support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Sending love and hugs to everyone.

Sorry, Tree, didn't realise (or had forgotten?) DH had been made redundant. Poor man. I've been made redundant twice. After both babies. Funny that. Couldn't get back on the ladder earning enough to pay childcare so I gave up and retired. hated it. I felt that I was officially useless or else I'd be able to get a decent job. All my commendations and qualifications didn't boost my feeling of self worth. And, even in these enlightened times, I think it must be so much worse for a man.

Don't have time or energy to write more, sorry. Our school holidays start Friday for 7.5 weeks. OMG!

Hope the sun soon shines in all our lives...

Daftie xxx

Cantdo
That's a sweet thing to say and I know what you mean - it is the same for me really with you and Bezzy - and Lins when she is on. The emotional status -the ups and downs we all go through - kind of get reflected back on yourself don't they?
It can be so hard to know if one is okay or not. I think I am and then I have a day like today - just so sad.
I had a letter from the geneticist.
Astonishing really.
Advised partner and I that the only secure way to test for T21 was a CVS, Apparently these are carried out at 11 weeks. Thank you for that great genetic guru. I shall sleep better tonight.
Also letter from hospital to say i am too old for PGD.
So - weirdly I do not feel as upset and angry as I would expect myself to be. I feel worn out and full of sorrow for us all.
Another busy day tomorrow - Tree how i would love you to come to Honkers with me - I do love a sharp pencil and a friendly face in the audience - who nods appreciatively and laughs at my lame jokes.
Take care of you lovely Treelette.

Hi Ladies

Confessing all here...A couple of months ago I made some sweeping pronouncement about how I had worked out the right time to 'give up'. This has come back to bite me on the bum in big style.

I'm pregnant. BUT the minute I got my BFP I just knew I couldn't do this anymore. So much loss, I am drowning in it. And to go through all that again and face yet more unhappy testing, the blasted condescending staff, the whole shebang. So I went straight to book a termination.

I didn't reckon on the wait. It's been weeks and weeks and now it's imminent and I'm having all sorts of thoughts, most of which I can barely voice.

I realize that this posting is out of synch with the true ethos of this forum. I hope you all understand. Couldn't hold it in anymore. Hope I haven't upset anyone.

Anyway, that's my last few desperate weeks. Goodness knows what the next few days will bring. Think I must talk it through with DH tonight. I fear I will keep myself buttoned up and then maybe when I can talk, it will be too late.

Rambling now. Sorry and love to all of you.

Shangrila
Can you talk?
I would be exactly the same mess as you sweetheart.
You know I would.
My god. To face it all again.
Do you want to email me - could chat tonight honey? I am here for mad ranting and raving if at all appropriate for you.
Hugs and comforting soothing understanding words for this hell
Bee

Hi Shangrila

I barely know what to say - one minute you're at peace, in a way, and then this throws you into total turmoil. It must be so hard for you.

Whatever you decide to do, we're here, and it's not at all against our ethos - you're one of us and we're with you all the way.

I don't know what you'll decide but you've been through so much that either way you will make the right choice for you. That sounds trite - you know what I mean. I agree you need to talk, and think, and maybe if you can take some time out just to be, and see, and then decide. One thing - if you've had to wait this long, then wouldn't it make sense just to wait a bit longer for cvs just in case? Understand though if you can't face that.

I feel for you and I am thinking of you.

Shangrila
Do try and get it all out - all the pain and sorrow and ugly thoughts honey.
Nothing you can say will shock us here - and you need words and support.
Hang on in there.
love
bee

Agree with Busier bee. We're here.

And as a selfish aside from me - a not very close friend had a baby today and sent a jubilant message, and it hurt. I hate that this post-trauma me is so jealous. And I want my period to come.

But the above paragraph aside, I am focusing all my good karma with Shangrila.

Hello loves
Shangrila - am so preoccupied with thoughts of you. Have spoken to LM and he so very much feels your traumatic dilemma - we all do. Who could not after what you have endured darling.
We are here.
That's all really.
Bee

Oh Shangrila, I am so sorry. How terribly confusing: I'd be really bloody angry, in your shoes.

Only you know what is right for you, but I agree with the others that we'll be with you whatever you decide.

Not sure on your dates, or how long you'd now have to wait for your CVS but, like cantdo, wonder if it would be worth it to chase off the 'what-iffs' later. But I know that is the bit you are trying to avoid.

Loving thoughts and prayers are with you; sorry I have nothing more substantial to offer.

Daftie

And sorry tree, I forgot to thank you for your research on my behalf . I do appreciate it. Was going to do a really upbeat post today to share with you all how good I am feeling: I didn't realise how bad I was till I realised that I suddenly feel in control of my life again. But with Shangrila's news, now does not seem the right time.

And can'tdo, I'm so sorry you had that text: that's the problem when people don't know what's going on they don't realise how hurtful their actions are, although I guess she knew about last time...

Love and hugs to all

Daftie

shangrila, just to reiterate what others have said, and that I sympathise with you greatly. Know that this thread is a place of kindness and non-judgement. Sending you love and support.

Morning Shangrila
I hope you managed to get some sleep - I am not sure if everyone here knows what you have been through. I remember it well though for obvious reasons (it was a long while ago on another thread) and it has been a very rocky world pregnancy wise.
I too feel that to put myself through it again would be ultimately very self destructive and agonising - but I guess there is always a small, tiny voice that says - what if.
So your decision is your decision either way.
We will support one hundred percent.
With love
Bee

Shangrila, am so sorry to hear of your terrible dilemma, I can't remember the exact details of your past as it is before I joined these threads. I hope you get the support you need here.

