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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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BooMamaBear · 24/05/2020 10:33

@Lyrarose -I don't think you get automatically referred to fetal Medicine it's mainly because of the reasons I had 2 TFMRs being from a genetic condition which I have CVS for at 11 weeks and a dating scan at 7--9 weeks. So in all my pregnancies even my first m I was consultant head through fetal medicine ! It's a faulty chromosome they can test for!
It's nice coz they all know me as I've been there every year since 2015 save for 2018

Buzz22 · 24/05/2020 10:38

@Lyrarose sorry I know it's not me who you asked and my situation is somewhat different but I can share my experience of this current pregnancy post TFMR.
Our bereavement midwife was the first person I informed of new pregnancy and she sent us for an antenatal appointment with consultant obstetrician.
He sent me for an early reassurance scan at Early pregnancy unit. He also ordered me an extensive blood test and said we would be cared for be consultants during this pregnancy.
I am now 20 weeks and have so far seen the fetal medicine consultant for 2 scans since the usual 12 week scan. I am seeing her again in 2 weeks time for another scan. I had the usual 20 week scan last Friday.
As well as midwife appointments which are a bit up in the air due to covid-19, I have had a telephone appointment with the consultant obstetrician at 16 weeks. I expect maybe some more extra scans with fetal medicine as well as appointments (possibly just over phone due to covid-19) with consultant obstetrician.
Our bereavement midwife told me she was the first person to speak to as soon as we fell pregnant again. She was great as it meant she got us seen by the right people from the start.
Did you get given a midwife to speak to following TFMR? X

BooMamaBear · 24/05/2020 10:48

Yeah I never go to Ante Natal or EPU unless I go in off my own back for some reason -I got a referral to see the anaesthetist and you might be a jerk to go in the see the consultant @Buzz22 Cuz all my appointments with the consultant are in the feral medicine department at the hospital not over the phone! Xx

Lyrarose · 24/05/2020 10:56

@BooMamaBear thank you for your reply. You’ve had such a journey. I’m so pleased you have great care and relationships with the staff in Fetal Meds. One thing is for sure, it’s heartbreaking having to re explain your history to a different consultant each time! Thanks again.

@Buzz22 thank you so much for sharing your experience. I did see a bereavement midwife afterwards and I do still have her contact I think. My TFMR was 2 years ago - I had many complications whereby parts of my placenta were undelivered and so I ended up in hospital 4 months later seriously ill. That whole process then gave me lots of gynae issues so it’s all the last 6 months my body has been ready, and now I feel mentally ready if that makes sense. Maybe I could ring the bereavement midwife And ask what the protocol would be in my area? Thanks so much for the advice. It’s so lovely to hear you’re at 20 weeks and doing well. Xx

BooMamaBear · 24/05/2020 11:14

Oh my gosh @Lyrarose -that sound awful I'm so sorry you went through that!
I've only successfully delivered the placenta 1 outbid 3 times -with DD and my second TFMR I had I had retained product. My last TFMR tho I had to have emergency surgery the day after as it got stuck in my cervix and they couldn' stop the bleeding but nowhere near as bad as you I was only in 5 days!

My consultant was the one who had to give me bad news twice and schedule the TFMRs so think she's was pretty happy to be able to give me good news this time! Xx

Kath544 · 24/05/2020 14:24

I am awaiting to speak to the fetal medicine midwife who helped us back in jan on tues. Shes been on leave since we found out and tried to contact her, so I’m hoping for a useful conversation and some inward referrals on Tuesday. If not I will book a harmony test at the London fetal centre for two weeks time. It’s all getting real.

Treaclepie19 · 24/05/2020 16:29

Hi all. Sorry I've been absent, my head is all over the shop recently.
Having a bit of a day of it since first I found our baby's clothes he never got to wear and I'm not sure what to do with them. Then I stupidly read the AIBU thread about TFMR (downs).
Just about finished me off today.
Off to read back ❤

OP posts:
BooMamaBear · 24/05/2020 17:43

It must be really hard we're here for your-sending hugs!! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 24/05/2020 18:09

Thank you @BooMamaBear. I'm not sure why I let it get to me. Jesse's issue wasn't downs but that's not the point. How dare they judge any of us.
Just sat down with some dairy milk 😍

OP posts:
1stbabs · 24/05/2020 19:06

Hi everyone. I've been away from the thread since finding out I was pregnant again, as my coping mechanism was to try not to think about the pregnancy. I'm 10 weeks now and it's nearly impossible since my belly's popped out already! I saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks, and have my next scan at 13 + 4 I think, in three weeks time. Only six weeks to go until the all important scan where they will check baby for spina bifida.

I'm sorry to see some more names on the thread ❤️ .. but so happy to see some good news too! @NoCallerID congratulations! So exciting. @ShootingStar2020 so glad to see you got your low risk NIPT and that your MIL is recovering.

