Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

Oh I'm sorry @Bbf25010320, hang on in there.
If it is in fact a chemical, I would remain hopeful that your body is getting back to its usual function and can conceive. I hope it can give you hope for the next few months of TTC.
It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Sending love x

@Bbf25010320 I'm so sorry to hear this. Keeping everything crossed for you.xx

Aw thank you @SusanSue! Keeping fingers crossed for your TWW. Everything is a waiting game isn't it...ovulation, AF, scans, tests, results....and I'm so impatient!!

Good luck @Alice40p....still a chance, 11dpo is still quite early.

I've got pelvic pain earlier too @Mummabear40. Being heavier than last time probably hasn't helped me. I bought a heat pad from Amazon and I found it really helped but then read online that shouldn't be using it for more than 10m when pregnant! It's such a minefield!
Anyway, enjoy your scan today and seeing your little peanut x

The Deep Freeze patches are suitable for pregnancy.
I'm getting a little concerned about the whole heat thing. I'm currently living in a static caravan whilst the house is being refurbed and rely on an electric blanket, as otherwise I can't get warm. Are they really bad??x

@Bbf25010320 I'm so sorry to read this. It does unfortunately sound like a chemical. Maybe Test again in a couple of days? It's such a rollercoaster, I've been there myself. In fact, I've had 4 chemicals since my TMFR. I'm going against the advice of not testing early, being fully aware that if it was to happen again it might cause more heartbreak, however in my case it was important and after the second one I called the GP to refer me to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. She was hesitant and said my body is just adjusting (I think she didn't believe me). After the 3rd one I called again and she finally agreed to refer me. I was put on progesterone (plus several blood tests and karyotyping for my husband and myself) and this did also not help and we had natural loss no 4 in November. I'm with Tommy's in Coventry and they currently run the CERM trial in which they test the uterine lining for a condition called chronic endometrisis - not to be confused with endometriosis - which is a chronic inflammation of the uterine lining caused by bacterial infection that stops the blastocyst from fully implanting, resulting in a very early loss. Causes can be retained placenta (which I had) and also surgical procedures like termination, D&C, MVA - which I also had) but it can also happen due to other things. I was hesitant to take part in this because you have a 50/50 chance of being given antibiotics or placebo. They are researching whether the antibiotics (doxycycline for 14 days) actually get rid of the inflammation. It's not very well researched at this point however is a common treatment in Germany (where I'm from) and the US. I had to have a biopsy which came back positive for CE. Last Friday I started the medication (I don't know which one it is officially but I'm certain I've got the real stuff) and then will have to have another biopsy before my next period (I won't receive the results for this one) and then can start trying again. I said from when we had our first CP that something wasn't right with my lining, it was a gut feeling and I just knew it was right. No one believed me. Until I had the call with the results from my first biopsy. We tried to go private to make sure I would get Doxy but the private fertility clinic declined, saying it's not a standard investigation or treatment in the UK. Annoyingly (for me) my friend in Germany is about to start IVF and the clinic there recommended testing for CE beforehand. It is most commonly done after IVF failure and it ends up being the cause of 40% of IVF losses. Statistics don't include natural losses because it's not clinically researched yet. It's quite a shocking number and I dread to think how many people here pay for IVF for it to fail but are not even offered or made aware of this condition, plus how many people go through CPs, mostly unknowingly because they don't test until they are last their period date. It's so so common, yet many professionals have never even heard of it.
Long story short - if your pregnancy ends in a CP, please do keep testing early. If it happens again, call your GP and get referred. We've been through so much heartbreak already, we need to do everything in power to be taken serious and find out what's really going on. I wish I had pushed even harder than I already did months ago. I don't want to scare you or anyone else, but I wish I had known all of this. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I've been through, so I'm throwing this out there because there might just be one person who can take this and say yes, that could be a possibility for me too and push to get seen and treated. If it wasn't for covid, I would've had my biopsy done privately in Germany. I could already be pregnant again. I even considered taking Doxycycline without a diagnosis for CE because I couldn't bare the wait. Sorry this has ended in such a long essay..... 🙈

@Kiki275 I use heating pads all the time (I'm always cold). You're not supposed to put them on your stomach in pregnancy but I used to put them between my knees in a side sleeping position and it warmed my whole body. What a time of year you've chosen for a house remodel 😅

Scan this morning was fine, little man was wriggling around. Measuring 12+6 matching the private scan.

It was super frustrating though as she spent hardly anytime scanning and we got a shit picture as she basically said we didn’t need to be there as we’d had a private scan and tests. I kept saying, we lost our last baby, we had to go for the NIPT as I screen high risk.
I also asked what the fluid looked like, she was like it looks fine but didn’t give me a measurement even when I said our last baby had large fluid build up. Quite frustrating really. But baby looked fine and measurements were fine so that’s the main thing.

