support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

You lot were very chatty last night! Did Captain C ever get home, Bez?

On the subject of cvs/amnio, after my first experience, my consultant suggested I should have amnio/cvs regardless next time around because the nuchal is only a screening test not a diagnostic. I refused after the nuchal, cos the nuchal went so well - and because second consultant said the chromosomal problem we had first time around was not one that typically re-presented. If I had had a baby with DS, and I knew I would terminate, I would probably have gone for cvs second time around. It's different for me though - because I don't know if I would terminate for DS or not (think it's one of those things you say you'd not do, but then would do if the diagnosis came at 12 weeks, so don't think it's something you can know in advance) and because of what happened this second time around, I am going to be a gibbering wreck till 20 weeks at least.

Oh I should add that I am not ttc yet, this is all speculative.

Not trying to be secretive about my job at all (ha!)...

Is anyone here either in Yorkshire or in Devon? going to be in both places, over the summer...

PS. I know what you mean Busier. Part of me thinks: four weeks today since I lost Stella; thus I am coping. Another part wails: but I am getting further and further from her...

Hi bezzy

On the subject of testing... if you are in Brizzle - avoid, avoid, avoid the Spire Women's Clinic in Clifton. (Was BUPA at the time) Had my first 'bad' nuchal there and the hard faced consultant midwife (or whatever she was) couldn't get us out of there quickly enough. No TLC, no aftercare, nowt! I still get chills when I venture to particular parts of Clifton, which is a shame because it is so lovely.

On a lighter note, I forgot you were in the South West. I was working in Bristol this week - just off Prince St. We could have met up for a glass of hang glider (or ten...)

Good weekend to one and all and LOL at ILMD's misconstruing the testing situation!

Thanks for the advice Shangrila, will stay away!

Glass of the apple juice would have been good, never mind, maybe next time.

How you doing anyway?

BK xx

All pretty crappy at the moment but, hey ho, we go on, don't we? Cheers for asking, though.

Plus side, it's Friday and there's an ice cold glass of something fizzy with my name on it ready and waiting for close of play! xx

sorry to hear.

Hope your spirits (pun ha ha) pick up over the weekend

BK xx

Sorry things arent good, Shangrila. I'll send a virtual glass of vino down there for you (I'll be needing one too).

Getting a bit hung up on the 4-weeks-since-lost-Stella thing today - just makes me sad. No sign of period, but I didn't expect it this early, and part of me doesn't want it yet because I bled for ages after, and want a bleeding break, but then another part desperately wants it so things start moving towards TTC again. Hey-ho.

Murray overpowered, then. My money's on Federer on Sunday.

Hello Cant, sorry it's been a bad day. There's not much I can say really other than, it will pass, but you know that already.

Capt C came to bed at 1am last night....he's come home at that time every night this week. Madness. The kind of effort you need to put in these days I guess in order to try and keep your job.

On the plus side - banana bread complete with choc chips is ready for worship in my kitchen. It looks so beautiful! Made it to take camping, aren't I the domestic goddess? I followed the Daisy recipe can't, it really was v simple.

Threw wobbly with plumber this morn, and he's still here, getting my bath in for the weekend, nothing else is there, but at least I'll be able to wash without going to the gym.

Love to all

BK xxx

Ilovemy that is most funny, He is much better at aiming than that usually.
Shangrilala - I am going to CAT you very soon as would love to speak.
I am sorry things are a bit shitty.
Did not realise you were a Bristol Bird too.
I love Clifton.
Off for wine and fish and chips.
xxxxx

Busier-fish and chips!!! I want some! Now!

I've got the wine already. Red tonight. Yum.

The banana bread recipe was very easy. The Cooking with Daisy book is full of easy recipes for cooking with toddlers. Let me know if you are interested in any more, anyone...

Well we are meant to be spending a day outside tomorrow with DH's relatives who are coming up to visit, but the weather is decidedly iffy! Was gorgeous this morning and we went to the park, but this afternoon was a real downpour. Again.

