Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

In February we lost our son Max after a TFMR at 16 weeks. It still feels extremely raw and I miss him very much.
We started TTC again last month and my AF was 5 days late earlier this week. Most of the tests I did were negative but one was a very faint positive so allowed myself to hope. However I started bleeding and it has progressively got worse to the point where I am now passing clots. I think it must have been a chemical pregnancy.

We had a miscarriage in August as well so I'm starting to lose hope that we will ever have a second child - our daughter was conceived very quickly and I had a completely uncomplicated pregnancy so I don't understand why this is so hard second time round.
I would love the hear success stories from those with a similar history as I need some hope 😢

@Brooklily I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like you've had a truly awful year. Keep a log of everything, every test result and every period. My DS and my boys (who I lost through tmfr) were conceived really quickly too so it was really disheartening to not fall quickly when I wanted to. I noted after a few months that my cycles hadn't settled so requested some blood tests just to see if something dodgy was going on. Moreover it just helped me feel like I was doing something. As it was I suspect my thyroid was causing the issues but I did conceive around cycle 8/9 of trying.
It's so stressful but all we are all here to vent at any time xx

@Kiki275 thanks so much. My friends and family are amazing but they're no substitute for talking to those who have been there.
I'm finding it hard that my body doesn't seem to have returned to normal post TFMR. I've been to A+E today with very heavy bleeding and passing clots. HCG came back negative so not a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage but I'm so confused as to what has caused such a heavy bleed. They've given me medication to slow the bleeding and back home now. Got a F/U with gynae in a couple of weeks. I just want to get back to normal so we can TTC 😭
Sorry for pity party. It's been a hard day. X

@Brooklily you're fully entitled to feel whatever you like. It's not pity, it's a whole combination of grief, anger, frustration and helplessness. Be kind to yourself.
Hopefully whatever it was will mean that you're starting at point zero and can truly go forward from here x

@Brooklily I’m sorry you’re finding yourself here. Both my LC and TFMR baby were conceived first cycle trying, so when I had a chemical after my TFMR I was worried something wasn’t quite right. This happened another 4 times in the space of 6 cycles and we eventually found out that I had chronic endometritis, a chronic inflammation of the lining of the womb which causes implantation to fail. It’s usually caused by bacterial from retained product (which I had) or surgery (which I also had) and has basically no symptoms. Definitely push to get checked out. I found no one cared and I really had to push to be seen.

I had my viability scan today at 6+5 going by my dates, baby measured 6+4 which I’m happy with and had a strong heartbeat. Booked in for another one in 2.5 weeks, which I wasn’t expecting but is a nice surprise. They confirmed today that we’re eligible for the NIPT on the NHS too which is great news.

@ShootingStar94 mine measured 120bpm today at 6+4, my husband asked what range they’d expect and they said “at this point it should be over 100bpm, so 120bpm is really good.” - which means your 117bpm at 6+5 is perfectly fine! I hope this helps you relax a little.

@NoCallerID I had a medically managed TFMR but I did have retained product that became symptomatic two weeks after the TFMR and had to have it removed as well as antibiotics. Thankfully the aftercare has been brilliant and I am still under the gynae team as an ovarian cyst was picked up (I have no history of PCOS) and they wanted to check up on it. I have two appointments with them over the next four weeks so have opportunity to raise all these concerns. Did you have any treatment to enable successful implantation? Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊 x

@Brooklily thank you!! It was only discovered because I took part in a clinical research trial, it's not something that's usually tested for yet (hence the trial to prove treatment works). It's diagnosed through biopsy and I wouldn't have had a clue had the prof not suggested to take part. I was given medication (either a placebo or an antibiotic called doxycycline), I know I had the antibiotic for several reasons and this successfully treated the inflammation and here I am with a little heart beating inside me. I too for antibiotics after they removed my retained placenta but it wasn't the right one to treat the infection.
I'm absolutely not saying you or anyone else has got this, but it's overlooked 99% of the time despite being very common, most professionals have never heard of it before so I like to raise awareness for people struggling to fall or stay pregnant. It breaks my heart to think so many women go through months or years of infertility and loss after loss when two weeks of antibiotics could cure it.

@Brooklily I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your body's and cycles can take a while to get back to normal postpartum but I think Kiki's suggestions of keeping a log of everything is really good. I hope you have a very supportive gynae team too to help you through this.

@NoCallerID thank you so much, that is reassuring to hear. I was away from home for the previous scans and I intend to go and register with my doctor this week when I'm about 8 weeks and hope that he will do another ultrasound to show the heart rate has increased.

