support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Hi everyone

Hope the swine flu sufferers are doing okay!

Brighton - I feel like that too sometimes. Sometimes I even feel I have nothing to look forward to, and then I feel guilty for that because I have DD and she is a joy. In a sense though she has made this so much easier - I do think it must be much harder for you with your first child, because you don't have the constant distraction and need to be positive for another child.

I think working alone and jobhunting probably doesn't help. Plan some nice things to do? and the wedding? if you ever want a trip away we have a nice big spare bedroom and bathroom, so consider yourself invited though I know it's a long way. What kind of wedding have you planned? No advice from me on that score - not a weddingy sort of person - mine was a small registry office one with a meal after. Was fun though.

Well, off on hol later today. And stop press it has STOPPED RAINING.

Had better not rain all week though. I am leaving shops behind to go to rurality, and I'm bad at rurality anyway, so the weather needs to improve!

Oh and my period seems to be ending already. Usually would have lasted till Monday...

Hi everyone

Hope the swine flu sufferers are doing okay!

Brighton - I feel like that too sometimes. Sometimes I even feel I have nothing to look forward to, and then I feel guilty for that because I have DD and she is a joy. In a sense though she has made this so much easier - I do think it must be much harder for you with your first child, because you don't have the constant distraction and need to be positive for another child.

I think working alone and jobhunting probably doesn't help. Plan some nice things to do? and the wedding? if you ever want a trip away we have a nice big spare bedroom and bathroom, so consider yourself invited though I know it's a long way. What kind of wedding have you planned? No advice from me on that score - not a weddingy sort of person - mine was a small registry office one with a meal after. Was fun though.

Well, off on hol later today. And stop press it has STOPPED RAINING.

Had better not rain all week though. I am leaving shops behind to go to rurality, and I'm bad at rurality anyway, so the weather needs to improve!

Oh and my period seems to be ending already. Usually would have lasted till Monday...

Oops, posted twice... hmm, which of us will become Stella Rimington, then???

PS: Is Daftbat on holiday? thinking of you, DB. And Becaroo, and all our other friends.

Hi everyone

going shortly. Back in a week. I WILL MISS YOU LOT!!!!

Byeeeee!! Have fun!

Thanks for being so welcome everyone. This is a really lovely supportive thread.

Treedelivery my next scan is on Thursday. I am not holding out much hope tbh. I have really bad lower back ache tonight and not feeling as sick or tired. Who knows what's going to happen but I feel completely in limbo and I just hope I don't have to make any horrid decisions on Thursday. Sorry to hear about your swine flu, hope you're doing ok.

Hi all!

Back from a cold rainy holiday in Cornwall. I personally had a pretty crap time, as my morning sickness has got worse, I feel 100% exhausted, everything hurts/aches, and my head is grim.
On top of this, even though our nuchal scan was good, and the reading was low, after the bloods were taken in to account, they have come up with a figure of 1:230. I was really hoping that we would get 1 in many hundreds, and our figure puts us in the high risk catagory. AGAIN. (Typed with fingers banging the keyboard angrily.)
I know that really that figure is good odds, but with my history, I just feel we are going to be the 'one' again.
getting the phonecall was so hard, as we didn't have any mobile reception in our cottage, and the midwife called me when we were all in the car. There I sat, sandwiched between dd's car seat and Mother in law, with everyone listening, trying to keep it together and have a private conversation. I asked if she could call me back but she was leaving her office shortly so we didn't have time to talk. And all I heard, ringing in my ears, was 'high risk.'
I called the lovely Busier Bee later on, but had to hide in a churchyard in the pouring rain to get reception on husbands mobile. And then his phone ran out of minutes!
Bee tried her best to reassure a sobbing me. (thanks again honey. )
I have calmed down a bit now, but am so tired of being on that rollercoaster of scans, tests, waiting....AGAIN. (still typed loudly)
IT"S NOT FAIR!
I read another thread just now about nuchal scans, and a lady on there has just had good news, and is 2 days different to my due date. I want to be that person who is so pleased and relieved...

