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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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Dia12 · 19/09/2020 10:04

Haven't been online much so doing a quick catch up. Hope you're all well, have been thinking of you all.

Sending you lots of love @Mummabear40 hope your heart heals soon x

Happy anniversary @Kiki275! Hope you did something nice.

JennyMY · 19/09/2020 12:18

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if I'm on the right board here as my situation is a bit different. A week ago we got the heartbreaking news that one of the much wanted twins I was carrying has Edwards Syndrome (T18). She had been measuring smaller than the other twin since my first scan but combined screening came back as just 1:3580 for Edwards / Patau's and no markers on ultrasounds. A heart anomaly was picked up at 16 week scan so we opted for amnio which came back positive last Friday at 16 weeks +5. Knowing that her prognosis meant she will die before or shortly after birth, and with the risk that losing her late in in pregnancy would risk early labour and losing the other twin as well, we made the heartbreaking decision to TFMR at 17+2 which happened on Tuesday. It was done by injection to her heart as obviously I can't deliver her as she's a twin. I am still pregnant with her brother and struggling with the combination of feelings as I process the grief but try and stay positive about being pregnant. I'm so worried about how all this will affect how I feel about my surviving baby and terrified of losing him too as the risk of infection or premature labour will remain. I'm off work at the moment as feeling physically bruised and emotionally wrecked. These babies, our first, were so wanted after recurrent miscarriages.
Does this get any easier?
I'm sorry for everything that everyone here is going through, it's so unbelievably unfair 😢

Dia12 · 19/09/2020 13:45

So sorry to hear of what you are going through @JennyMY. To answer your question, yes, it will get easier, time has a way of doing that, so it must get easier.

I had a tfmr for T18 at 16weeks (6 weeks ago today) and still coming to terms with it. It will get better but don't think the grief ever really goes away. Right now everything still feels "off-centre" for me, I can't quite articulate it.

Please do talk to someone, reach out to ARC or Sands and arrange some professional counselling to help you. Do some relaxing yoga or meditation first thing in the morning. Hold on to the good that you have in your life and keep reminding yourself of those positives.
Talk/vent on here as and when you need it, it's a very supportive group.

You'll be ok. Sending you a virtual hand-hold and hug.

Kiki275 · 19/09/2020 14:57

@JennyMY I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I lost identical twins 6 months yesterday due to TTTS and was constantly hearing stats regarding keeping one or both twins. As well as ARC, try speaking to TAMBA.
Easier may not be the most appropriate word but it definitely becomes more bearable. It's entirely understandable you're concerned about your son, hopefully you'll be carefully monitored right up until his delivery.
I just want to reach through the screen and give you the most massive hug x

Treaclepie19 · 19/09/2020 16:39

I'm so sorry for your loss @JennyMY. It must be so tough trying to deal with all the mixed emotions. Sending lots of love and strength ❤

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JennyMY · 19/09/2020 16:48

@Kiki275 @Dia12 Thankyou so much for your replies and I'm sorry you've been through similar experiences.
I'm definitely going to see about counselling as I'm struggling to cope, though my partner has been amazingly supportive despite his own grief. We're literally taking it a day at a time at the moment, sometimes an hour at a time. It all still feels a bit surreal xx

JennyMY · 19/09/2020 16:49

@Treaclepie19 Thankyou (sorry just saw your reply) xxx

1stbabs · 19/09/2020 18:16

@JennyMY I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be going through the grief when you're trying to stay strong for your surviving baby.

It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel so early on, but it is there and it does get easier. Be gentle with yourself, and do what ever makes things feel better at that moment. Sending lots of love Thanks

otterbaby · 19/09/2020 18:56

@JennyMY I'm so sorry you find yourself here, what a heartbreaking situation. Will you be going in for more frequent checkups so at least you'll get some more reassurance that your baby boy is okay?

I had my TFMR in October 2019 and am due in 2 weeks. I promise you it does get easier with time, even though it feels like you have the weight of the world on you at the minute. Sending you love x

Mummabear40 · 20/09/2020 08:04

Thank you everyone for your kind words. We had a lovely service for Joseph with just myself and my husband. It was the hardest day for sure and no idea how we got through it.

