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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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AlmondsAndChocolate · 01/07/2020 11:52

Thanks for the congratulations!

I'm physically fine, no symptoms whatsoever except for my missing period. Mentally I feel quite relaxed, I'm trying not to think too far ahead, it's early days and who knows if it'll stick. I'm trying not to get my hopes up!
I've decided to book an early scan (is 7+0 the earliest?), that is the only kind of planning I'm allowing myself. Apart from that I'm trying to take it one day at a time and not obsess too much!

MummyBearBoo · 01/07/2020 15:23

Congratulations @AlmondsAndChocolate - they don't usually advise pre 7 weeks as there's not always much to see!!
This is my 4th pregnancy (2 TFMRs) and I never get symptoms before 5 weeks! Xxx

Kiki275 · 01/07/2020 16:25

@AlmondsAndChocolate wonderful news. Every pregnancy is different so different symptoms don't necessarily mean bad news. I know it's hard not to compare though.
My bereavement MW was wonderful. Just for tying up all the loose ends as once you're discharged, you seem to fall between lots of cracks. I was in tears over a smear (of all things) and one message to her is all it took to get my consultant on the phone and everything arranged.x

Treaclepie19 · 01/07/2020 19:03

Congratulations @AlmondsAndChocolate :)

6 weeks is the earliest but closer to 7 is better to see a heartbeat.

My bereavement midwife was bloody awful. When she started telling me how amazing my husband was and that I needed to be getting a move on with things to sort myself out for him to go back to work I stopped seeing her.
She couldn't organise anything for me. Ugh, still angry about that.
My normal midwife was good though. Came and kept a check on me and only discharged me when I was ready.

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AlmondsAndChocolate · 01/07/2020 19:24

That sounds awful Treaclepie19! A bereavement midwife should know better than to tell a grieving mother to get on with things. It's the kind of depressing thing people who have had no training whatsoever come out with.

I guess it depends on the midwife, most are probably great like the one Kiki275 had. I think it's fantastic that the NHS offers that kind of support, the first weeks after a tfmr are horrific.

Treaclepie19 · 01/07/2020 19:33

I hope I'm in the minority. I've heard lots of stories of people with brilliant bereavement midwives so I'm sure I am.
It was a really hard time and feeling even more like I'd failed was definitely not what I needed.

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Kiki275 · 01/07/2020 19:58

@Treaclepie19 that's awful!! I've had so much support from the consultant, to the MWs, to my GP surgery.
It's shocking she said that!x

MummyBearBoo · 01/07/2020 23:04

@Treaclepie19 -how insensitive how did she ever qualify to be a bereavement midwife??!!

I didn't have a bereavement midwife as I was always consultant led and had a genetic counsellor due to the condition being genetic and one they could test for so I saw a few before o got pregnant and had a number to call if I needed to speak to anyone after but I didn't call them after my first TMFR and second time I found a tiny bit easier to deal with!! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 01/07/2020 23:14

I have no clue. Thankfully everyone else we encountered was much kinder.

In good news I'm 26 weeks today and really eager to get to the third trimester as my next milestone 😊

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ShootingStar2020 · 04/07/2020 07:58

Howdi on this “super Saturday “!!

@Treaclepie19 - that’s awful to hear about lack of support. 26 weeks! Awesome - you go girl!

@1stbabs - thinking of you this week. I agree with you that it will be good to get it over with. My DH is not allowed to come due to COVID restrictions still but I think he is slightly relieved. I don’t mind going on my own but it must be really tough for some.

@AlmondsAndChocolate - congratulations and hopefully you can enjoy the moment. 7 week scan is a great idea and a real milestone. We are here to support you xx

Xxxx

MummyBearBoo · 04/07/2020 23:10

I'm 26 weeks tomorrow I called fetal medicine about my scan on Tuesday and they said while DH can't come in to scan he can wait in main waiting area if the hospital and they can get him for the clinic appointment afterwards! Xx

1stbabs · 06/07/2020 12:25

Hi, hope everybody is doing ok

I've had my scan this morning with fetal medicine, they were lovely and let me get my DH from the car. Baby looks healthy so far and free of spina bifida. I can't quite believe it but I feel so relived! I think I can start to accept that I might bring a baby home this year ❤️

@ShootingStar2020 and @MummyBearBoo hoping your scans this week go just as well ☺️ xx

AlmondsAndChocolate · 06/07/2020 12:52

That's lovely 1stbabs! I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, easier said than done of course!

