Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Hello all, a bit if a 'me' post, but all went fine at the scan this morning. Scan
Puts me at 11 weeks today (a couple of days ahead of what I think I am, which I was hoping as with Ava they put me a week back and it always worried me) with a heartbeat, arms and legs, which is all they could really check at this early stage. So first hurdle done with screening in 12 days from now. Burst into tears when I got into the scan room but they were all lovely to me. They have changed my due date to Ava's birthday, 20 Jan, which I'm trying to see as a positive sign that she's watching over us. Still, a very emotional day. Thanks for thinking of me xxx
Ps I'm glad all was ok Natz and hope you enjoyed Take That- I saw them in Manchester and they were great as always!

MyAngelAva, So glad the first hurdle is cleared and all seems well. I think it's a good sign to be put forward. I was exactly the same, dates put back last which was a red flag but forward this time which I found really reassuring. Having the same due date as Ava's birthday is a strange twist of fate isn't it. My due date is 8th nov (Manitz - pretty close to you!) and leila was born 28th October so it is possible that this one may arrive early on Leilas birthday (my DD was induced a week early due to me having obstetric cholestasis). I'm prepared for some mixed emotions around that time.

Hi to everyone else and hope all well. Sorry for no more personals, I'm on my phone and it's taken me ages just to write this!

Thank you Cherry. It sounds like you are also going to have an interesting time in Oct/ Nov. It's strange how things work out and maybe it will be a nice reminder of our lost babies. X

quick fly by to check in and say hi. We are on 8 weeks school holidays and I am officially shattered already! I think I am going to be having a section so babybabylily will be here in 8 weeks!!

Only skimmed over but all seems well and quiet with everyone.

MyangelAva - very positive news on your scan - my little boy with Edwards also dated back a week on his sscan, and the possibility of that happening again, and what it meant terrified me. (thankfully this baby is actually huge and has dated later than he should have been all the way through). Good luck with screening. I will check in to hear how you get on.

My DD2 was due on the anniversary of my first termination. She ended up being 8 days late and the distraction of being due/overdue made the day far easier than I'd ever expected...We still marked the loss of our son on that day, but still felt the optimism and joy at his little sister who was about to arrive.
Hello to everyone!
Right, off to bed for me.

Hi ladies

Hope don't mind me jumping in with both feet here but I really need to get this off my chest and you lovely ladies seem to be the people most likely to understand.

Brief background, conceived for the first time last year but was given a 1:2 chance of problems at the nuchal scan, this was confirmed as T21 after an amnio at 16 weeks and we took the desicion to terminate. I don't need to tell you all how painful that was and still is. To cut a long story short, I found out I was pregnant again in December but miscarried in February - God sure does like to piss on my plans!

We decided this month to try again, I'm coming up to 40 and I guess I'm very conscious that time's not on my side. We both know we want to be parents but I am having huge doubts that I can do this again. To be honest I am so damned scared that I can't think straight. Part of me says that I'm just overthinking this and to get on with it but the other part says that if I have doubts then I'm doing the wrong thing.

It's hard to talk to hubby - don't get me wrong, he's great and supportive but I'm very aware that he went through this too and will be having all the same thoughts as me.

I'm probably asking way too much of you all, I know only I can make this desicion but I guess I just needs words of advice or thoughts from people who've been there.

I've made this post sound so matter of fact and I could waffle for hours about how I feel etc. etc. but it all goes without saying really. Also I'm at work and blubbing at your desk is kind of frowned on!!

Hi Debs, sorry to hear of your losses and welcome to the thread.

My circumstances are different but one thing is the same and will be for everyone here - TTC again and any subsequent pregnancy after a loss is completely terrifying.

I'm currently 22 weeks pg after ending a pregancy at 20 weeks last year due to a very rare chromosomal abnormality which had an extremely poor outlook. We started TTC straight away and I conceived in my 3rd cycle. I was really scared, thinking it was too soon, I wasnt ready etc etc. Every scan and test is a hurdle and as I was told you have to take every little step at a time. I buried my head in the sand for the first 8 weeks and tried not to even think of being pg. Then early scans went well, nuchal test went well and then anomoly scan went well. So now I'm actually starting to feel it might be ok and I might take a baby home at the end of it. Of course I still worry and know that anything can happen but it gets easier as time goes on.

