Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Congrats to Eavers! lovely name and you sound very contented.

Quick message to MrsBigz. I didn't have invasive testing for any of my pregnancies. The first one (DD1) was low risk. The second (Turners baby) I had a risk of 1 in 2 of chromosomal problems (not T21 - that risk was lower, not sure why; I was high risk for T18, T13, Turners) but the baby was not going to make it regardless of whether it was chromosomal or not, and they couldnt do cvs due to placental position, and I didn't want to wait for amnio, so terminated without testing (had postmortem done later). Next time around, was SURE I would do cvs regardless of risk, came out very very low risk, decided against it, consultant told me T13 and T18 would be evident at anomaly scan but T21 might not be. Decided to wait for anomaly scan since risk was apparently v low. Got to anomaly scan, baby had renal agenesis (not chromosomal, not detectable via cvs/amnio) and thus couldnt survive life, another termination. Fourth pregnancy, was less scared of chromosomes than renal agenesis, tbh, but was again very low risk (1 in 37000 of T21, and even better odds for the others) and didn't have cvs/amnio, on the basis that the 20 week scan would show the big chromosomal problems, but it was made clear to me that it might not show T21. Anyway I had scans every 4weeks leading up to Babycan't (now TalkingToddlercan't!!!) and all were very normal, but I confess, I had a niggling fear of some invisible chromosomal problem until the end regardless. Not helped by reading an interview with India Knight, mother of a child with Di George/io syndrome, who also had frequent scans in pregnancy and nothing showed up until after the child was born. However, I realized that there are no guarantees in pregnancy. A clear amnio/cvs doesn't mean the baby might not develop abnormalities in utero, maybe more serious than T21, or during birth problems, or even along the road after birth. I guess what matters is deciding what level of uncertainty you can live with and continuing with that. For me, the cvs/amnio wouldnt have been all that reassuring since I feared other things too, and so given my very very good odds it felt like something that, if it did happen to lead to mc, would make me feel very guilty since it would be my anxiety, not medical judgement, that caused it.... But I would have had those tests had my risks been worse. And I would have needed them.

Oh, this is so longwinded, but I guess I wanted to say: unless your odds come back high risk, then whether you have cvs/amnio or not is really down to how you feel, at the time, that you can cope with not knowing for sure. Bearing in mind that you can find out for sure that the baby doesn't have T21, but not that it will be healthy. Your fears, unlike mine, centre around T21, because you have been through that (I haven't) so maybe cvs/amnio would be what you need. But do wait and see how you feel. I think instinct is a good guide.

Phew, what an essay.

Mishtabel (do you know, I always want to shorten your name, because it feels long to type, but I hate the idea of missing out any of your girls!), how's your DD? And have you reached any conclusions about home schooling?

Good luck to all you pregnant ladies. Looking forward to more birth stories. Is Manitz okay? she's been quiet lately, no?
G

PS no idea what the 'G' at the end meant...

Hi everyone, just quickly popping in (one of dh's rare weekends at home) to say a big congratulations to Eavers! Lovely to hear everything turned out so well. You sound suitably blissed-out. Hugs for little Jacob xx

MrsBigz, hopefully like many others here, your odds will come back as such that the decision on whether or not to have invasive testing is clear cut. I kind of jumped into it, assuming the worst with a NT of 3mm, then wished I hadn't when I bled on and off for the next week or so. Hindsights a wonderful thing though. Good luck xx

Cant, I ended up applying for home-schooling, though by the time I get registered (which apparently takes up to 3 months) DD will probably be wanting to go back to school. Quite frankly, I think I would prefer to home-school, as over the past week or so I've been astounded at some of the basic things she doesn't know (which I guess says as much about me as a parent as it does about the standard of teaching she's had). I would also prefer her not to get back into the group of friends she had, as I could see it was going to be a downward spiral (lots of pressure to conform within the group), but didn't really know how to encourage her out of the group. I do worry about socialisation if she was to be home-schooled, though she does have a friend who lives around the corner who is home-schooled, and is having a sleep-over there tonight actually.
As for not wanting to shorten my name, very sweet :) though please, I'll answer to anything. Besides, Bella is the only one of my girls names that gets a regular mention, so it's not as if she's forgotten at all. Is BabyCant still a night owl? I'm loving TalkingToddlerCant, though it's a bit of a mouthful, and I'm thinking abbreviating it to TTC would cause confusion (ie "How's TTC going Cant?")

