Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

[NatzCNL]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins ? Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila ? baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain ? Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 ? baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess ? Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB ? Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate ? Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel ? Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird ? George 24/07/11
Sarahmia ? baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers ? Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj ? Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily ? Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug ? Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Yes, perhaps that might be a better plan. I'm not sure yet about Jan weekends, but am likely to be free except the weekend of 20/21 I think.

20th likely to be out for me too as dds birthday and then arsenal...will get dh to check fixtures

January could be good. I can't do the first weekend but other than that I think I should be about.

How about the 12th?

Embarrassingly I forgot that it'll be Charles's birthday the Monday following so we might go away. Although that shouldn't stop people if it turns out to be the only weekend others can do.

What about the final weekend of Jan - 26/27?

shame on you.

last weekend is fine for me at the mo.

well I didn't forget his birthday per se, more that I didn't connect that fact to the weekend preceding it....

Jan is pretty free for me apart from the first weekend (my bday).

The only thing is that i had quite bad SPD towards the end of last preg so walking became quite difficult. As I'm due mid Feb I can't fully commit to being able to make the trek up to London (ESP later on on the month) as it really depends on how my pubic bones are feeling :)

Just go with the majority and I will try my bestest x

Did we have any further thoughts on January? I can't do the first weekend but should be OK for any of the others.

Pleased to report that we are "anomaly free" by the way .

Oooh kittens that's fab news!!! How are you and OH feeling about things now? Hope you are allowing yourself to get a little excited :))

Also did you find out the sex?! Xx

Mega quick post to say Hurrah Kittens!!!

Fantastic news Kittens!!! SO pleased for you both xxx

I am fairly free for January, will pop on again soon to look for updates on the meet up (cant believe it's been 2 years already)

Hello to all, hope everyone is well and managing to avoid the winter colds that have managed to knock us all sideways again.

Do you think I should change my name back to NatzCNL?

Brilliant news, kittens. Really pleased for the three of you!

Brilliant news Kitten really please for you :-)

I am very sad to tell you that I am no longer pregnant and I am currently going throu mc looks like the baby at some point stopped developing around 5 weeks (I thought i was 10/11 weeks) we were told that it could of just been the dates that were wrong so we needed to come back in 2 weeks to be re measured. In the meantime I have started bleeding have a scan with early preg unit this am but really think its just confirming. In some sense I ( I haven't said this to anyone in rl as many don't know the full picture) feel like I am being punished for terminating last time (baby had t21 and we terminated at 18 weeks which was horrific) I know my dh would be really cross if he knew I was feeling like this as he is a practical kind of guy. But I think possibly that this is normal feeling after going through what we have. I am also 38 and begining to wonder if I am just too old! feel pretty shit and all mixed up does anyone have any words of wisdom?????

Thanks everyone for your excitement and congratulations.

corazon, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a miscarriage. So absolutely shitty after what you've already been through. I have been in your shoes and it's so devastating. I was even older than you so I hope I can offer some hope that things can still work out. I'm fast approaching 43 now!

My story is pretty gloomy so, on one hand I'd like to reassure you that it can work out for you in time, on the other hand I don't want to give you the fear by telling you my history because there's every chance you will be a lot luckier than I was. On the plus side, poot and I both miscarried the first pregnancy we had after our terminations and she now has a little boy who was conceived soon after.

I know it's a natural feeling to have as there is always so much guilt wrapped up in our experiences but please don't blame yourself. It's simply "bad biology". Definitely not a punishment. Sending you a big hug. xx

hi corazon
i'm really sorry you are miscarrying. I haven't had a mc so it's difficult to comment too much on that but I was 39 when I had ds having had two terminations at 34 and 38. I think as you get older the eggs really deteriorate and so I have put the anomolies in both those pregnancies down to that, it's more likely that your eggs will produce pregnancies that dont develop well as you age (two of my sil's have also had that happen and it is really devastating). However I hope you can have some hope that I ended up with a son after two pregnancies with anomolies. I think it's really normal to have guilt following a termination and to have that feeling at the back of your mind, I had a tiny tiny feeling like that with the second tfmr (also T21).
kittens it's great to hear your news. I think that's inspiring. x

Kittens, I am so happy for you, the big hurdles are out of the way and although there is no such thing as a carefree pregnancy for us, I hope you can relax a bit more now and allow yourself to feel excitement.

