Justa!

And sorry everyone for infiltrating the thread with my news over the last week hope everyone is ok xxx