Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@kiki275 I hear you on the exhaustion, I cannot keep my eyes open! I’m having a nap everyday, I’m going to get a shock on Monday!
I’ve only told one friend, she has also had a TFMR and since had her rainbow so I know she gets it. I’m too scared to tell anyone else. How far along are you now? I’m 8 weeks today.

@Bbf25010320 never apologise and never think it's boring. Something so very close to the heart is never boring or requiring of an apology. I honestly can't advise as I didn't start trying for many months so have no idea what my HCG levels were like. My cycles weren't regular then either so began using OPKs so I had a better understanding of what my body was/nt doing and then eventually BBT too. x

@Mummabear40 I'm approx 6&3 so really early days still for me. It's reassuring seeing my booking in approaching on the calendar though and then the agony/joy of the 12 week scan the following month. I'm just hoping they don't change the visitor policy on scans now we're tier 4. If they do, I'll have to pull every string going to get DH in there with me.x

@kiki275 we have another nhs scan around 10 weeks and they’ve said my husband can go so fingers crossed for you, we’re also tier 4 🙄

@Bbf25010320 don’t apologise at all, we’ve all been there, analysing every single thing. I think the best thing would be to definitely ring your gp when they open. I know it feels impossible to wait though.

It took me 3 months before I got a negative preg test @Bbf25010320 the docs told me to do a cb digital with weeks indicator -if that was positive do another two weeks later if the weeks don't increase then the HCG levels are going down just slowly and it will be from your last TFMR if the weeks increase then it could be a new pregnancy! Xx

@Bbf25010320 Don't be daft for sharing, it's all so new and I wasn't given any information about pregnancy tests post TMFR. I checked one out of nosiness two weeks after and it was negative - everyone seems to be different though. I think given the short bleed and ongoing lines I agree with everyone saying ring your GP. Hopefully they can check your bloods or discuss with EPAS.

@Redhead43 It's good to hear it gets from easier from others that have been in the same boat. I think I'm approaching my first period and part of me is dreading it but part of me is weirdly looking forward to my body starting a new cycle. It's good to have stories like yours to motivate me. We've decided we're going to start trying again this cycle, trying to be kind to myself and take it day by day.

@Alice40p I checked with a first response with a random evening urine just because that's always when I got strong positives. I'm getting backache and cramps now - wish AF would just turn up.

@kiki275 yes, I know what you mean about thinking about the boys, I would be the same too... hopefully days will roll on and once you are in second trimester, you will feel less anxious/exhausted!

@Bbf25010320 I couldn’t see the positive line, but it could just me my line. Agree with what the other ladies said, it is best to call your GP on Monday. They asked me to call the delivery unit assessment number after I had my tfmr if I had any questions. Could you possibly call them in meantime for advice? They are open round the clock.

@Holly341 thanks, perhaps I shall check mine too. How are you feeling? Physically, I feel back to normal now. Still not had my first period yet though!

Thinking of you all

@Alice40p Physically my main thing has been fatigue. How are you doing otherwise? I'm back to work on Tuesday and looking forward to getting back into a routine.

@Holly341 definitely be kind to yourself, you’re doing everything right taking it day by day. I saw your comment about getting back into a routine - going back to work for me was a life saver I hope it’s the same for you. I hope AF arrives for you soon and is a gentle cycle. Good luck TTC - try to enjoy it. I’m pleased my story motivates you and hopefully gives you some positivity/light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I know the ladies on here before me definitely did that for me. You get given so little information it’s nice to hear from people who actually understand xxx

@kiki275 and @Mummabear40 hope the fatigue passes soon for you both and you have a steady few weeks before your first appts and scans. It’s like an eternity when you’re waiting. I’m the same as you worried my husband won’t be able to come on Tuesday to the scan because of being in tier 4 but I’m hoping since it’s in FM they’ll be understanding xxx

I did a pregnancy test with my FMU and it was negative, hopefully that is good news. Still waiting for first AF!
@Holly341 I was having fatigue a couple of weeks ago but now that seems to have gone too. I too am looking forward to going back to work next week.

I’m struggling so bad with insomnia, it’s taking me about 2 hours to get to sleep each night and then I wake around 4am for the loo and it’s taking me well over an hour to get back to sleep. I don’t remember having this with my first or my TFMR baby. Did anyone else have this?

