support thread for women who have chosen to terminate II

[brightonbaby]

Erm, trying to create a new thread for us, ladies. Not sure if I've succeeded...

Big hugs bezzy. Am sorry it's a grey day for you. You can still talk about it if you want to.

Thanks Tree, just the same old emotions rearing up again.

I'll be fine xx

Hi Bezzy

I feel the same emptiness as you - I know how you feel, and I'm not saying that flippantly at all; I really share that empty feeling. I gather it doesn't go away from what you are saying.

Have you managed to talk to DH about it any more (setting deadlines, etc)? Or do you have any nice holidays planned, or anything that can take your mind off it or act as a deadline for you?

Hmm, Pantley. I have read every sleep book going, and tried a few of the less hardnosed ones. Pantley I've not tried since DD was about eight months - time to retry, perhaps? She HAS improved so I shouldn't complain, but improvement is all relative. Most nights she is up between 5 to 10 times, sometimes more, on a lucky night less. But in the worst days it was EVERY 45 MINUTES, and it was that for a long time.

I am dazed and tired still. Tired and empty is how I would describe myself. And tomorrow - well I need tomorrow, to say goodbye.

Thinking of you Bezzy.

Thanks Cantdo, can't believe you're responding to my whinges when you have so much to deal with yourself.

The Pantley book I'm referring to is the one for bigger kids (toddlers and preschoolers) I found that the other sleep books were either

a) cruel
b) aimed at tiny babies
c) patronising.

I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from though, DD was the same. I ended up sleeping in the single bed she has in her room with her in it too, it was the only way of getting some sleep, and I did that until she was about 20 months. Then magically, it all changed.

Really hope she sleeps soon, you have enough to deal with!

BK x

Listening to other whinges helps actually - it puts me back in the real world. And you have stuff to whinge about too!

Thank you for the recommendation! Aha. I can feel an Amazon order coming on. Didnt realize there was a separate book. Will give me an excuse for an Amazon binge.

Oh and I am tempted to move DD out of her bedroom which is our 3rd bedroom and into our 2nd bedroom which is currently guest room so I can sleep next to her cot... She was in a co-sleeper for ages and ages, for the reasons you give.

Trouble with Amazon now is that you only need to spend £5 to get the free delivery. It was almost better when it was £15 as it gave you an excuse to splurge on something else!

Have poured self a large (medicinal) glass of red. Haven't eaten dinner yet, so feeling pretty drunk already....

Re your earlier question, no, haven't discussed the 'deadline' thingy with DH yet. Doesn't seem to be a good time, he's VERY stressed at work and doesn't need my nagging to add to it. He joked the other day and said we could 'try again' when the condoms were finished...well, I counted them and there were 16! It could take YEARS to get through those ha ha ha ha! Maybe I should invest in some slutty lingerie.....(then again I did an inventory of my bras the other day and counted over 30 of them, very few of them actually fit though, boobs tend to fluctuate in size a LOT)

Listen to me, I sound like some crazed baby snatcher.

BK x

Can't: How kind of you to ask about DD when you have your grandmother's funeral tomorrow . DD's temp went down, and she's been watching Peppa Pig and the election of the House of Commons Speaker

There was a thread last night the Wife Swap program. One of the Bristol people sent an email to Channel 4 asking about the child's welfare (the family are here in Bristol) Am hoping the woman gets proper support, and she did seem as if she wanted to change. At least it was a positive result in that the hyper organized woman and her husband decided that they wanted to foster.

Vaya con Dios for your grandmother

Hi both of you,

Have had some wine with my M and S peppered chicken, potato wedges and veggie box spinach, so bear with me.

ILove, I really appreciate you and the others who come here who haven't had the experiences we have had but still don't judge us. So sorry about your DD - how old is she? - hope her temperature goes back to normal soon.

Bezzy, 16 would last me forever too! And my bras are mostly too small now. Need to reinvest.

The Wife Swap thing - the woman who decided to foster, that was really positive - but it felt wrong to see that poor little 18 mth old stuck in her cot then eating crisps for breakfast at 1.30 pm...

Oh anyone else interested in Wimbledon?

Hi Ladies, sorry I've not been feeling great and left you to it. I'm sorry you feel so bad Bezzy, I think I feel pretty similar right now so my heart does go out to you.

Cantdo, I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can do: I know going back to the crematorium will be particularly diffiult, especially since only your folks know about your recent trip . Hope you get a good night's sleep. Mine were always ok till I conceived the next one and then stopped sleeping at all. I don't think its all down to bad parenting, sometimes kids just need more reassurance. I don't know any that donts sleep ok by 5 so take heart - only 3 years to go!!!

Lins and Marj1, you are both quiet. I hope you are ok.

Hello tree, nice to meet you! You said you assumed I'd had the Lapwotsit. I actually had both; they tried the first one and then had to do the other. And put a drain in. And I am really bloody sore right now, not to mention frustrated at not being able to do anything.

