support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Welcome Mishta, sorry to hear of your losses. I can't imagine what it must be like going through a SIDS loss. And to then have a T21 pregnancy too, it's just not fair. Please shout, rant and rave while you're going through this worrying time.

Love to everyone, and 'hi' to Eulalia, glad that you're quiet because you're in a 'good' place. And a big wave to Lins, your presence has been missed and it's great hearing from you again.

BB - if you're reading, take care, we love you

BK xxx

Hello all, and warm welcome to Mishta. I'm out and about this eve but will try get here as much as possible for hand holding till results time. i'm sorry for the hard sad things that have happened to you.
I don't seem to know your name Karyakarya - sorry about that!

Eulalia - it's great to hear that if you are not here you are ok and doing good. Thanks for poppping by, people must feel able to come and go - otherwise the thread becomes a stresser. Thats not the idea at all!

So here's hoping Bee is having a few days down time but is ok - just working through it.

How you doing Lins?
And bezzy?

Hi everyone

Mishta, good luck! 1 in 50 is fine odds. Let us know what happened. I am sorry you lost a baby through SIDS - I can't imagine that. And I am sorry about the T21 pregnancy last year, too. I have my fingers crossed for you for this one.

Karya, good luck to you, too. Pregnancy is so scary after this sort of thing has happened to us...

Bee went away yesterday morning with some of her family. I hope the escape is giving her some peace.

Tantrum at bedtime here - yuck - she just refused to go to bed. Had to be bribed with Balamory (bad parent alert). She seems to have hit the terrible tantrummy twos!

Hi to Eulalia - yes of course, we shouldnt feel dutybound to this thread - we just pop in and out as we like. Didnt know you had a twin - are you identical? I secretly wanted twins the first time around. I can see now how much hard work they would be!!!

Hi to everyone else.

Lins your dd sounds scrumptious. If it makes you feel a little more reassured, I have a ds and a dd and they absolutely adore each other. Really are bestest buddies. I second what Growingout says, your dd will love your baby whatever the sex. Their relationship takes me by surprise every day. And boys love their mummies. My ds wakes me up with a kiss every morning.

Growingout what your ds said about your baby has made brought on the tears. Bless him.

Mishta I hope you get the results you want. Will be thinking of you tonight with fingers crossed.

Bee I am thinking of you. I hope you getting through the day.

Dddh did a triathlon yesterday and ds told me I had to come and support him. I really couldn't face trekking from one side of London to the other, esp with inlaws in tow. I cried everytime I saw him come past, I was miss emotional yesterday but today I feel a bit better for it. I have had a day with no tears.

He is also on holiday for a couple of weeks which is lovely as we are having one of those 'staycations'. But it means I have to do something I really don't want to do, although I feel like the right time is coming. The other day I found the pregnancy test to this baby. And also the scan. I feel like I never said goodbye to my little one by choosing to have an erpc. So I think I will put the test stick and the pic in a pretty box and tuck it in a v special place by my ds and dd's birth cards. The time is coming to say goodbye.

Bugger. Here come the tears.

Oh Lucky, you've got me crying now too. We had the funeral today. It feels so strange to write that, we had the funeral of the baby I thought I would hold in my arms in January next year. How can you say goodbye when you haven't said hello? Haven't been able to touch and comfort and kiss? Iola was too small and fragile, she was only weighed as 20g, and birth left her a bit damaged.

I've now read so many sad stories of people and pregnancies not turning out the way we all hope, and of babies not living, that I feel almost that I should be less sad for myself, after all we knew what was wrong with DD, so her death was not a mystery. But we are still desolate because we so wanted her, I really wanted a small age gap between babies, had trouble conceiving and already had one early mc last Dec. And then this. And reading GO's and Lin's posts about older children welcoming pregnancy, I so wish that DS could have the chance. But now, like all others who have experienced this, I am scared for future pregnancies... Mishta and Karya, thinking of you both...

Oh Numpty I didn't know it was Iola's funeral today. I am so sorry you had to go through this dreadful experience. I don't think there is any way of lessening the loss you are going through right now. You could know all the sad stories of the world and still yours is your story, your experience, your loss. I am sure as well as grieving for Iola, you will be grieving for the lack of mundane normality that a pregnancy should bring. Perhaps that is linked to how you are feeling about ds and siblings right now. I know when I explained to my ds about losing the baby he exclaimed he wanted me to have another one. And I wish with all my heart I was doing that for him. Perhaps, like me, that is creating heart ache for you too.

