Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Morning ladies,
Coffee i thought of you and Silvia this morning it's funny how her anniversary stuck in my head like that..just thought i'd let you know my thoughts are with you today be gentle to yourself x
For anybody who wanted to know i'm now 37 wks on the dot and i'm due on the 9th of March, this pregnancy seems to have been so quick my heads still reeling but i am officially ready my bag is packed i have everything she will need so now we play the waiting game.
Mishta, sorry to hear about Bellas reaction but for what it's worth i don't think weaning her early would make a difference i weaned George at 4 months on the advice of my health visitor because he was ready for it and he's now 4 and has no allergies at all (well none we've come across yet!) i think it's really just one of those things some people have some don't.
And coffee my floors were shiney for about a day but having a 4yr old and a DP who's a plumber they are now once again looking like they need a wash and unfortunetly for them...i can't be arsed i'm feeling far too fat so i'm just going to curl up with a good book and a cuppa because it won't be long till making a cuppa will need to be planned out with the skill of a millitary operation! Love to all DM XxXxXx

Sending love to Coffee today. xx

Thanks to all that have asked after me. I'm sorry I've not been very interactive here for a while but I don't feel in the right place to be posting here much. I am just popping in to see how you are all getting on and eagerly awaiting the flurry of thread babies.

Sorry to hear of your stressful time with Bella Mishtabel, what a worry! I'm pleased to hear that all is well now.

Cantdo, thank you for thinking of me with regards to Littlepoot's birth. Very astute of you. I have to own up to the fact that a few tears were shed when I read the news. Thrilled, obviously. Especially as she and I also miscarried around the same time prior to that so I was really delighted for her.

Love to you all and best of luck to those with imminent babies. xxx

ps. still quiet from Mimsy and Ghislaine. Hope all is well with you both if you're lurking x

Coffee, I hope the day went peacefully for you.

I am still here, but don't really feel like I have much to contribute; well, nothing terribly positive (ha!). We're in the middle of our second IUI as we've been advised to get a move on. We're not that old, but our conception rate during our nearly two years actively ttc is pretty dire. We did this evening make some inquiries about NHS fertility treatment - it seems that we are going down that path so maybe we can save some money. I'm not too confident; the dr was intimating that having conceived once might exclude us.

Anyway, I am still checking in on you all, and look forward to hearing the good news roll in, especially for you Kittens, you have been through so much.

Ghislaine,
My BIL and SIL conceived naturally 7 years ago (resulting in miscarriage) but are now receiving IVF on the NHS due to the nature of their infertility. They were told the chances of them concieving naturally again was 1 in a million. Dont give up hope or let the Dr intimidate you. They were told that because they conceived naturally that they wouldn't be entitled to it, but here they are now.
Kittens,
Good to hear from you too, I hope you are keeping well.
Coffee,
I hope you are a bit better today and that yesterday wasn't too difficult?
Waves to everyone else. Finally got somewhere yesterday with the GP. Have got DD1 referred to a paediatrician, GP is concerned about her weight (I am not), but they should also be able to sort out her eczema management. Fingers crossed things get better from here on in.
Still keeping pregnancy a secret, cant believe Ive not told my family. Dating scan is on the 23rd, so will probably share the news with immediate family after that.

Just quickly...

Coffee I hope yesterday wasn't too hard for you. I played 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' as I was getting Bella off to sleep last night, in memory of your darling little Silvia xxx

And thank you ladies for your kind thoughts re: Bella's allergies, and Cant for reminding me that we have dealt with worse. We will get there, and besides, I like to (need to) believe she has some angels watching out for her xxx

Love to all xxx
(oh and if memory serves me correctly, Mimsy would be enjoying some warmth in Oz atm)

Thank you all for thinking of me yesterday. Mishta, it's not your first post which brings tears to my eyes, it means a lot, thank you xx

Yesterday was peaceful, we visited Silvia's grave, left flowers and lighted a candle, and later went out for lunch. Today I feel lighter, although it didn't seem so until this morning, I realise yesterday has been an important milestone.

I re-read some of my first posts on the sister thread and remembered where I was this time last year, and how finding so much support here helped me more than I could ever say. To say thank you is just not enough... I hesitate to mention names, as I'm sure I'll forget someone, but I'll always be grateful to you all for throwing me this lifeline and listening to me "talk" about my little girl. I remembered what a mess I was in the run-up to the cremation, and then the agony of thinking, for a couple of weeks, that the prognosis we were given might have been wrong. The bewilderment of those first few days and weeks...

