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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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1stbabs · 05/08/2020 10:06

I'm so sorry @Kiki275 , I guess it wasn't meant to be this time. Getting past the due of your little boy is such a hard milestone as it is. Hoping next month will be the one xx

Treaclepie19 · 05/08/2020 10:34

So sorry @Kiki275

@NocallerID that's just not fair. I'm so sorry :(

Think we need a group hug in here this morning. Thinking of you all xxx

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otterbaby · 05/08/2020 10:40

@Kiki275 @NoCallerID really sorry to hear both of your news this morning 😔 it's so tough especially when you're feeling so positive about it. Sending lots of hugs to you both x

NoCallerID · 05/08/2020 12:18

Thanks ladies.

@Kiki275 sorry about your BFN. It's crushing.

I've got a blood test booked in for tomorrow, that's the only step my gp has offered....

Last time she suggest parental genetic testing but I said that had already been done by fetal medicine when we had the CVS. I called them again because I was only told this by our screening midwife at the local hospital and FM said it wasn't tested because Leo had a full copy of chromosome 21 and if wasn't mosaic...

Have any of you done any form of counselling after your TFMR? Did it help? I feel like I need to share my thoughts but I'd prefer to do it in a group with people who've gone through it rather than 1:1 counselling with a professional who doesn't know the extent of TFMR. Plus I feel that in theory I know that I'm not to blame etc....

otterbaby · 05/08/2020 12:45

@NoCallerID I went to a couple of group sessions after my TFMR which was for people who had experienced TFMR, stillbirth and miscarriage. It was nice to hear about others feeling the same way I was feeling at the time - jealousy towards other pregnant women, feeling like a failure, emptiness, etc. I ultimately stopped going because the majority of the women were there for full-term stillbirths and I felt like a bit of a fraud for being there for my 16 week TFMR. But that was just me overthinking, not due to what anyone else had said/done.

I also saw a counsellor on two occasions, and although she didn't know much about TFMR, I did find it really helpful. I felt a little more uninhibited with her, e.g. I could speak freely about all the horrible feelings I was having and could sob without feeling insecure or like I was making the group sessions difficult or all about me. She also was able to help me realise why I was feeling the way I was and look a bit deeper within, which I didn't get from the group sessions.

It might be worth trying both out and seeing what works for you. But either way, I found speaking with someone so so helpful and I think it definitely helped with my mental recovery x

Kiki275 · 05/08/2020 12:48

@NoCallerID I haven't had any counselling but my situation was entirely different as we'd have likely as not lost both the boys anyway.
I'm on the ARC forum and they have a helpline purely for people who have to/had made difficult decisions. Maybe give them a call? The forum is vetted and many share their stories, which might also help.
www.arc-uk.org/privacy

NoCallerID · 05/08/2020 13:10

Thank you @otterbaby and @Kiki275

I'm on the ARC forum and it helps me a lot but I feel I need face to face conversations. I've asked ARC for recommendations of local counsellors now so hopefully I'll manage to find someone. Xx

1stbabs · 05/08/2020 17:19

@NoCallerID are you able to be referred by your GP to a recurrent miscarriage clinic? I know they run one at my hospital, don't know if there's some other test maybe that they'll be able to do for you?

Ive not attended any group sessions, but I've been having counselling since I lost my baby girl, it's through work and not a specific grief or TFMR specialist, but I've found it very helpful. I would definitely recommend.. I do think you have to click with the counsellor though. Just after I lost her I tried the hospital counsellor, who specialised in women's health but I just didn't feel comfortable with her.

Redhead43 · 05/08/2020 22:21

@Kiki275 I’m gutted for you. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the news you wanted. Group hugs are definitely needed ❤️

@NoCallerID I’m so sorry. It’s just not fair at all. I really hope you find a good counsellor and it’s helpful for you. I haven’t had any counselling but use the ARC forum and SANDs xx

Kiki275 · 06/08/2020 07:38

Still no sign of AF but resisted testing FMW. If no sign, I'll try again tomorrow x

NoCallerID · 06/08/2020 09:09

@1stbabs thank you. Had the blood test this morning and will push for genetic tests for my husband and myself when I speak to the gp next week. The lady at Birmingham women's I spoke to previously has told me about Tommy’s National Centre for Miscarriage Research which is based there, so I think I'll send them an email and ask what the process is. She told me they go by positive HPTs and it doesn't have to be confirmed with blood tests (my gp surgery don't confirm pregnancy with bloods, they said if you get bleeding you need to contact EPU at the local hospital but by that point it's too late.)
I had counselling before and agree, it needs to be with the right person.

@Redhead43 thanks, I find the ARC forum very helpful too, I just feel I need face to face now.

Strangely my temp has jumped to again this morning but tests are basically negative. I can feel AF waiting to make an appearance but she's not here yet.... I hate this.
And the worst thing is that my husband won't take about it. Not about our angel baby, not about the recurring chemicals.... last time he said "I want the genetic testing done", I think he's worried too but he's not emotional about anything. I said if it doesn't work this time we need to have a break as I can't deal with it anymore. It literally destroys me. But then again I know I want it to work so bad that I know when I'm getting close to ovulation I'll be all on it and want to make it happen. On top of that he's got to go on medication for a bladder issue which relaxes muscles and basically means that when he ejaculates the sperm is likely to go into the bladder rather than come out, something I didn't even know was possible. So his dr recommended stopping the meds a week before my fertile window and then take it again after. Not sure how that's going to work as my cycles are quite irregular....