Try not to think of the future just yet. But I am very happy to hold your hand if ever you feel ready to go there.

And to your beautiful daughter Iola, keep safe and sweetest dreams.

Thank you lucky. I do hope you are able to have a time to say goodbye to your little one, I know how important it is to do this. I hope you also have nice times with your family and DH over the next couple of weeks, treasuring the ones that are still here. I got cross with DS for his picky eating while we were agonising over DD's situation, I found it really frustrating given DD had real problems while his were of his own choosing. But I do love him to bits, he can be really tender and funny; and he is all the more precious to me now that we have lost this little life, as if his own life has become more vulnerable and fragile.

Shit Numpty - I was taken unawares by our new company. I never mentioned Iola.

I have thought about it today though. At noon, and over breakfast. I wondered how you were doing and how the day felt to you.

Just be in the here and now, and hold on tight to the family.

Much love to you. And to tiny Iola.

Once again, am gobsmacked I never put her in the post I sent earlier. Reminds me better to not post at all, than do it when my head is up my a**e. Will be more careful from now on.

Am grateful for the news of Bee, she is away and not awol if you see what I mean.

x to all.

Hi all, it's 8:45am here (I'm from Australia), and I guess you would all be sleeping (?). Will have to check the difference in time zones. Had a pretty restless night. Tried to post a message of thanks thru the night for the warm wishes and welcomes but Internet was mucking up - probably for the best, as otherwise I would probably have stayed awake ALL night instead of half of it. It's working this morning though and have spent morning reading this thread - it's huge, but it's how I am going to spend my day until I get results (only another 5 hours to go). I'm resting in bed all day (my girls, 12 & 14 have just left for school), as I have had some spotting, which I am paranoid about. I know it can be normal after a cvs, but I'm more worried about that at the moment than the results.

I am enjoying reading the thread, and feel like I'm getting to know you all, though it does hurt at times to feel your pain. Just remember, "Had I not loved so much, I would not hurt so much, and goodness knows I would not want to diminish that love by one fraction of an ounce, and for that I will be eternally grateful" an extract of a beautiful poem by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

sleep well

Oh, btw Karykaya, I'm turning 40 at the end of this month , which I still can't quite believe, as sometimes I don't even feel like an adult!

Hi again all, you are probably all still asleep, just letting you know I got the call (an hour early), to let me know that FISH results show baby is FINE and that it's a little girl! Still have to wait for final results of course, but very happy at this stage! Now if only I would stop spotting, I would relax! Hubby has just got home (I texted him results) so gotta go. Thanks again all and I will be back

Yay, great news Mish - fantastic! You must be over the moon!!!

Numpty, well done for saying goodbye so beautifully to Iola. And your DS sounds lovely - how old is he? Take care of yourself; it's all still very raw for you.

Glad you are coping, Lucky, with the ups and downs - the box is a good idea, I think. We have done that - we have photos and hand prints and footprints, too.

I'm zonked today after another terrible night, so am bleary-eyed and peering at the computer like an old lady without her glasses. Oh and it's raining - again.

Hi to everyone!

Mishta! That's wonderful news...
I am so happy for you....

Hi again, another post all about me, me, me, but I know you would understand. Thanks for all your well wishes. While I'm excited about the results, I'm worried about the bleeding. First it was just spotting and brown, then it was red and more like a light period, now it's back to very light and reddish. Have finally stopped googling NT measurements and now googling bleeding after cvs! Rang OB; bedrest and and ultrasound tomorrow, and rest of the week off work.

Reading this thread today has made me both laugh and cry, and not feel so alone. Thanks again, and will keep you posted

Hi Mishta

Briefly, I had bleeding in my last 2 pregnancies (neither ended well but it wasn't because of the bleeding!!). Both times the bleeding was as you describe then it went brown. Had scans and all was fine - they said it happens sometimes. So hopefully yours is much the same. Rest rest rest!

Forgot to say - mine wasnt after cvs, mine was the first time between 6-8 weeks and the second between 9 and 10 weeks. But they said people can bleed later, too...

