Support for Women who are TTC or Pregnant Following a Termination for Abnormalities- Thread 8

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities (tmfr). Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@NoCallerID that's great news about your scan and NIPT results! I'm still waiting for mine as they used an expired vial the first time and had to redraw a week later.

How many weeks are you now?

I completely get where you are coming from, I think it's another thing that reminds us of what we didn't have with our tfmr babies, and what should have been so happy and exciting turned into unbelievable stress and worry, and ultimately heartbreak.

I'm trying hard to enjoy the excitement and trying not to feel guilty about it, buts it's hard especially as my original due date was next week. Like you say, it's such a rollercoaster

@NoCallerID that is great news!

@NoCallerID so glad everything came back ok! I on now what you mean about anxiety going sky high and needing a break.

I had a scan yesterday at 10 weeks - all looked fine which has reassured me a bit as I'm now past the point where I miscarried so a positive scan helped. Two weeks today until the 12 week one. I feel a bit better now as it's less time to wait and it feels like less time for life to be "on hold" but also really starting to worry now. Due to some childcare issues I've had I've had to use up so much holiday this summer and I won't be able to take any of the Christmas holidays off with DS, not even Christmas Eve. It's fine and I normally prefer time off when the weather is nice but I'm just gutted as I should be on Mat leave so it should be fine but if the pregnancy doesn't work out it will be really hard. I know it's not something I should worry about now but you know what it's like!

@NoCallerID so glad to hear your good news ❤

I got my BFP this morning after a couple of days of faint squinty lines. While I'm happy to have gotten over the first hurdle, I'm so scared and sad. I can't stop thinking of our little boy, and its so early there's still such a long way to go.

I knew it would be different this time so I'm just trying to take it a step at time but it feels like a long way to go until the viability scan in a few weeks.

@Brooklily gentle congratulations. I know it's a really hard time and it seems so long to wait. Thinking of you and hope you manage to find lots of distractions - it's the only thing that works for me.

@Brooklily tentative congratulations, I remember the feelings so well. Take time to relax and concentrate on yourself xx

@nocallerid what wonderful and reassuring news!im so pleased for you! How are you feeling?

@seahawk80 also fab news about your scan! Rubbish about the holidays though, and it makes things so much harder when you darent get excited for the future.

@brooklily tentative congratulations my lovely ❤️ all my fingers crossed for you.

How is everyone?

Hi ladies, hope you are all well and also sorry to see more girls joining 💔, I've been having a bit of time away from the forums, last month (first proper cycle since our loss) I drove myself totally crazy, stressed so much my body tried to ovulate multiple times before eventually ovulating late. Missed the window completely etc you all get the picture!..

I am now cd13 of my 2nd cycle, and having what I think to be ovulation bleeding for the first time ever in my life. Did anyone else have this after their loss? My OPKs are steadily getting darker and my temps are nice and low so I think ovulation is any day now but slightly concerned (or should I be?) about the bleeding. Any help will be appreciated ❤

@Brooklily tentative congratulations!! Yes, I remember feeling like that too!
@Seahawk80 glad to hear your scan went well too, must be a relief !
I’m ok! Even after the 20 weeks scan, I still have this feeling that something bad can happen any time, it doesn’t help that I have many complications! I just want the weeks to whizz by and go to the point where I’m holding my baby in my hands. This is such a difficult journey and our gestation is so long !

Hi ladies, it’s been a while since I have added a message, I needed some time away. Congratulations on the new BFPs, and sorry to see more ladies join.

I have just completed 9 sessions of counselling, which has changed a lot of things for me in a positive way, it really is good to talk. There are also some great groups with podcasts that I found on Instagram, tfmrmamas & timetotalktfmr - I thought I’d share in case it helps anyone xx

We have been trying last 2 months, and I had a very very faint line 3 days ago on a CB, a negative the next day on a digital, then a definite line on the frer today, period is due tomorrow. Did anyone else not quite believe it and assume the worst is going to happen? I’m scared to even believe it. I’ve not even told oh yet as I daren’t say it.

