support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

Oh Bee.
And Lins.
And Mrs BG.

There will be times like these.....

....and now I have run out of sage and wise vibes and wish the times like these would bog off. It's not fair.

Hi all,
Oh Bee, to think YOU called ME resilient - I think you are amazing. I hope you are all tucked up in bed, sleeping peacefully (have no idea what time it is there). Wishing you calm and happier days ahead.

Bezz, talk about opening up 'old' wounds, which I know are still fresh wounds. Fair enough if you had requested that information, but to have it more or less forced upon you is so insensitive. The incompetence of some.

When I have days off next, I plan on looking at the profiles and pics everyones talking about. Can't wait, but saving it for when I'm not so rushed.

Speaking of rushed Lins, I am impressed that you are finding time to post at all! Well done. I remember sitting in a sea of boxes and junk in my old living room not so long ago, and actually crying at the thought of all I had to do. And at a time where you just feel like curling up and doing nothing. You'll get there. I haven't started any chrissy shopping yet - i'm avoiding it cause standing in queues makes me feel like my insides are going to fall outside (sorry if TMI), pelvic floor at 40 is not what it was in my 20's.

I put my job application in, but 'informal' interview with a panel of three is not until at least 5 weeks away. I'll be 36 weeks with baby-brain, great.

For those who expressed re: pool, I would swap the pool any day for a bit of your cool weather. Todays not too bad, but otherwise it has been hot, hot, hot, and we have only just started summer today. The thought of wild, wet and windy weather is lovely to me.

Tree, can I ask for your advice? Won't hold you accountable I promise - I was booked for caeser on 21 Jan (38 weeks 5 days). Now hospital has taken that date off my OB and said it has to be 22nd or 14th of Jan. I'm happy, happy to go with 14th and OB will go along with that if that's my wish and baby remains good size for date, but he also pointed out that that will make me 37 and 5 days, and that if dates are wrong, it may be just under 37 (as original due date scan said I was due 8th feb). In one of you last post you mentioned something like '30 weeks, as good as it gets'. Do you think if it WAS 36 weeks 5 days it would be a big deal? We haven't got a NICU or anything at our hospital. I know I could just wait until the 22nd, but the sooner baby is here the better as far as I'm concerned - am sick of worrying every time I haven't felt her move for a while. Would really appreciate your thoughts. Congrats on your eggs too - have my fingers crossed for you all

Well better get ready for work - I am in ICU at the moment and will be til I go on maternity leave, so work is much lighter than on the wards. Colleagues are also very considerate to the point of making me feel useless -'no, you sit down and rest, we will do it' they mean well though.

Hello to everyone else, hope you all have a lovely day xxx

It is 6ish in the morning and I am off to work but quickly had a dose of your strenghtening posts -thank you handmaidens.
I do not feel really that have made a peaceful decision of acceptance more a reaction to the fear of more trauma if you see what i mean.
Am sitting here in full make up, tights half way up legs and LM's dressing gown.
Think should get dressed really.
Mishta- wish you could join our grey, blustery days here in Blighty - feel much easier for pregnancy than sweltering heat.
kisses to you all
Beexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Bee Bee Bee. I wish I could take it away. I can see you've reached a point where more trauma would be too destructive. I hope some day the decision is more peaceful, or else it can be changed. The whole process must have felt so painful - like a version of those horrible pessaries that they force into you pre-termination.

I think this stage must be very difficult to accept. Give yourself time.

Hi to everyone else, but everything feels dwarfed by Bee's trauma.

Morning Bee, Morning Ladies,

I?ve not been on for a while and have been trying to catch up with all the news ? lots has been happening! Bee, I hope you are ok, you seem to have gone through lots of turmoil lately and I hope your decision brings you peace, if not now then soon. Big hugs to you and also to Bezzy for dealing with such shty shtness.

A HUGE congratulations for Can?t ? I am so happy for you! To be past those horrible scans must be an amazing feeling and I really hope you are able to relax a little and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy now A big wave to all the other ladies with the bumps too. Glad to hear your counselling has really helped Lins xxx

Tree, I think I may have missed all the background on your egg donation somewhere along the line but what an amazing thing you are doing for your friend! I will keep all my fingers and toes crossed that the wait passes quickly and that one or both of those eggs implants successfully!

As for me I have been ok, lost in the great mystery of TTC. I?m not sure if I mentioned at the time but I got pregnant whilst on the pill for the first (and only) time. How unlucky I thought, then how lucky! Then how unlucky when it all went so wrong.