As you say, only you can make the decision but you have to weigh up which is greater - your desire to have a baby or your fear to try again. Its very scary and there are no guarentees but there are many more positive outcomes than bad and a whole lot of support here along the way. Good luck.

Natz - hope you enjoyed Take That. I went to see Fleet Foxes last week which was fantastic but I struggled with the heat and the packed room. We also left our money in the car so couldnt get a drink and at one point I thought I was going to faint. Ended up begging the bar for tap water and leaning against the side of the wall. But enjoyed it all the same!

Babylily - good to hear from you. 8 weeks -not long now! Shame you wont get a bit of a rest between school hols and baby arriving. But good to know you havent long to wait now. Keep us posted.

Ghislaine - hope the house move went well and you are somewhat settled now. Good luck for upcoming scan.

Hi to everyone else. My aches and pains have eased off a bit now thankfully so I'm not in such a bad mood as before. Hope it lasts! Anyway hope all is well with everyone xx

hi everyone, all well here not sure if i mentioned but need to have a 32 week 'growth' scan as i'm such high risk. this all calmed me down as you can imagine.

have 2.5 weeks till end of school and our holiday which I can't wait for and i'm supposed to be applying for E111s now but am here instead. Baby is moving a lot so really pleased about that.

natz I hope you enjoyed tt, Ghislaine, hope the move went well. Babylily, hope the next 8 weeks fly by for you. Cherrybug I am glad you have got through the 20 week mark.

debs, I am sorry for your losses and hope you are able to continue with your plans. I had a termination for hrhs in 2007, a healthy boy in 2008, a termination for T21 in 2010 and am due to give birth this october. It is hard to try again and pretty relentless going round in circles thinking about what is the right thing to do. I have just jumped in without too much thought and like cherrybug said, pretended I wasn't pregnant for at least the first 12 but possibly 18 weeks. Each scan is a trial and a possibility for bad news but the times things go right can change your life. I have found it easier not to think too deeply about anything during this pregnancy and just to deal with issues as they arise. good luck xx

Debs, we all understand those feelings here. I think only you in your heart know whether you want to try again. I am closer to 40 than 30, and my trisomy 21 pregnancy last year was my first (it took a while as well). I was scared to try again with the thought of all I might face looming before me, but actually I think having gone through it once I felt more able to face it again. It's the first time (we were so naive and it hit us like a bolt out of the blue) that shakes your worldview.

I am now pregnant again and like manitz and cherry have not really engaged too much with the idea of being pregnant (at least not in a positive excited way; I've done plenty of worrying). I had two early scans which didn't affect me too much - at least I didn't really take any comfort from them (this is probably quite different if you've also suffered a miscarriage); it was the 12 week nuchal that I was dreading.

So my scan was yesterday and there were no soft markers at all. I did cry when I got into the scan room but all the staff were lovely. I had two consultants and two midwives there. We did talk about what sort of numbers I would need to get to feel reassured and whether I would want to go straight to cvs. We did the scan. I couldn't really look at the screen. I can tell you in quite a lot of detail about the ventilation panel in the ceiling though. I did take a quick peek when they said there was no tricuspid regurgitation but that was about it. I don't remember any of the images and mr ghislaine didn't look at all. We've no photos. I got a risk of 1:1896 for T21, and 1:26 000 for T18 and T13 but we decided to have cvs anyway. I couldn't handle the thought of eventually being that "1". Anyway, I got the call with my fast results about an hour ago, and it's all ok. I burst into tears when I got off the phone. Luckily I'm mumsnetting working from home today. I then rang mr g and he had a little weep too.

I know this is still early days and there's a lot still to come but for the moment and for the first time in this pregnancy, I feel like a ray of sunshine has burst through the clouds and is shining on me.

hey so pleased for you ghislaine, what a lovely outcome. x

Thank you all so much for your replies, they've really helped. Made me see that what I feel is pretty much what anyone who has been through this feels - the days of not having doubts are long gone.