Hi again, welcome Numpty and Mishta and I hope you stop bleeding Mishta.

Just a quick note to say thanks, yes I may well need to chat a bit before the due date, not sure yet, just so busy just now I feel I don't even have time to think about it.

My twin is non-identical in just about every way, but she's a friend too and she is a good auntie to my kids as well (doesn't have kids herself, wants but left it too late ).

Love to everyone, will pop back later to see how you are Mishta.

xxx

Mishta - am very pleased you got the results you wanted. Yay!! I hope the bleeding settles asap, and that you are resting right now as it must be night time.

Numpty - hope you are feeling calm today. Yesterday was a hard day for you so I guess you wil feel very tired today.

Waves to all. Got a baby and a 4yo to get in the car and drive 50 miles. Hmmmm..........

Mishta, I'm so glad the initial CVS results are fine; I do hope your rest stops the bleeding and that waiting for the ultrasound doesn't feel like eternity. I do so hope that all is well.

Tree, don't worry about not posting about Iola earlier yesterday, I'd not posted over the weekend and the thread was very busy. Am so tired today, as you rightly guess... I hope your journey goes OK, your children will probably sleep - but then that means you don't get rest later.

Thank you to everyone else for your kind thoughts. Going to slope off to bed again now I think, am really tired. But am thinking of going back to work tomorrow (I only work a half-day on Weds, and only a half-week, so would finish at 12.30). But will see how I feel, will go back on Mon otherwise. Think I need to get back into normality and back in touch with my young volunteers.

Mishta, really really glad initial results are good! I am keeping my fingers firmly crossed that all the bleeding settles down soon and that scan shows healthy little bubba.

Numpty, I'll spend a moment having a peaceful thought about Iola. Love and hugs to you. Not surprised you're tired, grief is exhausting. Half a day work might be good as long as you get some rest for the rest of the week.xxxx

hello to Karya!

Lucky, in my special box I have got my notes, official letters, etc, scan pics, pictures of their flowers, footprints, any letters/cards we got etc. I also mean to print out my thread that followed daisy's story. You could print some of thread II ? You can add to your box by taking pictures of special places (eg the baby garden at the crem or their grave), and put pics in at anniversaries too if you feel like it.
Their are little things you can do too to create good memories, like planting something nice in your garden, or sponsoring a little bit of woodland. Or buying a tiny statue...or a piece of jewelry for you with their birthstone...one girl I know even got a miniature tattoo!

Have got a headache today to add to my yuckiness. Bleugh. And it's rainy outside, which never lifts the spirits.

Hello tree, can'tdo, growing, bezzy, eulalia, shangrila, and Bee (once you are back.) xxxx

Mishta, I am so pleased to hear of your good results. That must be a weight off your mind.

Lins, I love the idea of printing out the thread and tucking it away in the box. I don't really have much to put away but the thread will be a good thing to keep for when I look at the box in the future.

I think the jewelry idea is also a really good one. Dddh gave me a beautiful ring for each of my other dc. As painful as it would be, I love the idea of letting my little baby know that I haven't forgotten about it.

A headache as well? You poor thing you are really suffering. Would mini cheddars help?! It was all I could eat with ds and dd.

Sigh, it is also raining here. Dd is poorly so we are tucked up under a duvet watching beebies. Dddh and ds have gone on a bike ride.

I, bizarrely, am feeling incredibly broody today. Not just broody just some weird craving to be pregnant.

It doesn't let up does it?

Hello to all you other lovely people. Hope it isn't so gloomy in your corners of the country.

Lucky, my dd is watching cbeebies too. Just for a bit! She is either having her final fling of horrible terrible two tantrums, OR starting early with three year old tantrums. I don't know whether to laugh at her or cry! She's so mean to me - I think she thinks she owns Mummy and that I am her private slave.
Dd's friend coming over to play in an hour to double dilute the tantrums!

Just been snacking on cashew nuts - now I remember something about not eating nuts in pregnancy? Hmm. Bought some cheddars thins the other day and ate the whole packet pretty quick.

That's a lovely idea about the ring Lucky. [gentle wistful smile].

Hope everyone is getting through the afternoon (or sleeping through the night Mishta). xxx