Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@ArrrMeHearties we didn’t get told to abstain for 6 weeks just to wait until the bleeding stopped/we felt ready to. Ideally I was told to give it one period, although they said that from an emotional point of view to give it a couple if we felt up to it. My only strict instruction was to eat and make sure I was healthy as id had really had hyperemesis again.

Definitely makes sense. I needed that closeness to my other half.

@ArrrMeHearties

No one told me not to do anything for 6 weeks, I just left it 2 weeks coz that's what they told me when I had my misscarage so I assumed it would be the same. I had loads of anti biotics so I suppose risk of infection was being delt with.

I know what you mean about needing it to feel closer to OH though, mine is never really interested in sex, I had to tell him that I needed him to be making an effort because not being intimate was making me feel distant from him, not what I need right now.

I waited less than a week I couldn't bear not being close to oh and it has helped. My health board (I'm in Scotland) tells women to wait 6wks before having sex or wearing tampons to let everything inside heal up

Argh
I’m really struggling this week and I don’t really have anyone irl who gets it, plus we haven’t told anyone we are pregnant again 😭
I’ve got a repeat scan on Thursday and my mind is in overdrive I’m so scared I’m going to get bad news. Hyperemesis has well and truly kicked in this week and I’m struggling big time, I just keep crying to hubby as I don’t feel like I can do this again if I’m not going to get to bring our baby home 😭

@Upsydasiy hello :) I have been sporadically reading this thread for the past 2 months and I can totally get where your coming from! I had my tfmr in June and immediately fell pregnant 3 weeks later. I am now 21 weeks and everything is well thank god but I didnt realise until after my 20 week scan how much of a depressive state I was in. Scans were horrific, I had a panic attack before each of them. (on the plus side they didnt make us pay for pictures haha because I was hyperventilating/bawling throughout).

Anyway my point is give yourself some credit, you have been through something traumatic and now pregnant again which stirs up all those emotions again. I felt like I was reliving a nightmare and was just waiting for bad news at every scan. I am slowly coming back to life.... I had a giggling fit on Monday (about something silly like my toddler farting) and realised that was the first time I had properly laughed in months. Do what you need to do to survive. Eating cheesy toasties and being a grump for the 20 weeks of my pregnancy seemed to be my coping mechanism.

Also @ArrrMeHearties sex with my husband was a great comfort to me right after my tfmr... if it is safe go for it!

@rosed1008
I’ve never had to pay for scan photos 😳 perks of been a member of staff 🙌🏻

Your comment about feeling like you are reliving the nightmare is exactly what I said to my husband last night. We are still early days so hormones are all over the place without the added stress from our last pregnancy 😭 I feel so lucky to have fallen pregnant quickly but I’m so terrified.

So pleased to hear that everything is going well in your rainbow pregnancy. Wishing you a healthy rest of the pregnancy ❤️

@Upsydasiy

Argh I’m really struggling this week and I don’t really have anyone irl who gets it, plus we haven’t told anyone we are pregnant again 😭 I’ve got a repeat scan on Thursday and my mind is in overdrive I’m so scared I’m going to get bad news. Hyperemesis has well and truly kicked in this week and I’m struggling big time, I just keep crying to hubby as I don’t feel like I can do this again if I’m not going to get to bring our baby home 😭

I absolutely get it. The fear and tension is huge. Its horrible and so consuming. I'm sorry this is your experience when it's not supposed to be like this at all.

rosed1008 I'm so glad to hear you are doing well, and it's a healthy pregnancy. I bet after the anomaly scan it felt like a weight had lifted off your shoulders.

I had the NT scan last Thursday and there was a waving bean who had had a growth spurt. Sonographer said it looked healthy by eyeballing it, but now just waiting on blood test results. If we get past blood tests, then it's a fetal medicine scan at 16 to check spine and brain. Mentally I can only really take one day at a time, and I try to forget as much as possible. We've told nobody yet, I can't in case it all goes horribly. I don't want people to be pleased for us if it's all going to go to shit again.

@HeyFloof glad your scan went well. Fingers crossed for your blood result 😘

@Upsydasiy take one day at a time. I found the early days of my post TFMR pregnancy the hardest. I never believed that I would bring this baby home and resisted bonding with him.
For me it got slightly easier with each scan telling me he was ok, although as you know the cleft lip diagnosis has been a stumbling block recently. But even that has helped weirdly as now I do believe he will come home and have started buying stuff and preparing. It's pushed me to bond with him and I feel very protective of him now.
This pregnancy will be hard for you and it will be emotional and scary, but you will be able to find some joy the further along you get. And we're always here when you need to vent.
Sending so much love and strength xxx

Hello everyone, I've not posted in a while! Sorry to see some new faces here, it truly is the most heartbreaking experience to go through. My heart goes out to you all. Kiki hope you are enjoying life with your rainbow baby. Those struggling through scans etc I hear you, I'm exactly the same.