Ghislaine I am so pleased for you; it really is fabulous to hear good news. I know every medic tells you that just because 2 pregnancies have gone wrong there's no reason why the next one won't be fine, it's just the luck of the draw but you never quite believe them. Hearing your story has really, really helped, thank you to you and everyone else. I knew you were the right people to talk to!

Ghislaine I'm so delighted for you, what lovely news. Hopefully an uneventful rest of pregnancy ahead. I take it your next scan will be the anomoly at 20 weeks now?

Debs - glad you've had some reassurance here!

Love to everyone else!

Hi everyone,
I lost a baby in March to T21 at 13 weeks. We have been ttc for 2 years. Anyway I'm back on clomid again and keeping my fingers crossed. We will be looking at IVF with aneuploidy screening next year if no luck by then.
Anyway, congratulations Ghislaine. That is wonderful.
I am hoping a few of you ladies might venture over to the ARC forum which went live this week. I have opened a thread on there, stories of hope after trisomy. I'm hoping to collect lots of stories about healthy babies after loss. Hopefully I will be one one day but in the meantime I thought it might help those with a recent loss to read some positive stories of special rainbow babies.
Thanks xx

Hi to everyone

ghislaine - that's fantastic news, what a relief it must be.

I've had a bit of an eventful week. I'm exactly 35 weeks now but on wednesday started having mild but regular, every 2-3 mins braxton-hicks/tightenings. I've been having loads of BH since about 20 weeks but this went on for about 4 hours. So thought I had better get it checked out. At the hospital they put me on the monitor and they were still happening every 2 mins but started to get stronger. Then by evening they had stopped completely. I was kept in for 2 nights, even though I really wanted to go home. My other DC were born at 36 and 35 weeks so the doctors wanted to keep a close eye on me.

So I don't think it will be too long now. I'm 3/5 engaged. I still have lot of worries about the health of the baby due to the Chroid plexus cysts and the 2.7 nuchal but am trying to put it all to the back of my mind.
On the postive side -my placenta seems to be ok after some concerns about its 'maturity' at a 30 week scan, but have still been advised to be induced at 40 weeks. The amniotic fluid levels are now ok having been above the normal range. The femur length is ok, just under average having been on the 3rd centile. And I'm very very pleased to have reached 35 weeks as I was convinced for some reason that I would have an really prem baby.

Definitly my last pregnancy I cannot go through this stress again! In some ways I am disappointed that the labour stopped because then I would now that the baby was ok (fingers crossed) I am still left with the uncertainty at the moment.

Ghislaine, that's fabulous news! I have my nuchal scan coming up on Wed at the FMC in London & am really quite nervous. As you say I'm not sure what odds would reassure me (I was 1:119000 for Edwards last time and that's what Ava had) yet I'm not sure about cvs. Was the procedure similar to an amnio? (I had one last time at 25 weeks). Anyway, just wanted to add my congrats.

Eavers, I'm glad things are looking better and I hope that you've not got too long to wait.

Hi to everyone else- I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself as have put my back out! Not good. Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend x

Myanagelava, for me, I didn't really know what numbers would make me feel I could forgo the cvs. But when they did give me my numbers, I knew instinctively that those weren't the ones. I think amnio and cvs are basically the same procedure; the difference is where the sample is taken from. If you are going to the FMC on a Wed, then I'm guessing you have Prof N himself and I understand he has never had a loss from amnio/cvs so you have nothing to lose.

Fingers crossed for you eavers - the worries never seem to end, do they?