Having a bit of a down day today, not sure why really. Feel like I don't know where I am going, birthday and due date coming up next month I suppose. I do feel that is me over with kids but I don't know what happens next (the menopause I suppose, Oh joy) and its too far off to think about applying for jobs (and the prospect of that terrifies me). I feel sick of babies and thinking about them, on good days they are OK I can even enjoy seeing them in prams but other days I just feel like I want to stop seeing them, want to stop opening Mumsnet and seeing a cute baby and thinking why is it so baby oriented, what about mums like me?! Horribly selfish of me I know.

Better go out I guess that should cheer me up. Hope everyone else is well. xxx

Shangrila - am so upset for you. YOu have my compassion - and absolutley no judgement. It's ok, read what everyone says, we hear you and don't judge. Ever. Poor poor you - I hope against hope you have been able to talk to dh?

Eulalia - sorry you are having a grey day. They come to get us sometimes.

Daftbat - no worries AM awaiting some general opinion from surgeon. Still think contact consultant.

Busier - letters from hospital hardly satisfying then? Daft buggers.

Hi all, I hope this isn't an inappropriate post as some of you are going through hellish times at the moment.
But I had to tell you, I had my 12 week scan today and all looking good! Nuchal was 'low' at 1.2mm. And baby measuring quite long for dates which means it's growing well. Almost 6 cm now.
I have been a wreck this week, hormonal, emotional, tearful, the whole works (on top of feeling usual crap morning sickness) and now this is over feel utterly exhausted but so relieved.
Obviously, we will need to wait for combined bloods, and this is only a first step, but a good one.

Shangrilla, my heart goes out to you. My gut reaction was to think, please wait and find out if your baby is ok. But I know you have been through so much and maybe can't take any more, so you do what you need to. We are all here. xxx

Love to you all too, and big hugs to everyone having grey days.

Lins xxxxx

Linspins - wow. You must feel a tonne lighter. Hang on in there, you are getting closer to the full breathing out stage! Am delighted for you, and I think all here will feel good to know that there is always a new horizon for someone. Wow Lins, such news. Thank you for letting us know.

Linspins I am so happy for you! I have been wondering and worrying about you. Has it sunk in yet?

Shangrila, still thinking of you.

Eulalia, I guess you're grieving your children growing up as well as grieving for the child you lost (iyswim) - I imagine it's tough. Perhaps you need to mix things up a bit - find some things to do that you couldn't have done a couple of years ago - not sure what, just thinking out loud.

Greyish day here, too - just blah, nothing sinister. Still obsessed with who else is pregnant and who isn't - utterly stupid, as it makes no difference to me, not really, it doesn't change my situation. Lins, you've been through the horror twice, and your happy news gives me hope.

Hi to everyone else and hope Bezzy had fun in Scotland...

GU - Swine flu? Really? And they have given you the retrovirul stuff, wow! Radio 4 were making out like only the cabinet would get the stuff. Hope all ok there?

Lins LIns LIns - there you go. You have exactly what we all hoped for you - some good news darling. That little bean sounds as if it is growing well and strongly.
Try and breath now and enjoy your holiday and your pregnancy.
We always need to hear good news here - it strenghtens us all I think. It gives us that magical little word.... hope.
Eulalia - not like you to feel down honey - these days come don't they? Growing up, looking after children, letting them grow and move on .. it is all so hard.
There are new and exciting chapters to come - I realise they are not the same as holding a tiny miraculous new born baby but they are vital and wonderful in their own way. Big boy visited new secondary school today; big girl and her boyfriend. They need us and are still our babies. All women have to let go and move on sometime from reproduction and I think maybe it is never ever easy but particularly so for us who have been nearly there and then chosen to stop for whatever reason. And you and I? We are the older ones - so choice less available.
Got to be more before now and the end than just the menopause though!!
Suspect you need a leetel break maybe - can you have a night out with the girls? Bee recommends shaking your arse to Michael and Abba. Or a day out at a pool without children? Or a night with the dreaded husband?!!!!
Hello to Cantdo too - still here and still a lovely voice and to my swaying Tree and GU.

and again to LINS
BBxxxxxxxx

That is wonderful news LINS!! One big step out of the way. Keep us posted on the blood results too.

Thanks for the kind words Cantdo and BB, actually feel OK now, was just a few grey hours thankfully. I am not sure I am really grieving them growing up as you said Cantdo I am really enjoying them now as they are getting older. Its more just I suppose me getting past that stage of being a viable woman to produce a baby and because that's all I've done for the past 10 years its a bit scary knowing whats coming next... mostly the sadness is I just feel I let my unborn baby boy down, I should have taken care of him, that hurts a lot. But the other part of that is the being sick of babies, I've had my fill of babies and am a lucky cow to have had 3 very easy pregnancies, so have given myself swift boot in the bum. Have organised to see friends with the spa in a couple of weeks and will probably take my sister and yes the kids too (I can't live without them!) but will get them bedded for a bit of fun later, if I have the energy!

Ooops meant to write more before clicking post. GU - swine flu? Poor things, how long does this take to work through, have you got to keep away from everyone!? Hope your ds's are better soon.

Hope you are OK Shangrila, wanted to post more but kids still up (I know its the holidays!) but should get them to bed. Night all. xxx

linspins, I am sooooo pleased for you: I appreciate that you're not there till you get the bloods but this must be a huge relief.

Shangrila, I hope today has been kind to you and you are coming to terms with whatever decision you have finally made. there are no right or wong ones; just the best for your family (however small a unit that may be) at that time.

I am sorry there are some bleugh, blah and whatever days out there. I hope tomorrow (today!) is better for you.

Sorry I can't write anything more meaningful, supportive or individually directed but I have just stopped working and am tooooo tired.

Hugs to all that need them.

Daftie xxx