Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Hurray Cherry! Fantastic news I am so pleased x

Sorry i missed other 2 posts the 1st time - Louzie, I sympathise, I feel exactly as though no-one remembers my other babies now. At least we do though - and that's what matters. Fingers crossed for you this month.

And gillian it sounds like you had lots of stuff planned - hope your scan goes well, not long to wait now...

Hello everyone. Great to hear everyone's good scan and pregnancy news - hopefully the sun will continue to shine on this thread.

I have news of my own (can't quite bring myself to call it "good" yet). I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, one year and 4 IUIs after my termination. Thank you clomid. So, deep breath in. I'm booked in for my nuchal etc scan in a fortnight's time.

I am really unsure of how to approach this - did anyone go straight to cvs rather than have the scan? I am pretty sure I will have cvs anyway, whatever my risk nos, and mr ghislaine is even more sure. We've both booked the whole day off work. Last time we spent 5 hours at the hospital and then mr g had to go back to work and was there until 10pm even though his boss knew we'd just had bad news.

At the scan, did you look at the screen? I'm not sure if I can do this. I have had two scans already and I did look but they don't "count", if you know what I mean. Did you get a running commentary of what was being measured? Last time, it was all done in silence and I had no idea what was being checked. This time, I know I'll be watching like a hawk (if I can look). But even that seems perhaps pointless. Last time, the nuchal was 1.5mm and the nasal bone was present. It was the heart and the bloods that were the markers. So that is no reassurance. I feel all over the place and as the date comes closer I feel even more unsure of what to do.

Also, if anyone has had or has Mr Pandya as a consultant, what is he like? He performed my termination but I met him only fleetingly. I haven't bothered with booking in with a midwife or telling my GP as I feel the screening scan is most important, I've had all the blood tests recently as part of my fertility treatment and I can do without getting a pile of healthy eating leaflets.

Welcome back Ghislaine, and I'm so pleased to read your news. A calm, quiet and hopeful congratulations. It's terrifying though isn't it!

I had nuchal scan and combined bloods and got a low risk result for downs. I was keen to avoid invasive testing if possible as my local hospital said their miscarriage risk for CVS was 1 in 50 which was too risky for me to consider unless I had a really high risk result. We didn't enjoy the scan, I worried all through it and could barely look at the baby. It was quite an ordeal. The sonographer didnt know our history either so we had to tell her and I felt she didnt understand at all how difficult the process was for us. We could have had an amnio regardless later down the line but I felt that I would only do that if I was led to that decision by red flags IYKWIM and so far there havent been any. I have felt completely different in this pregnancy compared to last time when from the start I sensed strongly something was wrong.

I've just had a good anomoly scan, done by consultant which was much better. Still very scary and difficult but we were talked through everything and were with people who understood and were reassuring. No guarantees of course as only amnio can give us a definitive result but I dont want to take any risks as we've had nothing but reassuring scans so far. Just taking a leap of faith now really.

A word of caution - I presume it's different in different places and I suspect it was particularly bad in our case, but we went straight for scanning via fetal medicine and so hadnt booked in with midwife. It meant that I ended up under the radar and didnt have the my maternity notes which caused no end of problems in terms of NHS bureaucracy. If you have your notes already you should be fine but if not make sure you get some sorted before the nuchal scan as they need your consent for testing.

Our geneticist said to us that every pregnancy is different and we should make decisions based on how we feel in this pregnancy rather than on what happened the last time. She told us to take it step by step and cross each hurdle as we come to it. Easier said than done I know!!

Hi to everyone else, hope the week has started well.

Hi there, just back off holiday and wanted to send my congratulations to Cherry and quiet congratulations to ghislaine. I am 9 weeks pregnant now and I have my first scan next Friday. Although I am scared of the decisions etc that I will have to make, I'm actually feeling more positive than I thought I would do and like Cherry says, am trying to view this as it's own pregnancy without links to my last, where my baby had Edward's (diagnosed at 26 weeks). The hospital seemed quite shocked but we too are going to try to get as much info based on non invasive techniques before we decide whether to have a cvs/ amnio or not. God I hope I'm making the right decision. Thanks for your experiences Cherry and I'm glad that your anomaly scan went well- that's the big one I'm dreading, should we hopefully get that far.

Hello to everyone and I hope that you are out enjoying the sunshine x

Just popping my head in. Good to hear all scans are going well.

Congratulations ghislaine. Lovely to hear from you. I had decided after my second termination that I would go straight for a CVS at 11ish weeks the next time as I wanted a definitive answer. Unfortunately I haven't got that far as yet and had wavered on this decision more recently, after having 3 miscarriages, as I was worried about the risk but actually I think I have gone back to my original feelings. I don't know if you read or got involved with that rather unpleasant thread a while back that was moved onto the Antenatal Tests & Choices board? There was a lady on there who said she had favourable odds from her combined screening and still ended up having a baby with Downs so I'm frightened about that happening to me. It would seem so cruel after choosing to terminate twice. Sorry, I don't mean to freak anyone else out by saying that but that was what prompted me to go back to my original decision. I would say that if you do decide to have a CVS, don't just book the day off, book off the following couple of days too so that you are able to completely relax and avoid any stress or strain to minimise any risks of miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for you x

Oh, and Congratulations to Cherry! That must've helped make up for all the bumps and bruises!

