support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Hello all, not posted much recently as haven't felt that on top of things. Strange because I'd been feeling quite positive then bam down you go. Was very teary last night, I find little things REALLY ANNOY ME which then builds up into anger and tears. Poor DH doesn't know what he'll be coming home to each night, some days its Nigella Lawson and a casserole others its me with a face on and an empty wine glass.
Got tearful in the gym today (and not a pregnant woman in sight) but managed to pretend it was sweat , periods have also came back which I know is a good thing but is another step away from being pregnant.
I'm debating taking up the councelling (sp?) that's been offered from the hospital but I don't know if I need it or not - are there any signs that I need it? Or I'm guessing its normal to go up and down like this? Sorry daft questions just thinking out loud really.
Hugs to all I know a few of you are also in the crap zone currently x x

hey Mrs. V - so sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it. I am having a better week this week but generally have been the same as you (up and then back down again with a bump) and i'm sure thats pretty normal?!
If you think councelling would help you then i think thats a great idea, it's not really for me but i know plenty of people who have had councelling for various issues and can't speak highly of it enough. I guess sometimes it's easier to vent at someone you don't know (a bit like on here!).
It's not been long at all though has it so don't expect too much of yourself. I guess as time goes by and people expect you to return to normal it sort of gets even harder. it's almost like it never happened - but it did!
Katie xxx

Wow - three boys Justa! so exciting. And brilliant that the scan went well. It isnt long, now...

No opinions on counselling but love the poo analogy. I was offered it but didnt take it, mainly actually because I am repressed! and thought I could handle it myself. I think it would probably plunge me into some sort of hell, so would be a bad idea for me but it worked v well for a friend who also lost a baby to Turner's syndrome.

Still tired here. Too tired to say hi to everyone. Just wanted to say up and down is very normal, Mrs V, in my estimation - and coming here and ranting does help!

Hugs to anyone who needs one..

HI all.

Cant - awaiting dh on the Baptism picture front........

Oh and have gone back to old name

Justa's poo analogy
Thanks girls, I'll probably give it another month and see how I go, bit scared of what will come out.....
Back at work this week is probably bringing out the worst in me. Shopping therapy will do for now, I've been lurking on the style and beauty thread and have made some rash purchases recently, I've discovered Boden and real cotton tights - oh my, my.

Blimey, I can't keep up with all the name changes on here!

Mrs V, I reckon go for the counselling if it's offered and free! It probably wouldn't do any harm and may be hugely useful. I am heading off for some next week, although private this time as my silly local NHS have recommended that I have some, but can't offer any, as their 'services are changing over and no referrals are being made at present'.
It would be helpful for you to know what type of counselling it is, some is more airy-fairy 'how was your childhood' stuff (useful enough in it's own right) and some deals more with how you are right now and getting things off your chest and dealing with RL.
Sorry you've been on a downer recently, it is so tough. xxx

Hope everyone is coping with the week. My dd is still making my life difficult, so now I am off to hunt on the chat boards for tips on dealing with her! Hey ho. xxx

Fellow travellers on the weary road
Am just the busiest of bees at the moment running three children's lives in their new face - one to secondary school and one to sixth form - and also having house renovated. Seems so strange as have neve, ever, ever had one of those sort of houses - always been the wrong end of shabby chic - and even now with new kitchen an'all, untidiness reigns.
I think it is a cover for loss and is a way of having a creative, bonding project with my LM- something that unites and bonds us.
Normally I need to be here, I want to be here on the thread but feel somehow saturated at the moment and cannot reach out and connect to more souls. But I think of you all and read the posts and sigh for the pain and feel immensely pangful of the bumps and soon to be coming new babies. I am so far away from that now.
Mrs V - do you need a counsellor? Maybe more usefully, would you like to talk to someone anonymous and empathetic and kind? Is it helpful to sob and rant and cry with a supportive stranger? Would it open wounds deeper or help them to heal?
I find this thread so very therapeutic - dare I say even more therapeutic than my therapy. But counselling may be somewhere private and important and helpful.
Re the Jeckyl and Hyde welcome your partner gets from you; I am sure he totally understands in his heart of hearts. Are you back in the world of work? Many of us have found that marks a new beggining - a distraction from yourself and your thoughts.

Bezz - I think the tears were inevitable darling. I am sorry that you are having to endure more pain and sorrow and loss. You have been strong and competent and resilient. You are very much allowed to melt. We all are.

Justa - how wonderful to have three boy ones. They will be a band of merry men.
And they will adore you. Am I right here Shangrila that you are having a boy too?

Pelvic Flawed - you okay there my dear? You need any support from one who has been there- then you reach out here.

Lins- my love- I just can hear your gentle fears and I totally and utterly feel for you - who would not be in this state after your experiences. You will be soon at the end - the beautiful end. And snow and mountains will clear the head.

Tree- for you are, and always will be, Tree - am pleased to hear that wee Harriet is now a fully Baptised soul.

Cantdo - tired, tired, tired you. Yes me too honey - am off to bed now and is 20 small minutes past eight o'clock only.

Everyone, everyone - Stay warm and close to loved ones and let the tears flow when they must.

