support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Hello Beccaroo - lovely to hear from you.

Linspins - you sound on your knees darling. maybe the extreme physical thing is a reaction to the stress of Wedensday as well as an ongoing pregnancy and illness thing. I'd offer you a cyber choc muffing and a cuppa but you probably don't feel like them.

I'm glad your consultant is known to you and gets it. Heavt times for you. Wedensday will come, it will. It is inevitable.

So sorry you feel like this, Lins. Hopefully Tree has a point and it's the stress that's making you feel so sick. Here's hoping Wed comes and goes and leaves you with a huge weight off your shoulders.

Becaroo - sorry!

Becaroo, sorry you have been poorly. Hope you are back to 100% soon. xxx

Oh Growingout...old? I feel haggard. I'm not usually a high maintanence girl, but at the moment it's a good day if I have showered and washed my hair. Clean clothes a bonus. And top points for hair brushed and possibly moisturiser.

Dh was a wonder-hero today, and swept in from work, gave dd her milk, bathed her, put her to bed, cooked dinner and simultaneously cleaned the kitchen up, and gave me a hug.

I pretended to go out (for Dd sake, so she thinks I'm not there and can't demand mummy) and then slunk on to the sofa to lie down.

Thank god for men really.

Would have a bit of wine but I had about a teaspoonful last week and felt more ill!

Off to bed soon, after my peppermint water that the lovely midwife got for me today.

xxxx

Oh Lins. A tired heart and soul.

Hello all, just a quick note to say that I hope you're feeling better today LIns...must be so hard.

I'm exhausted. Friend from Edinburgh had her baby yesterday, and whilst I'm very happy for her. I'm finding myself insanely jealous. Can't stop thinking about this baby thing. Practically I know I should wait another month before trying as we go on hols the day my next period is due. (11 Aug) and should period not arrive, I'm just going to worry myself senseless about what lies ahead. HOWEVER, thought of waiting another month, just fills me with despair. Which I know is ridiculous, as it's only a month.

Any thoughts? Should I leave it to fate?

BK xx

What are you sorry for tree?????

Will be back later when I havent got to drag ds1 out of the shower!!!!

Oh I feel so rotten, I've just booked provisional date for termination and SO don't want to be doing this. My DD has been diagnosed with holoprosencephaly and patau's syndrome, so whichever way I look at it I'm going to lose her; if I keep her and if (big if) she's born alive, it is highly likely that she would have breathing difficulties/heart problems/seizures and I really hate the thought of her suffering or us wondering whether we could have helped her live longer if she does die this way, or what it will do to my DS who is only 22mo just now. So this is why we're opting to end the pregnancy, but it's so awful to set a date and to think of going through labour, not to have her to bring home afterwards. It's been really difficult to take this decision... I wish I didn't have to. I'm in bits . I just don't know that I can do it.

huge hugs numptymum, the HARDEST decision a loving mummy will ever have to make. It's just SO not fair.

Sorry that you're having to go through this, you'll get brilliant support here.

Thinking of you xxx

Oh Numpty you poor poor honey.
I have been where you are twice, and it's the shittest thing in the world. Every ounce of you wants your baby to be born alive and well, but as you know that won't be the case, it's the hardest, bravest and most awful thing to decide. But if you feel that letting her go is the kindest thing to do (which I did, both times) then it's just a question of getting through it as best you can.
I don't know how much of this thread you have read (we tend to stray from the point quite a bit) but there is probably a lot you could read to help you on the first thread of this name
here
When is your provisional date? And how many weeks are you?
I had a termination at 22 weeks with my first baby, and at 17 weeks with my third baby. I gave birth both times. I remember how brutal i thought it was when first told I should do this, but actually, it made a lot of sense to me...and seemed a natural way of finishing the cycle of conception, being pregnant and then giving birth.
I was treated very well in hospital both times, but obviously with the second termination, i knew what to expect and what to do to help myself cope with it and gather those much needed memories of my little one (both girls) . I'll look up my thread and post it here too.

I know you must be in bits. Of course you are. But what ever happens, your little girl WILL know you love her, and did what you though was best.
If you are up to posting more, please do because we are all here to support you.

Lots of love, Lins xx

Also Numpty, forgot to say, I hope you have been given details of ARC - antenatal results and choices. They are a charity who support parents through this sort of cr@p decision, and will give you help and advice whatever you decide. They have a helpline, and you can just ring up and talk about everything or nothing (or just cry and say 'it's not fair!!" quite a few times like I do!). There is also a moderated parents internet forum.
help is here

More hugs to you. xx

Oh numpty...so very sorry to hear what you and your family are going through x

Have had lots of ill health lately as you know and last week was told I may need a gynae op that means no more children....am very upset - for no good reason really - I have my 2 boys and feel very blessed - but the thought of not having the option of more (I am in my mid 30's) really makes me sad Have come the the conclusion I am a selfish and silly woman.....

Been an odd few weeks....havent felt good for a while now and have got one or two hospital appointments looming in the next month or so which I'm not looking forward to....bluergh.

