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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5

984 replies

Conorgog · 07/08/2019 10:28

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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DinoGreen · 08/12/2019 19:38

@Ruthsoph welcome to the thread and I’m so sorry for your loss. Like others have said, the midwives told me we could try again straight away if we wanted to, personally though I didn’t feel at all ready to even think about it for a long time so don’t rush yourself, see how you are feeling. Also I did bleed from my tfmr all the way up to my first period so wouldn’t have wanted to be trying then anyway because of that.

I think your Christmas card idea is sweet if it’s only very close family etc you’re intending to send them too although be prepared for some people to find it weird, you shouldn’t care about that though, if it’s what helps you and what you want to do.

I’ve had a good day today but finding I am having some anxiety about this new pregnancy. I keep thinking well surely lightning doesn’t strike twice with T21, but I’ve never had a miscarriage before and that’s supposed to be like 1 in 4 pregnancies so maybe it’s my turn for one of those 😥 but trying to put those thoughts out of my mind and just try and be optimistic.

ShootingStar2020 · 08/12/2019 20:52

Hi ladies

I will admit to following this thread and have finally plucked up the courage to join. All your stories have been inspirational and emotional to say the least. Massive congrats on all the good news too.

I am here because I had a TfMR for DS and heart defects in October. Like others have said, it has been the most devastating and dark period. However, I am lucky enough to have 2 children so they have kept me going.

We are going to start trying again in Jan but this has been a big decision as my DH has been suffering this year with anxiety/depression. We agree though that hope is stronger than fear and this experience has made the yearn for another even more acute. Have been at a christening today and it was so emotional! That made me post.

Wishing you all a great Sunday evening.

💫💫💫💫

Mangoandbroccoli · 08/12/2019 22:24

Welcome @ShootingStar2020 and @Ruthsoph, but of course so sorry that you both find yourselves here. It's such an incredibly difficult situation to be in, but I hope we can all offer you the same support and empathy that we've found from all the ladies here ❤️

Thank you @DinoGreen and @JO138 - fingers crossed 🤞🏼🤞🏼 A BFN at any time is devastating but in some ways I think it'll be better to find out before Christmas so that I've got the excitement and distraction of that and then renewed hope at the start of a new year (ha, who am I kidding - I'll definitely be bawling my eyes out if I see another sodding period arrive 😂🙈)

Hi @Conorgog! I'm back in the middle of the TWW, finding out either way next weekend. The two weeks always go soooooo slowly, despite it feeling like this whole year has been a waiting game, waiting for results of one kind or another - my levels of patience don't seem to have benefited at all! 🙈

DinoGreen · 09/12/2019 07:24

@ShootingStar2020 welcome to the thread. My DH suffers from anxiety too. He had a particularly bad patch at the beginning of this year. Ironically my tfmr in July actually helped his anxiety - I think it made him pull himself together to support me! The last few months he’s been mostly fine but has occasional wobbles. It has made us nervous about ttc again too - that’s another reason I’m quite pleased it’s just happened for us by accident as it’s meant I haven’t had to worry about oh is it the right time for DH. Best of luck for you and your DH in the new year!

JO138 · 09/12/2019 08:36

Hello @Ruthsoph and @ShootingStar2020. Welcome. I've definitely found this thread helpful as it's not really something I can really talk about with most of my friends and family. They support me but bless 'em they just don't get it. 😊

I'm now deep into stay away from hpt time! 🤭 According to the clearblue test calculator, which I have done 50 times!, I could start testing tomorrow. Going to try really hard to wait until Friday!

Finger crossed @Mangoandbroccoli! And I too will try to look on the positive side! 😊 I am already a bit crampy and thinking it feels a lot like AF. There will be a lot of prosecco this XMAS if it is! 😋

JO138 · 09/12/2019 09:20

I'm on the train to work and I have really low centre abdominal cramps and I just got a wave of nausea.....am I grasping at straws?

The cramps are light but noticeable. And I got a wave of nausea yesterday too. 🤞🤞🤞🤔🤔🤔

Conorgog · 09/12/2019 10:11

Welcome @Ruthsoph and @ShootingStar2020, it’s nice to be in a group with people that get it, ask away any Q’s.

