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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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Treaclepie19 · 12/01/2020 12:41

@Mini12 that's what I'm thinking. I am a bit worried though because my dh has real anxiety about going through pregnancy/loss again.

JO138 · 12/01/2020 12:48

Thanks @mini12. I am still definitely having a pity party. Went to see a friend yesterday for a walk and a cuppa and was exhausted the whole time then had to stop on the way home to be sick. At least it's my one friend who knows so she understands but I am sure I was pretty shite company. 😬

I'm 8 weeks now so early scan Tuesday then I pick up the requisition for the SAFE test which will be in 2 weeks. The 12 week scan 2 weeks after that. It's going to be a very long month I think!

I was saying to my husband last night that it's just so hard to stay positive when really I know that if this pregnancy doesn't end well I can't do this again. Between the loss, the stress of trying, being pregnant at 40 and going through my 2nd really difficult 1st trimester in under a year I am struggling to remember not feeling like shit!

Haha. I'm whinging again!

I hope you don't get these awful symptoms and have an easier road to the 12 week scan! And we thought the TWW was long!😕

Mini12 · 12/01/2020 15:30

@Treaclepie19 my OH had reservations, not so much anxiety but if I'd have said let's not do it I think he would have been pleased, equally though I have to remind him that it's possible we may have a healthy baby and so all the worry ( I know alot easier said than done, will be worth it.

@JO138 I prob will regret saying this but last time as my pregnancy was so easy I'm really wanting some symptoms just so I know something is happening!! I'm totally gonna regret that I know! Gosh so first step is Tuesday but like you say you won't really be at peace maybe until the safe test (do you get results before 12 week scan?)
I'm absolutely feeling the same about trying again if this doesn't work out, the heartbreak and time it takes out of your life is too much, I have a friend who had miscarriage after miscarriage up to 6 times trying for 2nd baby, in the end she did conceive and had another healthy child but it must have taken so much strength to keep going!!

Just remember your also in the thick of it now, I really hope the sickness and feeling like crap ease up a bit!! Sending hugs x

JO138 · 12/01/2020 18:22

@Mini12 thanks. I have to say today has been really tough. I've been sick pretty well since I woke up and I am now just feeling exhausted and deflated. My last pregnancy I had bad nausea but only threw up once and I was definitely not this tired. It was not "easy" but my symptoms were not nearly this bad. With my DS i was nauseous but not this persistent and didn't throw up although I think the exhaustion was about as bad as this time. I was worried at 5 weeks to be symptom free! Now I'm wondering how on earth I'm going to go to work! 😬😥

I should have my SAFE test results within a week so definitely before the 12 week scan. This week is really the start of getting a better view of our chances of a healthy baby. 🤞🤞🤞🤞

Mini12 · 12/01/2020 18:48

@JO138 it does sound awful, can your midwife advise of anything or are you able to cut down on work a little until you hopefully feel better? I know at my place of work there is a policy about pregnancy sickness but not sure of the details. How about making a fresh ginger tea? Ginger Def helped me and I'm sure if it's dress may have stronger affect? Really feeling for you! And of got fingers crossed for next few weeks!! 🤞🤞

Mangoandbroccoli · 12/01/2020 21:25

Completely fine and normal to let it all out @JO138. Really hope this week is better for you and, like you say, the start of positive confirmations that everything is going to be ok x

Conorgog · 13/01/2020 09:21

@JO138

Oh man, that’s awful. Take yourself off to the doctor and ask for anti nausea meds, there are plenty you can take! I wish I had done it at about the stage you are at, it’s debilitating and I feel so sorry for you.

I’m still getting attacks of nausea, some days I’m fine the next day I’m not, I’ve tried looking for a link in what I’m eating/drinking/sleeping but there appears to be no pattern to it!

13+2 today!

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ShootingStar2020 · 13/01/2020 09:57

@JO138 - hope your Monday has started ok and you are not feeling so awful. Agree with @Conorgog that some anti nausea tablets might help to get you through the worst days. I will admit that this time round being preggers at 40 I did feel worse in the first trimester than all the other times. Think it is a combination of work, having a child to look at already etc etc. It all stacks up so I really hope you can get to work from home and avoid any extra pressure. It will be worth it when you get there. Big hugs xxxxx

ShootingStar2020 · 13/01/2020 10:01

@Treaclepie19 - my DH has had the same anxiety which has been compounded by a crappy work situation. He has recently been seeing a therapist which has really helped him. It’s such a big pride thing with him. He is a strapping rugger bugger and just feels embarrassed about admitting anything is wrong but I think the last few years have caught up with him and the TFMR was the last straw. I am not suggesting that your man is in the same position but if he needs any support then shout. We are all in this together xxx

Treaclepie19 · 13/01/2020 10:22

Thanks @ShootingStar2020. I think thats how my DH has felt. He always just keeps it together for us all and I think he just thought by avoiding a pregnancy he could avoid that vulnerable feeling too.
He is seeing a therapist so I've said to maybe bring it up again and see what they think.