The Yorkshire two, shall I try CATing you to see if we're going to be anywhere near you for a meet up? I don't know if we are or not but worth a shot, perhaps...

HI Cando
Me also on the rouge ce soir - I must say it does go straight to my head more than white. Am sitting on sofa surrounded by packaging from fish and chip shop, with MICHAEL JACKSON programme on replay.
I love Michael Jackson - makes me want to weep that the soundtrack of my teens and twenties is no more. And in fact feel more emotional about the Jackson 5 - as he was a prodigy of dance of voice and his life ended in turmoil and god only knows where his childhood went.
I do love to shake my booty and it happens very rarely - wait til that picnic ladies.
Boo - me not coming to Yorkshire but wish I was.
Cantdo it it really four weeks since you said goodbye to Stella? I can not believe it somehow - feels so raw and recent. Love - is so hard ot say goodbye to a baby.
Sadness

Did he ever have a childhood? sad, sad.

Oh - did I tell you all this already? - a friend of mine told me her neighbour leaves the 6 week old baby OUTSIDE IN THE GARDEN IN HIS PRAM all night because, quote, 'he cries a lot'. He's in the back garden, not out the front, but still - how terrifying.

Oh Cantdo - this can not be true.
In the modern age? Give me the address - i will go and get him. This is a case for the social services.Am now shaking my booty ( whist sitting down on the sofa) to Don't Stop til you get Enough.
Life so curious - why have a baby if you going to keep him in the garden?

Bezzy boodles - enjoy camping babes(is it possible to enjoy camping? I am going next weekend too) - and well done for the banana cake business.
The wine kicking in now - time to stop, tidy up and get jim jams on.

Oh ladies, what a lot of trauma for one week .

Prayers for Stella, Good wishes for Busier and Shangrila who seem to be having it tough and GU. What shits (am I meant to blosc out some letters?) about the PhD funding. Did they know about bump or is that our secret? Wondered if there was a discrimination claim there? Hope canntdo has been able to offer some advice (BTW am I the only one who now sees her as a mysterious superhero with veiled identity - perhaps a Captain Cantdo to go with our very own Captain Condom? )

Have to say great big smiles for GU on the scan news. 1 trimester down (so sad that we wish our time away like this, now). I am sooooo pleased you have given us some good news. I hope you don't mind us relishing your pregnancy by proxy?

As for the woman with the baby outside OMG.... they may frusrate the pants off us sometimes, but bloody hell....

Now big confession time..... I hate tennis (all sport except rugby, in fact, where the view can be quite pleasantly distracting.......) and I can't remember ever baking a cake - since one horrid day when I was about 9 (She can hear the gasps of horror). Am meant to be taking a cake in for school fate tomorrow and thought I'd give Nigella a try but fear got the better of me. Unless anyone has got a spare bananna cake (none in so cant try it myself, you understand) I am going to have to grovel to DH who is currently feeling as crap as me (we both have throat infections, hence my absence - well, that and a recent Drs visit...) and HE can bake cakes without weighing the ingredients. He just knows...

Anyway, I didn't mean to babble on. I do so hate myself for doing that. But I did want to send BIG HUGS to all of you who need it and let you know you are in my thoughts even when I'm not posting. (Haven't been on siince Tue or would have felt compelled to send loves sooner)

Hope camping goes well, Bezzy (at least there'll be a shower there!). And everyone else has a good weekend

love Daftie

Daft, how are you? another visit to the doctor - hope that wasn't something else going wrong. Been thinking of you.Oh and no shame in hating sport - me too other than tennis. And I don't actually PLAY tennis...

The pram in the garden - I know. Horrid. Makes me mad given how much I would love a 6 week old baby. Which I would have, actually, cruelly - my first due date was May 5th, for Lucia.

Hope the camping goes okay - not sure I could do a tent, but a caravan'd be okay I reckon - enjoy the banana bread!

I thought I'd share a 'tummy watching' story to give you a smile....