@Brooklily sorry you find yourself here. I didn’t have clots but my bleeding was much heavier. I agree with previous posts, definitely push to have it checked. Did they scan you for retained products after you went to A&E.
@NoCallerID and @ShootingStar94 congratulations!! I never had a early scan, so I don’t know what is normal.

@NoCallerID thanks for sharing - I'm so glad it just a matter of some antibiotics! Like you say, it's horrible to think of some women going though infertility when the fix is so simple.

@Alice40p I had retained tissue two weeks post TFMR 2 months ago and had it removed and antibiotics. I started getting pain again about a week later and was scanned again and there was a hemorrhagic cyst on my right ovary - they booked me in for a F/U in May to check it. There was no more retained tissue at this scan. I've had a lot of pelvic pain at different times of the month and then this bleed a few days ago.
I've always had regular cycles and even after having my daughter via C-Section everything returned to normal relatively quickly. After miscarrying in August, things also returned to normal quite soon. So I feel like it's been one thing after another since the TFMR as well as dealing with the emotional fallout. I wonder if it was all the hormones I was given as it was medically managed and I delivered our son.

I'll have chance to ask questions in the next few weeks and will hopefully get some answers. As @Kiki275 says hopefully it is all a step closer to moving forward. I hope it is.

Thank you @ShootingStar94 - I have a very supportive team. I am in regular contact with our bereavement midwife and my obstetrician/fetal medicine consultant is the same lady who delivered my daughter so I feel I'm in safe hands.

@Brooklily it is possibly the cyst that is causing the issue, in any case it is good you are getting it checked. It is horrible that you are having to go through this on top of the tfmr! Do take good care of yourself.

Morning ladies, glad to see some bfps and good luck to those that are ovulating 🤞🏼. Hope everyone else is doing well.

I'm officially CD1, 40 days after we lost our daughter. I'm home alone because my partner is working so needed somewhere to come chat. It really does hit home that you are no longer pregnant doesn't it? Feeling a bit emotional but also glad to start fresh.

Now the questions....before pregnancy my AF would come overnight (like this has done) but as soon as I would go to the toilet it would be very obvious red blood. Not heavy but obvious. This seems to be watery pink/red and not alot of it? I know it's only just started so maybe I should sit back and prepare for it to become heavier? Also my boobs used to be agony and heavy the week up to AF, now they are absolutely fine. Should I be worried? Have some light cramping and I feel like I want to punch my partner if he even breaths too loudly so these things are very normal for me at least 😂 x

Morning @No1worrier, I hope you are doing ok. I completely understand what you mean about it being so emotional. I was told to expect my first period 4-6 weeks after, and even though it arrived bang on 5 weeks after, it took me by surprise and I felt very emotional, like I wasn't ready for it to happen.

Mine was also very different from before - I hadn't realised how heavy mine were pre-pregnancy until I had this one which was much lighter, albeit still strong, and with no cramping or pain at all when I'm usually in agony for the first day. I think it's normal for it to be different, but it can go either way - some women are much lighter than normal while others are much heavier.

The fact that it's started must be a good sign that your body is getting back to normal though. My nurse post TFMR said that your period starting was your body's was of showing it is healing and recovering, and once I had got over the initial shock of it, I found it gave me hope.

@No1worrier completely understand feeling emotional about not being pregnant again. I felt very low at that point too. Good that AF is finally on way for you. Yes, AF changed for me post tfmr. It just started for me as mild starting and then I had couple of days of really heavy flow !

Agree with @ShootingStar94, this is great as it means you can TTC and it is the start of a new beginning! Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you for the replies ❤. Now that I have been up and moving around they have came on heavier, so bit less worried about them not being normal. Just hope they don't get too much heavier!...

Yes I've started my FF new chart, opks are at the ready, been taking all my supplements for the last 40 days, eating healthier and I've lost around 6/7 pounds. Although I was nearly 23 weeks pregnant I only gained 3 pounds...

I think about our daughter every minute of every day but I am ready to get pregnant this cycle and I'm staying positive ❤ x

@No1worrier keeping everything crossed for you x

Hi all. I had a TFMR at the end of last year after T13 was found at the 12 week scan.

Just got a BFP after 4 months of trying and feeling excited but nervous. With previous pregnancies I’ve not contacted midwife until 8 weeks ish for booking in but wondering if I should get in touch earlier.