@URMysunshine4 so pleased the counselling is helping. CB digitalis aren't nearly as sensitive as the others so promising signs, tentative congratulations to you too.
I did believe my BFPs but wasn't swinging from the chandeliers if that makes sense? I did tell DH but we didn't make further references until after AF was due and another was still positive. It's a whole new level of emotions to contend with xx

@URMysunshine4 gentle congratulations. I'm in a similar position - due on Sunday but had positives since yesterday. I'm testing every day with the same brand to watch that line hopefully get a bit darker, as well as doing CB early detections in between . If you got two positives on two different brands I'd believe it.
I told my DH but were very cautious after our TFMR and a miscarriage before that. I'm dreading wiping every time I go to the loo in case there's blood. And there's all the emotions around my losses, particularly my TFMR which have come back strongly.
Sending love and strength. It's so hard xxx

Thank you @Kiki275 & @Brooklily.

Gentle congratulations to you too Brooklily.
I can totally relate to the checking for blood on wiping, I started bleeding on and off from 7/8 weeks with my tfmr baby so I am feeling nervous about this too, that’s if my positives really are positives. I think I am going to use my other frer tomorrow and then maybe try a digital at the weekend / early next week. It’s my tfmr baby’s due date on the 23rd, so it’s going to be a funny old month.
Fingers crossed for us all xx

It is my tfmr baby’s due date now and my emotions are all over the place ! Anxiety for this pregnancy is over the roof. My 20 weeks scan went ok but there was one reading out of range but the midwife didn’t seem worried. Because of the complications I have, I feel very worried for this pregnancy. I had counselling too which helps but there are days like today which feels very hard.

Gentle congratulations @URMysunshine4 I totally felt like I couldn't believe my BFP. Also walked around for a couple of days convinced I felt like everything was about to fall out. It was hard starting again at the beginning. I had some implantation bleeding but thankfully it didn't last long. I've had bleeding with all my pregnancies except the one where I miscarried so it's not always bad - know what you mean about the constant checking though!

@Alice40p I can imagine your anxiety must be through the roof. Due dates and memories can be so triggering.

I had a difficult day yesterday. This pregnancy is almost identical in dates to my first that I lost to TMFR, 2 years ago it was DS 2nd birthday just after the termination. For some stupid reason I insisted on going ahead with his party and even making a cake, 3 days after. I had a 2 cake mould and made a chocolate cake, it came out perfectly and I iced it and covered with berries. I'm not much of a baker and I was so proud. Until everyone arrived and laughed....I'd forgotten to flip the cake over once it was out of the tin so the "2" was backwards, like a mirror image. I clearly was a wreck and it upset me so much, I felt like I couldn't get anything right, it still upsets me if someone mentions it. Anyway, DS wants a dinosaur cake this year, I can't find one in a supermarket and I just can't face making one given that I might be in the same situation. The whole thing just really triggered me and I know it's ridiculous just over a cake.
Anyway I feel better today and I just ordered a load of dinosaur cake and cupcake toppers from eBay - no way am I putting myself through that again.

@Alice40p I'm so sorry...it must be such a hard time. I have my son's due date at the beginning of August and I'm already apprehensive. I hope you've found ways to get through day ❤

@Seahawk80 I'm so glad you're feeling better today...I was going to say look online for dinosaur related cake products but you beat me to it 😊

Sending so much love to you both ❤

@Alice40p that must be so worrying. What measurement was it for? I remember my 20 weeks scan clear as day. As soon as they said the brain & spine were fine, I relaxed as pretty much everything else could be fixed (in my mind).

@Seahawk80 Printable cakes are your friend, take any image into Asda and get it printed on a cake. Easy!!
Alternatively, Costco have them if you know anyone with a membership card
services.costco.co.uk/cake/index.php

xx

@Kiki275 thanks - I'll check it out! My friend is a Costco member but she's about to have a baby so I'll try Asda. If not I'll just get a big chocolate cake and stick the toppers on! I also got cupcake ones so I can make / buy cupcakes depending on the week I have. Less than 2 weeks now until my 12 week scan and my anxiety is definitely starting to ramp up.