Well Monster Garage (dh's distraction) has finished, so I must get back to appearing being attentive

So much for 'quickly popping in'
Love to all, enjoy your weekend xxx

hi everyone. sorry for being quiet - have been on holiday in france which was great though hard work. congratulations lisbeth and eavers on your healthy babies. All very good news. Lisbeth, I'm sorry that you have felt worried about how your decision could be taken and i hope things get better soon.

mishtabel i hope your dd gets everything sorted out at school. i foudn those things blew over when my big mouth (frequently) got the better of me when i was at school though it's devastating at the time. unfortunately we didn't make it to scissor sisters as we've been really busy and quite skint in the run up to our holiday so I couldn't afford it (energy, time or money!). real shame as I'd love to see them but there will be antoehr time I expect.

i'm after natz, I am due on 29th october and am now 30 weeks pregnant and getting a good kicking at the moment though I had some panicky moments while I was on holiday with periods of quiet and thinking i would have to go to a french doctor.

mrsbigz, I asked for a detailed scan which was in addition to the normal ones and was at about 16 weeks. they looked primarily for soft markers and it was done by a consultant. i opted not to have cvs as was ok about my risk.

natz hope your dp was ok in the riots. we missed it all as we were away the whole time just saw the odd scary headline. apparently they even tried to have one here in the burbs but it didn't really get off the ground.
sorry if i've missed anyone. xx

hi ladies!!! just a quickie from me as i wanted to say thank you so much for all your responses and advice on my nuchal scan. i have now booked a private scan (for the 5th sept, so i think i will be about 11w5d) and i think that i will cancel the nhs appointment. i was (and still am, as you can tell) unsure about cancelling it, but i think that it would only confuse me further to have two seperate risk factors to think about - and because the private one is so much more detailed, that is the one i'm more comfortable with. because i'm already under consultant care i think i'll still be 'in the system' for future scans at say 16wks (in fact i'll make sure that i ask for it!!) - and hopefully we too can avoid invasive testing this time around. have to remind myself that i've had 2 healthy boys prior to Eve, so there is no reason this pregnancy can't be problem-free too (well i know there are no guarantees in pregnancy, but you know what i mean!!)
i've been away at my mums for the weekend so sorry for the me me me post - will catch up with you all soon i promise xxx

Hi all, and belated congratulations to Eavers - just got back from holiday to read your wonderful news. So happy for you and your family.

And Mrsbigz, I'm glad you've sorted out in your head what the best way forward is for you - we didn't go private, but only I think because I'd managed to get referred to Queen Charlotte's which is a specialist hospital anyway so I had confidence in them. I would probably have done what you have if I'd had to stay at my old hospital. How many weeks have you to wait until the scan? Hope the time passes quickly for you.

I'm 35+4 today and starting to really feel the late pregnancy strain - no sleep despite being knackered, aches everywhere the usual thing - still can't quite believe there will be a baby at the end of all this, but I hope hope hope there will be.

In the spirit of some distraction, Cherry, I was wondering the other day whether you have made any wedding plans? Haven't heard much from you on that subject since you got engaged, are you waiting till the baby's born to organise stuff? Fill us in...x

Grandj........two weeks, one day and counting........
not that i'm keeping track or anything

Just popping in for a nosey. Congratulations Eavers! Lovely name - hope he turns out as cute as mine (who is currently asleep with his feet up at right angles against the bars of his cot.....) xx

Grandj - hope you had a good holiday. Not too much longer to go now - hope this last stretch goes quickly for you! It will be such a relief when your little one arrives. I am really looking forward to not being pregnant anymore and having the constant worry whether everything is going to be ok.

No planning done whatsoever for a wedding. We hope to arrange something next year, maybe for September (as our anniversary of when we met is in September) but to be honest at the moment just want to focus on the baby and getting through the rest of this pregnancy! Plus will need a fair amount of time to try and get some resemblance of a figure back. We dont want a big wedding anyway so hopefully we'll be able to plan something fairly low key once we've got into a routine with the new baby. Though money is always an issue - I'm getting bare minimum SMP from my employer so times will be tough whilst I'm off and I'll have to return to work earlier than I'd like. Anyway, just another moan in my ever increasing repetiore (sore back, heartburn, tiredness, nausea...) at the moment! :)

Mishtabel sorry to hear your daughter is having a hard time at school. I worry about bullying a lot as I was bullied as a child and it had a huge impact on my self esteem and feeling of belonging. My DD is only 3 but there have been a couple of occasions recently where her little friends have said they dont want to play with her or asked if she is going home yet when we've been at their house. I'm sure it's probably perfectly normal toddler behaviour and she doesnt seem to be affected by it but I worry so for her, probably because of what I went through. At the end of the day it's so upsetting to think of them being hurt in anyway.