Re when to start trying, we waited for the first period then tried after that cycle. Was nice in hindsight to have a bit of recovery time after all the internal scans and op.

@Mangoandbroccoli Sorry, I had re read your previous message and had seen you were in TWW, crossing my fingers and toes for you.

@JO138 not grasping at straws! But def wait until Friday/Sat... have you purchased tests already or are you going to wait till then, which one will you buy? 😉

Yesterday we had our annual Christmas drinks/afternoon party thing with friends and kids at our house - I had a tiny glass of fizz for appearance sake and could have honestly guzzled the whole bottle. Was delicious.

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JO138 · 09/12/2019 11:21

@conorgog by some feat of willpower I have not bought any! There is however a massive BOOTS across from my office!
But I am really going to try and refrain until Friday which is the first day of my XMAS hols!

Question.....has anyone had cramping and a BFP? I'm 10 dpo now (day 24) and I've had intermittent cramps all morning.

DinoGreen · 09/12/2019 12:04

@JO138 it could be implantation cramps at 10dpo. I didn’t experience any symptoms at all in my TWW but then so far I’ve had largely symptom free first trimesters!

I’ve just put in a call to the screening midwives to get some advice on the next steps but it went to voicemail. Hopefully they’ll call me back soon.

Mini12 · 09/12/2019 14:51

@DinoGreen how far along are you? Have you spoken to midwife or are your going straight to screening midwives?

@JO138 hold tight for the weekend and fingers crossed for you! Sounds promising !

@Mangoandbroccoli fingers crossed for you!

JO138 · 09/12/2019 18:26

So clearly my willpower is shite but this looks like 2 lines to me!!! 🤞🤞👍👍

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 5
DinoGreen · 09/12/2019 18:33

Eeeeee oh my goodness @JO138 - that is definitely a second line! (And I normally look at the threads on the conception board where people swear they can see a line and think wtf? I can’t see anything ...) Massive congratulations! So glad it’s happening for you too!

JO138 · 09/12/2019 18:40

thanks @dinogreen I just got home and DS threw up (he choked on a biscuit) and I was uncharacteristically gagging and I thought hmmm.....and took a test! Eek! So made the evening less disastrous! 🤣

DinoGreen · 09/12/2019 18:54

Urgh not good about the sick and gagging Grin but yay what lovely news. When are you due AF @Mini12, can we make it a full house!

Conorgog · 09/12/2019 18:57

Def wait till Friday @JO138 and sending lots and lots of luck.

So I spoke to a midwife at the hospital I’m with today who said I only get the harmony test if I’m classed as ‘high risk’ which apparently I’m not at the moment. I don’t really understand, I thought that once you had a DS pregnancy your odds were automatically 1:100, and therefore high risk? She said they would do 12 week scan (with a Senior consultant in the fmu) and the combined test (which after reading about it on here seems fairly useless) and then assess me from there...

Needless to say I’ve sent off to book an appointment at the fetal medicine centre, (on Harley St) which does a £400 ‘dating/viability scan’ then harmony test at 10 weeks (determined by the first scan). Really annoyingly these dates all fall over Xmas/new year which is giving me nightmares/ even more anxiety that I’m going to get first year student who drew the short holiday straw amateurishly scanning me.
(Which I know is unreasonable, but hey that’s where my mind is going).

Anyway will discuss all this with midwife at booking appointment and go from there. 😭

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Conorgog · 09/12/2019 19:00

Ahhhhhhhh WTF @JO138 that’s is great!

Weheyyyyyyyyyyy! I’m so so thrilled for, Lets hope it sticks and grows so nicely, just so happy for you!

(Sorry I didn’t even see it before posting my own essay)! Xxxx

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DinoGreen · 09/12/2019 19:12

@Conorgog that’s so frustrating. I was definitely told I could have an 8 week scan and the harmony test. Like you though if my hospital plays hardball I’ll book it privately - I’m just not prepared to take any chances this time. Still, it’s £400 I’m sure we’d all rather not spend just after Christmas!

JO138 · 09/12/2019 19:34

Thanks @Conorgog It was a bit of a surprise! The whole time I was just thinking "you loser get some bloody willpower " 🤣🤣 Fingers crossed it sticks!

