Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

[Conorgog]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

Also, what was the point in my eating a bloody Brazil nut - so called food of the fertility gods - every sodding day, eh?!! 🙈😂

OMG I was cruising other threads and accidentally posted my post below on a thread asking why someone would vote for Boris!!! 🙈🙈🙈🙈😬😬😬🤣🤣🤣

😂 oopsie! Probably makes more sense than some of the arguments.
Thanks ladies ❤

@treaclepie19- really hope you are feeling ok this morning and marking the day has helped you. It’s so tough ❤️

Listening to all of us makes me realise how strong we are (most of the time!). Christmas brings out all kinds of emotion and with pregnancy hormones on top for some of us it is a lot to take!!!

I have stopped getting the email updates so hence the delay in posting and not responding to all.

Hope you can all have a good end to the weekend. I have started to take royal jelly!! We shall see!

@Mangoandbroccoli if this pregnancy works out the age gap between my DS and the new baby will be 4.5 years which is more than I’d anticipated too, but I’m trying to focus on the positives such as the fact that I’ll get lots of lovely one to one time with the baby while DS is at school. (On the other hand, poor DS who will have the upheaval of a new sibling followed by starting school within the space of a month 😱)

Loving your reply going onto a Boris thread 😂

@Treaclepie19 I hope you are feeling ok today. Sounds like a lovely way to mark the day. I do agree that watching things that dredge it up do help because I do still have a fair amount of random teary spells and it's almost a big release to just have a good cry, and not on a crowded train for a change! 😬

@Mangoandbroccoli I'm sorry. But sounds like you have lots of lovely things to do and on the bright side you can have holiday bubbles! If it makes you feel better you are in good company, I am clinically geriatric at 40 👵and my DS will be nearly 4 1/2 if we get through this one. I was quite panicked about the gap but then starting looking around and quite a few of my friends have 4 years between there kids because they couldn't handle 2 in nursery and it works really well. And I was visiting my friends who has 2 boys, one my DS age and one 22 mths older and they fought the whole time and she couldn't even have a cuppa tea!

I have declined a friends son's first birthday because it's literally going to be a pregnant lady baby fest and with my DH out of town I don't think I can handle it. 😥

I got a call about "reschedule" a midwife appointment that was booked on xmas eve. Seems like when I re-registered at the hospital it pulled up my previous pregancy automatically. She tried to bring it forward and was a bit shocked when I tried to delay to the new year which would have been past 39 weeks....then we both realised what was going on. I'm in on the 7th of January now. Unfortunately since the summer the health centre I used to go to has closed and now I have to go quite a ways which is a pain. She was really lovely about it and I suppose there are worse problems to have!

Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday. My DH is home tonight and I'm hoping it's not crazy late so I can tell him finally! I did another test this morning, AF was due on Friday so I am getting a bit more confident. 🤞🤞🤞

@JO138 I just read your post about watching a film with pregnancy plot and anomalies, when I was waiting for my TFMR I was given a book where the woman decided to have a baby with t21 and had a CVS (the books called "the girl before" btw) I was balling my eyes out!! I had an awful situation last week too where I met up with an ex work colleague who I hadnt been informed of my loss so asked about baby.
It took me totally by surprised and I burst out crying in the middle of the coffee shop, she felt so bad bless her but it brings it all back, just when you think your stronger... grief has no time limit though and think we all need to remember that x

@Conorgog @DinoGreen sorry to hear about your experiences with hospital/testing! Think it's preparing me to not find it so straight forward and look into some private clinics if I need to.

@Treaclepie19 hope your feeling a bit better, and hope marking your little ones birthday helped you and your family, such a hard anniversary

Talking about age gaps, lately I'm wondering if it's easier the bigger the gap! My lo can be such a handful I don't know how people cope with 2 close together!!

@mini12 that is a hard read in any circumstance let alone awaiting a tfmr. I have to say the targeted marketing analytics of social media were not very helpful before and after my tfmr. Every feed and advert was a good news T21 child story. Still pops up now! Thank you Google!