@JennyMY sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I hope you get the extra care you need during your pregnancy. xx

JennyMY · 20/09/2020 13:14

@Mummabear40 It must have been such a hard day, but good you had a lovely service. It's so unfair we have to say goodbye to our children. Xx

Thankyou everyone for your kind words, what a lovely supportive community of women, and I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Xxx

Redhead43 · 20/09/2020 16:22

@JennyMY so sorry to read your story and that you find yourself here. Just heartbreaking. I’m almost 4 months post my TFMR and although it comes in waves it is definitely easier than those early days. Keep talking. I can’t recommend ARC and sands enough xx

@Mummabear40 glad you got to give Joseph the goodbye he deserved xxx

Treaclepie19 · 22/09/2020 03:14

Hi all,

My baby girl has arrived safe and sound 21st September at 37w 5d ❤ My waters broke at 4am yesterday morning and it was a whirlwind of a day.
I'm so grateful to you all for the support I've had on here and I hope it's okay me sharing.

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Redhead43 · 22/09/2020 04:35

Awwwww @Treaclepie19 congratulations I am so so happy for you. What a lovely message to wake up to 💕 glad she arrived safe and sound. Enjoy every minute. What a journey xxxx

1stbabs · 22/09/2020 06:06

@Treaclepie19 Congratulations! What amazing news, I'm so happy she arrived safely! Sending lots of love to you and your family 💕💕 xxx

Balajake · 22/09/2020 07:22

Amazing treaclepie ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Congratulations xx

Mummabear40 · 22/09/2020 07:32

Amazing news @Treaclepie19, so happy for you. It also gives me hope for the future xx

Buzz22 · 22/09/2020 07:53

@Treaclepie19 I'm so so so pleased for you 💕 Huge congratulations! I saw on the October babies thread you are all ready back home. How wonderful!

@JennyMY @Mummabear40 and all the new posters since I was last on this thread. I have been catching up reading. And I'm so sorry you all find yourselves here. Always thinking of everyone going through this extremely difficult situation. This thread is as lovely as can be though. So much great advice, support and hopeful stories. Sending love and hugs xxx

NoCallerID · 22/09/2020 13:46

@Treaclepie19 I wasn't expecting to read these news yet! Congratulations Mama, I'm so so happy for you!! ❤️ I hope all went well and you're recovering and enjoying these precious baby cuddles 🥰xx

Kiki275 · 22/09/2020 17:04

@Treaclepie19 wonderful news!! I'm tearing up I'm so happy and I've never met you. Wishing you all the very best xxx

Treaclepie19 · 23/09/2020 01:41

Thank you all ❤
Labour went well thank you, waters broke at 4am. I had a sweep while being checked out. By 4pm I was begging for them to let me go into hospital despite my contractions going between 2 mins apart and 9 mins apart. They eventually agreed. She was born at 6.03pm!
I got away with a first degree tear and no stitches.

Sleep is another matter and I've only had 2 hours sleep in 46 hours. Hopefully we will manage to sort that soon 🤞

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Kiki275 · 25/09/2020 12:58

@Treaclepie19 hope you've settled home well with your beautiful little girl? Dare I say it... getting some sleep?x

I've had a tiny bit of brownish discharge. Not a clue what it means except my brain in screaming implantation bleeding. Desperate to test but I've never had strong lines even when testing on AF due dates so would be silly to do now x

Redhead43 · 25/09/2020 16:51

When is AF due @Kiki275 fingers crossed for you that it is in plantation bleeding 🤞🏻
I’m in the TWW window. Dare I say it I feel more relaxed this month xx

Kiki275 · 25/09/2020 17:33

@Redhead43 that's good to hear. TTC is far more fun when relaxed.

Flo says I'm due on on Monday. I'm not convinced though as I'm semi certain I ovulated a few days later. Ah well, I'm sure I'll know one way or the other sooner or later x

Treaclepie19 · 25/09/2020 18:32

Thank you @kiki275 😊 Loving having time with this little one. Not much sleep for me though! Had a little scare earlier over her umbilical stump maybe being infected so I was a mess until the gp got back to me.

I'll keep everything crossed for you!

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