Thank you ghislaine and I didn't realise that the Prof had never had a miscarriage from an amnio/ cvs- that's pretty impressive. Will see how we get on on Wed then, fingers crossed. X

Hi Ladies
I hope that you are all well, and pleased to see that (having been a habitual lurker here recently) scans, and progress with your little ones seems to all be going well!
Let me apologise now as this is going to be a very self-centred post! Some of you will remember me from the sister thread. I lost my little girl (Eve) on the 30th March 2011 ? she was diagnosed as having T21, and also had an enlarged cystic hygroma (nuchal itself was 7.4mm) but the fluid was all the way down her back too. My husband and I took the heart-breaking decision to end the pregnancy at 17wks ? we?d only had the amnio results back at 16wks and needed time to make our decision. While we know we did the right thing for our family, it still breaks my heart to think that I would now be 32 weeks pregnant ? with a long-awaited little girl to join my two boys :(
So we started to ttc straight away ? like many of the stories I?ve read from others, we had an inherent desire to try again immediately (also taking into account our ages, and risk factors increasing). So I?ve just found out, on our third month ttc since the TOP that I am pregnant. OMG!!! Words can?t describe what I?m feeling right now so I won?t even try. Happy, but mainly absolutely completely terrified and petrified!!! I?m only a day late at the moment (stupid early pregnancy test ? oh how they tempt me) so am going to wait at least a couple of weeks to see whether the pregnancy is going to stick?..having had a chemical and a m/c at 7 weeks in the past, I?m not going to count my chickens??.yet. but my consultant had said that I should ring as soon as I get a BFP. I?m going to wait until I?m about 6 weeks before I ring (don?t want to waste her time as well!!?) and then I should get a viability scan around 8 weeks (?) and then nuchal around 11 weeks plus offered CVS. OMG. I can?t even think that far ahead!! Right now I just wanted to share my news with you ladies who I know understand every thought that?s running through my head right now!
I promise, if I?m able to return to this thread in a few days time (please stick little one) then I will NOT be so self-absorbed). Right now it?s all me me me!!!!
Good luck with any upcoming scans / births / milestones / results and I will hopefully be back soon with continued good news xxx

Hi mrsbigz, it's lovely to see you here and I'm quietly thrilled for you. Fingers crossed for an uneventful pregnancy. Xx

Hi Ladies,

Its the Lurker!!! Just wanted to remember myself, yet again, to you guys. I've been following you all as ever - just don't like butting in too often.

Ghisalain such fantastic news about your scan, I was so pleased for you when I read it!

And here's wishing Mrsbigz all the best for her pregnancy, I hope its a breeze.

Hello to everyone else, hope your all well.

Nothing much to report here, just basically wanted to say hi! I'm 40 weeks on Thursday and there is no sign that I will ever give birth at the moment. I'm quite uncomfortable and (I never thought I'd say this) missing work!!!

Nothing much else to report here, just basically wanted to say hi! I will contintue to lurk as ever

XX

Hi all
I haven't posted for a while so just wanted to pop in and say hi, and glad everyone is ok, despite eventful moments along the way. And welcome to Debs and blacktreaclecat. Debs - we all understand how you feel. I've had 2 babies lost to different fatal conditions, and the terror you feel about risking going through it all again is so hard. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant, and in the end I realised that the idea of not having another baby was the only thing that was worse than the idea of risking it happening again, iyswim. Good luck with what you decide.

And congrats to ghislane on a brilliant result, also to myangelava and mrsbigz, hope your bfp is a sticky one.

Eavers, I've just had a bit of a similar experience to you, although at an earlier stage. On Friday when I was 29 weeks I started having contractions, so after a bit of faffing wondering if I was making a fuss about nothing I went in to hospital where they did a fetal fibronectin test which came back positive. Apparently this doesn't mean you are in labour, just that you could be. Anyway, cue a lot of rushing around, steroids to help the baby's lungs mature and doses of a drug to try and stop the contractions. Thankfully they seemed to work and they did stop, the hospital kept me in for a few days but then sent me home with no advice really other than to rest for a bit and hopefully they will not come back, but obviously to go in again if they do. Baby moving fine etc and all fine after lots of monitoring.