Just spent an couple of hours with my friend and her 11 mth old and my DS just doted on him. Was sweet and heart breaking at the same time. ❤

@JO138 and @Mangoandbroccoli - I am 40 and so in the geriatric club! Apparently at my local hospital the number of ladies over 40 having babies is so significant it is almost the norm. Makes me feel better.

For what it is worth I think the age gap works whatever the circumstances. A friend of mine just had their third and middle child is 5. Apparently the older two really help and are so protective.

Carol service tonight so going to enjoy some mulled wine afterwards. 🍷🍷

It turns out Brazil nuts are neither helpful in aiding conception nor politics 😂🙈 Thankfully HQ have now removed it for me.

You're all so right about the age gap and have made me feel much better, thank you.

That must have been so hard @Mini12 - I'm generally ok unless blindsided like that so recognise how tough it is.

@JO138 I can't believe how restrained you've been at not telling your husband yet! So impressed and really hope you can both enjoy the news and that lovely moment together.

@ShootingStar2020 You inspired me to buy royal jelly today! Fingers crossed eh?!

@Mangoandbroccoli - it can only bee a good thing for all those eggs. Pardon the pun!!

I had some pre period bleeding today. Made me feel pretty unsettled but looking forward to ttc and putting one foot in front of the other!

Hope everyone is feeling ok today xx

Thanks all ❤ I'm feeling a bit better today.
Have treated myself to a deep clean of the house tomorrow so I'll be off for a coffee and returning to a sparkly house.

The age gap thing is what is worrying me about not ttc right now. If we change our mind... our ds1 is already 4y 3m.

@Mangoandbroccoli the Brazil nuts really made me laugh 😂

@Treaclepie19 please don't worry about age gap, I've been totally hung up on it in the past at times but I think there are alot of positives either way, and in your and many others on this thread including me a 3-4 yr age gap may feel big when there young but I think once children are older the age gap doesn't seem as important. You'll make it suit you and your family whatever you decide

Hi ladies how is everyone?

I’m feeling anxious about my pregnancy today I’m 6 weeks and I have basically no symptoms, just very slightly sore boobs. I didn’t have much in the way of symptoms with either of the previous two either but after everything that happened last time my worry levels are just heightened and my mind goes straight to thinking of miscarriage. Just got to try and stay busy I think (at least Christmas will help with that!)

Hope everyone else is doing well, is anyone in their TWW? @JO138 have you told your DH now?

Hi @dinogreen. I am definitely more anxious about this pregnancy than I have been previously. I have heartburn which is something I haven't had I previous pregancies and I have to say it's pretty unpleasant!

I did finally tell my DH on Sunday. I told him that I had bought this for my DS for xmas. Took him a while to get it but when he did it was really lovely.

Aw @JO138 that's so lovely! Heartburn sound a bit grim though.

@DinoGreen I would imagine it's completely natural to be nervous when someone's been through what we have. I guess you can only try your best to hold on to what you do know which is that, right now, you are pregnant 🥰
I didn't really have any symptoms at all with my first pregnancy and all went smoothly ❤️

@Treaclepie19 The age gap has bothered me, too, but everyone on here has really helped to reassure me. There are 4 years between me and my own sister and I'd say we've had a very typical sibling relationship of being close at times and pulling each other's hair out at others. Get on really well generally now, but still have the odd non-age related bicker! My mum is close in age to her brother but they don't speak. My husband's older brother is his best friend - 6 year age gap. Their middle sister wants nothing to do with any of the family 🤷‍♀️ So, I'm basically trying to hold on to the fact that there will always be pros and cons either way and that the age gap definitely doesn't dictate the long term relationship.

Thank you ladies ❤ My sisters (half) are 18 years older than me (twins) so we have the ultimate age gap!
I'm not convinced we will ever have another tbh so I'm not sure why I'm worrying 😩

We had a deep clean done or the house yesterday (with a company) and that has cheered me up a little.

Thats lovely @JO138 😍

@DinoGreen pregnancies all differ so much. You're bound to be nervous though. Look after yourself ❤

Aw @JO138 that t-shirt is so cute! I want to get something like that for my DS too!