For those who’ve had viability/reassurance scans - was this for a specific reason? Or how do I go about arranging NIPT?

I just want to know ASAP if this is all going to go wrong again

@PinkertonRab tentative congratulations! It's worth contacting them now and getting booked in, they might not see you until close to 8 weeks but it's better than 9 or so.
My MW arranged a reassurance scan for me but it may be you need to arrange a private scan depending on whether the trust will refer you. I can't advise on NIPT I'm afraid but I'm sure others will xx

@PinkertonRab I'm sorry you're finding yourself here. Gentle congratulations!
I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant after a TFMR beginning of last year. I did have a viability scan through Tommy's as I had 4 miscarriages after my TFMR so was under the RMC and will have another one next week. Just after my TFMR I was told to call up the screening midwife at my local hospital and they would arrange for an early scan (which I didn't but I spoke to her anyway and she confirmed this again.)
It's also worth asking about the NIPT. It's pretty new rules but if I understood this correctly you are eligible for a free NIPT if you had a previous pregnancy with a confirmed chromosomal abnormality.

Hello again everyone. We have just had a meeting with our bereavement midwife and obstetrician about chromosome testing performed on our son's cord and placenta. There was no sign of the most common trisomys and they haven't been able to give us an answer to the question of what caused the massive abnormalities that led us to compassionate induction (we were never able to have an amnio due to there being no amniotic fluid). We have been reassured that he had an extremely poor prognosis and the pregnancy probably wouldn't have progreswed much further but I have been struggling with whether we made the right decision and if we should have fought harder for him.
They have offered us genetic counseling although both the midwife and the doctor doubted that anything would be found as we have a happy and healthy two year old.
Has anyone gone down this route? Did it help get answers? Or was it pointless? Did it provide any closure? We are already trying for another baby and I'm not sure if having the testing would make any difference to that. I am just a bit confused as to where to go from here.
Thank you xxx

@Brooklily that sounds heartbreaking when there is no fixed reason as to why.
I had my TMFR after my waters broke during TTTS surgery. Both my twins had minimal amniotic fluid left, so neither would be able to practice breathing or stretch their limbs. It was solely for this reason we chose the route we did. I couldn't bear the thought of them coming into this world being unable to and struggling to breath. I often think of the what-ifs but always come back to the why and I know I did the right thing. Fighting for them would have been selfish and they'd have had to live with the pain.
What will be the benefits of genetic counselling for you? Will it make you more worried for future pregnancies or less?xx

@Kiki275 Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm so sorry.
Max had an abnormally large bladder which wasn't draining so he didn't produce any fluid - we saw it on the USS and it filled his whole abdomen. He also had an abdominal wall defect which meant his bowels were outside his body. I couldn't stand the thought of him not being able to move and his lungs not developing so being unable to breath. So for similar reasons to you we made the decision we did. When he was born he had low set ears and appeared to have lots of fluid at the back of his neck so we thought the test results would show a chromasonal syndrome so we were shocked at the results today. We have been told he may have had one of the rarer ones which aren't routinely tested but we will never know.
I suppose the benefits of genetic testing is having all the information and if there is a genetic element to this we would be able to look into ways of reducing the chances of this happening again. But I think the general feeling is that this was a one off random event which was extremely rare and unlikely to happen again.
I just don't want to stop trying and waste months waiting for a referral and testing to confirm what I already suspect which is that this is not a genetic problem.
I guess I've already answered my own question 🤷‍♀️

@Brooklily oh bless him, sounds like you made the best decision. I can't imagine some of those would have been an easy fix had he survived and that was just what was obvious at the time. Lovely name too x

Even without the testing now, you'll hopefully be fully supported for future pregnancies and any issues detected earlier (if any) xx

Hi everyone, I hope it's ok to join. I think I was on this thread last summer when I found out I was pregnant but sadly I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.
I'm 40 (just) and have a son who is nearly 4. I got pregnant 2 years ago and the baby had Down's syndrome and heart problems so I had a TMFR at 13 weeks. I got pregnant again in December 2019 and everything was looking good until the 12 week scan where there were again severe heart problems and markers for Edwards. We got the confirmation that it was Edwards (after the hospital made a mistake) and I had another surgical TMFR that was really traumatic both mentally and physically. This was in March just before lockdown which made everything worse. I've been told it's just bad luck but it's not much comfort.
We had a break for a while after the miscarriage and I got pregnant again quite quickly but needless to say I'm terrified! I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next 7 weeks - am only 5+5 today! Any tips / distractions are welcome!