@dinogreen AF isn't technically due until Friday so this is really early days!

@conorgog When everything happened back in July the screening midwife told me if I got pregnant again to call her right away and she would book me with the consultant that did NIPT automatically because one did one didn't. When I specifically asked for a follow up with the doctor who did the procedure she told me to call her personal secretary right away and she would book me for an 8 week scan and Harmony automatically. She made it more about my state of mind than my risk level.... but we are still Higher Risk for sure! But clearly not even consistent in the same hospital. I would push it if i were you. Flippin heck I have a colleague who got an elective csection on the NHS because she just didn't want to give birth and she persisted until someone agreed!

Conorgog · 09/12/2019 19:54

@JO138 I actually screamed a little when I saw your message - for 10 DPO - is that right? That’s a bloody good line, Congratulations!

Was going to laugh at you and say bloody good will power - “I will hold out till Friday” ha ha ha it’s literally Monday, you saw boots and you couldn’t be held back! 😂😂😂

Thanks @DinoGreen too it’s just quite frustrating really, I just want to be in the one system (nhs) if something is wrong. Rather than heading out privately then potentially coming back in with a bad result. Will ask midwife, and if it’s a firm no if I can possibly just pay for it to be done at the hospital. I just want it done bang on 10 weeks so I can deal with it, if it throws something up.

Gaggh!

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JO138 · 09/12/2019 20:29

@conorgog aww thanks. I'm feeling a bit stunned! Yup I'm 10 dpo and definitely have the least willpower ever! 🤣🤣 I went to BOOTS on the way home and was barely in the door an hour before I had ripped off the plastic wrap!

And yes, absolutely going to use the second test in the morning!! 🤣

ShootingStar2020 · 09/12/2019 21:17

@JO138 - that looks good to me!! Fingers crossed.

@Conorgog - That is all you need. I really hope you get some good advice from the midwives and they are supportive. Have always found the FMC to be exceptional at what they do but it would be good (as you say) to just be with one system.

Thank you all for the warm welcome. Before I had DD1 I had a MMC at 12 weeks and one at 6 weeks. This is such a different place to be isn’t it?

Thank you again for showing me there is hope. Xxx

Mangoandbroccoli · 10/12/2019 11:18

Omg @JO138 that's amazing!!!!!!! What a great line for 10dpo too! Eeek!!!

I'm 10dpo now and too scared to start testing yet 🙈 I've got a work party on Friday so may try that morning if temps haven't already given the game away by then.

@Conorgog that's so frustrating! I'd definitely push your midwife for one. I was also told I could have it on the Nhs at 10 weeks and was even helpfully given a letter to say so. I think we have more choice than we often realise (eg totally 'allowed' to have a csection by choice) but are often put off first due to cost. I'm sure you're right about automatically being high risk too so makes sense to go straight to NIPT/SAFE/Harmony.

JO138 · 10/12/2019 12:11

@Mangoandbroccoli fingers crossed! 10 dpo is way to early to test I am just historically a glutton for punishment! 😋 My works lunch is on the 18th which is funny because the last time I had a positive test I did a test when we were having an office charity pub quiz! I literally had one soft drink and my manager (woman) looked me straight in the eye and asked if I was going to tell her I was pregnant! Will have to come with a good excuse as my love of wine preceeds me!

@ShootingStar2020 I have no experience with MC but I have to say the choice and uncertainty of the TFMR were the most difficult things I've ever had to deal with. It is undoubtedly one of the most difficult life experiences to go through! Hope we can give you some good news stories to keep you going until you get your own. ❤

Mini12 · 10/12/2019 12:50

@JO138 omg amazing!!! Yes!! So happy for another pregnancy!!! Ha stuff the will power you got your result!!!!

@DinoGreen il be trying next week!!! Not due then until beginning of Jan so fingers crossed!!!

@conorgog I thought my hosp said il be "monitored" more closely but don't know what that means, can they even test for anything so early? Awful to have to feel anxiety over this period, but on the other hand would be great to get good news too so you can enjoy Christmas!

Treaclepie19 · 10/12/2019 16:01

Lovely news @JO138 💕