Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

hi i'm sorry have had a very rollercoaster day today...it was Eve's due date, plus the 30th anniversary of my dads death, so all in all i've been pretty much an emotional wreck. just wanted to update you that my consultant rang this evening (at 7:30pm!!) with my bloods results to give me my combined risk....

T21 ~ 1:1,669 (this was including my increased risk from Eve). Apparently this on age alone was 1:83!)
T18 ~ 1:7,800
T13 ~ 1:24,800

!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

I can't quite find the words to describe just how relieved i'm feeling at the moment! Not quite secure enough yet to be telling all and sundry, BUT definitely not having CVS now, and will wait and see how i'm feeling around amnio time.

Sorry this is all very much me me me - i'm shattered, have red blubby eyes and need to go to bed soon (after a mega quick update on MN).

Thanks for all the kind thoughts you were sending my way today - they were and are much appreciated xxxxxxxxx

hi helenlouisey. I'm sorry you are feeling down. I was thinking about my first termination (for hrhs) the other day and exploring how i felt about it now. I don't regret it at all but for some time afterwards I grieved the healthy baby that could (but never would) have been. I understand that a lot of my healing has happened because I have been able to have another child since then and I'm really sorry that this hasn't yet happened for you.

I don't know if it helps your concerns about the fact that your miscarriage was triploidy but a consultant told me during my termination for t21 that they believe 1/3 of all pregnancies have chromosonal issues but a lot of those occur without the mother realising she is pregnant as they tend to miscarry extremely early. I know that despite being really regular i have had 2 times when i have had a longer gap between periods and have always assumed that it was a possible miscarriage, particularly as dh has a balanced translocation and we were told it would make us more prone to chromosone problems.

take care. x

i forgot to congratulate mrsbigz and myangelava on their good results. hope everything goes smoothly for you both here on in. I am reaching 33 weeks and have acknowledged to myself that whatever happens there wont be a fetus at the end of this, it will be a baby, can't quite accept it might be alive but a glimmer of possibility now. that sounds very down but I am not at all down really and am actually about as positive as I ever get!

very quick post to say our lovely baby boy, Miles arrived on Monday by lovely calm elective section. We came home last night and he is an absolute dream. never really believed we would have a son, as deep down we really thought the trisomies in our previous pregnancies had been linked to gender, so for him to be here and so perfect is just...emotional.
Congratulations to grandj too...funnily enough Miles was very nearly an Eliot too!

congratulations on the birth of miles. babies coming thick and fast now. x

That's wonderful news babyily - and love the name. I'm a Miles Davis fan anyway so think it's a really cool name! Glad it was calm and straightforward and you're back home again. I can imagine the emotion, I feel emotional every time I hear an announcement as it is so extra special after going through so much. And after such a hard worrying journey through subsequent pregnancy.

Manitz - good to hear all is well with you - not to much longer for us (I'm a week behind you) though I was so uncomfortable last night I couldnt imagine how I'll get through the remaining weeks! Lets hope this last bit goes quickly.

So, Natz next I think and not long to wait!

Great results MrsBigz and I'm glad you feel happy to wait to see if you want amnio. We did the same.

Myangelava - good to hear from you again and that you're ok. It's wonderful that you've had good anomoly scans. Hopefully you can relax a little more now but I know the worry never totally goes.

I'm still swinging between worry & fear and feeling that all will be ok. I feel a bit like I havent bonded as well with this baby as I did with DD which makes me feel a bit guilty but I think it's due to the worry. Like a bit of a coping mechanism.

Finally Helenlousiey - I remember you and was so sorry that you miscarried your last pregnancy. I have no words of advice but think Manitz is right, most pregnancies that miscarry early are thought to be due to a chromosomal problem so it's probably a lot more common than anyone realises. So hopefully nothing particular to you but just very bad luck. Fingers crossed it wont be long at all before you are pregnant again and that all will go well.

Hope everyone else is ok, new babies are settling into their new families and all is well!

Wow babylily such great news, so many congratulations. What a great name too - how funny if we had both gone for Eliot...

So many updates and of course I have no time as I can hear murmurings from the moses basket. I'm really happy for Myangelava and Mrsbigz on some great screening results. Of course nothing ever seems to take the worry away 100% but hopefully you are both able to relax a bit more now.

Manitz, cherry - not long now even if it feels like ages. I so sympathise with the "small glimmer" that everything will be ok. It's so hard at that stage of pregnancy, especially as everyone else in the world just takes it for granted that you will have a baby soon and you can't believe it still. But of course you will and there will be babies at the end of it.. can't wait for that and for Natz too - hope you're not feeling too knackered with the last few weeks.