Thanks all for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I think my feeling is the same as kittens'. Even if I get a 1:100 000 risk result, I could still be that one. (I have three fairly disabled (each with mental and physical problems) relatives on both sides of my family who will never live independently or participate much in society and the impact I've seen it have on their parents is something I don't think I could knowingly face). I don't think I could cope with the uncertainty hanging over me. I explained this to the head midwife of the FMU when I rang to book the scan and she was fine with it - said that all women in my position could have cvs regardless of their actual risk on the day.

I guess I should find out the record of my consultant who'll be doing my scan. (I'm sorry to hear about your scan experience Cherry, that sounds awful.) I do live in London so there's always the FMC. I have read that the 1% miscarriage rate comes from the 1970s when they used to do cvs blind. Has anyone else read anything similar?

Good point about the notes, too. I am going to self-refer and I was going to put on my form that I didn't want to have a booking in until I had gotten the all-clear from the cvs. I should get on to that.

ps Congrats on your engagement!

Ghislaine, I forgot to say, I was under Dr Pandya's team but wasn't seen by him in the end. Although it was him that agreed to put me on the 5mg Folic Acid. I am seen by Raj Dav, who is very nice. Last time I saw an Eastern European guy who's name I have forgotten but his bedside manner left a lot to be desired.

I always self refer to the same midwife at UCH too who is lovely. I've not actually met her more than twice over the course of 6 pregnancies but she is very helpful in getting me my early scans sorted via email. If you would like I can PM you her email address. Although if your scan is coming up in the next couple of weeks they may sort all that out for you.

Yes please Kittens. Is it VW? Last time, my booking in was done by a trainee midwife who made (as I realised when I read through my forms) several mistakes, including putting down my ethnicity as South American! So I really want to be in experienced hands all round this time. I haven't had a confirmation letter about my scan so I was going to chase that up as well and remind them that I will mostly likely want to have cvs on the same day.

Was the person you saw last time called Fred? He did my nuchal scan and was actually quite upset when he gave us the bad news although he did scarper fairly quickly after that and left us to the FMU midwives - one called Nicky in particular who was so lovely.

Do you know what, I really can't remember his name at all! My midwife is called Debra, she is very conscientious and professional, not to mention empathic. Will PM you now. x

hello ghislaine (and cherry and kittens and others I've forgotten). I was wondering about having a cvs this time round for the same reasons as you. I still sort of feel I am the 'one' as I have been twice before but I came to a compromise which personally suited me. I had the nuchal which gave me a 1:1700 (low risk but still felt slightly high to me) then had a detailed scan at 16 weeks, the consultant did it for me and it was specifically to look for markers - brain, hands, other organs - I felt pretty confident after that. Because of my previous history I also had a cardiac scan at 19 weeks and then an anomaly scan. I now feel that I am unlikely to have a baby with problems although obviously not as sure as if I had the cvs and I can totally understand going for cvs though this worked for me.

AS far as look ing at the screen I cried in my scan with ds (it felt like a release of tension that I hadn't been aware was there). I have been fine in these but very aware of any indications of probs, like any intake of breath and watching the sonographer. at the detailed scan I sort of looked at it like a med student and tried to remain detached as though it was nothing to do with my body.

hope everyone is well. x

Sorry for the long absence - there are some congratulations to be said! Cherry, wonderful news on your engagement, and Ghislaine - fantastic news and congratulations. I am hoping the scan date comes around quickly for you. I was a complete mess leading up to the nuchal and anomoly scans and didn't enjoy them at all. I started at both the screen and the sonographers throughout the whole thing. We had made the sonographers aware of our history before they began - partly because I was on the verge of tears at both scans and they talked constantly throughout the scans explaining everything they were looking at and if it was good or not, which I found very reassuring.

We were offered a CVS on the day even with the bloods and scan odds being very favourable, but due to the experience with our last CVS (blood and amniotic fluid loss with a rush trip to A&E) we decided not to risk it.

Gillian, best of luck for the 29th
MyAngel, hope you are keeping well and will be thinking of you on Friday at your scan.
Kittens, hope the 2ww is almost over? Am losing track of time. How is your Dad bearig up?
Manitz, hope you are relaxing into this pregnancy and can begin to enjoy it now.
Grandj, glad you are back to 'normal' care, I am almost there too, but still got 3 more scans to go (one for placenta position as was low at anomoly scan, but had moved up by 24 week scan)
Louzie, hope things happen for you soon, thinking of you
Hello to anyone else I have missed.