@Kiki275 I've got everything crossed for you!

Redhead43 · 11/08/2020 09:14

Hi ladies - how is everyone doing?

Pregnant ladies I really feel for you in this heat! I hope you’re all managing to get some cooling down time?

@NoCallerID did you manage to find some appropriate counselling?

@Kiki275 how are you doing? Xx

NoCallerID · 11/08/2020 09:39

Thanks for checking in @Redhead43

I've spoken to ARC on Friday and they'll try find someone local and let me know. I appreciate that it's a delicate subject and there might be people out there who disagree with our decision so I need to be careful with what I do as to not let anyone make me feel worse.

I've contacted Tommy's in the meantime, I hope they get back to me soon.
Bloods have come back fine and I've got a call scheduled with my GP at the end of next week. Not very hopeful though as she seemed very hesitant to do anything...

MummyBearBoo · 11/08/2020 10:20

Sorry been AWOL ladies was in Brid last week so grateful for the sea breeze being 31 weeks with a 33 weeks sized bump in heat is horrible!

@Kiki275 -MRI is hooked for Monday so we'll see what radiologist says!!

@NoCallerID -I'm so sorry chemicals really suck coz you get your hopes up!! Hope you get a sticky I've next cycle!! I feel for you re: baby clothes I sorted some out for my SIL when my little boy was due the day before she was due her DD that was hard!

@1stbabs -congratulations on your little boy at least they'll be keeping a close eye on you with extra scans!!

I have extra growth scans as they thought blood flow could be restricted due to previous complications but it's been fine so far and baby and bump are measuring big!

She literally moves all day and most of the night could be coz I can feel everything coz my placenta is at back plus she sleeps with her foot stuck out just below my ribs!!

Got a scan today for growth again and hopefully a 3D pic she wasn't playing last time! Xx

Kiki275 · 11/08/2020 11:29

@NoCallerID I'm glad ARC are helping you. It's really shit when people don't agree. As if we wouldn't have given our everything to prevent suffering.

@MummyBearBoo hope it goes well.

Thanks everyone for asking. AF appeared and has finished. Feeling a lot more positive about this cycle as there are no due dates or connotations in any way. A new cycle for a new chapter x

Redhead43 · 11/08/2020 13:05

@NoCallerID yeah I agree you definitely don’t want any chance of anyone saying anything insensitive to the situation because as it’s been said asif we would want this to happen and asif we wouldn’t have done anything to prevent it!

@Kiki275 I really hope this is the cycle for you.

@MummyBearBoo I hope the scan goes well and you get some 3D pictures.

MummyBearBoo · 11/08/2020 16:13

Baby is growing well bang on middle percentile on growth chart! She kept kicking the scan wand thing tho!!
She weighs 4lb my bump size tho is above 95th percentile!
Got a 3D pic but you can only see her mouth and nose as she had her hands in front of her eyes!! She looks grumpy!!
She's in perfect position for labour now tho but I'm only 31 weeks!! Xxx

MummyBearBoo · 11/08/2020 16:14

Her nose is squashed against my womb wall so it looks flat!!

Kiki275 · 11/08/2020 19:18

@MummyBearBoo gorgeous pics!!xx

Redhead43 · 11/08/2020 23:12

Awwww great pictures @MummyBearBoo 💕

Redhead43 · 14/08/2020 07:58

AF arrived literally right on time....In the middle of my night shift. Couldn’t stop to be upset and process it at work so now sat in my car on the drive crying my eyes out. Being on nights and lack of sleep making it worse I’m sure. Got to be positive....Fresh cycle with you @Kiki275 maybe this is the one for us both xxx

Kiki275 · 14/08/2020 09:24

@Redhead43 I'll keep everything crossed for you (obvious parts needed for TTC excluded Wink)x

Treaclepie19 · 14/08/2020 10:00

Hi all. I've been so rubbish at keeping in touch. My head is just all over the place.
Sorry to hear that @Redhead43 Flowers

Hoping for lots of positive tests coming soon ❤

Lovely photos @MummyBearBoo Smile

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Kiki275 · 14/08/2020 12:09

@Treaclepie19 anything you need to offload? Hope the heat has eased off where you are? Did you see the consultant yet?x

Treaclepie19 · 14/08/2020 12:15

Thanks @Kiki275, the heat has eased thankfully!

I did see the consultant and she was lovely. Very sympathetic to how worried I am and the pains I've been having. She said we can have a chat about induction at 38 weeks and plan it for 39 weeks if I want it.
Still leaning towards no induction but it's nice to have the option.
I just feel a bit overwhelmed I think. Trying to get everything ready for baby and worrying about ds going back to school and how that will affect labour and things if any of us get the virus.
Also getting a lot of bother from family over me being too cautious. I just don't want any extra exposure to a virus that we don't know all about yet while I'm pregnant.

Sorry that turned into a mini rant 😩

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