GU congrats on the 12 weeks: I'm so pleased for you. I'm sorry about your dad, though: mines been the same since his heart attack. He's nearly 70. He started forgetting things but didn't acknowledge the fact because he was so scared. He has since been to the Drs but, because he can still do maths, remember the day, primeminister etc they say he's fine. But he's not. He's perfectly capable of day to day living, but he forgets conversations. And now I think he's got lazy: sometimes I know I have 3 things to remember and have to work hard to remember the third (hello babies, bye-bye brain cells!) but he just doesn't try. The Telegraph paper has recently done an article to suggest statins do this: I don't actually know if statins are in my dads medly of tablets - or yours. But I know it is particularly difficult for my mum. So I do feel for yours....

Love to eveyone else out there.

(I started writing this at 7 before tea so sorry if I've missed more recent important postings)

Daftie xx

Daftie - poor you. You must be so uncomfortable. Keep taking the painkillers!

Nice to meet you too! I've been hovering about since busierbee first came to mumsnet, and have just stuck about really! I have 2 dd's, 4.5 adn 5 months. No personal experience but I am a midwife, and I've spent years talking to people about screening and testing in rl. So it kind of feels familiar to me, all this.

Must go really. My dd2 is unhappy tonight.

Cantdo - stout heart tomorrow. Will be looking out for you if you need an ear.

Daftie - hope tomorrow is a beter day for you. At least today is done now. Tomorrow might be sunnier for you.

Just a quick message of support for Cant tomorrow. DD will be 3 in July. her temp went high before bed, and then went sub normal, which I think means she's getting better? She is so funny. Since DS has been at Children's Hospital so frequently and overhears me speaking to medical people, she told me this evening, 'I need to call my doctor...'

Wishing you strength today can't. I'll also be checking in during the day should you need some support.

Thinking of you today Cantdo xx

Oh, and I have realised where I thought I recognised the name Eulalia from!.....there is a book by PG Wodehouse called "The code of the Woosters" (VERY funny if any of you need a pick me up!) and there is a character called Roderick Spode who is a sort of facist dictator who owns a ladies underclothing shop called "Eulalie Soeurs".

Its been driving me mad.....

Love and strength, Cantdo...

Hi everyone, you are so lovely.

Actually I was reading some of the trollhunting threads last night and it struck me that I probably sound like a troll piling up problems! I am not a troll though, in case you were wondering. And my life is usually/used to be incredibly normal! I wish it would go back that way, tbh.

Glad DD is a bit better, Ilove.

Daft, not surprised you are feeling bad. The physical pain on top of the pain of loss (which comes on top of losing Joseph) must really mount up. You are probably exhausted too. Are you managing with your kids amongst all of this?

The funeral is this afternoon. Church, then crematorium, then the wake. I hate the word wake. I want to write reception instead, but that's for weddings not funerals. I am sitting here eating chocolate cupcake (oh what a bad idea to have made so many...) bleeding a lot again (when will this stop? it's very irritating. They claimed it would last a week - I knew from last time that was rubbish - and now it's been 18 days...) and I know it still hasn't hit me.

Bezzy, don't know if you've read this far... but I hope things are feeling brighter today. Ditto Daftbat. I'm sure Lins is being tired with her pregnancy but thinking of you Lins - and Busier - are you okay sweetie?

Hi Can't I hope this afternoon goes ok. I know it will be difficult on so many counts, but we'll all be thinking of you.

I think the Irish have the right idea - celebrating the life of the departed with gusto: whereas the ones I've been to seem to wallow in the misery of the loss which isn't what our loved ones would want at all.

God bless xx

Hope this afternoon is ok for you Cant. Much love x

bezzyk - how's your weather today? Sunny, grey or stormy?

[For those who didn't see the post, I sort of decided the bad days that hit you all were grey, as someone described the numb sad feeling as grey, the good days as sunny, and the angry with it all days as stormy. You can have a stormy grey day and partly cloudy etc. Whilst it's such a sad and serious thing the idea of this kind of makes me smile]

Was thinking about this thread. It is great because you can come after x amoount of weeks or months and say 'I had a bad grey day' and we know what you mean. You don't have explain that unless you want to.

Big waves to shangrila and becaroo and Eulalia, and to bb, mar1, linspins, linso, and to illlove and growingup. Are you growingout yet? And to all who have posted here I missed whilst away on holiday Names with lots of b's in!

Hello Tree...My personal weather, is pretty much like it is outside. Warm and partly cloudy with sunny intervals....

I think cant asked yesterday if anybody was watching the tennis...I'd LOVE to be, however, I'm restricted to while DD is napping otherwise we get 'no mummy' I'm hoping to get to see Murray's match later though.

Hope you're getting on OK Can't xx

Bezzyk -

I think that describes standard weather for people who haven't been through what you have.

And happily describes Wimbledon. I LOVE tennis, and also watching the cricket. ANy sport that demands you sit quitely for 3-5 days in warm non rainy weather with a picnic and a box of wine is fine by me. Some men run about occasionally and a board tells me how much running they have done. Nice.

DD2 has big grumps. Teething I suspect.

I used to love the tennis and cricket too. Many a fond memory of sitting at Newlands cricket ground in Cape Town while I was in high school. Sneaking the odd cider and flirting with the boys (I went to an all girls convent school, so boy exposure was limited).

BK x

I probably parked outside your house

he he!