support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

And you too have brought the tears Cantdo - thank you lovey. Ah a blustery walk on the North sea, yes can see it.
It is just all horrid - I feel as if have damaged my spirit by choosing to do something that in the final count was for the good of us all, this whole family. But not that little life. Not those ones. And that is what is hurting. How did i get to be God? Why did I have to choose? Is awful, awful.
And am not sure can make LM see this - because he is not a daily reader and writer here, he does not live it. Maybe i do not have to tell him. Maybe can just cry when he gets back and have a hug.
I hope you are all managing this evening - ALL of you. Lins my dearest, Tree, GO, Cantdo, Brighton Baby, Lucky, Numpty - so raw for you two last women, Shangrila, Eulalia - not sure where you are these days and Bezzy too.
And anyone who I have not put down I am sorry - but wish could snuggle up with you all with the aforementioned hot chocolate and cake and let the tears flow.
xxxxxxxx

Oh darling. I can hear you aching.

Oh Bee my lovely. What a crappy day for you.
I so totally know how you're feeling. The weight, the crushing, the feeling of absolute hopelessness. There are waves around us all and I feel battered by mine.
And I understand the whole thing about the dirt! My Dh has been doing some minor DIY bits to tart up the house, and did some sanding yesterday, left dust everywhere. It does feel like dust is covering my life, smothering me, although not literally.
And the weight....it's inside isn't it. On your chest. Mine feel like a lump, making it difficult to swallow, to breathe, to be.
You poor poppet.
Everyone has written such good supportive messages, I don't know what to add. Except I am right there with you.
I had lovely chat with a good friend who lives in Truro today, who I don't get to see very much but is a kindred spirit. She was so calm and soothing, and reassuring. This was a good thing. But all the gentle words in the world don't take away the horridness of life at the moment, and how what I really want is to be wrapped in a soft blanket, and rocked while I quietly sob. For a few days.
Spent the afternoon round at my brothers with Dd happily playing with her cousins. Came home, and she is sick on the front doorstep. Just hope it's one of those toddler things and not a bug that she'll give to me. It would be the last last straw.
Bee, I do hope that for you the bad/sad/low feelings pass soon enough. I think my pit of despair might not lift till I am feeling better physically, and the morning sickness is gone.
Hang in there babes. hugs to you.
xxxx

Lins - can not imagine dealing with this crippling weight and also being physically so drained and sick as you are darling.
It just does descend - and all sorts of little triggers cause that to happen. They accumulate somehow - am so ridiculoulsy teary. Even just hugged my teen and burst into tears - which I never do and am sure has thrown her.
The chaos and dirt of the house really symbolises the not-rightness I feel.I need it to be immaculate and reassuring and comforting -and the whole house is going wrong. Boiler, electric wires found to be made of lead, kitchen doors falling off. It is almost as if it knows, the house. Watching ER and crying to that now too.
Bloody hell.
Have moodily requested/ordered LM to make steak in pepper sauce. Have put on his dressing gown. Am just going to give into it.

Yeah, give in to it. I am off to bed in a mo, armed with a cuppa, a fleecey blanket and the paper (and the inevitable sick bowl ). Will read for a bit then probably go to sleep soon!
If your teen is anything like me when I was a teen, then you're just addressing the balance - I used to burst in to tears on my mum, and i'll bet she does the same too sometimes? So maybe it's your turn.
Enjoy your steak, and a little glass of something nice? And snuggle in the dressing gown.
Speak tomorrow. maybe the sun will shine. xxx

Hi Bee, hope you're all snuggled up in bed now, like Lins described.

I'm off there myself soon. Take care you and Lins!

Hope you are ok Bee.

And all. x

Hope the sink bowl not required Lins.

Dearest Ladies
I have been soothed by your hourly reaching out to me today. I needed you. Thank goodness you were there.
Lins - i did not know you were being sick in the night darling girl. It is relentless.
I am going to bed.
Goodnight to you all

Good morning all and especially to Bee, so sorry I missed your pain last night, was entertaining family.