JO138 · 13/01/2020 14:48

Thank you ladies. Your support is such a help!

@conorgog and @ShootingStar2020 I am going to mention anti nausea tomorrow at my appointment at the EPU and see what they say. I'm not feeling too bad today by some miracle but I've also been wearing sea-bands since yesterday bedtime and have only taken them off to shower! And I definitely think there is a reason they advise against pregnancy at 40! Also pregnancy with a toddler to care for as well and my DS who is normally not see for 12.5 hours a night has been coming in to our bed in the middle of the night for 3 nights. 💤😴💤

13+2 AMAZING!

@Mini12 I have been hitting the ginger hard! Ginger tea seems to be a lifesaver. Ginger shots, candies, ginger ale! Also LEON does a ginger steeper which is basically a cup of ginger root with boiled water. I've been grabbing one on the way in to the office!

How are you feeling @Mangoandbroccoli?

@Treaclepie19 I think it's very hard for men to deal with pregnancy full stop let alone the loss. Not that its easy for us! My husband is the typical alpha Male protector/fixer type and he was really not up to try again. He just was so out of control of the situation when we gotthe bad news and I can still see his face when they took me off for the tfmr. He was just lost and terrified. I think the only reason he didn't stop us trying was because he knew that it was incredibly important to me and I wouldn't have been able to deal with that decision very easily. But he never actively was interested in conceiving. Sex yes, 😋 but he was never in to timings or actively trying. And now that I am pregnant and so ill I can just see his frustration because it can't be "fixed". And he is definitely arms length about the actual "baby". I am sure if I let it drop and we stuck with one he would have been relieved!

Mangoandbroccoli · 13/01/2020 16:30

I'm feeling much better thanks @JO138. Very lucky as my dh planned a lovely surprise date night for us this weekend, as well as revealing he's booked us a mini break for our anniversary and has sorted a babysitter and everything!! Definitely going above and beyond after such a crappy year.

I've got so many work projects on over the next couple of months so I think it's going to help keep me distracted from the ttc frustration 🤞🏼

Has anyone noticed their hormones are so much more rampant after having a child?! I am such a moody bugger around period time AND just after ovulation but feel super positive in the follicular stage - I'm sure i didn't swing that much before! 🙈

Treaclepie19 · 13/01/2020 17:58

@JO138 yeah that's how I think my husband feels.
He's just so scared to lose what we have because losing our little boy has really rocked the boat. He doesn't want to put more pressure on us or our 4yo.
I'm struggling at the moment because my mom is in hospital. Walking through those hospital corridors is just really stressing me out.
Still. Onwards 😴

JO138 · 14/01/2020 11:08

@Mangoandbroccoli that's lovely! What a nice treat. I'm glad you are feeling better. My husband got me fancy ginger beer and breadsticks for our anniversary on the weekend. 😋

@Treaclepie19 that's too bad. I hope it's nothing serious. Hospitals definitely have a different meaning to me now. I seem to randomly cry every time I walk in to one.

I'm done my scan. Turns out I'm 9 weeks. Little bub was happily performing. Wiggling and waving. Was really nice. SAFE test booked for next Wednesday and 12 week scan February 4th so feels like it's suddenly moving! Not out of the woods but was nice to see that little heart pumping away. ❤

Mangoandbroccoli · 14/01/2020 11:39

So sorry to hear that @Treaclepie19 😞

That's amazing @JO138! Totally understand the journey but so glad you're well on your way with each of the phases. Love the fancy ginger beer 😂🥰

Treaclepie19 · 14/01/2020 13:14

Thanks both ❤ I'm worn out. Wanting to eat all the chocolate but trying to lose weight 😬

@JO138 that's such lovely news!! Always so good to see that little heartbeat 💕

Conorgog · 14/01/2020 14:28

WOOZoZoOoo that’s such great news @JO138 so thrilled for you.

I have my NIPT - Harmony booked for this Friday and feeling nervous! I also really don’t want to be internally scanned again, god it’s awful and so awkward.

Il set the scene for those who get to escape it; They present a giant probe, they ask me if I'm allergic to latex before gingerly unrolling a giant condom down it, then an assistant usually lubes it up (I’m assuming so the person scanning doesn’t get there computer hand slippery), they tell me to put my feet in stirrups, butt hanging half off the bed then it goes in, and then they usually have to press down on my stomach to get a good picture (this is because I have a uterus that faces backwards) fecking glamour and joy.

