support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Hi everyone,

Checking in for today!

Thank you all for posting. Daft, I like that analogy too. Does that make me a weeping willow at the mo? I always wanted a weeping willow since Enid Blyton's characters were always playing in them and I love the name.

Marj, thank you for coming back to talk to me. Lins, Bezzy, Marj, I agree - we are all survivors. Would rather not be (not in sense that would rather be dead - just would rather not have had this all happen).

The thing with my grandmother is, she was very ill and ready to go. The opposite end of life to Stella although she too was very ill. The loss is different. It was horrid seeing my grandmother in hospital so weak and thirsty; death, for her, is a release. And it is for my parents, who have been travelling to visit her and really saddened by her continued pain. She had a long life and a good life - she loved all her family so much and we all loved her.

DD really loved her. She loved going to see her - she used to run up and kiss her and call out her name. I have to be grateful that she and DD knew each other for the time they did.

Still teary today. The bath did help - memo to others: hot baths full of bubbles are intrinsically comforting.

Oh and Katerina - thank you for posting yesterday - come back and tell us how you are doing.

Morning all!

Good to hear from you cantdo and glad to hear bath helped. Hope you have something indulgent planned for today. Forgive me if you've told us before, but do you work? If so, I hope you have plenty of time off and that they're being supportive.

Hello Marj! How are you doing? Any better?

Hope everyone has an ok day

I'm not too sure what today holds for Mini Bez and I...no doubt I'll keep you updated.

BK x

Hi everyone,

I hope the sun is shining wherever you are and the day brings you all little joys.

Hello Marj, my little Jospeh is up there, too. Perhaps they are getting into mischief together?

Cantdo, glad your bath helped. My heart goes out to you dealing with this alone in RL. Although I was anhydrous I was big so no keeping secrets on that front. I found it so comforting to keep getting text messages from friends letting me know they were thinking of me. I hope that we are giving you similar support.

Going back to the crem will be awful. Please let us know when that will be. Everyone will accept that you are upset, but won't understand why it is especially painful for you. I just hope in their ignorance, no-one says anything insensitive to you: at least because most people knew I'd lost J they steered away from any potentially contencious discussions: unless they knew me well enough and thought I needed a good cry.

I hope you get time to be alone sometimes: I have always been with people so, whilst I have snivveled quietly, I have not really let loose and I think that would have been so theraputic.

In our hospital there is a private counselling room to be whisked upon hearing bad news... I'm getting quite familiar with it now. But I think they ought to have a padded, soundproof room where we could really let go of our emotions.

What have they said at work, because you wanted to keep your sicknote vague - I think they didn't know you were pregnant, so no support from there?

Thinking of you and still sending you love and hugs, cantdo and the rest of all the lovely ladies here. xx

Hi everyone,

I hope the sun is shining wherever you are and the day brings you all little joys.

Hello Marj, my little Jospeh is up there, too. Perhaps they are getting into mischief together?

Cantdo, glad your bath helped. My heart goes out to you dealing with this alone in RL. Although I was anhydrous I was big so no keeping secrets on that front. I found it so comforting to keep getting text messages from friends letting me know they were thinking of me. I hope that we are giving you similar support.

Going back to the crem will be awful. Please let us know when that will be. Everyone will accept that you are upset, but won't understand why it is especially painful for you. I just hope in their ignorance, no-one says anything insensitive to you: at least because most people knew I'd lost J they steered away from any potentially contencious discussions: unless they knew me well enough and thought I needed a good cry.

I hope you get time to be alone sometimes: I have always been with people so, whilst I have snivveled quietly, I have not really let loose and I think that would have been so theraputic.

In our hospital there is a private counselling room to be whisked upon hearing bad news... I'm getting quite familiar with it now. But I think they ought to have a padded, soundproof room where we could really let go of our emotions.

What have they said at work, because you wanted to keep your sicknote vague - I think they didn't know you were pregnant, so no support from there?

Thinking of you and still sending you love and hugs, cantdo and the rest of all the lovely ladies here. xx

Ok, Not sure how the same message has posted twice? Cant think how it's possible, but clearly it is. Sorry to clog things up.

Good morning Canto - have you a little plan for the day? Is DH home too to look after you and daughter?
Here in London - the sun is popping in and out and my sixteen year old daughter has... had her boyfriend to stay the night! Oh my.
I feel like a boarding house lady - tip toeing around. Should i take them a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich? Will he need a toothbrush? I hope he takes a shower! Etc.
Am I terribly permissive?
Just felt that I know she is 'at it' anyway and would rather it not considered bad or to be hidden away. I am trying to see myself as an enlightened Scandinavian type person rather than one with loose morals.
Hard for you ladies with wee daughters to imagine the day am sure.