I hope you’re ok and have found ways to cope over the last few days @Alice40p.
My tfmr due date is fast approaching on the 23rd, something I discussed with my counsellor was setting a new tradition on that day, be it a walk or a visit to a special place. I think we are going to have a picnic and all let of balloon to mark our little boys day xx

Thanks @Seahawk80, sorry to hear you’ve had a hard few days. Isn’t it strange what we push ourselves to do when in grief/trauma, I look back and think I just don’t know how I got through it. I hope you got sorted for your little ones birthday.

I took my last frer, which was a stronger line and caved for another digital, which came up positive, 2-3 weeks. I’ve already started feeling sick over the weekend, I thought I may have a week or 2 before it came.
How are you feeling @Brooklily?

Xxxx

@URMysunshine4 I'm starting to feel a little sick too which I don't like as in my one healthy pregnancy with my daughter I never had any sickness and in my other two, which resulted in loss, I had really bad sickness. Trying to remember every pregnancy is different and remain positive.
I've taken the step of letting the screening midwives at my local hospital know I'm pregnant. Still feeling a bit disconnected from it all. But my lines got really dark before I stopped testing so I'm trying to remain positive. Going to take one more CB digital later this week to make sure the weeks have progressed and then I'm stopping!
Hoping we both progress well and happy times are ahead 🤞

@URMysunshine4 that sounds like a lovely idea to start a new tradition. In the gentlest way though (and I'm hating myself for writing it) could you please reconsider the balloon release? They just end up littering which isn't a positive ending. Something like a butterfly or dove release would be just as magical and signify life at the same time xx

@Brooklily the first weeks are so stressful! Sickness could be related to numerous factors and as you say every pregnancy is different. I hope the screening midwives will be able to reassure you xx

Good morning, hoping to receive some replies to this message 🤞🏼. Don't know who else to ask...

I have an appointment with my consultant later today because our daughters post mortem results are finally in. He has kept his full afternoon free for us to ask as many questions as we want. I've not been having a good week, my best friend told me she was pregnant yesterday and my head is totally in the clouds...

What questions are ones you would 100% ask? Or is there anything you wish you asked but didn't think about until later? Thanks in advance ❤

@No1worrier oh bless, that's a double whammy of news you've got going on there. Huge hugs!

I've not been in that scenario but my questions would mainly revolve around future pregnancies.
Before TTC: What are the chances of this happening again? Will genetic screening be carried on on you & your partner if necessary to assess the odds? What could be done to reduce odds/risk.
Whilst TTC: are there any medications you can take to reduce risks?
During Pregnancy: will extra scans/care be offered for reassurance. NIPT testing etc?

Don't try and remember what you want to ask, write it all down and also write down your consultants responses.x

@No1worrier huge hugs xx I asked the following questions

1. Is it a full trisomy or mosaic
2. Are there chances of it happening in future pregnancy.
3. Not sure what the reason for your termination was, but you could ask if they think it will occur again and if they do is there anything we can do to prevent it

You could also discuss a bit about future plans, like if you would be in a consultant led care if you fall pregnant again, who to contact when you are pregnant, what extra scans/tests you would need. If you are feeling very down, you could also ask them to refer you for counselling. If your termination was not due to chromosomal abnormalities, you could ask if they found anything else in the post-mortem. xx

@No1worrier hope everything went okay at your appointment. Did you get the answers you needed?

@Alice40p have you heard anymore about the anomalous reading on your 20wk scan? Which was it if you don't mind sharing?x

@URMysunshine4 how are you coping? So sorry if my last message upset you.

@Brooklily is the sickness still ramping up?

@Seahawk80 did you get a dinosaur cake sorted?x