Babylily - any news yet? Can't be long now.

Hope everyone else is well!

Ha ha Mishtabel, no ttc going on here. But TalkingToddlerCant is just about right. Or Total Terror Child! She's still a night owl. She also never stops talking, until she sees a stranger, when she cries her eyes out in fear. V odd.

Anyway Cherry, I just read your post, and wanted to say about your DD that my DD, also 3, sometimes says to her friends 'are you going home now?' or says to me 'are we going home now? at their houses. I think they get socialization overload and suddenly decide they want a bit of peace. Oh and they haven't learnt manners. I'm sure your DD is not going to be bullied. But I do understand the anxiety wholeheartedly. It kills me when one of DD's friends says to her, 'you aren't my friend anymore' which they regularly do (and she says it too), but it's meaningless at this stage and I guess we need to toughen up - certainly it doesn't seem to bother them yet.
Good luck with wedding planning. Did you find out the sex of your baby or not? I can't remember?

Hi Poot.

Quiet around here isn't it!
Hope eavers and family have had a lovely first fortnight with jacob and that everything is going well.

I am now 38+4, and just kinda waiting... Section booked for 10 days time, but have had bachache and increasingly painful braxton hicks for the last 2 nights so hoping something happens sooner... probably won't as DD2 was 8 days late (DD1 was elcs) but....it does actually hurt! Saw midwife today and she said baby feels small, but quite long and is 2/5 engaged. Really starting to believe there is going to be a baby at the end of this long long wait.

DD2 started school this week, and is settling in really well. She goes full days from next week, so I'm very much looking forward to having a baby at home to keep me occupied between 9 & 3!
love to all,

Hi All,

Not long then Babylily - hope it happens before your CS date but even if it doesnt baby will be here before you know it.

Can't - no we haven't found out the sex - I like the surprise, but I feel that it's probably a girl. But then I thought my DD was a boy so I clearly have no special intuition whatsoever! DD is adamant she wants a little girl too.

So, 30 weeks tomorrow and trying to stay off the worry path. I thought as time went on it would get easier but instead I'm worrying more and more that there might be a problem and we should have had an amnio after all. But I suspect it's par for the course. Baby is posterior at the minute so will have to get gym ball blown up and stop lounging on the couch!

Anyway hope everyone else is well - not heard from ghisliane, myangelava for a while - hope you're finding things ok? And also if Louzie is lurking at all - hope all is ok with you.

Hi all,

I've been a lurker for ages on this thread after I had to have a termination in December '10. (and I think I had a different name then! Belinda something) My little boy had serious heart abnormalities, but although the post mortem took MONTHS it turned out the genetics were normal, which was 'good' news in the general scheme of things. I found the termination (at 21 weeks) profoundly traumatic.

Now I'm 13 weeks with a new baby, and half terrified half blank - I keep thinking if I have to have another termination (it is unlikely, 3% chance of heart problem apparently, but still, more likely than if it had never happened) I just wouldn't be able to do it - but yet if we decided not to terminate how would I feel about the last baby? I'm feeling very muddled. And then when I say I'm feeling blank I think I mean that I'm trying not to imagine it so I'm just not thinking about it too much, and trying to presume all is ok. It's SO hard, pinballing between the two.

Our nuchal scan seemed fine - though I remembered last time them saying that my risk of downs was like a 15 year old girl, (I was 32) and this time they didn't say anything about ages so that made me panic - but for downs it was 1:6,000 and something so it was fine. I have a fetal cardiology scan on 14th Sept, and then anomaly scan isn't till mid October - I feel like I'm running a stupidly long running race with vast hurdles in it, and I've just jumped over one tiny one (the nuchal scan) and have so far to go. I remember last time after my nuchal scan thinking 'phew, out of the woods' and this time i feel like I've just entered the biggest darkest scariest wood ever.

And, (sorry going on and on) what about telling people? We've told a few, I wouldn't like to have gone through the termination without people knowing but it makes me feel SO nervous when people say 'oh, lovely spring baby' as I think 'no! don't say that yet!' and I feel very uncomfortable about it. And we have a (fairly switched on) little boy who has twice asked me why I have such a fat tummy (!) and I dread having to tell him again what's happened - he was just adorable last time but I think sad about it - so I'm going to keep it from him as long as humanly poss.