MummyBearBoo · 06/07/2020 12:57

Fetal medicine said DH could wait in main entrance of hospital and I can get him after the scan if needs be!fir the chat after!

The hospital are going to fix my eye on 20th I have virtually no sight in my left eye coz my muscle conditions causes cataracts and I have quite a few in my left eye! Xxx

1stbabs · 06/07/2020 19:08

Thank you ☺️ x

Ah that's good that they're bending the rules for you too. Hope everything goes ok with your eye appointment too, that sounds stressful! x

MummyBearBoo · 09/07/2020 12:24

Has anyone had experience of using a bf shawl any comments?xx

AlmondsAndChocolate · 09/07/2020 12:45

A friend of mine used one and loved it. IME though any old scarf, as long as its wide enough, will do the job just as well.

Kiki275 · 10/07/2020 15:19

@MummyBearBoo I BF my son and to be honest, I never felt coverings to be necessary. I fed everywhere from supermarkets, to cattle auctions to playgroups and never once had a dodgy look or comment. I would advise to invest in some decent nursing tops that are easily accessible and will themselves provide some coverage. Alternatively, a thin vest top pulled down underneath a regular top pushed up is good. Apologies if any of this sounds preachy, BF is hard enough without people passing on advice and I'd hate to be that person.

Auntie Flo has shown up today, mentally I'm getting more ready for actively TTC so fingers crossed I'm in the mood in a fortnight. Currently just started potty training my toddler and am desperate for wine already x

MummyBearBoo · 10/07/2020 19:23

Thanks for your replies -I bf my DD most places without too much bother- it's just at my in-laws i mean they're not funny about it at all or anything I'd just feel a bit awkward getting my boob out around them - I have a couple of nursing tops and last time used to tie a muslin round my bra strap - I just quite like the look of the scarf type things that double as bf coverage!! Xx

Kiki275 · 10/07/2020 19:58

@MummyBearBoo Ahhh sorry, that sounds like a good idea. I know what you mean. My FIL was the opposite, used to happily walk in when I was on the breast pump. Wound me up big time x

Kiki275 · 14/07/2020 14:50

Hi everyone, AF has just finished meaning it's full on TTC time. My app is predicting ovulation the day after my boys due date. Really not quite sure how I feel about that. It's equal measures of fate & unnecessary pressure to catch ☹️

MummyBearBoo · 14/07/2020 15:37

🤞 xx

MummyBearBoo · 14/07/2020 15:37

I've conceived a week after my boys due date it was more happy (well nervous) than sad tho!! Xxx

Buzz22 · 17/07/2020 08:29

Hi ladies. Hope everyone is well. I lost you all for a while! Finally found the thread again so just a quick post so I can keep up.
28 weeks. Wow. That feels like a big milestone. Dont see the midwife till next friday when I'm 29 weeks. Still slightly concerned over small bump measurement at hospital a few weeks ago. I'm growing but I seem so small. I'm worried about lack of fluid like last time. DP booked us a private growth/4d scan for the 4th August so hoping I will feel a bit more reassured then.

MummyBearBoo · 17/07/2020 10:15

I wouldn't worry too much if you have quite strong muscles that were still fairly intact your bump doesn't show as much til later!!

Bumps can be bigger when the stomach muscles are knackered or split like mine were after DD (although they came back together they had already been really stretched from when I had her)! so they don't hold my bump in at plus I didn't really show til 29 weeks with her!

Plus the midwife doesn't really measure your bump she measures your womb your bump isn't always indicative of your womb growth that's why she measures from your pubic bone upwards rather than round your bump xxx!