I always ask/chat to my partner after these scans and say “did you get a giant probe inserted in to you today” then he’s usually a bit more compassionate (for the day) 😂 😂 😂

@Mangoandbroccoli, what a guy! (Your husband) that’s so so lovely. Hope you have a great weekend.

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ShootingStar2020 · 14/01/2020 15:11

@JO138 - that’s so good to hear and definitely a milestone day. Very exciting!

@Mangoandbroccoli - your hubby should receive a romance award. Really lovely that he is thinking about you and it cheered you up!! ❤️

@Conorgog - you made me laugh out loud!! Fully agree about the old internals!! The probe looks like the vibrator my DH bought “us” for Xmas!! I am still recovering from the shock. Sorry if this is a bit crude but he thought it would be fun. The opposite end of the spectrum to romance to mango’s DH 😂😂😂

I am having a crap day today. Did a test this morning as been having really vivid dreams which I normally have when pregnant and feeling shattered. It was negative so feel crushed although I didn’t really expect anything this month. The highs and lows!

Hugs to all xxx

JO138 · 14/01/2020 15:29

@Conorgog that does not sound pleasant but did make me chuckle. Am I missing something about NIPT though. I thought it was just bloods. 😬 Is there a difference between SAFE and Harmony? I was just reading the leaflet. Can't wait to get the results! But also totally dreading them!

@shootingstar2020 I'm sorry you are having a shit day. I don't think a BFFN even when you are expecting it gets any easier. Is it too early to test? ❤

JO138 · 14/01/2020 15:30

@Treaclepie19 I'm eating chocolate covered ginger! 🤣🤣 I'm still carrying 10 lbs from my 3 yo! I don't even want to think about it. 😖

Conorgog · 14/01/2020 15:50

Here for a laugh always!

@ShootingStar2020 hahaha, can’t believe it ‘a present for us’, errrrr you first dear. 😂
Sorry to hear your having a down day, as @JO138 said is it to early to test?

@JO138 - it is just a blood test but for some reason many of the testing places said as part of their agreements with being able to sell the test for NIPT they have to scan first - I did ask as obvs I’ve already had a ‘clear’ scan but they said no... (unsure if that’s factual) but I think from my googling in London I only found one or two places that will do the harmony for £375 without a scan - but they had no appointment times that suited me. So a scanning we will go.

OP posts:
Mini12 · 14/01/2020 16:25

@JO138 that's great news!! First hurdle done!!! Fancy ginger drink sounds good!!! Let us know the brand!!

@Mangoandbroccoli How thoughtful is your OH!! Lovely to have a little pick me up!! My OH was unwell on our anniversary so I'm still waiting to celebrate!! For him to make a reservation will be an achievement!!

@ShootingStar2020 sorry it's not what you expected this month, like others have said don't count yourself out until next cycle though?! Fingers crossed!

@conorgog I had no idea that was what's involved!! So you will have your results by Wednesday next week! Hoping and have everything crossed for some more positive results!
We've still not decided whether to go for it, il decide next week I think, I have first scan in 3 weeks so I'm just sort of putting my head down (or in the sand as it were) and holding tight!

JO138 · 14/01/2020 17:06

@Conorgog ugh. Well hopefully it's not too bad. Will be good to get that last bit of peace of mind.

Anyone doing the NIPT I had an interesting conversation with the midwives as they said since SAFE/Harmony are far more accurate you don't automatically get the combined bloods because you can sometimes get low on NIPT but high on combined which causes confusion. But if you don't get the combined bloods they don't do the NT measurement because its part of the same "combined" test. And the NT can pick up more than just chromosomal issues. I'm doing the lot!

Treaclepie19 · 14/01/2020 17:59

@JO138 I'd do anything I was offered!
Our NIPT came back fine because our little boy had a very rare chromosomal issue.
The combined bloods showed a problem though and so did the NT.

Mini12 · 14/01/2020 20:07

Hi @JO138 and @Treaclepie19 this is why I'm a bit confused with all the tests. Is there still a chance that the test come back clear but then something else is picked up from 12 week scan and NT measurement? It sounded like the nurse was saying to me that even with the early testing the 12 week scan could show something up that wasn't caught in the tests as there is more to see at that 12 stage?
That's why I'm kinda on the fence with decision about the tests, I don't want to get my hopes up I guess so just waiting for the 12 week scan ...but then if something does show up it then prepares you earlier...such a mindf#*k