Have tried to catch up here too and must start by saying: Shangrilla- HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!! SO glad you waited to see. Fingers crossed all the rest goes smoothly. Yay! xxxx

Growingout (like the new name) EEek! Swine flu, you poor bunnies! Can't believe the treatment you all got though - or almost didn't! It's atrocious. Hope your poor family beginning to feel a wee bit better and that you are coping. Hugs xxx

Lots of love to all of you, I missed the internet so much when I was away, especially this thread.

p.s I vote for creamy risotto for tea in the 'thread cottage', with the smell of lillies wafting in the warm air, and a magic potion to ward off morning sickness so that I could relax on that lovely sofa with the soft worn cushions. And a little veg garden outside with warm ripe tomatoes to pick. And an early night on that big bed, with egyptian cotton sheets and a light fluffy duvet. big sigh.

xxxxx

And a big hello to Lucky winner. (but sorry you are here.)
I know how horrid it is waiting. Been through it twice myself, and now a third time - ARGH. So totally sympathise with you. But don't give up hope honey. I understand though that it would be easier if your body decides for you and you don't have to make 'that' decision. Will be thinking of you on thurs. xxxxx

Oh Linspins. Oh love. We are with you every step of the way.

Will you go for diagnosis? Were you going to do that anyway? I am not sure what I can remember and what I am making up so I'm just ging to ask - but your know you can not answer me [or any of us] anytime.

I can just see the nightmare you describe, trying to talk and worrying about range and mobiles and all that crap. It's all so physically uncomfortable and traumatic. I have such a low tolerance to all that sort of stress.

It's not fair. Damm right.

yeah, forgot to say, we are going for a cvs on wed at Kings- I wasn't planning on it anyway, only if we got 'high risk'. I bloody hate that place, it's where we got diagnosed for Amy and where we had that (horrific) final injection, and also where we went for all Daisy's scans. But they are so good and the staff know their stuff, so we have to go. But I hate, hate, hate the thought of someone putting a huge needle in my tummy again.
Dh said 'what would happen if we just didn't go to anymore scans or tests and just waited to see when it was born..?" but he was just testing the idea out and he know that I have to find out. I think he does too really.
hey ho. off to bed. Just had an apple juice ice lollipop - seems a good way for me to 'drink' without feeling so sick. !!

Oh Lins. This is all so hard on you. And your dh too. I can't believe you are facing this again.

Enjoy your lollipop. I hope you get some rest.

Be warned I am about to swear,

but bollocks.

Will be about tomorrow if you want to chat. Strong, positive vibes. I know there is the chance, but as odd and numbers go....

you know all this. I'll shut up. Take care.

Helloooo all Bezzy returns to cottage.

Mum left on Sat morn and sister arrived on Fri evening, but am now visitor free until Friday so will be keeping a close eye on this thread again. (don't have a free weekend until the end of Sept, which is odd, cause I've never thought of us as having a lot of friends) I've really missed you all soooo much. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye Can't, hope you have a fabulous holiday. Are you away too Bee? Going to be v quiet here this week. BB, how was the camping trip? Did you find the molton brown in the showers?

Sorry to hear about the piggy flu Tree, bugger bugger bugger. And sorry also to a grey and foggy Brighton. Cr@p, cr@p, cr@p, and how rubbish for you Lins, life really isn't fair. How have all of us 'good' people had SO much unhappiness dealt to us??????? Makes me angry.

FANTASTIC news for Shangrila! SOOOO pleased for you! Remind me again where you are? I know you said 50 mins away, is it in Wales? Would be fun to meet, should we do it? I wonder if we'd still call each other by our MN names, as real names would feel SO weird after so long!

Yep, period arrived on Tuesday, actually didn't feel upset by it. Quite relieved actually as knew I'd had a LOT to drink in Edinburgh, plus, it would also appear that cycle is getting back on track as it was 27 days. Didn't expect to be pregnant either as was only 2 weeks before that we decided to start trying again. I know I'm meant to be fertile, but that's pushing it! Esp seeing as Capt C been working stupid hours and there's been a remarkable lack of duvet dancing (I think it was ilove that used that expression and I love it).

Hello to Lucky, sorry for your sh!tty news, don't know what else to say, I'm not very good at the advice thing.

As for family sagas. Sister is in bits after husband's leaving. Poor girl cried an awful lot and her pain is still so raw. Made me think how grief is the same, no matter what it is we're grieving for. She reminded me a lot of myself, after our dreadful news. Happy for an hour, crying for an hour and so on. She's so worried about how she's going to cope financially. Wish I could do more to help.

As for Capt C's job, apparently he's not too worried about it. I suppose stressing about it doesn't help. He needs to complete his application this afternoon, which supposedly is going to take around 5 hours. Yippeee, great way to spend a Sun afternoon.

Absolutely tipping it down out. Weather has been crazy.