Sorry for going on and on - I'm just offloading really, but gosh it is hard doing this when you know every single thing that can go wrong - blissful ignorance is out of the window...

Thanks for listening!

B

Bezzy!!!!! I don't know where to post where you'll see this - but am so pleased for you!
Sorry for butting in everyone else - was having a quiet lurk and saw Bezzy's news and am delighted - unusually for me as usually go all b and t at pg announcements. So glad Captain B caved in in the end. Happy endings...x

today was my due date, but had 20 week scan was today , everything was good, apart from being on the large side again, scared at what the growth scan in dec will be after liam was nearly 12lb, i think my lost edwards baby was a girl based on nub theory of 12 week scan. so was a little bit sad i am having a 3rd boy, after my 3rd csection i am scared my body wont do a 4th for next time, i know ppl think i am a cow for being sad that its a boy, but i was last time with liam but got over by the time he was here, so will again

Hi everyone, I'm on holiday so no time for a proper post, but I just wanted to welcome puddles and say congratulations on your pregnancy, even if it doesn't feel entirely real yet. We've all had the feelings you describe, fear to get excited, to jinx the pregnancy by talking about it. Yet here we are now, there are so many thread babies and so many happy stories here. This is a good place to offload.

I had a termination in Feb last year, my little girl had severe brain anomalies, and now I have a gorgeous 6 month old DS. I'll never forget my lost baby, my first baby, but it's all different now that DS is here. I can't imagine not having him, and although the pain of losing my girl is still under the surface,I can be a bit more philosophical about it now. Not sure I'm explaining it well... anyway, welcome and we all know what you're going through and will cheer you on from now on.

Babylily, how are you? And Mrsbigz, good luck for your scan!

Mishta, how is your DD? You're dealing with this the right way I think, it's just so sad and she must feel so vulnerable.

Right, I'd better go now, all well here, bambino is almost 29 weeks and loves his food, he's spoilt by his GPs and his great grandfather, and he is a flirt!!! I'll be lurking but not sure I'll be able to post. xxxx

Sorry but I forgot to say hello to peanuthead, sending you an un-MN hug! Let us know how you are when/if you feel like it. Also a big wave to Kittens x

Hi everyone

Just coming on quickly to say I have had my baby! My waters broke on tues night, then sat around all day weds with nothing happening before being induced on thurs morning and baby arriving 4 1/2 hours later. His name is Eliot and he is the most perfect thing. We are all so happy, and can't believe it's really happened. Of course he settles like a dream in the day and then is up most of the night (!!) but I have to say that at the moment I don't mind at all as he is just so gorgeous.

Hello to puddles too, and welcome. I know it feels like it will never happen for you, but there are so many of us here who have gone on to have our healthy babies. It's a great sign that your nuchal was so good. As for telling people, we didn't tell anyone this time around until after the 20 week scan. I was horribly self conscious that it was really obvious, but you are always more aware of your own appearance than other people are as it turns out! I think my daughter had a suspicion before that, like your son, but I just changed the subject when she asked and she forgot about it. Come back when you can and let us know how you are feeling.

Better go x

Yay Grandj! I felt really emotional reading your update - so very glad for you. Hurrah and Eliot is such a lovely name. I hope the birth was straightforward and you're enjoying these early days!

Puddles - welcome and yes this journey is really difficult. I don't know if I can say it gets that much easier as time goes on. I'm now 31 weeks and still worrying that something might be wrong. We had a good nuchal result too and a good anomoly scan but it doesnt totally allay the fears. But, we are all in the same boat and there are lots of examples of happy endings here which helps to reassure.

MrsBigz - how are you, isnt it your nuchal today/yesterday? Hope all well. Update us when you can.

Babylily - I'm guessing you are next? Exciting.

Natz -how are you doing? Not heard from you in a while - hope all is well. And Manitz too - know you're just ahead of me. Hope you arent too fed up yet.

Right best go for now and get DD ready for bed. Really delighted to hear the latest baby news!

Love to all. Cherry x

Congrats GrandJ on the birth of Eliot - beautiful name and enjoy every second with him (of course i know you will!!!!)

Thanks Cherry - yes my nuchal was today.....i didn't think i would make it to be honest. I've been sick as a dog all day long not just vomiting but diarhea (sp?) too - not kept anything down.
knew i had to go though as it needed to be done at this particular gestation so apologised profusely to the consultant when i got there as i'm sure my bladder wasn't very full!!

