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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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JO138 · 25/01/2020 17:22

Totally understand @Treaclepie19. It's going to be stressful until you get that certainty. We're in the soup! I've spent the day worrying about NIPT results coming back.

I am unbelievably exhausted today. I slept on the couch this afternoon while DS watched TV and doing 2 loads of laundry has felt like a herculean task! Although the nausea has improved this exhaustion is killing me! I took him to a 30 minute swimming lesson and it has literally kicked my ass for the rest of the day!

Mangoandbroccoli · 25/01/2020 19:24

I remember hitting a wall around 3pm during my first trimesters - making another human is bloody tiring! Don't forget that is exactly what you're doing.

Don't think there are any contraindications with any of those Chinese bits @Treaclepie19 so you'll be fine but I can understand the worry.

Re baths - if concerned you could use a baby bath thermometer to get it to an acceptable temp?

Treaclepie19 · 25/01/2020 19:28

@JO138 totally understandable that you're knackered and worried. Its bloody hard work.

Thanks @Mangoandbroccoli.
My eating is terrible at the moment. I went out to get something for dinner earlier, came home and cried my eyes out because I didn't want it. We got chips 🙈

I'm finding 3pm very hard. It's the sleepiest time of day!

Mangoandbroccoli · 25/01/2020 19:48

Totally empathise @Treaclepie19 - my husband will never let me forget the time when I was about 7 months pregnancy and had a melt down in Sainsbury's (at a poor member of staff, not my finest hour) because they'd run out of the microwave curry I wanted 😳🙈

Treaclepie19 · 25/01/2020 19:51

@Mangoandbroccoli Haha it's a hard thing to deal with when pregnant!!
I'm just feeling like a fraud at 3+6 😳

JO138 · 26/01/2020 08:09

@Treaclepie19 pregnant is pregnant. You are definitely not a fraud. I found it hard travelling in the earliest days because I was shattered and nauseous but didn't feel like I could say I was pregnant yet.

@mangoandbroccoli I have definitely had some "unreasonable outbursts" these past weeks. I literally lost it last week visually and with my horn on a Tesco driver who blocked the intersection when I was late getting to the train. Not my finest moment! 😋

I was in bed for 8pm again last night and still have zero desire to be awake! Woke up early thinking about what I would do if we get bad NIPT results. Would I even bother with 12 week scan or just wait for CVS results. I just want to know now! 5 more days! 😭🤞😬

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 08:14

@JO138 I had to do another test this morning to check I hadn't made it all up. It is darkening at least.
4 weeks now so at least I'm slowly getting somewhere.

I'm not surprised you're worrying about it. I hope they surprise you and contact you early with some good news🤞

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 08:15

Sent too soon, are you going to have a cvs regardless of results? We can't work out what to do if we get that far because the Nuchal was a very big indicator something was wrong last time.

JO138 · 26/01/2020 08:54

@treaclepie19 the NT at the 12 week scan was what kicked it all off for us. 6.0mm! We didn't do NIPT last time and my combined bloods weren't back in time but they came in later that day and we were 1:2 chance so it was straight to CVS.

This time I think if the NIPT comes back high we'll go straight to CVS for confirmation but we pretty much know if the NIPT is high then it's a 99% certainty that the baby is affected. Don't think I'd put myself through the pain of the 12 week scan if we already know we've got issues. 😭

Conorgog · 26/01/2020 08:58

Mornnnnnnning! Hope you are all having a nice weekend.

@Mini12 yes we had the NHS 12 week combined & NT scan first (and got results the same day) then the NIPT, - but this was because we were all over the shop with public holidays over Xmas and NY. If I was to do over I would prob do it the same way. The scan news and combined test was enough to put us at ease (and if not good news or a bit iffy, we would have gone straight for cvs). The NIPT was then for complete peace of mind about the trisomies. Roll on 20 week scan. Trying to stay away from reading anything new on MN so I don’t scare myself.

I think my nausea has mostly gone (touch wood) appetite is slowly coming back, @treaclepie19 I’m slightly obsessed with chilli oil, soy sauce, and lemon juice on everything, also still obsessed with crunchy snacks and have been quite into fried eggs. Funnily enough i had MacDonald’s breakfast burger thing for the first time in years the other day, it wasn’t great, BUT the hash browns were soooo good.

