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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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BooMamaBear · 19/04/2020 08:42

That's how I felt -after I lost two little boys from TFMRs my parents were dead against us trying again after almost bleeding out the last time but I felt like like if we didn't try again my boys had died for no reason!! Now I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and she got the all clear from the genetic test which was the reason for the two TFMRs! Xx

Kiki275 · 19/04/2020 09:08

@BooMamaBear whilst I understand your parents concern, it was a little unfair of them to say that. So pleased everything is going okay now.

@Balajake Mentally I'm probably in a different place to a lot of ladies following tmfr. As there wasn't anything genetically or developmentally wrong with them, I won't have that anxiety for future pregnancy unless I have identical twins again. I miss my boys so much whilst being aware that if they'd survived I would never meet any future children I may have.x

Cocomambo123 · 19/04/2020 12:25

Hey all! I hope all you ladies don’t mind me joining in! I just wanted to say i think it’s so amazing how much you all support each other. Also congratulations to everyone who is expecting and to all those TTC I hope you all get your miracle babies very soon.
On this Thursday just gone at 22 weeks pregnant I had a TMFR and I had my beautiful baby boy. It was so painful leaving the hospital without my baby and with a memory box instead. I still feel it is all so raw at the moment but can’t help but wish I was pregnant again. I am just hoping my body gets back to normal very soon and I can start trying again!
Lots of love to you all x

Treaclepie19 · 19/04/2020 12:38

Im so sorry for your loss @Cocomambo123 Flowers
My TFMR was at 22 weeks as well.
Sending lots of strength and love your way ❤ This group is amazing.

Sorry I've been quiet ladies, I'm a bit up and down and my mood is quite low generally. I think lockdown and the state of house is bothering me as well as worrying about baby.
Im 15+4 today and feel like time has slowed down again. 2 weeks and 1 day until I see baby again 🤞

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Balajake · 19/04/2020 15:56

@Treaclepie19 are you feeling movements or kicks yet ?

Treaclepie19 · 19/04/2020 15:59

@Balajake nope. I didn't with either of the boys until 20 weeks so I'm expecting the same again.

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Kiki275 · 19/04/2020 18:04

A lady has just posted this on the ARC forum and I thought I'd share it here too as it's just beautiful. Some may have seen it already, it's a paediatric nurse on BGT with her own composition.

@cocomambo123 sorry to hear you're in this position too. I lost my boys at 22wk and remember the pain well. The ARC is a fantastic source of help if you're not aware of it already. Huge hugs xx

Balajake · 19/04/2020 22:06

@Treaclepie19 hoping you feel it soon.

1stbabs · 19/04/2020 23:40

@Cocomambo123 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love to get through these awful early days ❤️

BooMamaBear · 20/04/2020 00:04

@Cocomambo123 - I'm so sorry for your loss hun hope your body gets back to normal soon for you!!

@Treaclepie19 -I get you 15w today and time is dragging I have to wait 4 weeks and two gats til my next scan!! Have been able to hear my baby's heartbeat tho so that helps a bit!! Xx

Balajake · 22/04/2020 22:02

Finished my AF yesterday which was 6 days. CD7 today so think I’m going to use OPKs this months from day 11. Wanna give myself the best chance to conceive 🤞🏼

ShootingStar2020 · 23/04/2020 07:20

@Cocomambo123 - hello and welcome. I really feel for you as we all do. What you have been through is hard enough without the coronavirus on top. Hope you had good support and are managing. I found little things helped me through the early days. Lighting a candle, listening to music and talking. Sending love and strength to you.

@Treaclepie19 - it’s Groundhog Day so frustrating when we want time to speed up. Are you feeling less knackered so maybe a walk in the sunshine might help. The weather looks good. Hugs.

@Mangoandbroccoli - how are you getting on? Are you still WFH?

I am 9+4 and had another scan yesterday. All looks fine. Am just staring down the barrel now of the Harmony next Friday and waiting for the results. MIL still in a ventilator and very sick. TBH that has eclipsed everything else. We found a tiny tree in our garden yesterday which had grown from a conker. I saw that as a good sign!

Sending hugs for a good day. Xxxx

BooMamaBear · 23/04/2020 09:57

Oh @ShootingStar2020 🤞your Mil gets better soon and that your harmony test results are ok!!
Just found out I have to have an eye operation once the NHS start doing ops again as I have cataracts in my left eye leaving me with really cloudy vision it's like looking through a frosted glass window all I can see is colours! I couldn't even see the top letter on the eye chart!! I'm only 35 but my genetic condition, which was the reason for the TFMRs can cause cataracts!! I have an early stage one in my right eye too! The Dr can't tell me how long I'll need to wait for an op coz it depends on Covid -still at least Cataracts are curable! Even if I went private they're not doing ops yet either -he's put me as a priority as it's not ideal to only have one eye working with a new born!! Xxx

Treaclepie19 · 23/04/2020 14:22

Your poor MIL @ShootingStar2020 Flowers What a lot for you all to deal with.