They all seem quite relaxed about it, although I'm obviously not! They did scan me when I was in but just on a handheld machine to check baby's position, no measurements/checking placenta or anything, and they don't seem to feel they need to scan me properly, apparently this is just "one of those things". I am trying to get through to antenatal to book an appointment with my consultant for this week to discuss things more, will keep trying and hopefully they will pick up the phone eventually! I am also trying to focus on the fact that babies born after 30 weeks do have a very good chance of survival - and also on the fact that the hospital seem confident that I am out of danger of going in to labour again just yet...

Grandj - great to hear from you and what a shock you've had! Sorry to hear you've had such turbulance. Hope you get through to the consultant and your mind is put at rest. I guess if you hadn't already been through so much it would be easier to accept that it's 'one of those things' and not to worry too much. It sounds a very good sign that they aren't concerned though. Hopefully a nice easy ride from now on. Keep us posted.

Stormbird - nice to hear from you. Hope you dont have to wait too much longer! Let us know when the wee one arrives.

MyangelaAva - much good luck today for the nuchal scan. I hope you get very reassuring results and feel confident in whatever decision you make. Let us know how you get on.

MrsBigz - a tentative congratulations to you. It's a scary transition from TTC to being pregnant and all the worries that it brings. But as everyone says' one step at a time. I think its a good idea to wait a little while before triggering the 'system' and going for scans etc. Time to settle a little bit into the pregnancy and prepare yourself for the early hurdles. I buried my head for the first 8 weeks which I found helped. Anyway you're in good company here for the journey!

Hi to everyone else - hope all is well. I'm 23 weeks now and feel like time is passing fairly quickly. I have no more scans ahead which feels a bit strange. If I didnt find scans so worrying now I think I'd be begging for one just to get some reassurance. I guess its a leap of faith now. Baby is moving loads and DD is getting a bit excited so its all seeming pretty real. But the worry will continue I'm sure till this pregnancy is over!

Have had fingers crossed for MyangelaAva today - I really hope it was straightforward and you got a great result. And fingers crossed for you too, cherry, that everything continues to go well.

Sotto voce congratulations to Mrsbigz. We all know how discombobulating this stage is. Just get through the days the best you can & take things at your own pace. We're all here for when you wobble.

Sorry to hear about your scare, grandj. Tell that little one to stay put until you're good and ready!

Aaaaand......

Go StormBird Go! Go StormBird Go!

Thank you to those thinking of me today. It's been quite an emotional day but everything went as well as I could hope. In the end I realised that the numbers didn't really mean that much to me but that it was Professor Nicolaides' opinion that mattered most. Fortunately he advised against a cvs as he thought it to be an unnecessary risk and so we decided against a cvs, which I feel is right for us at this time. Interestingly he had a look at Ava's notes from the nuchal we had last year with a consultant in the Manchester area. He seemed shocked that her Edward's syndrome was not picked up at that scan as my bloods showed that she may have it at 12 weeks but he had not interpreted this himself and instead relied on a computer program which had given me 1:119000 odds. This has really unsettled me as we did not actually get a diagnosis until 26 weeks, which was devastating.
Still, focusing on this pregnancy- another hurdle and a step closer. Anomoly scan early in 6 weeks from now.....

It's great that you got reassurance in the way that mattered to you. Onwards and upwards!

hi i've just had a quick read through and there are loads of messages. Grandj, I hope everything stays well for you. My mums friends grandchildren (twins) were born at 27 weeks (just after I had a termination at 25/26 weeks) and are absolutely fine and at this stage each week gives the baby better odds. It would be great if baby can stay put for a bit though.

I also had a bit of a scare this week but not as much as you, could bea bit of tmi but on sun night had a miscarriage dream then on monday had something very similar to a show (though not tinged with blood) panicked as my baby had been quite still over the weekend and I started thinking perhaps it had gone still like they do just before labour. Didn't immediately rush to mw but waited and luckily baby started moving that evning but have no idea what it was that came out of me. Baby has been very active since althoguh I'm pretty uncomfortable. I'm 24 weeks. It's kind of remained on my mind, I have tons of braxton hicks and did in pg with ds too so just trying to be aware but not be paranoid (as if).

hope everyone else is well. congratulations mrs bigz and good luck to stormbird. xx