I've just written a whole long message for you, but realised what I was saying was a complete ramble and you know everything what I'd said already. So I deleted it.

So what I am going to say is, we love you Bee, and I'm sorry that you're so heavy of heart. I hope it doesn't last and that you shout, and throw things here. Please don't hide.

Love you lots
BK xxxx

Morning everyone, morning Bee. How are you feeling today?

Well, I am on my third lot of washing today, with two lots out on the line. Got rather a lot of it today due to Dd being sick twice more in night, all over bedding. She's fine today, and bouncing outside! But I feel like there must be germs everywhere, urgh.

Bee, I'm not actually sick in in the night, but need bowl to spit bits of yuk in to when I'm reading papers in bed, or if tooth brushing sets off the retching. Once I'm actually asleep, it's ok!

Dh painting various bits of wall today and boy, it smells strong to me. Yeek.

Must tell you all of the sweetest conversation last night. Was tucking dd back up in bed, after her being ill, and she loves to chat in the darkness.
"Mummy?"
"hmmm?"
"Mummy, when your baby is born.....I am very kind. When your baby is born I will give it this mussie (muslin that she's snuggled up with).... When it is born. When it comes out, I will say, (puts on funny voice adults use to babies) 'here you are baby, a mussie for you. hello baby, I am your sister.' But I will keep the mussie safe and warm until the baby comes out. "
Long pause " I will be it's sister. I am starting to be a sister already!"
It was so cute!

Hope all having a bearable day so far.

xxx

Later [Lins watches the tumble weed rolling through the thread today]

Hope you are all off enjoying your sunday! xx

Hi Lins,

How cute!! when did you tell her about the baby? how old is she now, by the way?

Bee has gone away for a night - two nights? - not sure. Anyway I don't know if she has internet access where she is... but if you do, Bee, thinking of you!

Well, here it's been the beach again! Nicer weather today and the sea wasnt as icy cold. The sun shone and some people were swimming - yes, in the North Sea! Weird!

Got to get DD some food, more later. Hugs to all.

Hi can'tdo, dd will be three in Sept. She's known about this baby for a while (there's no keeping secrets from her as she has eagle ears!). To start with she was quite non-interested. I think she thought "yeah, heard it all before, there's a baby, then nothing arrived..."
But now she is mentioning it more. She was so excited when she found out we were expecting daisy - and that was another heartbreaking part of it all - to eventually tell her daisy wasn't coming.
She knows that Amy and Daisy are in heaven with the angels.
I am stressing out cos I think/feel this baby will be a boy, and I so so wanted a sister for Dd. I find the whole concept of it being a boy very hard. And I know I should just be pleased it is (hopefully) healthy, but I have only ever been pregnant with girls, and lost 2, and I wanted girls.
Phew. Didn't mean to write all that!

hello to everyone. xxxx

Bee, if you do read, I hope you are getting a little break and a bit of rest/pamper/respite from crap-ness!

xxx

Hi Lins

I understand about the boy thing - I have only been pregnant with girls too and I do understand. The thing is she will love a brother or a sister just as much. You are probably focusing on the gender just because it's less scary than the alternatives to worry about.

She will be a lovely big sister to her little sibling, regardless of the gender.

Oh dear, DD is still overhyped from the beach and from going on a choo-choo train there... bedtime sounds like it might take a while...

Good evening.

Lins - she sounds very like my dd with her sister schemes. They take such pride in it Lins. I am so proud oh my dd and the pure acceptance and love she just had, all there on tap, for her sister. We told her at 6 weeks. Didn't mean to really, but got excited.

How is Bee? Hopefully lying quitely in a chill out zone somewhere. Or cleaning her bee hive like a crazy bee.

I can understand the girl/boy thing. Glorious day here, I managed to put ine load in and leave it there. Am so tired out today! I'd rather it was raining tbh, I feel a bit of a flop for wasting the day.

