support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Hi everyone

Glad you're feeling better Eulalia.I do get what you mean - I suppose your whole life has been bound up in small children for ages and now they are growing, and that changes things - can see it's both exciting and a bit odd.

Hi Daft, you're working too hard!!!

Hi Bee - how are you getting on? Did your son like the look of his new school?

Hi GU - hope the flu is warded off! didnt know that normal people were still being given Tamiflu!!!
Hi Tree hope you're okay and your DH isn't too cut up about the job.

Too early in the morning for me to be in any sort of mood yet. One thing I have realized is that worse than the pain is the empty feeling. I can combat the pain, but I don't seem to be able to banish the empty feeling.

Oh but I'm going out tonight. For the first time in two years, with some friends; they talked me into it (with no knowledge of what has happened). Just a pizza and drinks but big step for me...

Oh and been meaning to say - Brightonbaby, whenever you say what you've been doing it sounds great. Brighton sounds fab (have never been).

Have a fantastic time tonight Cantdo - you deserve it!

How's the love life of your dd BB? What is she doing now, is she staying on at school?

Been busy on eBay buying presents, got two sisters birthdays this month, my two boys and my other sister next month. We usually have a big family meet up of the summer birthdays, looks like it will be next Sunday which falls on ds1's birthday.

Off out soon, been soooo lazy these past few mornings, having a lie in, feel better for it though.

xxx

Hello All, hope you're all as well as can be.

Sorry to read your story Shangrila, what a truly horrible dilemma to be put in. As everyone has already said, nobody will judge. Just want what is right for you.

Congrats Lins! v.v.v. chuffed for you.

Well done on making plans to go out Can't! It's a massive step and SO hard to do. You'll have a ball, and soon be planning your next night out.

As for Edinburgh. Was truly draining, I'm completely exhausted. Putting on a brave face 24/7 is knackering. I feel like I need to sleep for weeks. I managed to see most of my friends, the 3 closest ones being pregnant. 2 of them completely understanding and kind. The 3rd, the one who I was going up to help buy her stuff, just didn't stop. She must have said 100 times that 'OMG everybody is pregnant' I kept repeating, 'I'm not' she didn't get the hint. I suppose we're all wrapped up in ourselves when we're expecting our first in a couple of weeks. She was very grateful for my coming up, but I don't think she appreciated quite how difficult it was. One of the other pregnant girls said to me that she couldn't believe I came up to help her, and that I have to start thinking of myself which was nice.

Mini Bez was a complete angel, so patient and good. Just took her to ELC for a couple of presents as a reward.

On the slightly funny side (ok, some might call it spiteful) I was at lunch on Wed with 2 of the pregnant girls. They ordered a glass of water and a juice. I asked the waiter for a 'uummm aaahhh....what will i have...I know A MOJITO!' Not something I'd ever drink, I just wanted to rub it in, just a touch....mean Bezzy.

Love to all of you, have missed you lots

BK xxx

Hello again, sorry I haven't been on for a while. All consuming 14 wk old.
Your messages meant so much to me everyone. I can't thank you enough. Today I have been worried about my baby's hearing and thinking about how much I love him and want to protect every hair on his head made the guilt return and take my breath away. I have been crying all day - with fear about my baby and such remorse about the one that never was. How could I abort a child when I love this one more than I can even express. I keep thinking if only I had known. But then I think I would not have this little boy if I hadn't and round and round it goes in my head. I still have the ultrasound just cannot get rid of it although DH wants me to.
X

Hi there

We haven't chatted before, but saw your post and wanted to offer some sympathy and understanding really. You sound a bit frantic after a stressful day. Maybe he wants you to get rid of the photo because he sees you upset and blames the image. Perhaps he sees it as a focus for your grief, and therefore no photo=no grief.

We know this cannot be, the photo is not the cause. I hardly ever give anyone advice, but to you [if you will allow me] I would say hang onto the photo for now. Maybe you will let it go one dday, but that day should be a calm one when the decision feels like a calm one, and it feels like a moving on, a step away from what happened.

Right now it would be a panic move to try deaden the hurt [I think?] and therefore I can't see it working.