I was walking past the shope the other day and glimpsed a rounded tummy in a window. I turned to see who matched the profile but couldn't spot them. Curious. Then realised it was my reflection!!!! I guess all this lack of exercise, alcohol and comfort eating do not agree with me!!!

Laughing beats the alternative!

Daftie

(Sorry for all the !!!!'s!)

Hi Cantdo. The cruelty of fate in giving babies to undeserving parents really sucks, doesn't it. Didn't realise how close Stella was to Lucia's due date . No wonder you've been feeling it so bad. Double whammy. Bit like ectopic coming exactly 6 months after Jospeph was born. Dates matter. I think it was Bezzy and Busier who have had memorable occassions buggered up by bad memories, too.

Only went to Drs for more codeine; not like me to take pain killers (didn't have anything but entonox in labour - even with J) but I cant manage without them and dont see the point in suffering physically when it's not necessary. But he said something to set me in turmoil. He can't see why I have to wait 2 years to try again and suggests I seek clarification from gynae at my appointment at month end.....

Thing is, I was seriously pissed off to be told, in effect 'no more babies' (yes, I know some people have them later, Eualia, I just never thought I would! - hope you are ok BTW). After a while, though, I think there was a relief in knowing I wouldn't have to go through this ever ever again, if you know what I mean. And, whilst I dearly love my DDs and wanted more, I know it will be bloody hard work - 3 is bad enough (but I NEVER make them sleep in the garden!!). Now I am back to the bloody torment most of you guys are in again. Do I or Dont I? Bugger. ot even told DH yet as I know he wants more but will try to leave the decision to me.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Go away next week and lots of work to do before at home and with my job so may not be on again to post, but will be thinking of you all.

love and hugs,

Daftie

It IS cruel, isn't it, that some people have babies so easily and then neglect them. And leaving a baby in the garden all night has to constitute neglect...

Yes, I tried again 3 months after lost Lucia and conceived Stella first try (like Bezzy I've been pregnant three times on the first try. If only I was as good at growing babies as I have been at conceiving them ).

What a dilemma you have Daft. I guess maybe you need a little time to think? Hard to make decisions in the middle of it all. Glad you got painkillers. The midwife who delivered Stella was a strong, very warm, but very say-it-like-it-is woman, in the nicest possible way - exactly what I needed, since I am a prevaricator - anyway she kept saying 'Stop trying to be a hero' when I was refusing pain relief, and she was right, I think. It isn't bad to accept we need pain relief sometimes.

Been out all day at a place I went to last year when I first found out I was pregnant with Lucia (5 weeks, or something) and the time before when I was 14 weeks with DD. It was so odd being there and having a glass of wine with a picnic- and also not being tired by hiking up and down hills. I savoured the ice cold white wine because it's the only positive side to not being pregnant anymore. That makes me sound like an alcoholic and I promise I'm not - I like a glass of wine, sometimes two, NEVER, EVER three since DD - but I am finding wine helps. Anyway it has been a lovely day, hot and sunny, with DH's relatives, having a gorgeous picnic in the sun, and walking a lot, and I have to remember these things.

Daft I love your rounded tummy story! I forgot to notice tummies today, but don't think it's a great place for pregnant women - too much up and down hills - so I was safe.

Bezzy will be in her tent with bananabread. Dont know where the rest of you are but hope you're all okay!

Hi all.

I can't read the thread and respond in the way it deserves at the moment [RL and all that] but popped in to say am thinking of you all and that help me deal with my own shit with more dignity. If you see what I mean.

I'll be back soon. Nothing serious here, just rl being a pain in the ass. Money and marriage are tricky buggers and can seriously affect your mood no?

Love love love to all and peaceful karma.

Oh Tree, sorry you now have new things in RL getting you down. I guess the absence of sponsorship on your PhD has eaten into other areas.

Try to keep smiling - your little bump doesn't need all the excess stress hormone coursing through her - so relax for her sake!

Love and hugs xxx

Hi Tree

I am sorry to hear you're having a bad time. Thank you for making this our spiritual home. And hope the baby is giving you some rest to recover...