support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Oh Linspins hearing you talk of stroking your tummy has brought it all back to me. What a time that was. What a time this is. I'm caught between remembering your beautiful girls and willing this baby to be genetically normal. x

Did you have a seperate thread before this topic, or did you join BB's thread? I can't remember that's all, I seem to think you had a thread running alongside BB's, and if I go read and find out by searching and reading I will weep all evening.

We have a lot happning in the thread at the moment, lots of heartache and waiting. Will be about as much as possible if it helps. x to all.

Tree, you're always here for us.
My thread is mentioned on the last page, BB started hers afterwards, but we used to write on each others.
I couldn't find my thread earlier, and had a brief moment of sadness because it had fallen off the end of my 'watching' list - obviously too old.
I found it by typing 'higher nuchal reading' in to Google and it came up as the first hit! Bizzare.
Anyway, off to bed, my back is in agony and my own brain is swirling.
Wish tomorrow was over. I've hardly even had a chance to worry about the whole risk of miscarriage thing. That would be just my luck.

Growing out, all prayers in this direction gratefully received. xx

Growingout same as Linspins. Am touched to think you will be praying for me.

treedelivery. Your imagined wedding album was lovely (the link didn?t work for me), but thank you, it certainly made me feel better. You are so kind...you all are.

I feel a lot better after the weekend. I am trying to occupy my time as much as possible. Distraction is definitely the key for me.

Welcome luckywinner. I am also very sorry you have to post here, but it is a warm, welcoming place and I?ll be thinking of you for your scan on Thursday. I?m so glad you feel calmer posting here. This thread has helped me a great deal and there is lots of wise, kind advice...and just very understanding ears.

linspins I?m so sorry you have all this worry and stress. You absolutely don?t deserve this. I?m glad you?ll be at Kings, they are knowledgeable there and I can remember all the kind faces while I was having my CVS?all 20-odd of them. The outcome for you isn?t known yet. It isn?t. I wish you so much strength and am sending so much love for tomorrow.

Busier, hope you are enjoying your break away. Thank you for your message too last week. I don?t know why I was so low...well I do know, but why it hit me then, I don't know. The weather isn?t helping. This week is still rain-sodden, but I feel so much more acceptance of it all. Starting to realise it did happen and there?s nothing I can do about it.

Bezzyk! Yes, go for it this month. Do it for me, for us, obviously don?t think of us or anything, that would be weird ;), but go for it?and yes, like GO said, it could be nice to be on holiday with nice surroundings while you wonder and wait.

Oh, NumptyMum I?m so sorry you are going through this too. It?s the hardest, saddest thing. This is a safe and warm place, where everyone understands. I too had to terminate at about 15 weeks (my baby wasn?t growing properly, so my exact dates were never really confirmed). She tested positive for triploidy, I so hate that word and find it hard to write even now. The doctors could tell she was not going to survive just from the blood results, but I had the CVS to double confirm it. I was only just starting to show and hadn?t felt any movements, but I did spend several days before the operation, with her, holding my tummy, trying to comfort her. After the devastating results, I just felt she was suffering in there as the placenta was starting to fail. It was all so surreal. I was in shock for ages afterwards. Several weeks on and I still can?t believe it happened to me, how I could be on the wrong side of the odds by quite so much. Take strength from those around you and hold on. We?ll all be here for you.

becaroo so sorry you?ve been unwell recently. Is your gynae op definite? Have you had other opinions? I?m sorry you have to go through this, whether you already have children or not, it?s still a painful and sad thing to happen.

This is not an easy time. Love to everyone. xxx

Lins, thanks for that. The info and the nice words. I can't actually look tonight, I am hormonal. I am not brave enough. I remember you posting on each others threads.

Which when I think you have to live it, makes me realise how hard it is.

This is a big week.

One day I will copy and paste the whole lot, print it, and keep it safe somewhere. I would hate to loose this bit of my life.

I can post a little message if your would like your thread keeping active. Night Night sweets. Time is passing.

Love to all.

Thinking of you tomorrow Lins, and thanks for advice. I understand that my wobbles are all very petty at the moment, compared to your worries re your cvs. Hopefully in 4 days you'll be breathing a huge sigh of relief. I suspect you may even feel a bit better once you get your good results.