Poor you - you sound sad.

bezzy - read your post, what a trip for you. It must have taken so much out of you, you must be exhausted. I'd be a squashy bit of coton wool right now.

Hi all

Ginga - I agree with Tree; hang onto the photo as long as you need it. Maybe try putting it somewhere so you don't feel compelled to keep looking at it? And just try and let time heal this. Your hormones will still be all over the place after having your baby, I assume, which is probably making it all feel worse. And your DH is reacting differently, which means you can't really help each other yet. I don't have any advice, just lots of sympathy.

Bezzy, my goodness, you have the patience of a saint - I'd have been inventing migraines and going home early!!! BUT I love the mojito ordering.

Well, night out ended up more of a washout - we had a big work event first at 4 pm which ended at 6.30 after which we were going out, but the event was very very tiring somehow and we were just too frazzled. So we did go for pizza but it was a very quick affair and then I got the bus home! Good job it turns out as DD was up half the night... Eulalia, can I swap and have a liein?

Sunny here for now, been up since 4.45 - this is going to be a long day!

Hello Mumsnutters
Been hectic with end of term madness for my boys - singing event in the afternoon yesterday for youngest and then swimming presentation in the evening for Medium sized boy. Exhausting quite frankly. And now .. today.. have to go.. deep breaths Bee.. CAMPING. With, like, a real tent? And rain and sleeping, you know, OUTSIDE?
I have not been camping since I was 21. I do not have any earnest camping equipment. Not even a torch. It is for my son's end of primary mums and kids get-to- gether in Suffolk- and most of them are seasoned, proper campers. I do not have a waterproof. My ex mother in law has a cottage there and am seriously considering de-camping and running away. Bezzy, you've been, will there be Molton Brown products in the washroom? I bloomin hope so, else not going at all.
Bezz - well done sugar for your Edinboro Endurance Test. You did very very well darling. And love the Mojito tale - at lunchtime too. Go girl.
Soon you will be a pregnant Bezzy too and the world will be put to rights.
Hello Cantdo - your evening out did not quite pan out as I hoped for you - should come out with me and Bezz really - Mojitos from her and shaking your booty to Abba from me. Soon.
So hard is it not to function like a normal person on the outside and be a an intermittent wreck on the inside. No wonder you tired Bezz.
Eulalia - thank you for asking about the Teen. She is rarely here at the moment - works three days a week and then is permanently either 'hanging' at the park or pub or with the boyfriend. We took them for dinner last week and he was delightful - at the end they practically ran from the restaurant giggling. How did I get to be so old that younger people run in embarrassment from me? She is going to do A levels in September ... apparently. How are the loooonnng holidays going? Hope you are getting some time for you too?
Tree - still sending you all my love and strength and hugs and will email you soon for more private space.
Must go and file nails and iron cashmere jumper in preparation for camping. Hey ho.

Shangrila - love.
No need to reply but wanted you to know my heart is reaching out to you and holding your hand across the ether.
Hold tight when the waves come.
Bee xxxxxx

Hi everyone

Bee - camping too!? is camping infectious? like a disease that is transmitted via this thread? I think I am more likely to catch the Molton Brown bug than the camping one - who will succumb next?? Seriously hope you have a good time... and tell us what it was like!

How are you Bezzy - resting a bit I hope?

Katerina, you've been quiet! are you okay?

Shangrila, still thinking of you.

Well very bad day here, for no obvious reason - just very emotional and as a result fractious and irritable. Felt like the whole world hated me. Suspect it was triggered by reading a newspaper sentence, not even a whole article, saying that by the end of this year they might be able to screen for every genetic mutancy and that there are 15000 mutancies. The current tests only test for 2% of them apparently. Anyway I didnt know there were 15000 of them and that set me off thinking of my chances of another one (my first was chromosomal - second apparently not). Also just felt weepy, really, and close to tears all afternoon. OK now, gearing up for vino.

Hope you all are okay that I've not mentioned - Tree, GU, Brightonbaby, Ginga, Lins, Ilovemydog, Daft, Eulalia... we're quite a little community!

