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Original poster

support thread for women who have chosen to terminate

1000 replies

busierbee · 16/04/2009 22:53

Hello
Busier Bee here - I felt that before I went to bed I wanted to open up officially a new place for weary travellers of those on the road that we have chosen to rest our heads, muse, sob, moan and support each other.
Also the kind, compassionate souls who have not been there but who offer their support and lend an ear and pass a gentle word.
We have chosen to be here and we are here and we are not alone.
Thank you so much all of you -for I personally do not know where I would have been in the last few weeks without you all.
Night - sleep well
kisses and thoughts
BB xx

OP posts:
marj1 · 29/04/2009 18:26

glad I'm not alone busier x

linspins · 29/04/2009 19:26

Sculpture park? Have I missed something??!

Marj, I always read ARC on Yahoo, and click on messages to get them all in date/time order. But the daily digest that gets emailed out can be an easier read. But the organisation of the posts isn't the most user friendly I guess.

Bee, speaking of ARC, that was a nice message you wrote to Charlene. She has been my 'buddy' recently, as we went through the same thing only days apart. We swapped texts and emails throughout and have had some teary phone calls too. And it was she that I met up with last week. Was good to be able to pass on a hug in person!

I used to go to Quaker meetings when I was about 7 or 8. My best friends family went, and as Sundays were a bit boring I went too, for the fun art/craft/stories club for children. We always went in to the main meeting, it was very ...quiet! Which was a problem for me and my friend, we tried so hard not to giggle, but always did. It's a bit like trying not to be noisy in a library! They were a very friendly and inclusive bunch though.

Original poster
busierbee · 29/04/2009 19:48

Right that's it then. Get me a black and white bonnet.
Ah she is your buddy Lins -after I had written I thought maybe she was - she sounded very low today poor girl. There are days like these aren't there?
If you do not get the sculpture park thing - you have not been paying attention!
Our lovely Justa has had what seems to me an idyllic pre tea stroll in the sculpture park. Am very envious.
Lins has been a busy day here! - missed you.
x

OP posts:
justaboutspringtime · 29/04/2009 20:30

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linspins · 29/04/2009 20:40

Sorry teacher Busier, I fell asleep at the back of the class. I have looked back and now I see the bit about the sculpture park. So am not confused or on the wrong thread anymore!

linspins · 29/04/2009 20:42

Bee and Justa, sign me up too!! I fancy wearing those clothes...!!
Let's all be Quakers.

linspins · 29/04/2009 20:48

Hello and good evening to everyone. I hope Justa wasn't the only one to get out in the sunshine today.
Dd and I have been out in the garden, it was lovely.
A friend who'd brought her dd round to play asked if I was 'ok' (you know how people put special emphasis on it) and I said yes, as long as I get my daily fix on Mumsnet. I don't mind talking about stuff to anyone who will listen but I know that here, lots of you really know how I feel and what life is like.

Ok, completely off the topic, does anyone watch Madmen? Was that the last one?
Yeah, I know, there are special threads for tv addicts...sorry.

Original poster
busierbee · 29/04/2009 21:18

Ooh - does it come in pink?
Will cover a multitude of sins - if you pardon the pun.

OP posts:
treedelivery · 29/04/2009 22:09

I would never get my boobs in that.

marj1 · 29/04/2009 22:16

Lucky you , I'm jealous x

Original poster
busierbee · 29/04/2009 22:35

Tree - am expecting you to post a link to photo of said boobs.
As Marj said - 'lucky you'
Am working again tomorrow - have meeting with boss who is expecting me to be dynamic - oh dear. So no philosophical debates for me.
Bye dears
BB x

OP posts:
Eulalia · 29/04/2009 23:17

Wanted to say becaroo many thanks for posting your story. I think you did the right thing as your health is so important carrying a child. How awful you felt you had to do it without pain relief. Thanks for sharing.

Busierbee, thanks for asking after my ds1. Yes he does need support at school, I think otherwise he'd just drift off in a world of his own. He appears to have normal intelligence, just thinks in a different way and has learning difficulites (lack of concentration, easily distracted etc) which get in the way.

Hello to everyone else, I just realised I don't know all your stories yet but don't like to pry or ask you to repeat it all. If you've not read mine yet its on the "saying hello" thread.

It feels like a long day and its catching up on me now being back to that place where it all happened. Also finding out I was going to have a son, wonder now if I'd been better not knowing but at the end of the day it doesn't make any difference does it?

Can I ask those to whom this is relevant how long it took for their cycles to return to normal after their termination? Thanks.