I'm a mess today again. This amnio decision is getting to me. We've decided to see how the 17+5 scan goes and go from there but I just still don't know if that's right.

Part of me wants to have the amnio and find out for sure. Part of me wants to just chill and carry on.
The facts are that we have no genetic problems that are passed on and it was such a rare occurance last time that it shouldn't occur again. Plus all looks fine so far.

I'm going round in circles.
If it weren't for coronavirus it wouldn't be so bad either but I'm worried about going to the hospital in the first place, never mind for extra appointments. Plus really scared of miscarrying because of an amnio that we most likely don't need.

😴

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Treaclepie19 · 23/04/2020 14:23

Sorry to hear about your eye @BooMamaBear, that's just what you need 😔 Hope it's all sorted quickly.

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Mangoandbroccoli · 23/04/2020 16:34

So sorry to hear your mil is still unwell @ShootingStar2020, that must be so incredibly tough right now 😞 I absolutely love the conker symbolism though. I saw a rainbow shortly after finding out I was pregnant again and it felt like such a powerful and reassuring image. 15 weeks today and feeling much better and more energetic thankfully! Re work, I'm in the theatre industry so was one of the first to have all my work cancelled sadly. It's been a bit of a shock to the system to be a full time sahm and the loss of income is rubbish, but have to say I'm slightly relieved not to have to juggle both - my son is in fact climbing on me as I type 🤪

@Treaclepie19 Have you heard of a book called 'expecting better', by Emily Oster? Just wondering if it might help alleviate some anxiety if you're able to see some (hopefully reassuring!) statistics for various outcomes?

Treaclepie19 · 23/04/2020 16:45

I have heard of it @Mangoandbroccoli but never read it. Might be worth a look, thanks :)

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BooMamaBear · 25/04/2020 17:16

Why have I done it to myself decided to watch a One Born Evey Minute - why?? It's so graphic I know I've been through labour before but I didn't know what to expect that time -ignorance was bliss now I know what it's like and just reminded myself how something big comes out of something so small I'm crapping myself - I know I've hopefully got 24?weeks yet tho!! Xx

Kiki275 · 25/04/2020 18:58

@BooMamaBear remember though that OBEM edits out the dull bits and goes for full drama. Please don't let it frighten you x

BooMamaBear · 25/04/2020 19:05

Thanks for that I think I'm more nervous this time coz my labour with DD apart from it took 22 hours was so smooth then the two TFMRs where you have a tablet to induce labour I had a bad reaction to the tablets so had horrendous cramps and needed blood transfusions both times!! Coz of my condition they were going to induce me a week before my due date last time so DD would come on Monday so all the specialists would be in unlike at a weekend-but she care early!! Xx

Kiki275 · 25/04/2020 19:24

@BooMamaBear totally understandable. Remember you always have the option if you want it to request a EMCS. Could you try hypnobirthing?x

BooMamaBear · 25/04/2020 19:43

I'm gonna talk to the consultant coz she's doing my scan anyway - the reason for bleeding the second time was coz the placenta got stuck on my cervix and I did have retained product with DD so I'll see if they think an elective section may be better so they can remove the placenta!! I didn't try hypnobirthing coz 4 of my NCT friends tried that and all said then ended up asking for an epidural! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 25/04/2020 19:55

@BooMamaBear I'd recommend hypnobirthing. I'm a really anxious person. When I got to the hospital I was so chilled they said they'd examine me but expect to go home.
I was 5cm dilated. Of course it wasn't plain sailing and I did at one point say I'd changed my mind but went on to only have gas and air with a forceps birth. (And whatever they used to numb everything s bit, which did no numbing 😂)

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NoCallerID · 25/04/2020 20:18

@BooMamaBear I would also recommended hypnobirthing. We did the online course with The Positive Birth Company and it helped both my partner and myself so much. Mainly because he understood everything a lot better and knew what I wanted and in labour could speak for me when I just couldn't. I wouldn't have had the birth I had without hypnobirthing.

BooMamaBear · 26/04/2020 01:39

I breathed through the contractions last time ok but I think the consultant this time was saying they may want to give me a low dose early epidural so that should my placenta get stuck again I won't bleed out (as almost happened at my last TMFR) that way they can increase the dosage and take me straight to theatre if needs be!
She said a spinal or epidural take 20 mins to rake effect and they may not have that long so they use a GA except coz of my muscle condition I can't have a GA!
The last TFMR the consultant hadn't read my notes and had put a cannula in to give me a GA I was out if coz of my blood loss just a good job DH was there!
So that that doesn't happen again an early epidural would mean if would be in effect and they could just increase the dose -so that should be good for pain relief!!! Just freaking coz they try to tune it so it wears off in time to push which is the most painful bit! Xx