Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

[Treaclepie19]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

I've just seen the news that our hospital are allowing one person into antenatal scans with you. Whilst I've no BFP yet, I'm a whole lot more relaxed about getting one x

Aww that’s such good news @Kiki275. Another sign for it being your month 😘 I’ve got everything crossed for you. Are you on the TWW now? Xx

@Redhead43 yes! Plenty of DTD done around EWCM so at least if we don't catch this month, I know it won't be because of I have or haven't done x

@Mummabear40 I remember having hot flushed for months after DS1 (born 07/18) but not with my TFMR baby. He was February though so it was cold outside anyway so might not have noticed...

Gods luck to you ladies waiting for BFZp!

A friend of a fiend had a baby at my hospital last week and her DH was allowed with her for the whole time nir just the pushing part - though he couldn't stay overnight but could stay late and go back first thing so that's promising!!

SPD is so bad getting out of bed, going upstairs and turning over in bed is a proper trauma!!

I now have a 35 week bump with a 33 week baby- if my bump carries measuring ahead I'll look 42 weeks when she's born!!

At least she average size though 50th percentile and I've not really put weight on anywhere else except boobs and bump!!

Next scan two weeks tomorrow!! Xxx

Hi everyone, Yes! I think the rules are very slowly starting to relax in maternity and all over the hospitals which is a real positive especially for the anxious ladies (like ourselves).

@Kiki275 hope this two week window is going quickly for you.

@MummyBearBoo I really feel for you with the SPD and @Treaclepie19. Two weeks will fly by I’m sure for your next scan...Will they consider inducing you when it’s safe to do so because of your bump size and current pain? Xx

@MummyBearBoo @Treaclepie19 SPD is horrendous. Are you using a bump band? Where does the pain surface with you? For me it was my coccyx & mid back. A memory foam topper and/or gushions might help?

Our hospital have never allowed partners overnight on communal wards. I'd be gutted if he couldn't be there in the delivery suite until the pushing part. x

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling pretty rubbish in general tbh. Between the braxton hicks and nausea, then this new symptom of feeling like I need the toilet when I don't or the opposite I'm worrying its the build up to her being early. Such a lot of pressure in my back and stomach when I sit on the toilet... sorry for all the tmi I'm just losing the plot wondering what's going on.

They've said I can be induced at 39 weeks if i want but I'm really trying to hold out for her to come naturally. I'm only 33+5 though.

Sending you all hugs, waiting for a BFP is so hard. Sorry again for moaning, I really don't want to be insensitive. I'll take it all for baby to be okay, I'm just worried it's a sign things aren't okay.

My SPD is the left side of my pelvis next to the hip joint at the front the Dr said a bump band wouldn't really help coz it's not in my back it's the loosening if the joint - I can't walk on it when I first get up and the pain is awful using my ball that helps a bit!

I should be induced at 38w+6 days but just need to talk to the anaesthetist first!

Baby is measuring 50th percentile tho it's just that my bump is bigger but with no extra weight anywhere else not sure why it's so big!!

Hope you feel better soon @Treaclepie19

I'm just tired a really active baby, SPD, heartburn and needing to pee 4 times a night means I'm hardly sleeping!! Xxx

My midwife appointment this morning has really upset me and stressed me so I feel even worse.
I'm losing the plot 😔

@Treaclepie19 what's wrong? Anything we can help with?x

@MummyBearBoo could just be fluid.x

@Kiki275 it's just I tried to talk bout how I want a MLU waterbirth if possible and how the consultant had said that's fine if I decide not to have an induction.
The midwife was really negative and said I shouldn't rule out an induction and that normally babies delivered after a previous genetic problem have to be monitored a lot more and should be on delivery suite. She said i can aim for an mlu birth but not unless I'm signed off from the consultant.

Very confused now because thats not at all what the consultant said and there was no talk of extra monitoring at all because as far as any of us know this baby is perfectly healthy.
I'm going to see how the phonecall goes with her later and then contact my consultant for some clarity.