Cantdo, as usual you described very well my feelings of yesterday, you always seem to find the right words.

I don't know if any of the old-timers are still reading, but if you do just know that your gentle voices helped a lot. Also, I've been thinking a lot about Allways lately,it's Rose's and Lily's first anniversary sometime in the next few weeks, you'll be on my mind.

Kittens, I am not surprised you are feeling sad. You?ve been through too much, and you?re coping so well? I must have said it before but I am amazed at how well you?re dealing with everything. Don?t feel like you have to though, and also don?t feel like you have to post if you?re not up to it. Just know that we?re here when you need us.

Ghislaine, can you get a second opinion about IVF on the NHS? Sadly some doctors are not helpful at all and forget they?re dealing with real people. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Natz, I?m glad to see you have a date now for the scan. To be honest I?m not surprised you managed to keep this pregnancy a secret, I remember how I was in the early weeks, the words ?I?m pregnant? just wouldn?t come out, probably because I didn?t allow myself to believe it (which I?m not saying is a good thing, just a self-defence mechanism).

Babylily, if I remember right your scan is tomorrow? You know where we are if you need us, sending you a good thought.

Wow, what a post? I?ll go now, just wanted to finish on a lighter note and tell Catlady that I?ve started shaking the labour pom-poms for you :)

Hi guys

I came on this thread ages ago when things were still raw and now I am 11 weeks pregnant again coming up for my scan next week and I just kind of feel like I need to be amongst folk who know how it feels to be going to their scan terrified rather than excited.

It's quite a hard time as my little girl would have been due at the beginning of last week too, and she is on my mind a lot. I'm constantly imagining what she would have looked like and although I think we made the right decision in sparing someone from that like she still feels very much a part of me.

I don't really know how I expected things to be when I was pregnant again but somehow I think of her even more. It's like she's wrapped herself around my heart even tighter and I'm so scared I'm not going to bond with my baby because he or she was born instead of her.

Does anyone else have these feelings or am I just nuts?

Hi Kitty, welcome back, and congratulations on your pregnancy! I know in these early weeks it feels strange to hear this, but I do think gentle congratulations are in order.

I could have written your post a few months ago. I was also pregnant on my due date and went to my nuchal scan resigned to hearing bad news (although I had terminated later, after the anomaly scan). Being pregnant brought back a lot of memories and my way of coping in the first trimester was not to acknowledge the pregnancy. I was sick and trying to eat the right things, but I was refusing to think about it too much and only spoke of it with my DH and the ladies in here. I also felt like I wasn?t bonding with this baby.

Gradually though, I started to be able to separate the 2 pregnancies in my mind. It didn?t come quickly though, so just be gentle with yourself and don?t beat yourself up over what you ?should? be feeling. There is no way you can go to a scan excited about seeing the baby or later finding out the sex, if you want to know. I still have a knot in my stomach every time I see my midwife and she measures my fundal height ? it?s still a measurement and I hate them.

Your little girl will always be with you, and important dates seem to overlap for most of us, somehow. It?s not a matter of forgetting and moving on, rather of letting this experience become part of you. It will come with time. The rawness comes back every now and then ? it was my little girl?s one year anniversary 2 days ago and I was surprised by how raw I could still be.

I had 4 scans in this pregnancy and everything seems normal. I am now almost 39 weeks and just can?t believe I made it so far. I am still very anxious though, but at the same time I feel hope. I am keeping everything crossed that you will have good news next week. Do you have good support in RL?

Babylily, I hope you are ok.

Hi Coffee

Thankyou so much for your post. It has rung true on many levels. Did you also find your fear 'shifted' in your current pregnancy - I'm more scared that something different will go wrong.

