support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Justa -- I owe you an apology. Someone asked who you were being and I said. But reported myself and it was withdrawn, but still need to say sorry.

I'm so pleased Lins Excellent news to go to bed to. I dreamt I had a CVS last night! I must have been thinking about it so much. I'm so, so glad you didn't have to go through it again. Roll on the 16 week scan. Hope the sickness goes away soon.

Night everyone xx

Lins I'm really, really pleased to hear your news; I hope it all continues to go well. Was worried as had been watching today to see if you'd post.

Our news not so good, though I knew anyway - full cvs results confirm full trisomy 13. So we'll be going ahead with Monday . But there's no easy way out; either we do this now, or she dies before birth or not long after. Poor darling. Am trying to decide a name for her. Somehow I'm feeling more settled just now... though I'm sure I will be in floods on Monday.

Have just come to turn the computer off and seen your news Numpty.

Your darling girl. I am so sorry for this news. So so sorry.

The rollercoaster continues.

Oh Numpty. I hope you can come to a name over the week. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I/we can hear anything you want to say. I am very sorry.

You must be with your lo, or perhaps resting so I'll check in tomorrow. Hope you are able to rest. Have a peaceful evening. Much love x

Morning Numpty. Wil be about as much as possible for you today. Have a certain amount of real life stuff to deal with but wil check in for you often.

Luckywinner - I don't know what time the scan is so will check in as often as possible to hear what news you have.

And Lins - for who the new day heralds a new phase in this pregnancy! Are we at fully relaxing and letting it sink in stage yet, or will there need to be futher scans later on for confirmation? I mean over and above what anyone at this stage of preg experiences iyswim? At anyrate things are so different to how they might have been, so how how wonderful. How is your lovely man?

so sorry numptymum, how truly horrid for you.

I'm also about today, should you want to rant

BK xx

Oh Lins! ...I was thinking of you yesterday during my ds1's school singathon... I sobbed when they were singing "I can see clearly now the pain has gone" ...I thought and prayed for you...oh bugger thats set me off AGAIN!

So very, very pleased for you xxxxxx

Numpty...you will be in my thoughts on monday xxxx

oh oh oh. In tears again, MIL left lovely message on ansaphone this morning while DS and I were out, obviously she's upset though I know being ex-intensive care nurse she's very supportive of our decision. But she asked whether we would like her to make some clothes for DD as she feels that she should have something of her own... it's such a nice offer, but I'm in tears again as it's the only thing we'll be giving DD . That and her name (either Iola or Isabel). I just so wish that it had turned out otherwise.

Better go, I've abandoned DS in the other room eating his sandwiches and watching a DVD, need to become a mum to him again now.

Clothes are a lovely idea. Also a lovely small shawl or blanket. It is a good idea to have 2, one for her to take with her, and one for you to keep if you want to.

I love your names.

so sad numpty.

Lovely names that you've chosen. How about giving her a little teddy?

BK x

lins has spoken of this in her thread if I remember - the need to flip in and out of roles. A mother playing and making lunch one minute, and an aching, grieving raging mother facing horrible reality the next. I hope you are doing ok out there numpty.

And Luckywinner too.

That's a really nice suggestion, treedelivery - it would be so nice for us to hold on to something of 'hers', too. I'll ask MIL to make 2 shawls/wraps. Will also look for small, nice toy as bezzyk says, do you think the hospital will let us leave it with her? I think that's going to be one of the hardest times, when we have to leave her at the hospital; it would be really nice if we could leave a little toy to keep her company, if you know what I mean .

I know the hospital will, particulary if you ask them too. x

I know the hospital will, particulary if you ask them too. x

What beautiful names, numpty
The special clothes and shawl idea is lovely too....what about taking foot and hand prints of your dd to take home with you? Have your thought about making a "memory box" to keep photos and your dd's things in?

xxxx

I'm sorry I have looked but can't see, how many weeks are you Numpty. Sorry to have to ask. I know it will make a difference to your experience - in some ways but not all by any means - so I wanted to check.