And hello to Helenlouisey. Just to repeat what everyone else has said that early miscarriages are so often because of chromosome abnormality but that most people never know. So I definitely don't think it means anything bad, but I know that probably doesn't feel like much comfort. It's so hard to want a baby so much for so long, and I feel so much for you. It took us 3 1/2 years of trying, 1 early miscarriage and 2 babies with chromosome abnormalities to have our little Eliot, but it happened in the end. Stay strong x

Sorry if I'vemissed anyone. Lots of love xx

hi there i wanted to do a quick update. i saw consultant today following my growth scan on Monday. They want to do another at 36 weeks as the baby's tummy circumference is larger than expected. I am due an elective cs anyway at 38 weeks. what I couldn't pin them down on was how dangerous this is or isn't for the baby and what the implications are for its development.

I think they are concerned that the baby is a bit big and it might be related to gestational diabetes (my brother is insulin dependent and i am overweight). I had gtt at 24 weeks which was fine but apparently could be diabetic now. What concerns me more is that she also mentioned thyroid function (I had a hemithyroidectamy recently) so far all tests have shown that thyroid function is fine but i know if it wasnt fine it could affect the baby's brain development.

Having said all this I actually think they don't suspect anything except that my baby may be a bit big. I don't understand why I need another scan though, I am going to be two weeks off the cs when they next check so what is the point? asked if they could just take the baby out at 36 weeks but apparently this is not possible.

It seems the baby is 6lb at 33 weeks (ds was same weight at birth at 36.5 weeks). They reckon it might be about 8lb at 38 weeks at birth, doesn't seem that big to me.

Sorry just needed a rant, think they are worrying me unnecessarily frankly and a bit annoyed that they haven't explained this simply to me given my history is likely to make me a worrier.

sorry also cherrybug also meant to say nights are hell at the moment. i get about 4-5 hours and think that is it for the rest of the pregnancy. I have started taking a long pillow to bed to hold me up but there are not really any comfy positions and if i get on my back I'm like an upturned ladybird.

Congratulations Eavers, Grandj and Babylily on the births of your lovely boys Jacob, Eliot and Miles - gorgeous names, so happy for you all!! :)

Sorry no time for a proper post but a big wave and lots of love to everyone else xxx

Just a fleeting post from me as my bed is screaming out for me to get into it!

Huge congratulations to Babylily - another thread baby boy! I love his name, one of my boy favs. Hope you are recovering well xx

Mrsbigz - fantastic blood results, Im so happy for you

Helenlouisey, I too remember you from your previous posts. Im sorry you are struggling at the moment. There is nothing more I can offer that the other ladies have already, so just wanted to send you a hug xxx

Manitz, I can imagine that this is a worry having an extra scan, but they would have told you if there was major concern. My sister carried big babies and had to have late scans to keep an eye on them. I think this is normal proceedure for big babies. But if it is playing on your mind, ring your community midwife for a chat xx

Today is the 1st anniversary of losing Cara, and the day has panned out emotionally very similar to the actual day last year. This morning I was very emotional and I was on the brink of tears for most of it (although last year I didn't hold back at all), I couldn't stop staring at the clock. But by 12.30 I was normal again.
Ive kept myself very busy today, also had DD1 school home visit as she starts primary school on Monday, so that was a welcome distraction. I didn't get to go to the cemetry which I felt very guilty about, until I tried to walk to the shops and back and realised that it probably wasn't a great idea leaving the house anyway because I have an awful chesty cough and struggling to breathe, plus 38 weeks pregnant and look like a small elephant now...!

I have been having very bad nights, if it's not heart burn it is hip ache, or tummy strain, or insomnis, or the need to pee. So all in all Im getting a couple of full hours sleep then a few broken hours before I give up and sit down on the sofa and try to sleep upright!

Baby due on the 22nd, but am praying she comes early. Sorry for this being a very me post, and a lot longer than I had expected. Hope everyone is keeping well, Manitz & Cherry, not too much longer!

xxxx

my ds1 was 9lb 13oz, my ds2 was 11lb 10oz, both csections, as i am having another boy, i am a bit worried about size, when i had ds2 i was 5 stone heavier, so had gtt, this time i dont need due to size of me but of my son, i got growth scan at 34 weeks in dec i am only 5 ft hubby 6ft

Natz - just to say I'm glad you kepy busy last Friday on Caras anniversary and got through the day. I'm sure it must have been very emotional for you. I keep thinking of Leilas anniversary coming up at the end of October and feeling very emotional. I still miss her and I'm sure I'll be a mess on the day. Its hard to believe a whole year almost has gone by since then and of course we are all lucky that we are in the position we are in now, expecting our babies, but it doesnt change what happened and it doesn't mean we don't still massively feel that loss.

Manitz - it's not fair that you have something else to worry about. I'm sure it will be fine and they are just not thinking of the impact of not explaining properly to you their rationale for giving you an extra scan. I agree 8lb at 38 weeks birth isnt too big at all.