Well, I was in John Lewis buying a gift for my god-daughter (the christening was 4 days after my termination, it was an incredibly difficult day for me) yesterday. I decided to buy a stuffed toy for my baby. I just thought that was has happened has stripped me of the naieve excitement of going for the 12 week scan and I just wanted to inject some positivity and excitement into things. It was totally the right thing to do, very emotional but Im so glad I now have a stuffed doggie for our baby. even the negative part of me thought that it would be good to have something tangible to hold when i cry if it all goes wrong and i wish i had something like that to touch and hold when i think about my angel daughter.

im so glad there are places like this where there are other people who understand exactly the strange mix of emotions that a new pregnancy brings. real life does have a decent network of supportive friends, but no-one quite 'gets' it in the same way and i can tell that people are skeptical about our ability to have a healthy baby and dont regard our pregnancy in the same way as other people's pregnancies. its kind of sad but it doesnt matter that much.

hope everyone is ok xx

Hi all, just a quick one as I probably won't get another chance for a little while (doing course this week and DH coming home tomorrow after being away for 3 weeks :) )

So glad Wednesday was peaceful for you Coffee. Also glad that you found your way to us back then, and that we now get to share with you some well-deserved happiness xx

Kitty, good to 'see' you, and congratulations on your pregnancy. I can't add much to what Coffee has said. After losing my first DD, I too worried that once my next baby was born and I realised it wasn't her, I would have trouble bonding, and thought perhaps I would even be resentful. I can't say when in the pregnancy that thinking changed, or if it even did fully, though I can say from the moment my next little girl was born, I loved her madly, in her own right, and knew I wouldn't have swapped her for the world. The fact that they were sisters was enough. As Coffee said, don't beat yourself up over your feelings, they are so understandable. And you're not nuts - or if you are, then so are we! Good luck with your scan xx

Babylily, hope everything is ok with you xx

Love to everyone else xxx

PS Drama, I can't imagine you feeling 'fat' and 'can't be arsed' - for some reason, even at your late stage of pregnancy, I imagine you as having an energy level on par with your little boy

Quick? Pfft!

Hi everyone

Kitty, hello, (I was going to write Hello Kitty then realised what I was doing!). The feelings you describe sound very normal to me. Many of us can sympathise with the conflicting emotions and worries over being pregnant again, particularly as anniversaries collide and you find yourself pregnant on what would have been a due date or a scan date.

No news here. Due date has been and gone and no signs of imminent labour yet. Off to the pub this afternoon for a roast and a half a glass of red to relax...

Drama I can't believe you're 37 weeks already. I know in theory babycatlady should be the next to arrive but it seems there is quite a queue behind me! Hope everyone in the last few weeks is doing ok xx

Hi all,

Kitty, worrying that anything can go wrong is unavoidable under the circumstances. I was thinking only today that these past 39 weeks have been nerve wracking for me, I have worried constantly about all sorts of things (the ladies on this thread know...). Looking back, I have no idea how I got this far.

Mishta, I hope you will enjoy the time with your DH, it must be so difficult having him away for weeks at a time. How is little Bella, no more night trips to the A&E I hope?

Catlady, all my cramps and twinges have disappeared and although I was hopeful I would go into labour before 40 weeks, this doesn't seem very likely now.My due date is one week away and I am getting increasingly restless, so I can imagine you must be feeling even more impatient. I know Coffebean will come when he is ready, but I just want to meet him now!

Hello to everyone else and a special wave to Gina and Poot and the little ones.

Those early cramps and twinges are so cruel aren't they Coffee?! I felt really sure about a week ago that I would go into labour soon, but then this weekend went back to feeling quite normal and comfortable which was so disappointing.

Midwife said head is still free when I saw her on Saturday. I wasn't surprised, I think it's been popping in and out. Apparently this is normal for second or later pregnancies and may not engage until I go into labour, but it would be nice to have some signs.

I think I might have had a show this morning. A bit like with DD I'm not really sure, but it was a glob of something or other, jelly like and slightly yellowish (there's a mental image for a Monday morning...)

Hope DH is home with you now Mishta, 3 weeks is a long time!

Kitty what day is your scan this week? Hope you're holding up ok xx

A show sounds promising Catlady, fingers crossed! I've also read about the head not engaging until later in the 2nd and subsequent pregnancies, so I hope the show is a more reliable sign.

Yes the twinges are frustrating, but they say you can go into labour without having any signs, so hopefully feeling ok now doesn't mean it will be much longer. It's just a waiting game, I'm just not very good at waiting. Anyway, I'm trying to keep busy and on my feet as much as possible. I have a marble cake in the oven, you're all invited for a cuppa and a slice of cake :)

Oooooh - cake! I could REALLY do with some cake. Sorry not been posting - been reading but with firstly D&V then chickenpox it's been a rather tiring time here... hopefully all over soon. Cake would be just the thing though!