Sorry you had a grey day cant. They happen. Hope you are ok, and you ginge66?

Bee - I spent our camping/campervan holiday in a flower pattern pencil skirt [damn tight one too] and a cream twinset. Was also to be seen hanging bunting from the tent guy ropes in the drizzle. If it didn't look like Cath Kidston I was going to a hotel, so dh let me do my thing, whilst holding the baby looking baffled

Cantdothisgaian and tree... thank you. I will keep the photo. I think some day when I and DH in a batter place would want to mark his/her passing somehow but neither of us there yet.

Ginga - I would wait till you feel ready, I think you're doing the right thing. How are you feeling today?

Tree - love the image of you Cath Kidstoned up on your camping trip.

Today is a new day; am determined to be positive.

Oh GU, what a terrible weekend you are having! I can't believe the treatment you got, dreadful. How is everyone feeling now, and what about you, anyone looking out for you?

Cantdo - hope you have a better day today.

BB - have fun with camping, hope the weather is OK! Have you packed some wine as well....?

Bezzy - you are very brave and funny, I loved the mojito ordering trick!

Oh I could really fancy a g&t.

I got the train yesterday and the races were on. Lots of dressed up people gigling and swaying. Was

Hope all are well, supportive weight bearing branches to those employed in being positive and determined to have a sunnier day.
Warm comfort to those who find it beyond them.
It's all good.

GU - well that sucks doesn't it! The worst time to give the message that care shouldn't be accessed. If you can find it within you you need to bring it to the attention of the nurse manager. Of all the population who don't need to feel reluctant to access care, you and your brood are pretty high on the list!

Feckers.

GU, that is enough to put my bad day into perspective! How did you manage to stay polite? and how are you all this evening?

Hi Tree, Eulalia. What are you two up to?

We've had a simple day, though I did manage to buy some new pyjamas in a sale. Bargainsome. DD sat down in a dirty water puddle created by the neighbour's obsessive car washing (seriously - he is very nice and a good neighbour, but he has SUCH a car obsession - washes it every week and it takes over 2 hours, and it's only small - and he does it on the road not his drive (which is big enough to fit four cars on it) presumably to avoid wetting his drive....). Anyway DD was crossing the road (it's a cul-de sac) and jumped in the water and then sat down. Lovely. Oh and then she laughed...

Hope everyone else is okay.

Hope all had an ok weekend?

Hope you are feeling ok GU, it's seems to have been a busy time in your life!?

Slobbed about at home, and mooched about online. Have produced and achieved very little, except a backache from sitting too long

DD1 at nanna's which explains the lull.

Good luck today with DS1, GU. Hope he gets better of his own accord, or else your GP is helpful.

Tree - just you and Harriet sounds lovely!

Well, still no period here, and have been up since before 5 again, as well as for hours in the night.

Hi to everyone else.

Ladies
Me busy bee at work and with end of term. Cantdo - Honey you sound bit .. not sure word.. maybe lonely. I remember after six weeks or so having a total meltdown when I read something in the papers about T21. I was drawn to read it - like a car crash - whilst knowing it would upset me greatly. Are you back at work yet? There are good days and bad days. I seem to have stopped taking folic acid. It upsets me that I have stopped but I just cannot imagine myself back in the whirlwind and pain of my last two pregnancies again. Can not destroy myself again. Yet the anxiety is immense. Wake up every day with a bolt of it and have to do a quick self check that all okay - are boys both in bed? Check. Where is the teen? Check. Is the LM breathing? Check. Just feel life can throw things at you and who is to say when it will happen again.
Big sigh.
So guess what I am saying is - WELL Done - for being here and keeping self together and supporting others and holding on tight.
Big hug to GU and hoping the hospital farce has not taken too hard a toll on you. Poor boys.
Hello to Tree and Bezz and Eulalia and Brighton babe and Pelvicflawed and Shangrila
kisses

You should come live at my house cant, there are plenty of people to talk to at 5am. To my horror.

Good luck GU! Hope ds is feeling better?

Do you always wake early or is it a stress thing Cant?