Morning to you all - Daftie, Lins, Bezzykins, Marj, GU, Tree if you are here - you seem to have been gone for ages love, Becaroo, Katerina, Brightonbaby, and all of you and I am bound to have missed someone out and am sorry in advance.
kisses

I know! Tis tough GU. Sorry to disturb you with such shocking news! Shall I send her to a nunnery? Keep thinking of my little wee baby girl; how curly and gorgeous and just oh! small she was.
Now has her knickers showing above her jeans and is off for breakfast with a handsome 18 year old boy. I feel so old.
Deep breaths GU - so far you have boys and they take much longer to get there!

wow BB, I really admire your parenting skills. Must be so hard taking that step to let a boyfriend stay over.

However, my theory is, if a teenager is 'at it' they're going to do it, regardless of how hard you make it for them. So to have them safe and sound in your house, has got to be better than at a friends house where you don't know what else is going on.

Funny story for you all...DDs latest favourite word is 'boys' (she's 2 and 3 months) anyway in a coffee shop at the weekend, she was SHOUTING at the top of her lungs, 'BOYS WHERE ARE YOUUUUUU'

Starting early, it would appear....

Bezzy

BB - wow I am impressed, but I think its the right way to go, to keep an eye on things... gosh its a bit scary though for me to think that dd may be having boyfriends in only 9 years time (gulp). She was still wearing a dress with a bow tie back on her last birthday How are you feeling now - calmer?

Cantdo - you sound a bit better today. I am glad to hear your grandmother had a full and happy life. Its a thought to go through another funeral, poor you.

growingup - my son was also developmentally delayed (well he still is in many ways) so if I can be of any help let me know. It is amazing how kids do catch up but its such a worry when you are in the thick of it. How old is your boy?

I've got cystitis and got some stuff from the chemist then read the pack and said don't take if you are pregnant. I think it highly unlikely but as we're not taking precautions then I don't want to risk it. I don't know why I can't come to some sort of decision on this. I do feel my baby days are over, I even caught myself smiling benevolently in a grandmotherly sort of way at a baby in pram today

I need to read through the posts again so just a quick hello to the others for the moment.

Oh yes before I forget, the story of my name - it is a proper name although never known anyone with it. There is a Spanish 4th Century saint with the name. It comes from a Greek name meaning good/beautiful voiced 'eu' and 'laleo'. And it is not me who has a beautiful voice! My dh (long before he was my dh) named my pet sheep Eulalia. Not a real sheep but a toy one that baas when you squeeze her tummy I collect sheep things.

And am proud to say I've never changed my name since I started on Mumsnet in 2000 or whenever it started. Mind you I've never felt the urge to talk about anything terribly private like my sex life or whatever.

Eulalia - you are a funny old bean. I love that she has a dress with a bow! How very charming and innocent and lovely.
And do not feel proud of myself for letting a boy stay - just followed my instinct.
The name you have on mumsnet is very beautiful - would not be surprised if a mum does not steal it for a baby.
And you are not taking precautions against pregancy? Are you throwing caution to the wind or have you made a decision?
I am calmer thank you. I feel the enormity of making a decision is too much right now. I just feel two pregnancies and two terminations in 8 months is enough to endure. The one in ten thing is the chance of have of having another baby with chromosomal abnormalities ( can not remember who asked now ). So that is fairly high. Feel so torn as desperate for him to be a father ( as is he) but not sure can survive more trauma - it rocks me hugely as GU said and am so tired of the whole being pregnant, waiting, diagnosis, bad news, terrible termination process.

Dear Bezzy - love the yelling out of 'boys' - my kind of girl. Think we should all try it!
See where it gets us.
Off to pack and drive to somewhere called Wickham as am working tomorrow in Portsmouth and I loathe staying overnight on own.Boo.

Belated hugs and hellos to all.

Life has thrown us a curve ball recently and although I've been lurking, I simply haven't had the strength to post (or the ability to post anything of remote interest to anyone, sadly!)

So my real empathy, kindest thoughts and continued strength to Daftbat, Cantdo, Brighton Baby and all the other new(er) ladies. And of course, my very best to all the ladies who have been here awhile. Ups and downs, but we get there - one and all.

And lovely BusierBee, the offer's always there if you need a sounding board. Finding the way forward can be stressful, I think we both know that. Hope the overnight stay isn't too tedious. Foamy bath, glass(es) of something nice and room service?

Take care all.

Hi Shangrillalla
How lovely that you been lurking.
you know I would like to try and thrash it out with someone who truly knows the terrible dilemma and emotional warpath of deciding to try after two and at this age too.
I am so worn out by it all.
Re bath; have in fact just had one to avoid actually going. But yes to wine and room service. Yes yes yes. Some decisions, after all, are much easier to make.
Will contact you this weekend via CAT - if I can work out how. I have been catted but not catted myself.
Bye bye off to finally face the music of travel
Ugh

Also Shangrila - how rude of me not to say that I am sorry you have had another curve ball. It just goes on doesn't it?
We are here for support in anything in fact.
hugs to you and your family
xxxxxxx

And Marjie - I meant to say your voice sounds so much stronger darling. Well done to you for looking after yourself so well - you are back and i am pleased.
Bravo to you
xx

BB - am sort of in a state of thinking I need to make a decision soon but yes throwing caution to the wind for the moment, probably very foolish but think its unlikely I will get pregnant at my age. However I do have to be prepared for the consequences with the higher risk and obviously knowing you, it does happen again. I didn't realise the risks went up so high for the third time.