The scan itself was wonderful - little baby was sleeping initially, but then woke up and i saw him/her stretching!! Nuchal measurement was 1.4mm .....yes - 1.4mm!!!!!!! That made my day!!!! There was a nasal bone present which he said halves my risk factor right away. Brain, heart, limbs all looked good / normal. Heart beat was in the normal range. He also saw no soft markers that would be indicative of T13 or T18. He said that given my history, my risk factor (when back) will have 0.75% added to it. That is fine. He also said that given the wonderful scan, he wouldn't suggest i needed invasive testing, but if the bloods came back very wonky, then an amnio rather than a cvs. The bloods will be back Weds, but i might not get the phone call until Thurs am. I am over the moon though - it was a far better scan than i could have ever imagined.

Thank you all so much for keeping me in your thoughts xxx

Congratulations Grandj!!! Wonderful news and gorgeous name. I hope you are managing to get some rest.

Welcome to puddles, so glad the nuchal scan went well and I wish you luck for the 14th xx

Mrsbigz, wonderful news from your nuchal scan too, so pleased for you! Hopefully they will get the blood results back to you asap xx

Hello Cherry! How are you doing? All is going ok here, am 37+5 now, and spent most of last night awake due to Braxton Hicks... that with an awful chesty cough has left me in so much discomfort today. DD2 started back at pre-school yesterday and DD1 starts primary school on Monday so all very busy here.

Sorry for fleeting post, just wanted to say well done to Grandj, am off to try to grab a bit of sleep now xx

grandj - congratulations! I bet you are on such a high, its a wonderful feeling. Was the birth ok?

mrsbigz- what a brilliant nuchal measurement, thats really low. You must be so relieved.

grandj congratulations on baby eliot. How lovely to get to the end of the journey! very jealous.

Had 32 week scan on monday and nothing to report. braxtons keeping me awake too and feel like I have bone against bone in my pelvis and ribs - comfy.

hope everyone is well and pregnancies are progressing. i haven't seen anything from Ghislaine recently either. Hope you are ok?
x

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me joining you all again. Not sure if any of your remember me, I've been on and off the board since December 2009 when I had a termination at 14 weeks for T18, the most heartbreaking decision of my life. Sadly as a result of the surgical termination i was left infertile due to developing scarring in my womb( Ashermans Syndrome) after two operations to remove the scarring I finally fell pregnant 18 months after my termination, but sadly miscarried this pregnancy at 7 weeks, unfortunately in the end I needed an ERPC for RPOC, and so am now just waiting for my period so I can go for tests to see if I have scarring again or if we can start TTC.

Am just feeling very very sad at the moment, it has been two years since we started trying for baby number 2 and I got pregnant with the baby that had T18, and I just don't know if I will ever truly get over what happened, I feel it's changed me as a person for ever, and everything that has happened since has been very tough. I find myself thinking about the baby that had T18 a lot at the moment, and even questioning my decision to terminate. I also recently found out the miscarriage was due to a chromosomal issue, triploidy where the baby had a full extra set if chromosomes, so am even more nervous and worried as have now had two chomosonally abnormal pregnancies.

It is so lovely to hear about all the pregnancies and new arrivals on here, and I really really hope that one day it will be me again, it just seems like a very distant dream at the moment.

X

Hello, I'm sorry to have been away for so long- I have been extremely nervous during this stage of my pregnancy as Ava's T18 was suspected from the anomaly scans (weeks 21-26) when we terminated at the beginning of the year. I'm 20 weeks with this pregnancy and 2 anomaly scans (1 at the FMC today) have said everything looks fine (and we are expecting another baby girl!) so I am starting to feel a bit like there may be a baby at the end of this! Don't worry- I'm not relaxed about this quite yet, but I at least feel a little optimism, which is nice. Thanks for asking after me Cherrybug!

Sorry to hear that you're feeling blue helenlouisey. Please don't question your decision to terminate- in spite of everything that has happened since, you did what you thought was the best thing for your family and your baby. As I mentioned, Ava had T18 and I honestly felt as though there was no real choice to be made. I hope that things look uo for you soon and that you are feeling a bit more positive. Big hug!

Huge congratulations to grandj- lovely name- I hope, no I'm sure you are enjoying him!

Mrsbigz- what a good hurdle cleared! Hope you have a bit of that weight lifted and good luck for the bloods.

Apologies for all I've omitted- must make some dinner before I eat my own arm! X