Hoping Poot and Jacob are having a nice snuggly time with a bit more rest; same goes for Gina and the older timers, Katie, Allstars, Cant, Shangrila, Lins and Mishtabel.

Thinking also of Kittens - really hope you get something conclusive from your meeting in March (is it March? braincells a bit fuzzy here). Mimsy is in Oz still I think.

No news from Babylily? I hope all is OK.

And Catlady - waiting with baited breath here! Fingers crossed it all gets started naturally.

Better go, evening meal required. Or rather 'mummy, I like some more breadsticks' so I'd better get a shift on with the pasta!

xx

Mmm, me too! Homemade marble cake and a cup of tea would be perfect right now.

Hope all the bugs clear off soon Numpty, sounds rotten xx

hi...well had nuchal scan in glasgow today and it seems all positive so far!
Nuchal measurement was 1mm (same as my two healthy daughters, whereas both our boys had 3.2mm). The scan was so thorough - she pointed out the nasal bone, perfect shaped skull and brain, normal stomach... no downs or edwards markers.
Bloods don't come back til lunchtime on thursday so not free and clear, but very hopeful that the fact that both our T21 & T18 babies were initially identified at nuchal scan by measurement alone....surely that means we will be okay.
Baby also measured 11+4 which is exact for my dates...our T21 boy measured a week bigger and T18 over a week smaller than my dates so again another good sign.
Seems a long wait til Thursday...but starting to hope that this time we might actually get to go public and actually have a baby...
lots of love to everyone xx

Blimey, it's gearing up to be a busy month on here by the looks of things!

Hi Numpty, yes, you're right my appointment is in 3 weeks. I'm a bit worried though as I've been on Fertility Friends website and someone has just told me that they were seeing him on the NHS and that on occasion she had been sent home without seeing him as he was too over booked. If I turned down a job to make my appointment I'd be pretty pissed off if I were turned away. Well, We'll see how the first encounter goes and take it from there I guess.

Sorry to hear your brood have been so poorly Numpty. I hope things have returned to normal now.

One of my two friends who were pregnant has just announced a rather early arrival today. I so want to feel excited and happy but at the moment I just feel a bit and nervous about crying when I meet her baby. I know she will understand if that happens as she has had to see a good few of her friends having babies during her long struggle TTC but I don't want to make her feel awkward.

hi, I hope everyone due is not too uncomfortable and that the babies will be with you soon. Hi to everyone else. Havingkittens I hope you manage to see your friend and I really hope the appointment goes well for you.

I feel a bit strange saying this but I have had a faint pink line. I feel really sick and I think it's mostly worry as its not morning sickness type sick. I couldn't sleep last night as I kept imagining i was bleeding. I can't believe I have done this before and I have no memory of how I got through it. I will be really pleased if I manage to have a baby but i am not telling anyone in rl that I am pregnant until the nuchal scan (I have never managed to keep quiet before). I can't imagine that this will be ok as i'm now 38 and my history is so bad. i thought i'd be able to block it out until 12 weeks but my cs scar hurts, I want to be sick and I already have spd so I think it will be on my mind more than I'd hoped.

take care all, sorry for lack of personals. x

sorry for self pitying message. Think I have a tummy bug which is why i'm feeling so bad. Have only been back at work two days. I just want to go to bed which hopefull I can do as soon as got through next meeting. x

Just real quick or I'll be late...

Manitz, yay for you too - congratulations! And not self-pitying at all - we've been there xx

Babylily - scan sounds excellent! Yay :)

'Spose cake would be stale by now :(

Xxx

Just a quick post from me too.

Babylily, wonderful news with the scan, I hope you are feeling more at ease now?

Manitz, congratulations! And agree with Mishtabel, not self pitying at all. Hope you are ok and work isn't too stressful. I used to dream I was bleeding when I first found out I was pregnant and still keep checking now.

We had our dating scan this morning, I spent most of last night tossing and turning and felt sick and light headed today. Scan went good. Baby measures 9 weeks and 4 days (one day off what I predicted). Baby was wriggling and waving it's teeny arms about. Felt like I was walking on clouds when we left the hospital. I know we still have the nuchal to get through, but today I am going to ignore that and just enjoy looking at my photo of beany
Am very emotional now and just want to cry (bloody hormones!)