This whole falling pregnant thing is SERIOUSLY freaking me out. I know I've done the right thing and waited a few months for my body (and mind) to recover, I'm just so worried. Last pregnancy was bad and all I was worried about in the first weeks was miscarriage, now I also have the testing to stress about. I just want to go to sleep and wake up with it all over.

I'm also realising how optimistic i'm being, assuming I'm going to get pregnant in the first month (last month didn't count really as only decided to try again after i'd ovulated!)

How are you brightonbabes? you've been so quiet. Have missed you I wonder how BB (the first) and cantdo are enjoying their hols.

Off to soak in the tub (yay it's fitted - rest of bathroom still not finished though) with a glass of vino.

BK xxx

Hi people must catch up. Ugh DD is being treated for the dreaded Swine Flu, although she has only a few symptoms, mainly being grumpy and wanting to watch Peppa Pig 24/7.

Just wanted to say hi, lend my support....

oh no ilove, it's scary how many people have the dreaded flu now. I'm hoping we manage to stay flu free until our hols on 11 Aug.....hmmm....

Hope she gets well soon

Thinking of you Lins, even have butterflies for you, so can't imagine how you feel.

Have a fab day all, have more manky nanas in the fruit bowl and am feeling a bit low, so suspect more 'nana' bread is on the cards for today.

BK xxx

Just popping in to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers today lins

Off to ds1's singathon at school now...I will cry...I am a hormonal mess at the moment!!

Why is the time going so slowly this morning?
Off to take Dd to my Mum's (well actually to where my Mum is coaching at a gym summer school.) Dd can't wait to go to 'grandma's gym' although really she is way too young for it!
Then drive to London...have butterflies, feel sick, feel scared, feel hopeful, feel despondent. Feels like my hands are almost shaking.
better get on.
I'll update later if I'm not to much of a mess (though probably would be on here whatever!)
xx

growingout you are VERY welcome to pray for me/DD, whatever the outcome; it's been good to have the support and kind words of everyone here.

linspins, thinking of you and your OH and middle DD today, and in the next few days as you wait for your results; hoping that things go as well as they can. Really hoping (as someone else posted here) for the most normal pregnancy for all your sakes this time...

Was on the phone to a friend last night, as need to have arrangements in place for DS if we go ahead on Mon. I made the mistake of going onto the 'Living with Trisomy 13' website which really supports women who want to continue their pregnancy but is not supportive of those who choose to end. All the 'success stories' of children who did live were really difficult to see, given my current thinking - perhaps I should give DD a chance, and face the consequences. But again when I searched for those babies with holoprosencephaly, most died in utero or soon after birth. The women who carried to term did get to see their baby though, and hold them for a while... but I keep wondering about all those who had tougher times with their newborn struggling, those who wouldn't send their story to such a website because of the heartbreak it would be to admit that your loved baby had a terrible time. I wish we had a definite, clear diagnosis that DD wouldn't live so that we could feel clear about the decision to go ahead on Monday, knowing that it would be the best/kindest thing for her.

Statistically it's pretty clear - OUP info says before birth, the spontaneous rate of pregnancy loss from the second trimester onwards is 64%. Of the 36% surviving to birth, the median survival is 7?10 days, with 5?10% surviving to>12 months. The reasons for short life includes apnoea and cardiopulmonary arrest.

So if I look at it that way, DDs chances ARE really slim, despite the hope that Living with Trisomy website seeks to offer...

Such trying times for so many of us.

Lins - like everyone else here, I am with you all the way today. I am sure every minute feels like an hour at present, drawing you all too slowly towards the inevitable CVS. I can only hope that the detailed scan leaves you hopeful and the test itself is uncomplicated. The biggest of vibes to you for the best of outcomes. And of course, we are always here.

NumptyMum - this has to be a dark time for you and I appreciate your need to know 100% the full picture. You are doing exactly what the 'experts' suggest - researching, taking advice, listening to your feelings and talking them through. I believe it's the only way to feel at ease in the longer term with the situation you find yourself in and any decisions and options you might be in a position to have to take. We are all here, having been through similar. Keep on talking and we'll all be thinking of you in the next few days.

