support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

OH MY GOOD GOD!
Shangrila! Oh my god and oh my god again. Love - I am shocked and delighted for you- delighted is not the word. After all you have been through darling. Do you think it is the folic acid? I know you have been taking high doses. This is such very good news for you.
And it gives me hope - although am pretty sure you are younger than me in fact.
You must be over the moon.
So - let's keep everything crossed for you that all continues in the same vain.
I feel a bit teary in fact.
You have really been through hell to get here.
Maybe the thread is blessed.
I sure hope so.
Keep in touch with us won't you?
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Blimey you shocked me too there Cantdo. I had missed Bezzy's post and when saw 'horrible news about your sister and Captain C' - I thought maybe they were having an affair!
Oh my.
Let's hope his job is secure- have had of lots of people reapplying but often sense this is protocol and the good folk do not ever get released.
Re your sister - have been there myself - my husband had an affair. Suspect one has to know when enough is enough. I suspect now may be that time for her.
There is only so much doormatting one can tolerate. He has broken the rules of commitment and family loyalty. Am sure she deserves better. Her choice will be to stay with a man who has little respect for her emotions and accept his infidelity or shove all his things in a suitcase and throw them out the window. Is she strong enough to manage alone?
Bezz - did your period come? It sounds like you not pregnant honey but let's face it, he has not been home early enough to make a baby.
xx

Bezz- just reread the thread and realised missed a few posts - unlike me. I think i have read the thousand posts on the first thread, all of Lins and mine and all of this one.
See your period came - is okay, only second one - plenty of time for summer shagging ahead.
And your cookbook sounds good - am going to get it to take to Suffolk with me.
Cantdo - you sound like a true chef - with your holiday mealplanning. Good golly Miss Molly. Does she like risotto wee gal?
Pea and bacon risotto rather lovely.
I have four eleven year olds staying the night tonight. And no food in. Think will 'make' pizzas on ciabatta.
And lots of wine for me.
Am OBSESSING about Shangrila and her mega doseage of FA now. Think she took 5mg - did you Shangrila?! Sorry have to know. Just have to.

OK, briefly - what is this about folic acid? Am totally befuddled. If Shangrila wasn't trying, then why was she taking folic acid in mega quantities? and also what is the thing about vast amounts of folic acid?

Maybe am being dim...

Wee gal LOVES risotto. Bacon and pea sounds like a plan, thank you! Wee gal is picky otherwise, though she just snaffled a gourmet caramel chocolate, ate half and then spat it everywhere. What a waste....

I think this thread is blessed. Let's face it we need blessing... Busier, this MUST give you hope to try again...?

PS FOUR eleven year olds? are you mad?

That's true. They could entertain themselves. But won't they be noisy all night? Mind you probably less so than toddlers!

That would be funny if it wasn't horrible. Maybe it's time for potty training?!

Oh Shrangrilla.

Am wailing here. Bless you and your bean.

But for Bezzy, best thing to say is 'I'm sorry about this stuff you are going through' It covers everything and puts the foot in nothing. Applies to sis and dh too I guess. Stress you don't need love. Arse.

Oh Shangrilla. > How are you?

Hi everyone, sorry to crash your thread a bit but you all seem so lovely and wise I felt this was a good place to post.

I had a mc on 1st May, quite early. V disappointing but I was ok with it. Got pregnant again straight away without waiting for af. Had no idea on dates so had a scan a couple of weeks ago. Put me at 5-6 weeks. Baby had v strong heartbeat. I came away feeling a bit more relaxed. Didn't really have many symptoms but kept reminding myself it was early days.

Went back for another scan yesterday. Was not such good news. The baby has grown exactly the right amount and is now measuring 8 weeks. However, there was hardly any heartbeat at all, and was vv slow.

I have to go back next week when it may all be over and these worries I have may not be relevant. But I keep thinking that a v slow heartbeat is really really not a good sign, and perhaps may be an indicator of some other serious things. I have two other dc - 4 and 2.5 and know in my heart that I would choose to terminate if it looked to be a poor prognosis. I feel very bad putting that into words as I feel like I have abandoned my baby already.

I just keep thinking about next week and how I feel like I may have to make a horrible horrible decision. I may only be 8 weeks, but the pic of the baby is v baby-like, not really a bunch of cells anymore.

I know I should probably wait till next week to worry about all of this but I feel so alone and really wanted to put it into words.

Thanks for reading this far.

Growingout wailing is a good word. I can't stop crying and I am usually a very measured contained person. Although I am not sure this is a good thing.

This would be my third mc. I had one before my son was born in 2004. Would they bother investigate if they weren't all consecutive?

I know what you mean about not being able to breathe at the beginning of a scan. And you always always know its bad news when they take a while to talk to you.

I will keep lurking on here if thats ok. I have a sixth sense that this won't be a viable pregnancy and will end up terminating but that seems such a hard and brutal thing to have to decide, although in theory this is what I would do.

Wasn't going to log ontoday but for some reason felt there was news and WOW Shangrila that is AMAZING news! Am so pleased. You must be over moon and about time too you got some good luck. All the best and spill the beans about how you did it, eh?

luckywinner - sorry you've found yourself here and yes do lurk. Let us know how it goes next week, big hugs.

must dash someone coming at 12 to take ds1 out.