I'm 25 weeks today with my rainbow baby girl and never ever ever thought I would get here. Every day was filled with anxiety and worry, it still is but thankfully not as bad. I am being looked after by an amazing doctor at the maternity hospital who is the only person I trust after my past experience. I'm also seeing a psychologist and what a difference after only 3 sessions. I definitely recommend this for anyone struggling, I was referred to one in the maternity hospital.

My worries are now focusing on the birth, with my TFMR I was induced and I labour for 10 hours before my angel was born sleeping. I was then rushed to theatre as my placenta never came away. That was only in March this year and it still feels like it was only yesterday. I really don't think I can do this again so soon. I'm back at 28 weeks and need to decide if I want to book a planned c section or not. I knows it's a personal decision and I need to decide what's best for us but just looking for any advice at all from those that have now had their rainbow babies, or nearly there what they have decided on? My family and friends are trying to give advice and I appreciate it but its hard to take it in unless you have given birth to a baby you knew wouldn't be alive/survive 💔.

@No1worrier you sound like you're doing amazingly. I'm 27 weeks and this pregnancy has been tough with a cleft diagnosis and a diagnosis of GD. Before all of this, I had decided to have an elective section, a decision my obstetrician completely supports even if the midwives keep trying to persuade me otherwise 🙄 For me, having that bit of control and knowing a team of specialists will be right there with me for the whole birth makes me feel so much safer.
I had a section for my living daughter so I know what to expect, and in some ways part of me wants to keep my vaginal birth experience for Max. Its weird how your mind works.
It's completely your decision, do what ever makes you feel safest and is best for your mental health for the rest of your pregnancy. Sending love ❤

@Brooklily oh I'm sorry to hear you have had a tough time ❤ hope you are okay.

I hadn't even thought about it because I was convinced something bad would happen. I hated thinking ahead or planning, didn't even think about her due date until recently. It was a way to protect myself. Now things seem to be going okay and the weeks are passing by I know I need to start thinking about it and my doctor at the maternity said he would like to get me booked in at 28 weeks if that's why I choose. He hasn't advised either way, I think he's leaving it totally up to me. They did also offer a planned induction but again that's too similar to what I have just went through so don't think I will do that. Your way of thinking is similar to mine with the planned c section. Feeling a bit more in control and knowing what and when things are happening. My partner has also said he would find it hard to watch me go through labour again so soon so we need to think about his mental health too. I am swaying more to the c section to be honest but I still have another few weeks to decide.

Have you been given your c section date?

Book a date in at 28 weeks that is meant to say*

@No1worrier at my last appointment, at 26 weeks the midwife said that at 32 weeks they would discuss my birth plan and book things in then 'in case' I change my mind about the section. Then I saw the Dr who just started the paperwork then and there. She said I should get my appointment through at 32 weeks. It will be in the week after I turn 39 weeks. If I go into labour before they'll do the section ASAP.
They tried to induce me with my daughter but it failed and I ended up with a section anyway 🤷‍♀️
From my point of view it's a massive relief not having to worry about the birth. My last section was lovely. The theatre team were amazing and supportive so I'm actually looking forward to it! The recovery isn't a walk in the park but for me it's worth it.
You will make the right decision for you I'm sure. If you need any more info let me know ❤

@No1worrier wow I can't believe you're so far on already!
I would highly recommend the hypnobirthing digital pack from the positive birth company. It's £39 and helps so so much. I've also just started CBT because I'm worried about labour and having flashbacks about my TFMR labour. I still want everything to be as natural as possible but I appreciate this isn't for everyone. It's a completely different situation birthing a baby you know you'll get to take home so I'm hoping I'll manage to stay in the here and now and it'll be like my first birth. Completely different, calm, best thing I've ever done.

Had a private scan this morning because of some light bleeding and wanted to check. Sonographer saw something on the bottom of baby's back so it's likely another poorly baby with spina bifida.

@HeyFloof

I'm so very sorry to hear this. 😭 What will happen next, are they going to refer you for a more detailed scan?

I've got an earlier FMU scan appointment on Monday, which is amazingly quick considering. To see what's going on and the severity. Further than that, I'm not sure, presumably choosing dates for my TFMR.

My DS2 who we lost, it's a year on Saturday since his funeral, he was perfect at 14 weeks. If this one has visible issues already then I'm assuming it's as serious or more so. It was a 4% chance.

@HeyFloof

How are this morning?

I am really sorry that this is happening to you again. I am not very good with words and feel anxious about saying the wrong thing to you, but I want you to know that I've been thinking about you.

I'm glad that you don't have to wait too long for your scan, waiting for appointments and results of things is such a horrible anxious time, but it's really shit that you are having to go through it all again. Xxx

@HeyFloof

How are you this morning?