Now It?s been 3 long months with only one AF and I have no clue what is going on with my cycle. I?m reading up on OPK?s, temping, Luteal Phases, Tracking Cervical Mucus ? how in my 29 years did I manage to stay so ignorant about making babies?! It all just seems so impossible ? my OH seems to think we are in good stead considering we managed it with no effort the first time. Sounds right I know but now it seems my body has gone haywire and I?m petrified (probably totally irrationally I know) that I won?t be able to have children. I need some patience I know!!

Anyway it is mine and OH?s 4 year anniversary today and we are going out to celebrate tonight and I am really looking forward to it. I hope everyone else has a lovely day!

Katie xxxxx

Happy anniversary Katie!

I am flying through as my bubba is pissed off impatient for my loving attention.

Hello Mishta - 30 weeks is my mental happy place as I feel babies at that are so likely to do well. So in my pregnancies I always meade that my 'right, now for BabyGap' stage. If you see what I mean.
For your section, were it me, I would go for the 22nd. SORRY!! Last thing you want to hear, but a precious few days might be the difference between a baby that has trouble regulating temp, battles jaundice, is a lazy feeder, needs special care[ although low grade but still not nice for anyone]. But a younger baby will do fine too, they might need more intervention in the first week or two that's all.
We know that 39 weeks is a great balance between scbu admissions for hypoglycaemia/temp regulation/jaundice/failure to feed - and going into labout and needing sections at 2am. SO I guess I feel the nearer the better.

I hear your concerns though, I think you should talk to however would see you for reduced movements, an antenatal day care - and tell them plainly you will be seeing a lot of them. You can self refer for such things and will be doing so. Heart traces can be done daily or even twice daily if you cannot rest. It is a drain and a pain having to go, but then if the baby were born - they would be a fair old work load too, so it's 6 of one and half dozen of the other as they say.

I hope that makes sense? Bit long

22nd Jan is dd2 birthday, she will be one.

Hi there, loads to catch up on. Not using main computer much as its in the old living room and no heating in there! Currently using ds1s laptop but I don't like the keyboard. Apologies for typos and bad punctuation. Hope everyone is keeping warm in our virtual cottage and have we started putting up the decorations yet?

None here but am looking at my Christmas cactus, my 'faithful' plant that I've had for 21 years and its covered in lovely flowers (it always flowers early!)

Katie - happy anniversary, have a lovely night out.

Mishta - blowing some cool winds your way. I also think the later date is better. This is from someone who bakes their babies well. dd was 15 days late (groan).

linspins - hope you feel better soon.

MrsB- lovely wedding dress!

Justa - happy belated birthday, you young thing

Tree - good luck with the egg harvest.

bezzy - you know what, the same thing happened to me at the follow up consultation after the termination. The consultant picks up the sheet and says, anythign you want to discuss, all we know it was T21 and gender a boy... (hesitates) oh did you know that? No I didn't! I didn't have the energy to compain and there were a few other things I wasn't happy about but I felt whats the point its not going to bring the baby back. However I should really do something for the sake of others.

Am trying hard to get organised this year but I struggle with day to day things, never mind the barrage of nursery/school/autism support group/family Christmas events. Want to make it a good Christmas after feeling so dreadfully crap last year and dh struggling to get the living room floor finished (done at 9pm Christmas eve). Seems weird to think I was pregnant this time last Dec and didn't know it quite yet. Rather than feel I am going to relive the whole process I actually feel positive about it and glad that I am not going through those dreadful early stages again. got a night away planned on the 18th with my sister, am taking kids as well, they go everywhere with me.

Been clearing out old toys. Getting rid of the baby dolls as ds2 doesn't like babies. About to give away the barbie dolls too but ds2 has taken a liking to them. Apparently they are mummies which I felt was interesting as most dolls are supposed to be babies. Anyway he loves his doll, kisses it, cuddles it up and sits talking to it for hours.

Must go as ds1 due home soon and will be very cross if he sees me on his computer.

Love to all. xxx

Sorry Bee, not given you hugs, I came on here originally thinking of you and missed you out! what a dreadful time you are having and I sense you feel totally lost and perhaps a drifting away of a lost world with your kids growing older. Does that make sense. Sorry run out of time, hope to post something more constructive later...

How goes it Bee? I hope the birthday lovely man enjoyed his special meal. I hope today was less frantic in it's pain. If that makes sense. Less acute.

Was going to text but I realise you were working and I didn't want to encroach on different worlds, y'know? Had to laugh at idea of sitting with tights half up taping away on mn. I think I have done that. Certainly dripping wet from the shower

Blimey! Did I kill the thread, or was it you tree?

