Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

By the way,I haven’t checked if my hcg returned to normal after my bleeding stopped. Did you check with FMU? Perhaps I should check too...

@Bbf25010320 Yes, that could also tell you if you keep taking it for 2-3 days and it gets darker every day.
It seems the blood test is more accurate though.

[quote Alice40p]@Balajake I’m very sorry ! Now that your cervix is closed, hopefully all the tissues are out and you don’t have problems with retained tissues etc. Once you get coffee coloured discharge, the bleeding will stop. Are you still in pain. Hugs x[/quote]
No I’m in no pain now and bleeding abit less now.

@Bbf25010320 I’m so sorry you are here with us but I hope you find as much support here as I have. This journey is never straightforward it seems. I thought I had my rainbow but it wasn’t meant to be. I’m going to try again but people think I’m crazy to keep putting myself through this. I don’t know why they don’t understand why I have to, I just can’t come away from all this with nothing.
Why don’t people get it

@Balajake Yes, it is hard for people who have never been through any of this to understand.
Have you had a miscarriage before? If you had more than two, your GP could possibly investigate. They never investigated my miscarriage this year as they said it was my first one and it happens I in 5 pregnancies. They did mention they will investigate if it happens more than two times though.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise @Alice40p I’m doing ok thank you, just exhausted tbh! I’m just over 7 and yep it’s going slowly, feels like time has stopped! I just need to get to my scan dates. I’ve got midwife booking in on 4th January and it’s actually in person, then private scan and NIPT on 21st, coincidentally the nhs have booked me in for a follow up scan the same day so I have two that day! If I get passed them my 12 week scan is 1st Feb but that feels a lifetime away tbh.

@Balajake I’m so so sorry, I hope you are physically feeling ok.

@Dia12 how are you getting on?

[quote Alice40p]@Balajake Yes, it is hard for people who have never been through any of this to understand.
Have you had a miscarriage before? If you had more than two, your GP could possibly investigate. They never investigated my miscarriage this year as they said it was my first one and it happens I in 5 pregnancies. They did mention they will investigate if it happens more than two times though.[/quote]
This is my first Miscarriage but I had a TFMR in March as baby had Edwards syndrome. I’m having a very difficult time believing it’s just bad luck. I’m going to ask for referral as I need some tests doing to see if there’s something wrong with me, the nurse did mention a referral because this is my 2nd loss and because of my age I’m not going to let them mess me about.

@Mummabear40 physically I’m ok and I’m coping ok. I was in total Bits the other day, mainly because of the pain I was in but also it just overwhelmed me having it happen at xmas when there's so much to do and it’s supposed to be a happy time.

My parents especially were against us trying again after 1 healthy pregnancy then 2 TFMR's but I always thought if it didn't happen I'd rather look back and think we did all we could rather than regret not trying again especially as my odds are 50/50 it made more sense to try 4 times times than 3-1good egg 2 bad and luckily 4th was good too soI'm glad we tried again!!
Good luck I really hope you get your rainbow soon @Balajake Xxx

I'm sorry that you find yourself here @Bbf25010320, I would certainly echo the same advice as the other posters. It's a shame you haven't been assigned a bereavement midwife, please do get in touch with the hospital again. It would be unlikely that the hcg you are picking up after your first cycle is still from pregnancy. Its sounding very positive for you. Will be keeping everything crossed for you.

Most of us would feel the same @Balajake in wanting to try again. As MummyBearBoo says, I'd rather try whilst I can, rather than look back in regret. Early miscarriage before 12w is so common, it's scary, I'm in constant state of fear. It may not necessarily mean anything is wrong, but probably wise to have yourself checked out.

I've been struggling the past few days @Mummabear40 with constant nausea, indigestion, tiredness and worry. It started to feel like there was nothing positive about this. So we booked in a private scan today and saw a little peanut with a heartbeat. 🙏 so relieved.
Now calm again, and back to putting this pregnancy to the back of my mind.
I agree, time does seem to be moving so so slowly. Glad to hear your booking appointment is around the corner. We've decided to go for a private NIPT as soon as we can.

How are your symptoms other than tiredness?

Hi all, can I join you? I’ve been reading your threads for weeks and they’ve made me feel so much better about what I was going through. I had a TFMR earlier this month after a T18 diagnosis, at 22 weeks. It was devastating. I had a surgical termination and now waiting for my period to start, so we can try again in the cycle after.

@SusanSue I’m sorry you find yourself here. I too had a tfmr for T18 this month. It is such tough time! I found this thread very supportive.
@Balajake I can understand how you feel. I had similar situation as you except it was the other way round for me. I had a miscarriage this March and a tfmr for Edward’s this month. It does seem very unfair that we have to go through loss twice in the same year. We just have to try again like you say, otherwise none of this suffering makes sense!

I'm so sorry to hear that @SusanSue. How are you doing?
I had a tfmr for T18 at 16w in august. This group really has been amazing. There aren't many people that can relate or provide comfort despite best of intentions.
I hope you have a good network of support around you.