Luckywinner - I'll be holding out for you tomorrow. Scans are such ghastly things aren't they? The potential for joy or heartbreak. Here's hoping that the news about the heartbeat is more positive.

Hello after a while to Ilovemydog. Hope that DD is over the worst.

Finally, Bezzy...I don't think there's ever a great time to deal with the ordeal of a newly established pregnancy, after all that we've been through. Although, for my own sanity, it is probably easier if I am far away from google or other various search engines! So maybe a holiday is a good time. All I would say is, as long as you feel tip top physically, then go for it. There WILL be emotional fallout, but your OH and all of us here will be on hand to help you through that.

As for me, despite having great news last week, life still feels pretty bleak. I'm still awaiting the full karyotype, but even then, I don't think I will ever believe that this will work out for us. DH says he thinks I have ante natal depression, which I had never even heard of. So off to the docs next week to eventually book this pregnancy in and discuss my state of mind. But today, in particular, this is of no consequence...

Hugs and love to everyone else and one last 'best of the best' to Lins.

xxx

5 months. WOW G.O.! I often wish I had one of those pregnancies. None of the early weeks stress.

Feeling blaaah. Think it's the weather.

at growingout. Was 9 weeks with my first, I just thought I'd been going out too much and the hangovers had merged....

Linspins - I wish we could come with you and just sit on a bench out side the hospital knitting or something. And just wave gently and smile and nod as you passed.

That might be stalking though so maybe not. Thinking of you. Everything crossed.

Shangrila -thing with antenatal and postnatal depression is that after what you have been through, anyone could become depressed or have an anxiety issue. In pregnacy or after it is labelled. I was postnatally depressed . In fact I was post car accident depressed, but it was within a year of birth so that wa the label. Credit to your LM for knowing about it and saying it. I think a trip to the GP is a great idea, and HV amd MW have a questionaire tool to help look for this issue. If you know a midwife at the surgery give them a bell and ask them to come see you.

Vibes to Lins.....

ok, home and dd in bed and had dinner....

So, all good news today!

I wrote you all a message as soon as we got home an hour ago but computer crashed and lost it - argh.

Anyway, we had all our scans and heart scan and everything looks normal at this stage. They really looked hard at the heart, and it looks fine (although obviously all tiny at the moment so difficult to tell).

Then they took blood and said 'do you want to wait 40 mins, to get the results and we'll recalculate your odds?'
I was very surprised they could do this so instantly (WHY does it take 2-3 working days here? Hmm??)
So we waited because then we could go in to the CVS with all the right knowledge.

And guess what? The new odds are now 1:3082 for trisomy 21 and 1:11401 for 13 and 18.
These new odds to in to account the fact that the nasal bone was present, the tricuspid flow was normal, and the ductus venosus was positive (all good things).
So based on this we opted out of the dreaded CVS. If we'd have been given those odds to start with then we wouldn't have been offered a CVS anyway, and with a risk of 1:100 for an invasive procedure, it just seemed silly to do it.
I know that with our history of unusual chromosomal abnormalities, these odds are a little academic anyway, but I do feel that the fact that the scans showed nothing out of the ordinary is a good sign.

We're due all the same scans again (with the top heart lady) at 16 weeks, and then I thing they'll probably see us at 20 weeks too.

I feel ok. I would like to say relieved, but I feel too tired and sick to feel much. And a CVS would have given us more peace of mind. But I know that complete peace of mind is never possible anyway because there is so much that can't be picked up.

So this will have to do for now!

Thank you all so much for your messages of support and comfort.

Hope I can give some support back to some of you in the days ahead.

Thinking especially of Numpty and Lucky. xxxx

(Numpty, have you been on the 'due jan 2010' thread? I don't have the courage yet to join but have been reading it. Crap at remembering names though.)

xxxx Love to all

fantastic news Lins!!!! So glad you avoided the CVS too, hope you can get some decent sleep tonight.

BK xxx

Oh Lins. Nothing is too good for you. Oh Lins. Maybe it's all just going to be ok. If they had had a sniff of a poor view even, they would have played very safe you know.

J u s t a? Are you back to your old self?