Hopefully you have internet access in your room so can join us all here later if you get lonely.

Hi shangrila - thanks for popping in and hey I don't have anything interesting to say either, I just witter on here, that's what it is for!

Cantdo Thinking of you today xx

I am so glad Eulalia posted that last post as I seem to come on here and witter all the time!!!

Todays witter;
Ds2 tried to climb into the tumble dryer this morning!!!! He is OBSESSED with the damn thing! What to do?.........

Oh, and Eulalia I completely understand where you are coming from re: decision making....in the end I just tried to trust in a higher power (sort of) and crossed my fingers...not a great scheme really but it worked for me x

Hi everyone

Where to start...? Busier, that's a terrifying thing to tell someone with a little toddler. I can just imagine your 16 year old with her lovely flat tummy and gorgeous boyfriend. I think the others are right - better to keep them safe - but just the thought of it makes me shiver! I guess they do grow up though...

Bezzy, love the story.

Shangrila, hello, and sorry you've had another curveball. Hope it's something a bit getoverable?

Eulalia, lovely name and nice story, too. And wittering is A Good Thing, I do it too, so I have to say that!

Daft, I am rarely alone - almost never - and I probably do need more time to cry. I am still shockingly tired, as though I've been steamrollered. I suppose I have!

Re trying again - I feel I have to and I will. But with no confidence. And not yet. Anyway I still seem to be bleeding, albeit lightly, so presume trying is some time away for now.

OK, time to go put DD to bed. Then I'm making Jamie Oliver's aubergine pasta. And a glass of red. And bed!

Oh and Bec - D loves the washing machine too...

Yay - I am here, I am here, I am here and they have wireless - don't you just lurve the modern world?
It took three hours to get here and I listened to the same album (okay CD) three and a half times. I feel quite empowered in fact being away from home, driving past all those towns where I have worked before and remembering the hotels and terrible bed and breakfasts -some so bad I actually ran away.
No premier travel lodge for me - no siree. This place has the usual white sheets, classy taupe towels and Bezzy - Molton Brown products in the bathroom! Oh the joy.
I used to get terrible insomnia and anxiety when away from home - literally would be awake all night.
Have ordered room service (good thinking Cantdo. Boy is this hotel a rip-off. Most of the starters are £6.75! For a starter?!
This is more expensive than central London. And my budget is £15. So I ordered a chicken Caesar salad and rang down to ask if it was free-range. I dont' really even mind but, you know, fun to be able to ask. Waitress asked if I needed anything to drink, 'Hmm. no thank you I have some water here'. Tee hee, little does she know. Stopped off at M and S on way and got screw top wine. Think we should add up our combined consumption of units per week. Units per thread.
Eulalia - the odds are upsetting aren't they? There are few studies into women who have had more than one DS pregnancy and mostly they are from the states. But it would seem that out of the women who have, ten percent go on to have a third; this is of course women over forty. And there are not many of us in the first place.
So please Bezzy and everyone else who has; rest assured that it is truly very rare and you are much much younger tham me in fertility terms. Lighning strikes twice rarely.
Re wittering - this, my dears, is the definition of the word. Sorry. Am definitely uber wittering.
Is anyone watching 'Occupation'? Boy, that is seriously moving, challenging tv.
Cantdo - so sorry, should not have scared you all with the Teenage girl thing - she would never speak to me again if she knew I had put it on the world wide internet. So, anonymity and discretion required.

And re trying again Cantdo - my consultant - well one of them - said that you only need one cycle to have passed before you are physically ready. But if i remember rightly you are still a young lovely, so give yourself bit of time to heal maybe. Like Bezzy. Maybe the summer needs to be just felt and experienced and let the sun warm your soul. Of course you must try again, of course you must and you will. Mustdo, shalldo.
Take care of you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi BB, oh I'd actually love to be in a room on my own with fluffy towels and bottle of wine. I shall raise my glass of cranberry juice to you (going to risk the wine tomorrow). I did find a thread from a website about women who'd had more than one ds pregnancy/baby, when I have more time I will look it out.

becaroo - did I say before your boys are lovely. I have a photo of ds2 sitting inside our large drier - he could climb right inside, probably still can now. He likes the light in it.

Cantdo - you are amazing managing to cook yourself these lovely dishes, sounds yummy. Take care of yourself.

Must go as little one climbing all over me and screeching....