On the plus side, my boys are ok and its finally stopped raining here!!! Hurray!

With love to all of you - but especially thinkng of linspins and numpty xx

Finally found my thread...
Linspins story

becaroo - spelling your name wrong

I hadn't realised about next week either. Hard rocky road at the moment. Lots of hand holding here.

Which makes me think of DaftBat - are you out there? Ok?

NumptyMum - I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad to meet you as you are in a good place here. It's safe and friendly and we are able to hear the stuff other people can't. Like the realities of delivering your baby and what to do to make it as special as you can. I think thats why the thread is so special, everyone here has had to face up to such brutal stabbing reality, that taking doesn't seem as hard for us as it does others.

I haven't had an experience like yours, but I have met lots of people who have. BusierBee started a thread on Mn a while ago, we talked to her there, more joined and suddenly we had made a community and a safe harbour.

So welcome, but sorry you have to be here. You can drop in and out, or post all day every day, or just read and follow. It's whatever you are comfortable with.

I'm sorry about the news of this baby, and for the difficult place you are in. You are wrestling with the awful 'what if' and trying to do whatever is best. You have all our compassion and understanding. x

Oh Linspins, I'm so sorry to hear your very sad story and your two lost angels. I'm just reading the part where you are saying you would like to keep your baby safe inside you forever - that's exactly how I feel, and what is making me so sad about making a date for termination.

It was my booking scan that showed our baby's problems - at the initial booking scan she moved around too much, so they got me in again the next week. The more senior sonographer was with me, and took a lot of time - having had no problems with our first pregnancy (we had nuchal with amazingly low results - something like 1:20,000) I had no idea that there might be something wrong. Then she went to get the consultant, and still I had no idea, I just thought they couldn't get the positioning right because baby insisted on facing away. It was only when they said that they would speak to me in the consulting room that I realised something was amiss, and after she told me I got DS from work to join me (again because we had no problems first time, I never thought we would have problems this time - I was even hugely pleased that the birth would be before my 40th birthday ). After the consultant explained how serious the anomalies were we opted for a CVS then and there. So at this point in time I'm 15 weeks, and horrible date is set for Monday just before I'm 16 weeks. I'm waiting for full CVS results which are due tomorrow or Thurs, just in case it's partial or mosaic patau's but this is v unlikely. I guess I could wait longer, and ask for heart scan which may confirm hole in heart, but part of me wants to do this now before I feel DD move and become more and more real to me, then I'd hate losing her even more .

NumptyMum I just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be and I just wanted to let you know I wll be thinking of you this week.

Linspins After reading all your thread (through a lot of tears) I am sad that you will have to go through more tomorrow. God knows you deserve the most boring and mundane pregnancy imaginable. I will really be thinking of you tomorrow. I so hope all goes well.

My scan is Thursday and I swing from hope that is very possible that things will be fine and heart rate ok to hearing those dreaded words 'your baby has died'. In fact they seem to be ringing in my ears. I am already dreading the time lapse between scan starting and words being spoken. It seems to the the longest time.

What an amazing thread this is. I hope you don't all mind me being here. I have not been through such painful decisions as many of you but I love the feeling on here. It really feels so genuine and I feel calmer just posting on here.

Numpty my lovey, you're going to hate losing her at whatever point it happens. So don't rush yourself, have as many scans tests as you feel you need. I found feeling my babies move so profoundly sad at the time but, oddly, afterwards it was a good thing to hold on to to remember them by.
It's such a shock isn't it. A shock to find there are problems when you are just merrily sailing through pregnancy, and a shock to realise there are choices and decisions to be made.
People on here have written about coping with trauma, and that is what it is. Also a shock to the system to have to give birth. With your first baby did you give birth or have a c-section? If you gave birth then at least your body knows what to 'do'.
I just typed a bit about giving birth and saying goodbye, but I have just deleted it as I don't want to make too many assumptions for you until you get your results.
Waiting for results sucks!
I am 13 weeks preg at the moment, and had a lovely low nuchal reading but the bloods have given us a 1:230 chance of downs...and I have to know one way or the other, so we are off to Kings tomorrow to have a cvs. I really hate them. We'll have a cardio scan too so that will give a good indidcation too. Fingers so crossed.

Stroke your tummy, find a few seconds of peace together if you can. xxx

Lucky, thanks. It's quite a big week for lots of us on here isn't it.
I always cry now in scans whether they are good or bad, it's just too much for me, too much emotion.
I will be hoping you get a lovely strong heart beat. Hoping too you are coping with the waiting. xxx

Becaroo, sorry you may have to have that "more children?" choice taken away from you. Gosh you've been through a lot. Are you feeling a bit better/off the antibiotics?

xxx

Bezzy re: whether to try now or wait another month...I think it's going to be difficult for you whenever you get pregnant so you might as well go for it!! The whole thing is such a rollercoaster, I reckon jumping back on as soon as possible is sometimes the only way to do it. If you think too hard about it you end up tying knots in your brain.
(What am I waffling about? )
Go girl. xxx