@JO138 super impressed you did a work out, hope the coffee thing eases slightly, couldn’t do without my morning wake up. - although I had to drop milk in it for a few weeks as it made my mouth feel gross. - hope solo parenting has been cruisey!

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 09:03

@JO138 Jesse's nuchal was 5.3mm. We tried to have a cvs and they couldn't do it so we had an amnio instead.
I'd rather not do it again if we don't have to but equally worried there will be something there. Seems almost pointless having the NIPT for us since his abnormality was so rare and didn't show up anyway.

@Conorgog the hash browns are so good!!
I'm pretty obsessed with really sweet things and lemony flavours.

JO138 · 26/01/2020 14:19

@Treaclepie19 if it was rare does that mean it's pretty unlikely to happen again? Or does it put you in the same boat as the common 3 where one bad result puts you in the increased risk group for ever after? I didn't find the CVS procedure too bad to be honest and I had it at St George's in Tooting and they were very clear that the miscarriage rate is a lot lower than published as they are quite common now. Would rather avoid it but for peace of mind I would definitely do it again. Not that it gave me any peace of any kind last time. 😩

@Conorgog very jealous about the nausea. It seems to be less constant now but comes in waves. I'm big in to carbs still, toast with jam, mini cheddars, hot crossed buns, brioche....... nothing particularly nutritious!

Yesterday was just survival so I went to a friend's this morning who is 20 weeks and has 2 boys and her DH is away as well. We sat on the couch and chatted while the boys ran riot! Fed them an easy lunch and just sat drinking tea. Was lovely. Home now in front of the blessed tele! 💤💤💤💤

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 15:11

@JO138 it still puts us in the if it's happened once it could again camp. Though the chances are low. They were ridiculously low last time though, it's so rare that they could hardly explain it to us.
So I don't feel much better really, to have managed to be that 1 in a 100,000 or something (probably more) is a bit crazy.

I am so tired. We just went for a very slow walk with our ds on his scooter. It took an hour 😴

Mini12 · 26/01/2020 15:22

Hi all, well I am feeling rotten!!! I feel so sick, I was drinking some peppermint tea as I felt it helped keep my mouth feeling fresh then read it's helps women menstruate so that's stopped!! 🙈 I'm one that always has to moan about how I feel too so being around family and not being able to say I'm feeling sick is killing me!! I keep catching myself and saying - I ....have a headache!!! 😩

@JO138 your bound to be worrying up until the day of results, just try to put it out of your mind (easier said than done) I've been reading alot lately (when Lo allows) I feel if I can emerse myself in a good book it really helps keep my mind off things! Karin slaughter series are my fave at the moment!

@Conorgog I feel il use NIPT the same way, if my combine test and scan goes well, (if. lucky enough) I'm happy to wait for my 12 week scan to get NT results and if it's not good news then back to CVS 😞

@Treaclepie19
Our last scan the baby had NT of 6.6 and other indicators however they still couldn't be sure of anything until we have CVS which confirmed pataus. My consultant who did CVS was brilliant and for us it was good to have a definite answer......I just hope non of us have to go through that again. x🤞💐

JO138 · 26/01/2020 16:30

@Treaclepie19 I have just hit the 3pm wall myself! Will be easy quiche for dinner the to bed as soon as DS is down at 7pm!

@mini12 I'm so sorry you are feeling rubbish. I can really empathize. It's so hard. I'm not British and my in laws are in the NW so we have less issue as no one is around. But I had to avoid facetime with my parents for weeks because I just felt so shit I was barely able to hold a conversation. I almost totally put my foot in it yesterday when my mum said she ran in to an old childhood friend of mine and I almost said "yes the baby's due on her birthday!" 😬. I'm still really struggling with the fatigue. By this time in the afternoon I'm cooked. I can't face another dinner bath and bed on my own. 💤😭😩😴 Hope you are feeling better soon. Waitrose has a good range and I bought some ginger shots and also TeaPigs lemon and ginger tea. And good ol gingerale. I wore seabands when it was really bad and they definitely helped but hurt after a couple hours. Still worth it.