Hi luckywinner,

and welcome to the thread. This is honestly a very supportive and open thread - we've all been through a lot and help each other. I am sorry you have had the horrible scan. I too know about horrible scans (short version of my story is I have one healthy DD, 2, and have had 2 very recent terminations, one at 13 weeks, one at 20 weeks, both for conditions incompatible with life) and have had my share of horrible scans.

Anyway, I really hope the slow heartbeat can correct itself by next week and just be a blip. Did they give you any clues as to what it might mean? I am an expert now on some problem scans but not that one!

As for possible termination - what I can tell you is this. I coped with the termination at 13 weeks. The one at 20 weeks I have found so so much harder - more like having a real baby who was still born. But in both I have felt guilty, even though the babe couldn't have survived in either case anyway. I felt, feel sometimes still, guilty for not being able to take better care of my babies. Even though I didn't drink alcohol, smoke or eat anything banned, even though I did nothing wrong. Guilt, sadness and disbelief is what kicks in. But I think you need to take each day at a time - it's amazing, honestly, what horrors we can manage to live through, but we wouldn't if we knew in advance what they felt like. Also - hopefully, hopefully, this heartbeat will correct itself and all will be okay. In any case, we will be here for you and with you all the way, whatever happens.

And take pleasure in your two DCs - my DD has kept me going.

Hugs from the monsoon here!

People

I am popping in before popping out. hello to new mum - and do please carry on visiting us - some women have sort comfort here while waiting for news and gone on to have healthy happy pregnancies.
Cantdo and Eulalia - the news about Shangrila is astonishingly good - and sounds like it is having a similar effect on you two - in the 'hang on a minute what has she done to make it better'- as we are all looking for the magic solution, security, wondering what we may have done right or wrong although it is random usually.
She was not actively trying but poor Shang has had so many traumas. She has told about them here on the thread. Two TX for T21 and two miscarriages. She does have a DD - 8 I think.
So has been taking 5mg FA as had read some research to indicate it may have an effect - and suspect had not reached a decision re not trying or trying so took it anyway. And B12 I seem to remember. It sounds like she has experienced a wonderful miracle.
So Bloody Bravo for her.
I agree with you Tree - it is sob making with joy and relief for her.
Sending me back into turmoil about folic acid - as I feel very much like she did - can not face another traumatic pregnancy.
Sorry to call you 'she' Shangrila!
Hope everyone okay.
I also agree with you GU - except now you are GO- that she must take care financially. My ex left me with ...wait for it 50K worth of debt. I wish I was exaggerating. Between my new man and myself (selling endowment policies and gawd only knows what else) we have found security. Can even afford the posh hand soap now and again.
CHUCK HIM OUT.
Maybe she would like to join our thread?
Sounds like she may need some friends - lucky to have our Bezz as a sister.
Am now horribly late and nothing to feed the young horrors.
They will not smear poo on carpet no, but they will be very noisy and have smelly feet. And probably equally fussy about food.

OK, I get it about the folic acid. Dont think it is a solution for me as my babies have had different problems. But it does feel like hope is coming to the thread - with Lins too. And we need it.

Goodness me, thank you all so much. I am such a sporadic poster, so this is quite lovely, and undeserved!

Busierbee, you are spot on with my potted biography with one slight error in your earlier post. I am actually older than you! By two years Not that I look my age.

I don't mean to send you into a turmoil about the folate thing. I've long believed that I fell into a type of a 'folate trap' after a catastrophic miscarriage when I was advised to wait six months before TTC after a series of blood transfusions. Idiot that I was, I couldn't wait and became pregnant first cycle. Ended in TX. I then waited 9 months and took 5mg FA and B12 all this time, only to have a MMC. Assumed it was T21 again, so opted to forget megadose next time and conceived first cycle afterwards. Turned out that the MMC wasn't Downs but Turners, which they don't believe to have a folate link. But by then, I had given up on the folic acid and that pregnancy ended up T21 again. I could go on... Indeed, it happened again. This time a MMC with an accidental pregnancy and again no FA. At that stage, I determined to take 5mg for the (short) remainder of my fertile life.

Looks ridiculous when I put it down in print, but I prefer it to the 'bad luck/pure chance' argument. I can't buy that. DH is a medic and he says nothing happens 'by chance'. There is always an underlying cause but the medical community are notoriously reluctant to say that they just plain don't know.

High doses of folate are not for everyone. But this time round knowing that I'd taken that step made me feel a little better. I'm certainly not advocating that everyone do it. Some reports suggest scary links with autism and breast cancer. So caution is to be advised.

Enough of me. I'd like to say welcome to luckywinner. I always say it but this is the most special of places. Whatever you're going through there will be a sounding board and a shoulder here for you.

BezzyK - so sorry to hear about your family upheaval. There is so much trauma around, often so unnecessary and cruel. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. Don't ever forget that I am 50 mins away on the train!

And to Growing Out (love the name), Tree, Eulalia, Cantdo, Lovely Lins, Brighton Baby and Daftbat - thank you for your encouragement. Hope I can repay you one day.

And to Busier. Biggest hugs - unfortunately I know you understand exactly what this has been like and it means the world to share the burden. I hope the weekend is kind.

Busier - one last thing and then I will stop stalking you.

Just skipped the 50K thing. How you come back from that sort of emotional and financial hit, I just don't know. Says a lot about you and your Lovely Man! xx

Just working it out.... shangrila you must be the same age as me! Although am turning 44 next month so still the granny of the thread