@Treaclepie19 Oh no! what happened? Off load if you need to...can any of us help at all? Xxx

@MummyBearBoo keep going...you’re doing so well with all of that to contend with. I’m struggling to imagine the pain. It’ll be worth it 💕 xx

@Treaclepie19 sorry I sent my last message before seeing your reply.
Quite a statement from your midwife I’d say when surely your consultant knows the facts? I wouldn’t worry too much until you’ve spoken to your consultant. Obviously I’m not anywhere near these stages but the last thing my consultant said to me was that when or if I got pregnant again she would want to keep a close eye throughout the pregnancy but would hand me over to midwife care right at the end If there were no issues - she said that this is for me more than anything just so I had access to extra support. Perhaps your consultant is the same - holding on to you until the last minute but would discharge you at the end?
Don’t lose hope of your birth plan it’s good to have a plan - you’d regret it if you sacked it off then on the day you were allowed and felt unprepared to ask etc. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this xxx

@Treaclepie19 I can't believe your midwife said that! My consultant made it very clear that our genetic issue last time does not have a higher recurrence rate and my midwife is confident that I'll be changed to low-dependency at my next growth scan at 36 weeks. That decision is up to my consultant, but as with your baby, if the pregnancy has been completely normal then there's no reason why you shouldn't be changed back over.

I could perhaps see that if your last baby's issue was picked up in late pregnancy, but if I remember correctly, your TFMR was in your second trimester as mine was, so shouldn't play a part in that decision.

I would definitely speak to your consultant about it.

@Redhead43 that's exactly what my consultnt had said. In fact she was going to Discharge me after my anomaly scan but kept contact so I could talk about my worries and she has offered an induction for if I want one because of my SPD. Nothing to do with baby. It's made me so cross that she's upset me and fed me a load of rubbish for no reason. I won't be so chilled out when she phones me later 🙈

I’m so glad your consultant has reassured you. I’m annoyed for you that you’ve had this upset. Your midwife should know better xxx

@Treaclepie19 that's really upsetting but probably not as bad as it sounds. My experience of consultants and MWs is that whilst they're both lovely, left hand & right hand rarely communicate. I would get the consultant to put it in writing though, just in case baby decides to make an early appearance anyway.
I get what she's saying about water births and monitoring, although I don't see why previous genetics would mean more monitoring is necessary. When my son was induced, I had two pessaries. Following the 2nd pessary I was automatically high risk and delivered on delivery suite. If I'd have delivered after the first pessary, I'd have been low risk on MLU. Just ask for clarification on their induction policies.

Is there any happy middle ground? Ie. Having a water birth on the delivery suite? Even if a pool isn't available, ask for a suite with a bath for the early stages then you can have the water for relaxing etc but deliver on the bed with monitoring if needed (you could probably even deliver in the bath if you wanted, it's your birth) x

I think it's more just that she's made something up and then is making out im being awkward for not going along with it.
My consultant has never said baby will need extra monitoring because as far as we know she is healthy.
Like with the induction, its not for baby. Its only if I want one.

Ugh I'm getting really wound up with her 🙈
I reckon when I speak to my consultant again it will be easily sorted anyway so I need to just let it wash over me if I can.

I didn't like her insinuating I'm putting baby at risk. If they said there was any reason baby might need extra monitoroing then if course I'd do it. The consultant knows best in this situation though and she has never said that.

@Treaclepie19 ahhh I see. The good news is she won't be delivering your baby anyway, so what she says is neither here nor there. It'll be triage or the MW in charge that will make those decisions. Do make sure it's written clearly in writing in your notes by your consultant though.
Have you written a birth plan yet? Maybe start drafting one which will cover all eventualities spontaneous/induction low/high risk, pools un/available etc x

Thanks guys!

@Treaclepie19 The consultant will have had years more training than the midwife definitely go by what she says!
No one said anything to me about more monitoring after abnormalities my last two had abnormalities- they're just monitoring me more coz of my medical condition and my excessive bleeding risk due to the extra vessels I have nothing to do with baby!!! Xx

Thanks everyone! It's almost sorted I think.
She phoned me and I stood my ground. Then she started to backtrack a bit and said the consultant would have to make the decisions and once they sign me back to midwife led I can make whatever plan I want. So I just need to contact the consultant.
I've noted down my birth preferences on the app and will update it as I go.

This little one needs to co-operate!

@Treaclepie19 glad everything seems a bit more sorted. Stressful day.

Hope everyone else is doing okay. I think I’m around ovulation at the moment but I promised myself not to track anything this month In an attempt to not put pressure on - so we shall see xx

@Redhead43 it's hard not to track anything that's so close to the heart. It's worth tracking anyway, just do when you are ready, you'll know exactly what your body is doing x