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 16:57

We're all warriors, we've got this ❤

(She says while crying for who knows what reason) 😒

ShootingStar2020 · 26/01/2020 17:28

@Treaclepie19 - oh lovely don’t cry. You are all doing brilliantly. This thread gives us all hope that things will work out. Good you got out for a scooter walk.

@JO138 - survival mode for sure. Hope you have your feet up in front of the tv and DS goes down quickly. Sending lots of positive
thoughts for this week.

@Mini12 - it sounds like the nausea has hit you hard. If it gets worse see if the GP will give you anti sickness.

I had the CVS after Harmony (the NIPT). Physically it was ok but emotional torture.

We have just had Sunday lunch with some good friends who understand the position we all find ourselves in. Was good to have a vent. Still so raw.

Xxxx

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 17:32

I think I'm just worried and overwhelmed. I really want to tell my mom because I know I'll need her for looking after our ds but I know she will be worried and she doesn't like to know early on. She's very traditional.
I told my best friend which I probably shouldn't have. I feel like people aren't going to be excited at all this time. I just want to be able to talk to them. Its great being online and talking to all of you at least.

I'm so glad you have some lovely friends ❤ Though I'm sorry they understand in a way. It's a club nobody wants to be in.

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2020 17:56

Okay scrap that. I told her and she was lovely about it.

ShootingStar2020 · 26/01/2020 21:38

@Treaclepie19 - oh lovely don’t cry. You are all doing brilliantly. This thread gives us all hope that things will work out. Good you got out for a scooter walk.

@JO138 - survival mode for sure. Hope you have your feet up in front of the tv and DS goes down quickly. Sending lots of positive
thoughts for this week.

@Mini12 - it sounds like the nausea has hit you hard. If it gets worse see if the GP will give you anti sickness.

I had the CVS after Harmony (the NIPT). Physically it was ok but emotional torture.

We have just had Sunday lunch with some good friends who understand the position we all find ourselves in. Was good to have a vent. Still so raw.

Xxxx

JO138 · 27/01/2020 08:59

@shootingstar2020 I was happily asleep by 7pm. 😋 DH came in around 10 and I was dead to the world! Glad you have supportive friends. One of my closest friends went through the exact same thing as me about 8 years ago and now has a healthy 4 year old. It's funny to talk about our different experiences before NIPT was widely available because she really wasnt treated any differently in her next pregnancy. No extra scans, no early tests. They just said to her she would have to be incredibly unlucky to have it happen twice.

@Treaclepie19 well done telling your mum. No matter what happens you will need support. 😊

Happy Monday Everyone!

Treaclepie19 · 27/01/2020 13:34

🙋‍♀️ over here going crazy.
I just rang to see if my consultant will see us any earlier but her secretary isn't in today so I'll have to phone back tomorrow. It took a lot to build up to phoning so I'm not sure I'll be able to.

That's crazy that they used to just leave people to it @JO138! Your poor friend must have been so worried.

Mini12 · 27/01/2020 18:02

@Treaclepie19 well done for telling your mum I bet it's a weight off your mind ! It's good to have as much support as possible! Also welldone for calling consultant, the first call is hard be sorry they weren't available but you can do it again tomorrow, just take a deep breath before you call, you'l feel better afterwards 🙌

@JO138

I feel like I'm being a bit dramatic but today sickness has been literally all day! Ok Def get them ginger shots (need to be taking my own advice too!) I'vee found mint is quite good fore this time too, bought a 3 mint tea today which eased sickness! On my own for tea bath and bed this week too! I think il be in bed after LO! Hope your feeling a bit better now - hears me a few weeks ago wishing o had symptoms??🙈🙈

JO138 · 27/01/2020 18:22

@mini12 I think the worst of mine fell over XMAS which gave me a break with no work and DH home. It's pretty debilitating though! I hope you are not getting down. Honestly try the seabands. They are not a fashion statement but they did work! I have packs of extra strong mints everywhere! I hope you get some relief soon!

@Treaclepie19 I hope you get through tomorrow. It is definitely a struggle to get seen!

Treaclepie19 · 27/01/2020 18:22

Thanks @Mini12 :)
I'll definitely ring them tomorrow. All they can say is no and if they do I'll book a private scan.

Sorry your sickness has been dreadful :( How many weeks are you now? Hope it eases x