Been out most of the day so currently stoking up t he stove which nearly went out, also ditto rushed as per yesterday.

Bee - all I can say is that you have made a decision, and that in itself is a good thing. At least you know where you are at the moment and maybe focus your thoughts on other things, heaven knows you've got a lot on your plate with your family and your job. Maybe in the new year you may feel differently with a new year ahead, sounds a bit corny I know. Did you decide against the pre-implantation procedure in the end? Would you be totally against the idea of donor eggs? Sorry if I am just rambling. Take care, you give so much on this thread so even if you are hurting you have given hope, support and amusement to those here.

Must go, love to all xxx

Hi Eulalia and Tree!

Eulalia, you will get there by Christmas - we all do in the end. Just shame the effort leaves us all tired before the day itself...

Tree, how are you doing?

Above all -- Bee, am thinking so much of you. I cannot think of anything to say that might help. Just that as the others have said, this doesnt have to be a peaceful final decision. And you dont have to feel good for having made it. Just go with the feelings you have on a day to day basis. And come and rant to us.

Advent - the countdown to Christmas. Most of us here aren't having the Christmas we expected. I should have had a 7 month old, or else a 2 month old, at Christmas. Others of you are in similar positions. Let's hope we can all look forward to it anyway and help each other through.

Oh - Tree, how are you waiting?I am dying to know if these embryos have implanted!!!

Hi all!

Bee, hope you're 'ok' today - can't think how to say 'hope you-are-coping-and it's-not-all-too-horrible-and-thinking of-you-cos-it-must-have-been-grim" in a short way. Hugs to you. Maybe it could be a just for the moment decision...and a new year might bring all sorts of new stuff.

Tree, gosh the waiting must be hard for you and harder still for the couple involved. Fingers so firmly crossed.

Hello to Eulalia too. xxx

Ok girls, I am all packed up, removal van arriving at 9am tomorrow....so won't be around for a while (though will sneak a peek at the thread somewhere somehow!)

Justa and can'tdo, hope you're both ok. (Can'tdo - how is the news sharing going?)

Hugs all round, hello Mrs B, Bezzy, Mishta, Katiecubs and everyone.

Keep the cottage fire burning.
xxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone,

Eu-hoo Eulalia. What colour are your Christmas cactus flowers? Lovely to see you.

Very tired BG here, but no real reason except haven't been getting my full 8 hours for the past few nights...don't laugh...I know. How on earth will I cope with even less than that when I have a baby. I really really hope I will get the chance to have even less sleep than that some time in my future. So, really, I've got to get the sleep in while I can.

Yes, Cant, agree. It's a sad Christmas for all of us as we think what we might have had at this festive time. Such a sad train of thought to go down, but impossible to stop it. I would have a 5 week old girl and certainly not be getting so much sleep.

I still walk past the abortion clinic morning and night...on way to work...which serves as a constant reminder...and I want to be close...I think. Now, it's dark when I get back and if I see a light on in the window of the room I have worked out I was in, I try to send strong vibes to the woman who must be in there. Such a sad thing to go through.

Katiecubs, lovely to see you back. I think I am in a very similar position...tracking the ttc stuff etc and wondering if it will ever happen at all - was my first pg too - although I have to admit, can't really get myself in the right space for trying again just, just yet. I'm trying to tell myself to just get on with it before even more time passes.

Lins, we will miss you. Take care and hope the move goes well.

Before, I retire to get my much anticipated 8 hours, I want to send the biggest of hugs to our beautiful Bee.

Night xxx

Hi all,

Tree, been meaning to post back a thank you for your thoughts. I read your reply as soon as I got home from work that night, but had an early shift the next morning so tried to fit in some sleep instead. When I got home from work yesterday I tried to reply again, but fell asleep in the couch instead and didn't wake up til wee hours of the morning. Anyway, thank you so much, i really value your opinion, as I know you know it's not just me being impatient wanting baby to be here a week earlier, it's more to do with ending my worries that somehow things won't turn out. But I have called the hospital and confirmed the 22nd. Thanks again, and to you too Eulalia - I am also someone that usually bakes 'em well (42 weeks) so I should be thankful that this will still be at least 3 weeks earlier than that. As for the reduced movements, I know that is just me being paranoid, I'm sure this one probably moves as much as my other girls did - but if ever I'm in doubt, I will be sure to request those tracings you mentioned Tree.

Lins, good luck with the move. At least you should be settled by Christmas

Bee hope your going okay. Hope things have at least settled down with your lodger, cause that is the last thing you should have to be dealing with right now. I'm sure we all wish we could give her a piece of out mind for causing you additional stress.