@Bbf25010320 sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sending virtual hugs x

@Mummabear40 sorry you had a bad time, that sounds awful!! Where is the harm in having second opinions? It's definitely not an excuse for them to do a half arsed job!! I'd bring it up with the consultant when you speak to them and your MW. I'd be raging.

@NoCallerID thank you. I've got it as far down the bed as I can and will avoid the max setting. We've been in it for 5 months now and have maybe another 3 to go. The summer is the worst! We're right next to a cattle shed and the flies..... 😭 x

@kiki275 yeah it wasn’t ideal to be honest as really wanted the fluid measuring.
I use a heated wheat bag on my back as I’m suffering with left side pain.

@Mummabear40 so pleased about your NIPT results! Sorry you then went on to have a bad experience scan. Glad baba is measuring as expected though - definitely reassuring. I asked the same questions as you at my 12 week scan about the fluid but luckily I had a very understanding sonographer.

@fourthtimelycky I am so sorry to read your story and the worry of the unknown at this stage must be awful. You’re so brave and I admire that. I’ve been a wreck throughout the first half of this pregnancy but I can finally say I’m enjoying it at nearly 22 weeks!!

@Bbf25010320 I’m sorry to read what you are going through. Don’t beat yourself up about early testing - we’ve all done it. Sending you lots of virtual love xx

@Bbf25010320 I’m so sorry to hear this. This is such a tough journey!

@SusanSue and @Dia12, thanks, I’m not very hopeful especially since I had UTI right after TTC.
My mood was really low today and I was missing my tfmr baby and feeling guilty for being a bad mother!

@Mummabear40 that’s terrible scan experience! The MW doesn’t sound understanding at all. I would want to know all the measurements too.

@NoCallerID thanks for sharing with us. I hope you do get some answers from this study. What a roller coaster ride!

Oh @Alice40p why do you feel like a bad mother?xx

It is just terrible to have our hopes dashed to the ground like this!

@kiki275 for terminating my baby. I know I had no other choice. Nevertheless, it is frustrating!

Please don't think you were a bad mother for making that choice. You were sparing your much wanted baby from pain, suffering and indignity. You've taken all that heartache upon yourself and will carry with you every day. That's not being a bad mother, that's love xxx

@kiki275 thanks, I try and say those very words to myself but some days are more difficult than others!

@Alice40p A bad mother wouldn't care!
You do care and you'll never stop caring. You wouldn't be here on this thread if you didn't. Others might judge us and say many things but being a bad mum is not and cannot be one of them.
There's not a single lady on here who hasn't doubted their actions, it's natural and it's because we all care so deeply xx

I would second what Kiki is saying @Alice40p. You are still in the depths of grief. The guilt is so toxic and hard to shake off because it's such a counterintuitive decision to take. But I'm sure, like the rest of us, you would have given arm and a leg to have a healthy child in your arms. So you demonstrated the most selfless act of love by sparing your baby.
Sending you a virtual hug.

Hey guys.
Has anyone in here experienced mid cycling bleeding. We starting ttc for this cycle again yesterday CD11 and this morning I had blood on wiping. I’m doing opk and I haven’t seen any LH surge yet so presume I’m not ovulating yet

@Alice40p I've shared this on here before but it can't be shared enough (IMO). A mother who had a TFMR 30 years ago replied to my question "will the guilt ever ease?" with "no, but it's better to feel guilty over the right decision than over the wrong one." This little sentence has helped me so much I can't even put it in words. So I hope it gives you and others on here a little comfort too. You're not a bad mother whatsoever.

@CorkViaDublin could it simply be from 'trying'? Like a little injury/scratch?

Hey @NoCallerID thank you so much for replying

I’ve never had that before. Does that happen? It’s not sore or anything and the BD was pretty gentle?

@CorkViaDublin I guess it can. Fingers slipping up there, a nail just causing a tiny scratch that you don't feel happening, being a bit dryer than expected.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi Ladies! I’ve had an emotional few days, done a lot of crying over something that didn’t even exist. My bleeding is too much to hold out any hope that my bfp is here to stay. I was trying to explain to my hubby I’m not crying about the loss it’s the trigger it creates after a TFMR you open yourself up to such vulnerability when ttc again and it felt like such a cruel thing to see a positive test again to be followed by such disappointment. It’s really torturous wanting something so bad and having zero control. Anyway I am planning to have a weekend of lots of nice food and even more wine!!

@CorkViaDublin I have heard of ovulation spotting? But possibly not if you haven’t had a positive opk...could also be a hormone change within the body causing some light spotting. Agree with @NoCallerID it could also be irritation/abrasion causing a light bleed xxx best of luck on the ttc journey xxx