Good night all.

I hope the day was easier Bee.

Never asked how your last Sands meeting was Lins.

See you all tomorow at some point. HAve much less time I cann sit and concentrate on here now, with dd1 being off pre school. Will always dro in as much as I possible can though.

xx

Hi Tree

Just realized I forgot to say how lovely the christening outfit looks. When is the christening going to be? any more luck with your outfit? I do think a fake wrap would be a good idea - you can dress them up or down so you could wear it again, too.

I can't talk though. I'm small but generously endowed and dresses never fit me all over!

Hi all

Thank you for all the compliments It's apretty full on dress and not everyones taste tbh. I'm always over the top

Wrapdress - right! Good thinking people. I have a black one that is very flattering, I'll have to find a lighter colour.

Morning ladies! Apologies for dropping out like that, all is fine here. I went away last month for a couple of days to a pool party for eldest birthday treat and sort of never got round to getting back on here. Got caught up with various holiday activities and just had youngest son's birthday as well so been really busy.

Actually did pop onto last thread for a quick peek a week or so ago. However it was not good, started reading and it just made me feel terribly sad. So I wonder now that I am healing so well if its such a good thing to remind myself of the pain? I feel bad 'cos I want to be supportive but I just feel its not helping me. But will try to keep up, particularly with the babies to come of course. One more hurdle to overcome ...

My due date is the 14th.
My birthday is the 15th.

Doesn't feel at all real. Was hoping to spend the day feeling sorry for myself but got family not seen for years visiting on the night of the 14th so no sobbing into hankies. Probably be good for me to divert myself. dh of course doesn't even remember.

I have a twin so can celebrate my birthday with someone, and with my kids too of course.

I don't have time for individual posts, hope all are well and wish I could say something more constructive and helpful! You are a great lot.

Keep the cottage fire burning!

much love xxx

Eulalia,
I totally know what you mean about not wanting to remind yourself of the pain. I have at various points written lots of messages on the ARC parents forum, and got the most fantastic support. But I can't ever stay on there for too long because every day there are fresh losses and it can be so intense.
I am more comfortable here because the instant chat facility means we can all rabbit on about all sorts of things and the neediness and pain is a little diluted. And this is where I need to be right now.
But it is actually lovely to hear the you feel that you don't 'need' us! It is a good thing.
Coming up to your due date, if you want to post how you are feeling, we will all be there for you. But if not then we will just be pleased that you are out there in real life getting on with it!
My due date is 25th August...will be weird to have it but be pregnant too. I think from my experience, the lead up is always worse than the day itself.

Hello to all. xxx

Hi everyone, sorry to barge in like this - you all seem like a great support for each other. It's really good to have people who have some understanding of how you might be feeling. Hope you don't mind me sharing mine.

I chose to terminate (after much deliberation) in May last year for t21, an induced labour at 18 weeks. Although at peace with my decision, it was still the hardest thing I ever have had to do (we lost our first child to SIDS 16 years ago, but at least that wasn't MY choice). Now I am just over 14 weeks pregnant, and following a scan last week that showed NT of between 2.7 - 3.0, I had a CVS. My risk this time is 1:50, which is much better than the 1:2 I got last time, and I get the FISH results tomorrow at 2pm (it's 8pm now where I am). I don't even know what my risks for the other two biggies were - I was so happy that I wasn't given a 1:2 chance again that I forgot to ask. I am pretty hopeful anyway but also remind myself not to get too carried away yet. I will drop a line tomorrow when I get result. Thanks for letting me air, and again, it's nice to see people that would otherwise be strangers being such a support for each other

take care all

Hello Mishta. I hope you will receive the good news tomorrow. May I ask how old you are. I had a missed miscarriage at week 15 due to t21 and I am now 7 weeks pregnant.
Very scared. I am 38 soon to be 39. I hope it wont repeat. Good luck.