If she is delivered on Monday she will be at the end of 15 weeks, would have been 16 weeks on Tuesday. However I'm pretty sure it will be induced labour, which I'm happier about than anything surgical.

I'm not sure how 'taking foot and hand prints' works. Does the hospital help with that if we want to do this? DH is going to bring his camera and take photos of hands etc.

Better go, DS getting fussed...

Numpty - where are you going on Monday? Are you going to a ward and do you know what type?
I don't want to assume anything about the hospital you are at, as it might be wrong. Could someone ring the people who will look after you and ask? I will ring for you if no one who knows can face it - just CAT me the hospital and ward/department. x

I'll be on the labour ward, so I have been warned I may hear noises of other mums in labour. I don't THINK I'll mind that, although who can say what I'll feel at the time - I was at the same hospital for DS and had an augmented labour (natural delivery) so have a good idea of what to expect, though this time I'm assuming be given pesseries rather than drip (as my waters had broken with DS it was straight onto the drip and lying down because his cord was being squashed... great).

I'm actually going to the hospital tomorrow, are there any questions I should ask them, treedelivery?

I'm going there for a last scan which I did ask for, partly because I've no idea whether she is still actually alive as it's too early for me to feel her moving. If she is, obviously that will be difficult, but I want to know and if she is I want to say how much I love her and how sorry I am for this.

I just have to do some bedtime stuff then I will be back. As you are on delivery suite I have more idea what you can expect. So we can have a chat about it if you are about. x

Numpty, on a practical level, here are some questions to ask...
Where exactly do you have to go on Monday (as in which room) and will there be someone there who knows the situation and is expecting you. It's awful to have to turn up and explain stuff...so make sure a designated person is at the ready.
Ask how many pessaries they give you in one go (I had 4, all in one go one after the other, which was a bit grim) It's just nice to be prepared so nothing is a surprise. Also, sorry if this is too much info, but ask if you will be given antibiotics, and by what means. (I was prepared to have pessaries, but was shocked and upset that I needed to have a huge antibiotic tablet pushed somewhere the sun doesn't shine. This actually seemed worse. But forewarned is fore-armed).
Ask if the same nurse will be looking after you throughout, and ask if you can meet her tomorrow, or at least what her name is.
Ask if they will take footprints etc for you. The hospital I went to do this, and take a few (not great) photos. These are then put in an album with name, date of birth, weight, time etc just like a 'real' baby book. Ask that all this info is at least recorded because it is just nice to know.
Ask if your partner can stay the whole time, and find out what food is available (for you or for him).
Ask how the last part of labour is managed...do they leave the placenta to deliver naturally as a matter of course, and how long will they give you before whisking you off to theatre? I will be hoping for you that this part goes smoothly because then you can get to spend time more quickly with your little girl if you want to.
Ask if you are allowed to stay the night if you want to...
I don't know your thoughts on this, but for me, I wanted to stay because it gave me time to adjust to a new part of life, and to say goodbye in an unhurried way. It was my time to just 'be', and have a bit of quiet. My dd stayed overnight with her grandparents. Do you have childcare sorted out?
It felt right and slightly easier to leave the next day - although leaving such a precious bundle behind will never feel right.

More later honey, gotta go, dd wailing...

xxx

Just thought I would let you all know that my news is not good news I am afraid. My baby died between last thursday and this thursday. They saw a cyst on the umbilical cord and think maybe that's what caused it.

I am going in tomorrow to have an erpc. I just couldn't face waiting however many weeks for it to happen, which happened to me last time.

I am sad, but also relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to make any horrible decisions. Thank you all for your lovely words during my brief time on this thread.

Linspins I wish you all the luck in the world for this baby. I will definitely come and back to see how you are getting on.

Numptymum I will be thinking of you next week. I can't imagine what you are going through and my heart goes out to you.