Haven't had a chance to look at the profiles yet. Will save that for tonight. Right now I am going to attempt to do a spot of Christmas shopping.

Justa, a belated birthday wish to you for your 35th . 35 seems so long ago .

Katie and MrsBG, not fair that you girls have had such a traumatic first-time experience of pregnancy. All the best with TTC for whenever that may be for either of you.

Will drop back in soon. Take care all xxx

I forgot to say to Katiecubs yesterday (and Mrs BG I suppose) - I think having this kind of trauma happen before you've already had one child is very hard, because you can't seek refuge in a demanding child or rely on the assumption that having had one healthy child, you can have another. Having said that the latter assumption is clearly off-mark given I've had two traumas and that makes me v high risk despite healthy child. And also - don't laugh at me - sometimes I wake up panicking that maybe my child isnt healthy and has some odd defect that hasnt appeared yet.
But I have never got to terms with luteal phases and cervical mucous or much of that. I seem to be lucky - four pregnancies all conceived first time of trying - well lucky with that part. Unlucky afterwards. But really I'm not sure about all the charting etc. I suspect it makes you obsessive. My method was just every 2 days. I read that in a novel once and I just did that. Never every day, not less frequently than every 2 days, and no attention to all the ovulation sticks etc. I appreciate it may happen a lot less fast for others but if you can, Katie, do try to relax about your cycle and just keep trying. You conceived once (on the pill) and you will again - GP told me it can take months for a body to readjust after a termination, your hormones are probably still all over the place a bit.

Mrs BG, I love the idea of you thinking of the woman in your room in the abortion clinic. I suppose we are accepting what has happened and finding our own peace.

Mishta, I'm a 42 week gal too I think... DD had to be forcibly removed kicking and screaming at 42 weeks...

Telling people - oh dear. First attempt left me in tears. Have only told four people. Two line managers, my brother, and a close friend. After the teary start, decided will only tell the short version, so am not telling about the losses, just this pregnancy. Even then though I can't bring myself to tell. And it really isnt obvious despite the 20 week stage - people are surprised. I am only small but I dont seem to grow giant bumps, and baby is small (lying on 5th percentile for everything). I will have to tell more people but I find it so emotional, it's as though this pregnancy is tied up in the last two, and I struggle to tell the happiness of this one without weeping over the last two. That's what happenens when you get pregnant one cycle after losing a baby at 20 weeks, I guess - same as you, Lins, in a way.

OK, this is turning into a megapost, but wanted to say hugs to those nearly at the final hurdle - Mishta, Lins, Justa, Shangrila, have I missed anyone out? are you all due end Dec-end Jan? - and a plea that you do tell us when the babies come! We need celebrations here.

And a special big hug to Bee, Bezzy, Mrs BG, Katie, and everyone else.

Realize I didnt manage to say to Katie too: I was the same, impatient, annoyed about erratic cycle post-termination too (after my first termination it took 3 months to get normal again. And I had funny bleeding throughout that time). So I sympathize. But you will get there, honestly.

Oh and from not being very big today I am suddenly big... which is a relief, actually,makes it feel more real...

Hello again

Having the laziest of days and thought I'd take a rare opportunity to catch up.

Cantdo, I really understand your difficulties in telling people. I still find it hard to articulate the words and I'm supposedly on the home run. I only ever disclose about this pregnancy - never the full story. Of course, people think that I'm the most extraordinary headcase for no reason but I can live with that. Two of my closest friends still don't know (they live at a distance) but I think there'll be a natural time and place for telling everyone and the best thing for me isn't to create additional pressure. You're doing better than me, though. I waited until about 22/3 weeks to tell work and caused complete chaos and panic in the process. And funny how the bump can go from pie chomper to whoa pregnant woman, seemingly overnight.

Tree - you are in your very own type of 2ww and it must be on your mind most of the time. I so hope that the next week or so brings the best of news. Also my best wishes to katiecubs and MrsBG, contemplating the ttc rollercoaster once again. Cantdo's advice is very sage. I too am of the opinion that peesticks and charting can make you turn into an obsessive. Happened to me after my first lost (ectopic) pregnancy and resulted in nothing but a whole load of shouty matches with DH. The everyother day, once a regular cycle has resumed always 'worked' for me - in achieving conception that is. The only advice I can ever give in these circumstances is to take time - but I know that's precisely what those keen to ttc never want to hear. I would have sworn merrily at anyone who had the audacity to suggest that particular 'gem' to me!