@BooMamaBear beautiful scan pic 😍 and glad the scan went so well.

@Treaclepie19 hope you're doing ok. I stupidly read that thread too and it was horrible 😢 Dairy milk sounds like a fab idea x

NoCallerID · 24/05/2020 19:43

I think it's a chemical... tests aren't getting any darker at all... would've been too good to be true.

@Treaclepie19 there's some older one at the back thiugh

NoCallerID · 24/05/2020 19:54

@Treaclepie19 I AM SO SORRY - that was meant to be a text to my husband who was looking for butter in the fridge!!!

I've just had a look over the AIBU thread and couldn't keep reading it. Not because it upset me but because people who think they can actually judge ANYONE in this situation are just fucking thick. Excuse my language. I wouldn't date judging anyone who's in the same position as I found myself. So uneducated people can continue to stir up the internet with their uninformed opinions but please please please don't let it get to you!!

Treaclepie19 · 24/05/2020 22:46

Thanks all, I shouldn't let stupid people get to me!

Haha @NoCallerID that made me giggle. Hope he found the butter!!

OP posts:
BooMamaBear · 24/05/2020 23:34

@NoCallerID -if they're still BFP tho it might not be chemical when I had a chemical I got a BFN the day after my BFP and my Af came 4 days late! 🤞it's not a chemical!

Thanks and congrats @1stbabs

@Treaclepie19 -people who haven't been in our situation should not be allowed to comment they have no idea what it's like - I know as a mum to my little (angel) boys and my DD I 100% made the best decision for them it would've been totally selfish to bring the boys in the world to suffer if they managed to survive to full term and in the unlikely event they survived to adulthood when we die my DD would be left with a severely mentally and physically disabled sibling to look after! Their quality of life would have been so shit too but many with the condition they had die within the first 5 weeks!! Xx

1stbabs · 24/05/2020 23:58

@NoCallerID fingers crossed for you that it's not a chemical. Mine took a good few days to get any darker this time around.

There's more than one of those threads now 😩. It's so easy to have an opinion on something you'll never have to experience. If they only knew the heartbreak and trauma we've all been through. Ignorance is bliss I guess.

NoCallerID · 25/05/2020 09:36

@treaclepie19 he did, thanks 🙈

Thanks @1stbabs @BooMamaBear, they are still there and I'm only 11dpo so realistically it's all within range. I just wish I hadn't tested so early... I'm amazed it showed at 8dpo. And it's hardly gone darker, I don't know. With dc1 I only got a vvf BFP on 10dpo, with the second pregnancy I got one at 9dpo and in hindsight there was something there at 8dpo. That pregnancy resulted in the TMFR with extremely high bHCG levels so I'm in two minds about the line progression. I'd rather have it go up slowly because I think it would help me think that everything was ok but I also want it to get stronger so I know it's still happening. I've been doing so many tests it's ridiculous.

BooMamaBear · 25/05/2020 10:38

@NoCallerID -see what it's like the day your AF is late -I always test a few days after it's late and the lines are always dark and definite! Xx

NoCallerID · 25/05/2020 11:27

@BooMamaBear yes I'll keep testing... I showed husband two tests and he said there are definite lines and picked today's as the stronger one without knowing which was which so I take it as a good sign. 🤞🏼

Kiki275 · 25/05/2020 12:23

@NoCallerID which tests are you using? The FRER are supposed to be the most accurate.

@1stbabs I hope you feel some reassurance with the scans. I'll keep everything crossed for you.

@BooMamaBear get yourself some Lindt! Much better for soothing purposes xx

I've also read the AIBU thread and like many of you got annoyed and stopped reading. They've jumped on reasons like a club foot or cleft palate and taken it as gospel. As if anyone would tmfr post 24wks for that purely for cosmetic reasons and two doctors would sign it off!! x

1stbabs · 25/05/2020 18:32

@Kiki275 thank you! Totally agree about the thread, as if there are really people lining up to terminate at late stages for the fun of it🙄. Honestly they have no idea.

@NoCallerID that seems promising! When is AF due? It's so hard not to test so much though isn't it... I was testing at something silly like 6dpo and it just makes the wait for a strong line even longer 😩

NoCallerID · 25/05/2020 21:06

@Kiki275 I only ever use FRER...

@1stbabs on Wednesday...

1stbabs · 25/05/2020 21:40

@NoCallerID maybe try and hold out til Wed morning to test again, and hopefully you'll get your strong line 🤞🏽

NoCallerID · 26/05/2020 09:05

@1stbabs I'm not patient enough 😅 Apparently I like torturing myself... it's the same if not lighter this morning so that'll be it. I can feel that AF is on her way. It is what it is. Still frustrating.

1stbabs · 27/05/2020 10:05

@NoCallerID Oh I'm sorry 😔 but I'd say you're not out until it arrives 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

BooMamaBear · 27/05/2020 11:51

@NoCallerID -so any sign of AF? Xx