It’s so tough isn’t it but thanks for the reassurance ladies. Like I said I hardly had any first trimester symptoms with either of my previous pregnancies so there’s no particular reason for me to be worried about it but I just can’t help myself

@Treaclepie19 I’m so jealous of your deep clean! We are lucky enough to have a regular cleaner but she only comes fortnightly and isn’t due until next week, we’re having a party on Saturday and I’m dreading the fact that I’m going to have to spend Saturday morning cleaning in preparation!

@DinoGreen - it’s so hard. I hear you. Sounds like some days are more difficult than others. With Christmas in between the next few weeks will fly by which is great. Can you get an early scan before Xmas if you think that might help? Thinking of you lots.

@JO138 - such a cool tee shirt!!

@Treaclepie19 - glad the clean cheered you up. Hopefully you can get some time to recharge over Xmas. It’s been so tough for you. ❤️

It’s DS’s nativity this afternoon so will be hoping he keeps his shepherd’s costume on!!

The tshirt went over really well and if it all goes well I think we'll put it in him when we go to see my folks in March. My husband was so nervous that our DS had seen it, was pretty funny. He's clever but not reading at 3!!

If I think back I was really detached in my last pregnancy. I didn't buy any baby stuff, I didn't have any maternity clothes I was literally cramming myself in to work clothes by the end. I paid for 2 extra private scans at 8 and 10 weeks because I was convinced something was wrong. I told my midwife i was convinced something was wrong when she was taking the bloods for the combined test and she quite coldly said "it will be what it will be ". I will never forget that to be honest. Then when we had the 12 week scan I asked her to do the NT reading before anything else. And the rest is history.... I feel more "normal " this time but being 40 this really is my last chance. That is definitely causing me a lot of anxiety.

@JO138 What a b*tch!! So sorry she was like that. I feel really stupid because, naively, the NT score meant nothing to me at the time - can't believe we happily walked out of the 12 week scan with that piece of paper and the sonographer would have known what was coming. In fact, she circled the bit on the paper which said when to expect either a letter or phone call with results and I thought nothing of it 😢

@Mangoandbroccoli that's shocking. I'm sorry they did that to you.
As soon as they said 5.1 they took us to another room and discussed it all with us.

@JO138 some people shouldn't be in care. How uncaring of her 😔

@ShootingStar2020 thank you 💕

@DinoGreen I'd love a regular clean 😍 I'm going to try and keep on top of it now. Though we do still have two rooms that are both full of stuff and need cleaning.

@Mangoandbroccoli that's unbelievable! They stopped our scan immediately and took us in to another room and told us what the reality was and then immediately sent us for the CVS. It was f'ng horrible but they were definitely very blunt and did not give us any "false hope". My husband had to all but carry me to the car.

That midwife actually phoned me a few months after everything had happened to ask me how I was. I think she realised with the outcome that it was a pretty shitty thing to say but it still sticks with me. She basically treated me like an irritation. Some people definitely should not be in care.

I'm stood on a very crowded train on my way home from our works Christmas lunch. Had a very small glass of prosecco mixed with gingerale. Will sleep well tonight!

Hi all!

Oh @JO138, I started w heartburn and it quickly moved to gas/nausea, bleurgh!

@DinoGreen hope your doing okay, just take a couple of days at a time, I’m actively not looking at pregnancy app like I did with my first -(also no time to do it anyway!) trying to not make it too real/ think am in denial.

I’ve decided not to get scan/harmony test prior to nhs scan on the 6th, a number of reasons really, one major one being that my scan on 6th and care is with/through the FMU and a consultant, so I know who I’m getting. The most I can be pregnant at that point counting from the date of my miscarriage would be 12+3 so I should be early enough to catch if something isn’t right.

I also really didn’t want to deal with shite news over Xmas/NY and not have a direct pathway to dealing with it. If they refuse me Harmony after the scan/say I’m low risk based on combined test, will then get it done privately. I also have a retroverted uterus, which always means awful internal probe scans and I think I have a bit of PTSD around it after last time.