Corazon, so sorry you are going through a miscarriage, so unfair after what you have already been through. It's natural to feel guilt, you had to make an awful decision, but this is just a feeling, and the miscarriage is NOT a punishment. Allow yourself to grieve, and take care of yourself. Take heart in the fact that you did the best you could for your baby and it was not a heartless decision. Sending you a good thought and, even if it's not a MN thing, a big hug. x

Corazon - Im so sorry to hear your news. What you are feeling is completely normal. Ive not suffered a mc myself but did have the guilt after my termination. I hope that in time things will work out in your favour. Sending you lots of hugs & strength xx

Thank you so much for your messages - trying my best to get through before considering ttc. We went for early scan the other day and there are now two fetal poles but still no heartbeats or other developments! So now just waiting for nature to take its course - may need to rant on another board about that! I know deep down that we made the right decision and its just bad luck n one of those things, in some sense I feel not as bad this time as at the moment its a bunch of cells and not remotely like giving birth to Alfie (he was 18 weeks) although it has resurfaced lots of feelings! Thanks for listening guys its appreciated!

hi i found similar. i didn't really grieve for the second pg I terminated but it brought back grief I had at the previous which was at a later gestation. Hope it's all over quickly for you. x

Hi, am new on here and just have a quick question. I terminated back in August with Patau Syndrome at 14 weeks and am pregnant again. Am only 6 weeks and i phoned up and the first booking in appointment they could give me is 12th Jan (I'm away over xmas & NY). It just seems so far away. Do you think there's any point in me trying to get an early scan for heartbeat / growth progress or will it just make me more paranoid than I already am?! Any advice on what extra appointments I might get after a termination?

Hi Briarrosy, sorry for your loss. I had early scans in the Fetal Medicine Unit of my hospital. I was in two minds about the early scans though because I was so scared of the Nuchal result that I thought - What if I have a good scan at 8 weeks, get all excited and then get bad news at the Nuchal?

They also arranged for me to have my Nuchal at 11+3 which is the earliest you can have it. Do you have any contact with the Fetal Medicine team from your last pregnancy? Or your midwife? Often the appointments are based on pregnancies of women with no difficult histories so it is really worth making them aware of your history to see if they can give you extra care. Maybe speak with your GP and see if they can write a letter.

Best of luck. I know how scary those first weeks can be, especially waiting to get past the 12 week milestone. I'm still not 100% relaxed and I'm nearly 23 weeks now!

Hi Havingkittens, thanks v much for the reply. I've now managed to get my big scan as early as possible (11+3) after explaining my situation, phew! One less week of worrying. I also phoned the fetal medicine guys as you advised and they're as great as ever and have booked me in for an early scan before christmas just to check that everything looks OK, but I'm now thinking that if things aren't great it could spoil my xmas?! I'm going to be abroad for xmas and NY so wouldn't be able to follow anything up and it might be best to be unaware!

Congrats on your results btw, just read that bit of the thread!

Very sad today... a me, me, me post again I'm afraid. I don't know if it makes me feel happy or sorry that this thread is very quiet. I just hope it is because people have "moved on" (not great choice of words, I know) and not because we talked and talked about our January meet up and have managed to put new posters off asking for support in here.

Anyway, back to my sadness, I seem to move between acceptance and disbelief that this happened to me. I love Coffeeboy so much, and the thought that I chose to let one of my children go is hard to compute. All this Christmas frenzy brought tears to my eyes, we decorated Silvia's grave and lit a candle for her. I miss her so much. I think what set me off is reading some tips about how to deal with grief at Christmas and it was all about talking about the person who is gone, their likes and dislikes, their favourite food, etc. And I realise, again, that I don't know any of this. I have no idea what she would have been like, or our life if we decided to have her.I don't even know if she would have still be here with us this Christmas. I don't doubt our decision, but I just feel so sorry for my little girl.

I know I can't think of my loss "in isolation", and my little Coffeeboy wouldn't be here if we had her, but I need to just think of my little girl who never was and let it all come back...

I'm not sure this makes any sense, but as usual thank you for reading. Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas x

Hi Coffee

I know how you feel. The loss is so intangible because there is nothing to hold on to or remember properly. And we wouldn't have our precious babies if we hadn't lost our other children so we feel guilty for feeling the loss and then we feel guilty for not remembering enough the babies we lost.

I think lighting a candle and remembering is lovely. I will never forget Silvia, or Lucia, or Stella.

Much love and a peaceful, happy Christmas to all.