Hugs and kisses
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well Lins - how funny that we were posting at same time when it is so long for me. Counselling can be a mixed bag as you rightly so. I remember one- i was in a very bad patch with my husband - we went to Relate- and when I told her I had only one child and may not have anymore she helpfully observed;
'Well, she will be a lonely little girl then'.
I wrote and complained.
But others are more gentle and can help you feel less overwhelmed and frightened I think.
Just someone to help to process the grief - got to be a good thing really.

Hello Bee. x

Hi Bee and everyone else - thank you for thinking of me. Sorry I don't post very often - I read the thread nearly every day but don't always feel able to post. Life is up and down in the PF household at the moment - DH is struggling with it all and our councellor has written to our GP to recommend that he might benefit from time off work (he's got hassles at work as well as the issues around the terminations) - seeing the GP on Monday so we'll see whats what.

The whole issue of Councelling is a bit of a mixed one for us - we've seen a councellor at the hospital for the last year and on the whole we've found it helpful - because we both go its a chance just to say about all the emotions/feelings inside that you are never able to do in in the hustle/bustle of every day. Have to say though the last time I went I found it more upsetting as the councellor tried to get me to confront that there is a chance that there may not be a DC2 (I'm 40 now)- I can see where she is comming from in being a realist but I find that heartbreaking (I have my issues with being an only child and I suppose I don't want that for DS)- I alternate from wild hope that it will all work out fine and that there are loads of women older then me having healthy babies to complete dispair.

Anyway enough of my early morning ramblings - good morning to you all - I hope you have a good day and thinking of you all. I'm off to see Bob the Builder tommorrow with DS if that dosen't make me laugh (or grimace!!) nothing will.

HI PF. Don't apologise, it's ok to use the thread as and when needed.

I do hope your dh is going to find it gets easier soon. He is doing so well to be in the coucelling and working it through, men so often 'don't go there'. Well done you too, it really is the hardest work being in councelling. YOu have to pour yourself into it.

Your swings from hope to dispair must be so confusing and exhausting. much love pelvic, keep battling on and you will come to a mid ground of acceptance. Of whatever the fates have in store.

Enjoy [?] Bob the Builder!

PF
It is maybe to soon to hear brutal, stark facts like - you may not have another child. Does she have a crystal ball? No, she does not and plenty of women carry on trying and in the end, they get there. Look at our Shangrila. I think we can safely say it is not an easy road, as you well know. So I guess for me it is a constant battle between - ' I will not be beaten and I will not allow him not to be a daddy' and - 'Enough is enough. My body and soul can not suffer any more and still function for my children and for myself'.
So, time is precious and necessary. Let the wounds heal, let the loss be felt. My therapist (excellent and highly trained and patient) and I have a 'never make a decision in a crisis motto'. It is a very good motto.
Your DH sounds as if he is suffering too and this may not be the time for decisions.
Maybe, just maybe, you could take the higher dose FA that our Shangrila champions and wait.
Enjoy halloween and bonfire night and Christmas with your wee boy. Let the New Year come and who knows what inner strength you may muster?
It is amazing what the body and mind can endure. Look after yourself, build up your spirit that has been so knocked.
I am glad you are reading here.
Sending you a big hug - are you in London?
If so I am sending one down the Northern Line to you.
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hello Bee

I'm not up to posting, but just thought I'd say 'hi' and that I'm thinking of you xxx

Oh Bezzy.

Oh Justa, really hope things settle down, please take care of yourself x

Justa
Oh my love- please rest up.
Bezzy - me thinking of you too - when are we having our Christmas drink honey?
Tree - hugs.
And everyone - take care of yourselves.
Bee xxxxxxx

Oh Justa, just saw this, hope you and baby are doing okay. I know how anxious you are about the third trimester. Lots of staying put vibes are winging their way to you!

Pelvic, I dont think your counsellor is being very helpful, to be honest, even though she thinks she is. I agree with Bee - the human spirit and body cope with incredible horrors, but we can't cope in anticipation, we can only cope as things happen. If someone had told me I would have a termination at 20 weeks, I would have collapsed in anticipation, but I survived because you do, at the time. Live from day to day, try to take pleasure from your son, and you'll get there, wherever 'there' ends up being.

Bee, Bee, I feel so sad and yet so calmed reading your messages of late. There is a certain tranquility in what you write these days even though you havent decided where the future lies entirely. You have great strength. You definitely are the Queen Bee of our little thread.

Hi to everyone else. Katerina, if you're reading, I'm thinking about you. And Daftbat and Brightongirl (presumably kneedeep in wedding planning).

Oh Justa bugger, hope you are following the docs orders and resting up.
Bezzy I've missed your mini bez stories - I shall wait paitiently for your return
Hi to everyone else, i'm still quietly lurking for now. Hoping the weekend means the end of a horrible black week x x

Justa - that's postively the last thing you needed. I hope that it has settled down by now and that you are feeling more comfortable and that a bit more confidence is restored. I always thought third trimester was supposed to be when the worries disappear and we become calm and serene. How wrong can a girl be? Hope that today is uneventful for you and that anxiety levels are manageable.

Also PF I'm sorry that things are a struggle and that there are more troughs than peaks. I'm off to a meeting now but will be back to blether on later on.

Hi to all...

Ha! That post clearly took an hour to construct from me. Good news Justa!

See you all later.