Okay I feel I can barely string a proper sentance together - been away this weekend and just got home and I am soooo tired after a 3 hour drive so will leave it there. A bath and an early night for me I think!

Love to everyone else x

Hello everyone. Congratulations on the births of Jacob, Miles and Eliot! A real baby storm. Manitz, I'm so frustrated on your behalf that you've been put to extra worry. You would think that they would know with our histories that we need extra information and reassurance, not vagueness. And Natz and Cherry, the anniversaries are so tough, I think back to mine and how flat I felt on the day.

Sorry to barge in like this after some time away (like Myangelava, I needed some distance as my anomaly scan approached). Can I ask for some handholding for tomorrow morning?

Yesterday I had the anomaly scan. Unfortunately we've been referred back to the FMU for more scans because the stomach appears too small. It was very stressful; we were in the same room where we had the nuchal scan for our first baby which didn't help. Eventually I was sent out to empty my bladder for the second time, and my husband said that at that point one sonographer told the other to 'call Fred'. (Fred is the head sonographer, and the one who did the scan for our first baby.) He said he just felt so sick at that point. When I came back in there were three of them around the screen and then Fred turned to us and said "I'm afraid...". Only he wasn't. He was saying "I'm Fred" (he is eastern European and has a slight accent). But by that stage I was already howling and the room had gone black.

We don't know what the issue is. It could be really simple, such as the baby not having swallowed recently or it could be structural with the oesophagus not connecting to the stomach. We think they suspected Edwards because they kept saying "but the karyotype was clear". I feel relieved that at least I had cvs earlier, otherwise I imagine I would be having an amnio today. My husband asked them straight out if it was a fatal problem but they wouldn't/didn't answer. Fred rescanned me and said that it was all fine but I'm still being sent to the FMU tomorrow.

I also got tested for pre-eclampsia and they gave me a tv scan to assess the length of my cervix and the state of my placenta. Is this normal?

We've had a fairly sleepless night and are just going to get through today as best we can and see what tomorrow brings.

I can't believe this is happening.

Ghislaine - what a horrible horrible ordeal for you and your husband, I'm so sorry you have to have this worry and I'm not surprised you cant believe you are in this situation. I cant give any advice on this unfortunately but I hope you can take some reassurance from Fred rescanning you and saying he thought things looked ok. Surely he wouldn't have said that had he felt there was a potentially serious problem. Hopefully that will be confirmed tomorrow. Will you get a detailed scan tomorrow by a consultant? It is good that you know there are no chromosomal abnormalities from the CVS so fingers crossed this is just something really simple and not anything to worry about.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping all is well. Let us know how you get on when you can. I really feel for you.

Oh ghislaine, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, and hope the time til then passes quickly and that you can come back and post tomorrow that it was all okay after all.
xx

Just wanted to say congratulations to the women who had recently had their babies, ghislaine i will say a prayer for you that everything goes okay. I have been following your posts and really admire you. I dont really post much becacuse i never feel i have much to add to anyones situation, i have sent a few private posts to people but dont really post to everyone, I have been on this site since my termination in december. Well i found out last week i am pregnant, i had posted my situation up before about what i should do as im 40 but both myself and husband were so terrified (and still are) over the outcome of another pregnancy that has problems. Anywya, we decided to try and get pregnant, and just as we both decided if i wasnt pregnant we wouldnt try agian and just be happy with the child i have, i did the test and am roughly 5 weeks pregnant. I feel so terrified and sick over this yet i know this is just because of the fear, i wish i could jump ahead 9 mths becuase the thoughts of scans and testing is terrifying but im praying that there will be a happy outcome at the end of this. I wont be telling anyone in rl for a long time. Can i ask you ladies what is my next step. I knwo this time around i definately will get CVS, is it definatley 13 weeks before you can get this done? Sorry for such a long post but i am all over the place, one minute i feel happy and the next i am cryhing again wiht the fear. Anyway thanks for reading this.

Ghislane, I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. After all we have been through we deserve to have uncomplicated scans with no problems. Unfortunately, I think the sonographers get more aware of potential problems because of our history and seem to flag them up more. I had a little hole in the heart seen at mine - it vanished by the next scan but it was a horrible waiting period. And I think Eavers had chloroid plexus cysts seen at hers - we've both just had our babies.

I have my fingers so crossed for you that this is just one of those things where a measurement has come up a bit small and resolves itself. It is such a good sign that you had a clear CVS, and thank goodness you did as you don't have to worry about a chromosome issue. Did the sonographers give you any idea of what a small stomach could indicate? I hope the time passes quickly for you before tomorrow and that you have a great scan at the FMU.