Sorry for lack of personals, I hope everyone is coping ok. Not long for Coffee, Catlady & Drama. Best of luck to you ladies xx

Just checking in quickly to say hi. Sounds like great news from scans for you guys - hopefully there'll be plenty more good news to come. And will be keeping my fingers crossed for you kittens when your appointment comes round. xxxx

We're ok here. This whole newborn baby thing is a lot lot harder and stranger than I expected. Breast feeding didn't turn out so well so after a 15% weight loss by day 10, we were back in the hospital and Jacob was beefed up on some formula. I'm now on domperidone to try and kickstart my milk supply but as I decided my mental health couldn't keep up with 2 hourly feeds and expressing, I'm just giving him whatever scant supply there is from me and then a pretty much full bottle of SMA every 4 ish hours and trying to come to terms with that. He's doing a lot better - seems to be filling back out and is sleeping really well, so I know in my head that's the main thing. Still feeling bad though - silly, but I can't seem to help myself. Hopefully I'll get over myself soon and get on with it with a bit less anxiety.

I always knew babies didn't do a whole lot to start with, but I'm really finding my days (and nights) just merging into a bit of a fog of food, nappies and dancing/rocking/swaddling. I'm clinging desperately to the "fact" that things settle down around 6 weeks, so please don't burst that bubble for me if its not true! We're 3 weeks exactly today, so hopefully halfway to a bit more sanity.....

Love to all and I am thinking about you, even if I don't manage to come on here and say hi very much! xxxx

Hey guys

Congrats babylily so pleased you had good news.

Thankyou to all of your kind responses to my emotional out-pourings the other day; I'm relieved to hear that some of you understand the screwed up set of emotions that kick into play when you are pregnant following a termination for abnormalities. Im so glad there are others out there that get it (but obviously not glad that anyone ever has to go through any of this).

My emotional rollercoaster has continued a little as today was my scan. i know by my dates im 11+3 but measure 12+1. anyhow, the baby was moving around, had a heartbeat, and a nuchal measurement of 1.7mm (such a different feeling to the 5mm with my little angel).

Well, i have been stressing half to death and hardly slept, so prior to the scan i decided that should the nuchal come back less than 2mm, I was going to not have the bloods and combined test. I just feel that we have been through so much and if the measurement is ok and they see the nasal bone (they did) then i just dont want to put myself through any more stress, worry and waiting for yet more results to come back. besides which i know i wouldnt have CVS unless it came back as greater than 1 in 50, and i dont think i could go through another termination. so we decided to draw a line under the worrying and to just think we are going to work on the assumption that we can be happy and excited about our pregnancy. as a result of our decision to decline the test we have been offered to have our anomaly scan with the foetal medicine consultant, which really is excellent and should hopefully be a re-assurance that everything is normal.....

Am i mad?

Love to everyone x

Hi Everyone,

I've not been on for a while but congratulations to those who've recently had positive scans and positive pregnancy tests.

Just wanted to send a quick note to Poot about the feeding. I had similar problems with DD. She had very bad jaundice when born and was so sleepy she wouldnt feed properly. Milk didnt come in properly as a result. She had phototherapy and was tube fed (expressed) and then when we went home despite me feeding constantly (and for hours) she lost more and more weight. It was a supply problem probably caused by the difficult start. Anyway, we ended up back at hospital and told by consultant that we HAD to supplement with formula. By this stage I was really upset - felt I'd failed etc etc. They told me it was unlikely that I'd be able to continue BF as once formula was introduced my supply would get less and less and she may get nipple/teat confusion. Anyway through a combination of regular feeding, regular expressing and taking a herbal tincture (more milk plus I think it was called) I managed to combine feed till she was 9 months.

I think we all accept that BF is the best start in life physiologically but I dont believe that having a stressed and upset mum is the best thing for a baby at all. For some people BF works as it's supposed to and for others its much much harder. I expected and could of dealt with the usual problems - soreness etc but to see my baby losing more and more weight because of low supply was not something I expected at all. I can understand your comment about having to come to terms with it as I felt the same, but combined feeding is possible in my experience.

Anyway looking forward to reading about the impending arrivals - to all those with fast approaching due dates - I hope you're well in these final stages!

And to fellow TTC'ers - good luck this month!

Cherry x