I’m so very sorry to hear this 😢
Im glad that you have an apt arranged with fetal medicine and don’t have too long to wait. Sending so much love to you 😘

I just can't believe it's happening again. I'm shell shocked with it I think. Especially as she said baby looks like a girl, and girls are statistically less likely t be affected. Yet here we are.

Hello everyone,

I recently had a missed miscarriage. There was a heartbeat at a 6-week scan but none at the 10-week harmony scan. Looks like it stopped growing at 8 weeks.

The miscarriage wasn't happening naturally, so I had surgery two days later. The recovery was easy, with almost no bleeding or pain.

The cytogenetic test showed Patau Syndrome or Trisomy 13. The letter said women who had previous trisomic pregnancies appear to be at an increased risk of future pregnancies also being trisomic (Ref: De Souza et al 2009).

Bloodwork showed I have a homozygous MTHFR c665c>T (aka c677c>T) mutation but normal homocysteine levels. I also have a heterozygous PAI1 mutation. I have normal haemoglobin and marginally raised antithrombin III levels. This means my blood is prone to clotting. The fix for the MTHFR mutation is to take 2mg of folate each day. For blood clotting, take aspirin and Clexane each day once pregnant. As far as I know, I'm otherwise (very thankfully) healthy. This is my first "health issue."

Everything above was via private care. I had also gone to my first NHS midwife appt a few days before the scan.

We're trying to figure out what to do next. I'm 36, so I'm leaning towards IVF as we can do genetic testing on the embryo. We have a consult next week.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? IVF seems aggressive, but maybe worth it if it decreases the chance of this happening again...

@ExpatLivingLondon

Hiya, I'm sorry to hear abput your miscarriage, I hope you are doing OK.

I had a missed miscarriage around 7 years ago, I then went on to have my little boy who is now nearly 6. I have been trying for a brother or sister for him for 4 years with no success.

I have have had 2 failed rounds of ivf and used the embroscope both times. The embroscope is a new type of incubator that allows the embryologist to monitor embryo cell divisions while the embryos are still in the incubator. The incubator has a built-in camera that can take pictures of the embryos at timed intervals. ... Embryologists can see the embryos continuous development over several days.

After the 2nd failed round I had a conversation with the embryologist that watches it, basically I've got a problem with my eggs, they were fertilising abnormally. The embryologist told me that when they fertilise like that they either don't implant, or end in miscarriage, or if they do end up implanting they have genetic issues. She told me that she can't be 100 percent sure but it is probably the cause of my miscarriage.

I was just preparing for my third round of ivf and got pregnant naturally, unfortunately I had a diagnosis of Trisomy 21 and had a termination for medical reasons on 25th October. I was told that there's about a 10percent chance of it happening again, but as I know that most of my eggs were fertilising abnormally I think it would definitely be higher for me.

I have my ivf information session next weds and I'm going to be doing the last round in January. If it doesn't work I will with probably give up or move to donor eggs. I'm just hoping that they can just get that one good egg, I must have some, I have my little boy.

They dont do genetic testing of embryos at the hospital In Coventry, but using the embroscope is good because they wouldn't put an embryo back that had divided too many times.

I definitely think ivf is a good way to proceed.

[quote Aimz40]@ExpatLivingLondon

Hiya, I'm sorry to hear abput your miscarriage, I hope you are doing OK.

I had a missed miscarriage around 7 years ago, I then went on to have my little boy who is now nearly 6. I have been trying for a brother or sister for him for 4 years with no success.

I have have had 2 failed rounds of ivf and used the embroscope both times. The embroscope is a new type of incubator that allows the embryologist to monitor embryo cell divisions while the embryos are still in the incubator. The incubator has a built-in camera that can take pictures of the embryos at timed intervals. ... Embryologists can see the embryos continuous development over several days.

After the 2nd failed round I had a conversation with the embryologist that watches it, basically I've got a problem with my eggs, they were fertilising abnormally. The embryologist told me that when they fertilise like that they either don't implant, or end in miscarriage, or if they do end up implanting they have genetic issues. She told me that she can't be 100 percent sure but it is probably the cause of my miscarriage.

I was just preparing for my third round of ivf and got pregnant naturally, unfortunately I had a diagnosis of Trisomy 21 and had a termination for medical reasons on 25th October. I was told that there's about a 10percent chance of it happening again, but as I know that most of my eggs were fertilising abnormally I think it would definitely be higher for me.

I have my ivf information session next weds and I'm going to be doing the last round in January. If it doesn't work I will with probably give up or move to donor eggs. I'm just hoping that they can just get that one good egg, I must have some, I have my little boy.

They dont do genetic testing of embryos at the hospital In Coventry, but using the embroscope is good because they wouldn't put an embryo back that had divided too many times.

I definitely think ivf is a good way to proceed.[/quote]
@Aimz40 good luck with the third round of IVF! I'm sorry about your most recent pregnancy.

Pls feel free to PM if you're considering using a London doctor, happy to share details. A few years ago, DH and I froze embryos that we had genetically tested as an insurance policy.