Night night, off to bed, sleeping with my 'baby' tonight.

marj1 · 29/04/2009 23:54

mine was exactly 4 weeks on the dot x

SAMR71 · 29/04/2009 23:56

Right - hi all - have been having keyboard problems so this is third attempt to say hello! Religion, blossom, sculpture parks, boobs in quaker outfits - a busy day...
Becaroo - a big welcome, and thanks for sharing with us - I know it must have been difficult. I too believe in this thing of doing what we feel is right for us at any particular moment - and I think you did the right thing putting your health first - I don't think it is selfish - it could even be the opposite.. Sometimes it is perceived that mothers should always put themselves at the bottom of the heap, but if we don't look after ourselves, then the very people who we are trying to protect/look after are the ones who suffer... you did the right thing, and when it was the right moment for you and your physical health you had your lovely boys...
And Eulalia - I haven't read your thread yet, but I will - I hope you have a good sleep after your long day... On the practical side - I think my cycles were back on track pretty quickly - ie back to normal within 3 months if not sooner...
And I'm fine - back at work today which was good, and felt I had quite a productive day too... I had my last session with my counsellor on Monday - ironically she is going on maternity leave - it was good though, as I feel after this last m/c I need a complete change.. I feel like I have spent the last 18 months in a place so full of darkness and anxiety - am ready to move on from survival mode, and start living my life again.. I felt a pang of sadness (after initial delight) when I got a text today from a friend announcing arrival of their second child - our firsts are the same age.. I do get that feeling of being left behind - the age gap between DS and a sibling will now be more than 3 yrs - sth I had never expected to happen - and it's fine - I just need to readjust my expectations... Oh dear - starting to get into late night ramblings - time for bed!
And Tree - loving that your DD is hanging out with us - I find it comforting.
Night night.
xx

Eulalia · 30/04/2009 07:56

Morning, just done a quick skim and managing to piece together the stories. Lots of all round, but hope for lindo.

SAMR71 - I am in Scotland too, about 20 miles from Aberdeen, its in the country, lovely apart from the smells sometimes! (currently pig poo being spread on the fields)

I wonder if my body is having a rest after all that bleeding last month, weird thing is I did have a period... hmm anyway no point in speculating, will test tomorrow.... time to get kids up for school.

linspins · 30/04/2009 08:06

Morning all, I shouldn't be on here but just wanted to check in. Tick me off on the register!

Sam I know well that feeling of getting left behind, all but one of a (large) circle of mummy friends here have had their second, without hitch or hesitation. My Daisy was going to be the perfect 3 yr gap between hr and DD, and now those dreams are gone. This is a real sadness for me. And stuffs up career plans a bit too, as every year that goes by delays when I would go from part time back to full time work.
hey ho.

Won't be on here tonight as off to Sands meeting. Unless I switch on when I come home (someone tell me off!)

Have a good day all. xxxx Lins

linspins · 30/04/2009 08:09

Eulalia, if you want my full story and have some spare time, it is
Lins old thread...
You might want to skim read!
xxxx

treedelivery · 30/04/2009 09:17

Morning all, tick for me in register [vast improvement on school days!]

I had a 4.5 year gap between babies, and actually wanted 5, I wanted dd1, Jess, at school before number 2. Mostly selfish reasons, I wanted to be able to have a babytime and then a big baby time when she got home, a clear pattern of attention division.

Hey ho!

linspins - hope the Sands meeting in beneficial, you have great energy.

Go go dynamic BB!! Good luck.

Big waves to all, and wishes for a peaceful day.

justaboutspringtime · 30/04/2009 09:35

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treedelivery · 30/04/2009 09:57

OOOOooooooo!!

Good luck Justa. Thanks for the news.

justaboutspringtime · 30/04/2009 10:26

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treedelivery · 30/04/2009 11:05

Oh good, the I can YIPPPEEE and do more bobs about in my chair. Everything crossed.

bezzyk · 30/04/2009 12:11

Congratulations Justa!

Wishing you 35 weeks of stress free baby bliss

Bezzy xx

Eulalia · 30/04/2009 13:14

Justa - congratualtions and really hope this works out for you.

linspins - what a terrible time you have had and to not really have a clear picture of the risks, that makes it much worse to plan the future. But you have one lovely girl already, thankfully that must be such a blessing for you.

Funny talking about age gaps making me think I need a good slap.... count my blessings (not that I don't usually) but I have a 3 year age gap between my 3, give or take a month or so, this is what I wanted. I have 2 sons and a daughter and what could anyone else want? Yes my eldest is difficult, always going to be but essentially healthy and nearly always happy. I think I need to just take stock and really think hard about trying for another. Thing is 6 months ago i was trundling along quite happily thinking this was it, my family complete but obviously leaving myself open to the possibility. It makes me feel more 'guilty' in that we were so laid back about everything, assured that we would cope with another baby if it happened, but of course didn't.... urgh sorry retrospect is a great thing! ... didn't want to bring such a downer on things.

Anyway must get on I need to make up some social stories for ds1 who is behaving badly at school (just had dreaded phone call from the teacher!)

marj1 · 30/04/2009 18:07

Justa - what fantastic news, I am so pleased for you and your family. Fingers crossed it all goes well. Please don't leave us though, we will want daily updates on how you are feeling and we couldn't survive without your messages.

Talking of age gaps, mine may possibly be the longest. My daughter is 8 in July and she has no siblings. She's very social and outgoing and has lots and lots of friends but I desparately want her to have a brother and sister and she does now. I worry though as she's been an only child for so long and dare I say it spoilt, how would she react with not having all of mummy and daddy's attention. It breaks my heart though when I take her to the park and she has no-one to play with

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