Thank you @Alice40p and @Dia12. Physically I’m fine - the surgery was quick (

Sorry you find yourself here but welcome @SusanSue xx

@Dia12 thank you for replying. I hope so much you are right, but I can already feel myself getting my hopes up and very excited for something that doesn’t exist. I plan to do another test tomorrow and if it seems darker I will contact the hospital for their advice like you lovely ladies have suggested... I’m just scared of jumping the gun. There is so signs of AF and I did have some bloody discharge (sorry if tmi) two weeks ago, but the only time we dtd before that my husband pulled out - omg I’m so sorry for sharing this much detail - but makes me feel like it would be highly unlikely! So happy to hear you are pregnant again, although not feeling very well, you forget how draining pregnancy can be on our bodies. I would be exactly the same with a private NIPT!

@Balajake been thinking of you and I hope you are ok and being supported. I know it’s hard but our rainbow babies will come so don’t let other people make you question why we do this.

@SusanSue i am new to this group too and already these ladies have been incredible. I hope you can get some comfort here too, I lost my baby girl in October to T21 and there is really no pain like it, time does help but the scars don’t fade so they. I definitely wasn’t wanting to tell/talk about my situation with anyone in the early days, but I have since found saying it out loud is a therapy and every person I have shared my story with has been really amazing and supportive.

Sending love to everyone who’s found themselves here xx

@Dia12 I am feeling generally ok, nausea comes and goes but it’s mainly exhaustion and aches and pains. Obviously I’m over thinking everything as I didn’t have many symptoms with my TFMR baby. I’ve been back through my scan pictures though and he was only measuring 5+1 when he should of been 7, whereas this time baby measured 6+2 when should of been 6+6, so that does make me feel a little better.
We just gave to wait though, which is hard!

Welcome @SusanSue and sorry you find yourself here, it’s a lovely group though with lots of understanding and support.

I did another test today and it seems like it’s even fainter so feeling really deflated, but still no AF :( feel so unsure what to think, it’s NYE tomorrow and I would normally be having a few drinks, especially to see out 2020! But now I feel unsure just incase.... why is it never black and white :(:(:(

Top test was yesterday, with a VERY faint line, and today is almost impossible to see. I didn’t do the first wee of the day for either of them but it’s looking very unlikely isn’t it 💔

Hello. I’m new to mumsnet and have finally plucked up the courage to post. I wanted to say thank you to everyone for sharing their experiences of TMFR. Reading your posts helped keep me sane and feel less alone during the worst 5 weeks of my life.

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since our TMFR. Our baby girl was 17 weeks, she was diagnosed with triploidy after an amniocentesis. It was my first pregnancy and I’m still finding it hard to process it all.

@Balajake I’m so sorry for loss.

Today’s test. HCG rapidly dropped. Scan very early tomorrow to make sure nothing retained.
@Holly341@holly I’m so sorry for you and your baby girl, why these things happen I will never understand. I’m so so sorry and I hope you find the support you need here with us as I’ve found that people get it here, they get your pain and you get to vent here. It’s hard to get family and friends to really be there as hard as that is

@Holly341 I’m so so sorry you find yourself here. I lost my baby girl at 16 weeks to T21, she was my second baby and it’s been the most horrendous time trying to understand it all. As your first child I should imagine it’s even harder but please don’t lose faith in eventually having your rainbow baby when you are ready both physically ready. It’s a bumpy road but this place really helps xxx

@Balajake Thanks, I don’t know anyone who has experienced TMFR or a later loss so finding this board after we got our results was a godsend. I found Christmas really hard even though I was around family. I burst into tears at my in laws, it just felt like everyone was getting on with life and I was stuck in my grief. I’m sorry you’re back for a scan tomorrow, fingers crossed you’re home quickly after. I try and be logical about things but it just doesn’t feel fair that this journey is filled with so much heartbreak for some.

@Bbf25010320 So sorry for the loss of your baby girl. It must be such a shock to go through it when you’ve had a successful pregnancy. I’m naturally an anxious mess but I just felt there was something wrong, I got a private NIPT that led to our diagnosis as I just kept being told the scans were fine - despite them bringing me back for 3 and not managing an NT. Thanks for your kind words, the stories here have made me feel more optimistic that that we’ll have our rainbow baby.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here Holly and Susan too. It is the worst club to be part of, one that nobody would ever dream of being part of. But you are among friends, and we get it. I'm so sorry. So much love to you both

Balajake I'm so sorry, this is utterly heartbreaking.

I just keep telling myself "there will be better times than this". And there will be. There has to be.

Sorry bbf I thought I had tagged you in too. I'm so sorry it looks fainter to you. My phone is on the fritz so I can't see your pictures clearly when they're enlarged. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you still

Sending everyone positive thoughts for the upcoming NYE celebrations. I can really relate to everyone who found Christmas celebrations difficult - I didn’t want to be anywhere near friends and family and used fears of COVID and the lockdown rules as an excuse to stay home for a really quiet few days with my partner. I’ve come a long way from breaking down in tears at every interaction, but still too fragile to do much. Take care of yourselves everyone.

Hi @Holly341, so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I had a tfmr in my first pregnancy and felt (still feel) like the unlikeliest person on the planet when everyone else just pops out child after child effortlessly. As Alexa says, nothing ever stays the same, things will change for the better 🤞🏼

Oh I'm sorry @Bbf25010320, the tests don't look like they are getting darker. It may well be too early but I wouldn't want to get your hopes up. I'd have a cheeky drink to see out this awful year, this early most ppl don't even know if they are pregnant.

Hope your scan goes smoothly and that you're ok. Sorry you're having to go through this.