Oh Lins - much happiness and new beginnings in your new home. Like you, I have lurked and lurked on the Jan 2010 thread and always thought I'd find my time to join in. Hasn't come. I feel no connection with the overwhelming excitement there. But I've come to accept that that's ok. Love Justa's bag with a nightie and notes in and think I will stash similar under our stairs, for similar reasons. And belated happy birthday too, Justa. 35 - I can only just about remember it!

And Bee, I understand the sadness that your recent decision will bring with it. In a way, it may seem like waving goodbye to hope, or at least putting it on hold for a while. But in truth, what you are doing is taking the right decision for you, for now. And you are in control here and compared with the alternatives, it is perhaps one of the sanest places to be. You are one of the strongest women I know and will go through this in your own inimitable way. But it still sucks - big time. x

School run calls, so a wave and a hug and a hope for a period of calm too to Bezzy and Eulalia and happy vibes to Mishta across the oceans.

Start my leave next week, so I'm counting down the days! Love to all. xxxx

Evening all,

Shangrila and Can?t thanks very much for your pearl?s of wisdom ? I?ll listen to your wise words, all that plotting and planning seems way too stressful for me so I?ll just try to relax and see what happens ? hmm easier said than done though

Hi Mrs BG, looks like we are very much in the same boat! I really hope that when you do start trying properly it happens for you quickly, let me know how you get on! May be joining you in Brighton soon, originally from worthing you see and i miss the sea air

Lins hope the move went well! Love to everyone else,

Katie xxx

Hi all,

passing through on way to sleep. HUge day at the school fair and a big week with dd2 [no sleep] so off to sleep...............zzzzzzzzzz.........now-ish.

I wanted you to know am thinkingof you all though. Muchly.

No worries Mishta Anytime. Do get monitoring [ctg] whenever you need it for peace of mind. x

Hello to my busy thread friends
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and empathy and delicate attitude to my space.
I am much better today.
The decision was necessary for me, for now. I realise that and am not scared anymore of it.
I am mostly, well what you all are, all of you. I am sad. Sad for the very, very first baby most of all, sad for LM so very much. Sad for my lovely friends here. But also happy to know you all- really truly happy about that.
Dearest Cando- well done honey for confessing- tears are allowed and expected and necessary. I feel attached to your pregnancy already; as I do the pregnancy of Shangrilala and Lins and Justabout and Mishta. They are our thread babies and bring hope and a sense of life moving in the right direction.
Mrs lovely BG; you have a connection to that baby through your walks past the clinic and that sounds good and right. I am so pleased you are ready to consider trying again.You are young and beautiful and lovely.
Katiecubs- here is my advice for the shagathon that is required for conception. Seven days before ovulation and four days after I forced LM into hanky panky and it seemed to work! May as well have some fun in the process n'est ce pas?
PLEASE take your folic acid regularly though honey.
Dearest Treetops - golly when will we know about implantation? Sending speedy healthy vibes to those wee embryolettes. You are a star friend to so many.
Bezzy - are you okay dolly down there in Santa's grotto?
And how is Pelvic - how is your husband my dear? Is he feeling any more peace?
Lins- a whole new world.
Who would have thought when you and I first bumped into each other here all those months ago, that you would be about to move and about to have a baby? I am very happy for you.
As you say Cando and MrsBG we should be nursing tiny babies this Christmas. And we are not. That just is the way it is. And a new year is coming and some wonderful new beginnings. And some of those may not include babies- maybe me and Eulalia, but life will be precious nonetheless.
Glad to have you all I really am.
hugs
Bee xxxxxxxxxx

Just had to come back and say am in awe of that post Bee. You sound calm and full of peace. Alongside the sadness.

I think sadness and a restfull state of mind can go exist - otherwise bereavement would have finished off most intelligent species millions of years ago. Unlike anger, which I think is so dominant it becomes the prevailing force.

Happy you have hit calmer skies Bee. Enjoy an uncomplicated sex life!!

Hi all, am sitting in the waiting room of a pathology collection office, waiting for my hour to be up for the routine '1hour glucose load'. They won't let you go anywhere for that hour - hence why I have put off having the test for the last seven weeks. Thought I would kill some time by checking in on you all - and now I am here dabbing at tears, looking like some overly emotional pregnant woman - Bee, your post, as always is so touchingly considerate of others, no matter what you have going on. I would like to think I would be the same, but I really don't know if I would, certainly not to your extent. By creating this thread, you have allowed all of us to express so many things, good and bad, that we may have otherwise bottled up and not even acknowledged. Just wanted to thank you for that, and wish you nothing but happiness xxx

and a very quick hello to everyone else - hour Is almost up xx