@Mummabear40 yes, it's annoying. I've had it with every pregnancy but can in no way predict when it'll hit. I can go to bed exhausted and not sleep a wink, or feeling wide awake and have the best night in a long time x

@kiki275 reassuring that it’s not just me. I’m absolutely wiped out! It’s been ok over Christmas as I’ve been able to take a nap each day but I’m back to work tomorrow so it’s going to be a struggle 🙈
I reassure myself that all symptoms are a good sign though.

@Mummabear40

I’m struggling so bad with insomnia, it’s taking me about 2 hours to get to sleep each night and then I wake around 4am for the loo and it’s taking me well over an hour to get back to sleep. I don’t remember having this with my first or my TFMR baby. Did anyone else have this?

I struggled with insomnia with both my pregnancies. It's so annoying. I was frequently waking at 4am and struggling to fall back asleep. And going to bed exhausted but then being wide awake (and having heartburn didn't help!)

@Mummabear40 yes, I had this in my pregnancy that I just terminated. I feel for you, the lack of sleep was awful!

I found having a very early light dinner followed by fruits helped. This helped with my heartburn which in turn helped with my sleep!

If you don’t mind, I was wondering if people feel more anxious/protective over their surviving kid(s) after tfmr? I feel anxious about my DC after tfmr especially after all the news about the coronavirus!

@Redhead43 I’m glad to hear you found getting back to work helped. My work is a small all female team, it feels like a safe space to go back to. I’m also hopefully getting my COVID vaccine next week. I’m hoping that might ease some stress and make TTC more chill this time. How are you finding being pregnant during lockdown? I found having the excuse to be antisocial in your first trimester was nice because you could nap all the time.

@Mummabear40 Poor you, you’ll feel so groggy. I had this. 5am wake up for a wee and couldn’t get back to sleep. It started to ease about 12 weeks.

@Alice40p

If you don’t mind, I was wondering if people feel more anxious/protective over their surviving kid(s) after tfmr? I feel anxious about my DC after tfmr especially after all the news about the coronavirus!

Yes. I have waves of anxiety and fear that he's going to die. It's horrible. I asked about it in my zoom SANDS meeting and apparently it's very normal.

Once you've had a taste of the loss and devastation of losing a child it goes from being theoretical to actual. So because you've experienced it, you expect, and anticipate it, which can have an effect on your mental perception of risk and all sorts.

I have to really stop myself (and my DH) from over wrapping our DS1 in cotton wool because of my anxiety.

I found school drop off quite hard (not that he'd ever know) because it's like anything can happen to him whilst I'm not there.

@Alice40p whilst I don't feel anxious as such, I do have awful dreams about loosing him and never being able to have another child.

Also, several friends with children his age are expecting their 2nd. I feel like I'm being not ignored or left out but maybe avoided because they don't want to rub my face in it. Then because of my tmfr I don't want to jynx anything by telling them I am expecting too. It's catch 22.

I'll be glad of tomorrow when I'm back working in a Bing bastard bunny free zone with adult conversation again x

Pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. Same pain I get every month but it was so bad yesterday I threw up. I’ve only had nausea and vomiting 3 times in my life due to ovulation. Pain eased off last night after pills.

10 days since my miscarriage. Bleeding stopped day 5 and tests all negative now. After my termination I ovulated 2 weeks later.

@Holly341 did you go back to work today? How was it?
I was pregnant at the start of the last lockdown aswel and I have to agree being anti social is helping - I’ve managed to keep this pregnancy a full on secret because of lockdowns and I’m happy about it. I am looking forward to the scan tomorrow now - tinged with anxiety still but after I will tell my best friend about the baby who I talk to everyday and it’s been a killer not telling her. Good news about your COVID vaccine - if I wasn’t pregnant I’d have it in a heart beat as where I work I could of already been done xx

@Mummabear40 and @kiki275 I’m tired all the bloody time but awake at ridiculous o’clock - I never had this problem with my TFMR baby. I’m hoping it’s my body preparing me for sleepless night - so I’m seeing it as a good sign - even tho I’m shattered haha xx

Ladies I’m so sorry some of you are having the additional fear of losing your surviving children that must be horrific. Completely understandable just awful you have that to contend with with every other emotion we have from this journey - thinking of you all xx

@Balajake glad the bleeding has stopped and that your tests are negative. I hope the ovulation pain is your body telling you that it’s bouncing back into action. I hope the pain stays settled for you tho. Been thinking of you xx

@kiki275 @AlexaPlayWhiteNoise thanks, that is reassuring to know. I’m also not generally an anxious person but now I feel a lot more anxious.