Welcome to rosielee. Early pregnancy is such a scary time. I can see why you're worried about your age given all the negative press "older" mothers get, but I know so many women your age who have had healthy babies. I think a CVS can be done from 11 weeks - but the nuchal scan only from 11+6 weeks if you wanted one of those first to decide whether to go for a CVS. Can you ask for an early scan too just for reassurance? Or at least explain your situation at your booking appointment and get the nuchal booked in for as early as possible?

Hi to everyone else. Am sleep deprived but very happy x

only a quick post, i just wanted to say Ghislaine, i'm so sorry you're being put through this extra worry, and i will be thinking of you and your DH tomorrow. hopefully the sonographer was being overly cautious and it is in fact nothing to worry about. as someone else said, at least you know it is not chromosomal due to having the cvs. hope all goes ok tomorrow and please update us when you can xxxxxx

hi ghislaine. I'm so sorry you are having all this worry. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and i really hope that everything is ok. I have never had the cervix and placenta tests myself but I imagine that they are just being extra cautious. I don't pray but will be doing the nearest thing I can for you tomorrow.

rosielee, I remember being first pregnant and it was really daunting thinking about what was to come. you can only really take it step by step. x

So it seems that extra caution + high pre-anxiety is not a good combination. Everything is fine! Everyone at the FMU is so wonderful, I want to hug and kiss them all (we settled for profuse thank yous and shaking hands). We are booked in again in another four weeks for a reassurance scan. We also learned that our baby is on track to be quite tall. This is not really a surprise as mr ghislaine is 6 ft 2, but it warmed my heart to think that my son might be taking after his father already. Sorry - getting a bit soppy now. Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers, I really do appreciate everyone on this thread and the support you have given and continue to give.

Rosielee, when I got pregnant again (it also took me nine months & I am 38 & I had four lots of IUI) I felt absolutely terrified. When I told my husband he said "Oh God, it's all starting again, isn't it", so I can really sympathise with not feeling all happy and gung-ho about what's to come. If you are like me, and like to be in the hands of specialists straight away, I would recommend ringing the FMU at your hospital. I did this, said I'd had a trisomy pregnancy, and was booked in without question for a scan and cvs at the earliest possible date. I think I was 11w+4d when I had cvs but this might depend on your hospital. I held off even arranging my booking appointment until I had the cvs results. I will say that I found the regular midwives well-meaning but clueless about pregnancy after termination for abnormalities.

Ghislaine - oh thank goodness! I'm so very pleased for you and your DH, that's wonderful news. Hopefully a nice easy ride of it for you now, that'd be nice huh!?! You can both sleep easy tonight!

Rosielee - congratulations on your pregnancy, I too found the early part horrendous. It's being back in that world of worry and fear again. I think
once I was pregnant, I started to feel I wasn't ready and we should have waited longer but truth is no matter how much time goes by it's still terrifying. Like Manitz says, step by step is the best way.

Hi to everyone else, I'm on phone so won't write much, hope everyone is well!

Ghislaine. I'm so pleased for you. Def worth a snog for the FMU team. It sounds like you might almost be excited for your future with your (not so) little boy! what good news. x

Ghislaine, just popping on to say i'm so pleased that everything turned out well at your scan today - was thinking about you - i second snogging the FMU team!!!!!
RosieLee - congrats on your pregnancy. i'm not too far ahead of you, and have recently survived been through the early scan and nuchal.
i think one day at a time is the only way i've been able to get through. we'd been told by our FMU to bypass the MW and call them straight away i found i was pregnant, so i've been under consultant care. had an early scan at 8 weeks, then had a private nuchal scan at 11w5d - we wanted private as we needed a really thorough scan to decide whether to go down the invasive testing route. as it turns out, our combined risk came back amazingly good (compared to last time) so we've declined cvs and amnio - going on a wing and a prayer!!!! being under care though, we now have 4 weekly scans (next one at 16wks) to check on baby (and also as i've had a previous prem baby so they're keeping an eye on that too).
First thing i would do is call the FMU unit who dealt with you back in December, as they should get you in for an early scan. i have seen a MW (and had a booking in appointment) but that was a formality. wishing you all the best in your pregnancy, and please post here as we've been through / are going through the same thoughts and fears!! xxxx

Thank you everyone for the kind words, I am slowly getting used to it. Havent seen a doctor yet, i really really wish at the moment I was living in england, because im in ireland everything is different, i cant even bear to go back to the doctor i had before, when i told him i had a termination i will never forget the look on his face, he actually didnt know what to say, i walkeed out of that surgery crying and feeling like the only person in the world that had done such a thing, so will not ever go back to him. SO now i have to find another doctor (you cant just go to hospital without referral) and explain this all over again and then go back to the same hospital again and I just know its going to be different, they are not used to dealing with women who had terminations, its almost unspoken about over here. Ah well, i will just have to do it. Thanks for advice, thank god for you all here. My husband is grand, but just keeps saying he has a good feeling about this, but i am still terrified. I love reading the happy stories here though, gives me hope.