Missed you, feels good being back

BK xxx

My my
My LM has kidnapped my laptop - I think it is some kind of revenge for all the hours I have spent sellotaped to Mumsnet and all you friends.
Anyho, he has decided to download all his CDs and vinyls onto Itunes and boy is it a lifetime's work.. That man has mountains of music. So I am left peering over his shoulder and gently suggesting that maybe I could have a turn now? He is of course doing it for us all and we will have an astonishing body of music to share but Heeeelp, no mumsnetting. And tomorrow am off to Suffolk for five days with my boys and another eleven year old whose mum is poorly. NO LM and no teen.
Firstly, Tree!!!Can not access your photos and am dying to see them - did you change your mind?! I hope you and the little piggies are feeling bit better and you too GO.
Dearest Bezzyboodles - I can do Disloyal men and Financial Chaos til the cows come home (moo) so do ask if you need to chat about it. She will be okay - she will be more than okay. Tis bad for the soul to be on the receiving end of such ugly behaviour, frankly is UNFORGIVEABLE.
Brightonbaby - let's get planning that wedding honey. I want details! I genuinely do as I one day (JEEZZ when will he ask me?) be getting spliced myself and do love to fantasise about it.May I suggest a very charming, moving and inspirational movie? Rachel's Getting Married. It is the one I watched in Paris and spent about two hours sobbing afterwards but I think it will touch you in many ways. To love and be loved yes surely.
But more than that, loss and grief and the utter, utter loneliness and unreachability of loss and grief. Do get it.
There is much ahead of you darling but at the moment you are in the middle of a bubble of pain - it passes. Distraction is key. So we want votes for flowers, dress, venue and music, first dance, last dance, guests, all of it. Share here.
My dearest dearest Lins who I started all this with.
We are not talking about bad outcomes here darling- we are not. If any other woman joined our thread with odds of 1 in 230 we would say 'You will be fine!' - that is low. It is your age - is very normal to be given this at your age honey. What is so angry making is why you should have to go through all this testing, waiting, testing rigmarole. YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT.
But you are going to be fine. I know it.
Everyone everyone, me off to bed as it is 20 past eleven and am tired Bee.
Sorry not to have said personal hellos to all - Eulalia and Cantdo and Becaroo and PF and Marj and all you supportive allies.
Hugs all round
Bee

HI everyone.

Missed your post yesterday Bee, dunno how I was keeping an eye on our thread all day

Preschool holidays so busy tree here, but will try get photos working. Did it ask for a password?

X's to Linspins - nearly there. Hope you [and all] are ok. x

Lovely Lins - I am so frustrated that you have had a distressing time of it whilst on holiday. Growing Out's advice is spot on. Do what you can to get through the next few days. This is a legacy of fear that we all share and it stinks. I think it will never leave any of us completely.

Not that this is a comfort but your nuchal is so good, so slim and your overall risk would not even put you as high risk in my particular health care trust! Bloody bloods.

You'll be in good hands for the CVS, I'm sure. And massive good vibes from all of us here to help carry you along.

Take care xxxx

And a wave and a bunch of grapes to Tree, if you're still around. Hope you're all feeling a bit better. Growing Out and family too.

And Bezzy - yup, just across the water from you. On a clear day I will send you a big wave! I will be over in Bristol this summer, so maybe a chance of a meetup and a natter then?

Brighton and Luckwinner, I hope this week brings better news and brighter times, if possible.

Of course, my best to everyone. xx

that would be fabby Shangrila. Will look out for your wave xx

Mini Bez has started to play doctors with me. She lays me on the sofa and uses a toy to scan my tummy.

she then keeps saying 'all better'

Can I just come on here and moan? Arghhhhhh, I feel so ill. (Lins whimpers quietly and sags under the weight of exhaustion)
I HATE BEING PREGNANT! I didn't use to. But it really b*ggers up my whole body. Probably made worse by stress.
Went to see my lovely consultant at the local hosp today. I think she was almost as upset for me as I am! She's been with me through all 4 pregnancies. We talked about statistics, odds, timescales for results etc and she let me sniffle quite a bit.
Basically on wed the team at Kings will scan me, (and then some..) and look closely at the heart. If it looks ok, I will let out a huge sigh of relief. If there are problems then I won't be holding my breath for the CVS results cos I know they will show something.
Wish I could wind the clock forward 48 hrs.
I FEEL SO SICK! (and have run out of people to moan to now. Poor DH takes the brunt of it all...)
Thanks for all your support everyone.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than me. xxxxx

Hello lovely ladies... so sorry not been on for a while, but been quite ill with something odd (not swine flu but I felt DREADFUL) and am only just off antibiotics and feeling a bit better than I was....

lins Will be thinking of you and praying for you on weds my love x

I think of you all often, even if I dont post....off now to see what dc and dh are up to....want to say more, but am still not 100% and havent got enough time, so will be back!!!!!...

Love to all x