Am 27 weeks on Thursday and have been suffering with tightenings and stitch like pain, got me very worried yesterday so rang the midwives, who 17 hours later rang me back to tell me not to worry, most likely Braxton Hicks, urine infection, dehydration or just my body telling me to take things easy.... well, good thing I wasn't worried hey?!

28 week scan next week, then another at 32 and again at 34, then back to normal care! Even talking about a home birth as last labour an birth was less than 2 hours from start to finish and begining to panic.

Hope everyone has a lovely week xx

hi glad you are ok. i'm feeling good thanks and have generally enjoyed this pg though will be glad when it's over and baby is out. think the more pg and births you have the more pronounced braxtons become. felt like i was in labour iwth ds for the alst part of the pg, ironically couldn't actually get into labour when i needed to and had a cs so my body didn't learn much!

wow a home birth, my friend had one and it was her best birth ever. xx

I feel the same as you Manitz, began enjoying the pregnancy aroud week 20 but am now really looking forward to it being over. I know that sounds mean, but I just want her in my arms and know that she is ok, and to stop feeling like a big useless lump! Lol. This pregnancy has been so much more restricting than the others, and I am sure that the stress and worry has made it a lot less enjoyable.

The midwife did say that subsequent pregnancies are likely to experience BH or pains earlier that the first, although I had no BH in the other pregnancies, and the pains Ive been getting didn't come until week 35+.

I would rather a hospital birth, but am just so scared of having the baby in the car that I think the most sensible option is to book a home birth and if it takes a while to progress, to move to the Birthig Unit at the hospital when I know Ive got a bit of time. Have heard lots of possitive home birth stories, but me and DP are worriers!

I will have a cs as have now had 2 as well as a 3rd degree tear and this will be my last so am keeping it surgical. though I've always wanted a water birth which does slow things down.

I am having trouble bending over to pick things up and that makes it really tricky with 3 kids who dont pick anything up. Also ds likes to throw his cutlery etc on the floor and thinks he's pretty funny. but mainly want it over so i know it (although something on the scan makes me think we may be talking he) is safe. I tend to worry for the first year so really I want it out and about 2 years old!! BUT am going to really enjoy the kicking as that's my best part and its definitely the last time I ever do this.

Off now to make aubergine and walnut noodles for my sil. see you soon. x

i'm not sure if i will have a cvs, as i found out my last baby had edwards at the 12 week scan, the major factor was the tummy not being formed so all the insides were out, they said it was a bad luck thing when the baby was made. and also when my bloods came back it was 1:5 for edwards. i think if my scan looks ok i wont have a cvs as i dont want to risk m/c, i am anything between 7-11 weeks find out next week how long

Hi everyone, not had a chance to catch up with the thread, but just posting to say that I'm still alive! Sorry for not dropping in sooner, and I hope I haven't posted at a bad time. I will catch up with the thread this week, and post properly when I have. I've sort of banned myself from MN the last few weeks, as I've had so much on (starting Family Day Care etc), I haven't had the proper time.

All well here. The day care thing has already had it's challenges ie bitey, hitty, pushy child who I chose to 'let go' within a week (poor Bella still, literally, bears the scars from that one), though overall it's good. I start at about 8am, and the last child leaves at about 10pm (though she's 11, so is very easy). I only have a few children, as since bitey child above, I am a bit selective - would rather make less money and have it be a good experience for all involved.

Family all well, though DH is trying to get out of a contract that will see him working away for a month at a time. Two weeks is long enough, especially with a LO who changes each time he comes home. Fingers crossed.

Have promised to take the big girls shopping, so must go. Apologies again for my absence, and I'm looking forward to catching up. Have missed you all xxx

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for not too many personals, but it?s getting harder and harder to post. I am lurking though.

Gentle congratulations to Ghislaine, lovely news, and I?m keeping everything crossed for you. I?m not the best person to give advice, but I would say try not to think too much in advance about looking at the screen during the scan, you will just know then. Also, maybe you can ask the sonographer before if s/he will talk while scanning you, or if they need to be silent for a while?

Cherry, congratulations to you too! Exciting news. And I don?t remember if I also congratulated you for the anomaly scan?

Hi Mishta, I missed you. Fingers crossed for your DH?s job, I am struggling sometimes with only 1 baby and husband back at home in the evening, it must be so hard having your DH away for so long!

Kittens, how are you, and how is your dad?

Cantdo, are you back from your hols yet? I miss you too :)

All well here, my bambinocino (thanks Cantdo for the name) is 18 weeks now and a very strong (and hungry) little boy. The nights are a bit better, but he still needs his food a couple of times. I got used to it now though, although I can?t remember what uninterrupted sleep feels like.

Speaking of sleep, I?d better go and catch up a bit. Hello to everyone else, manitz,Natz, grandj, Myangelava, I?ll try to write a proper post soon. xxxx

hi i'm also not on often as am banned from mn. it was fine when I was ignoring work but now I'm ignoring ds which seems a bit more wrong! Nice to hear from you mishtabel, I've also thought about being a childminder but perhaps when i dont have my own babies around or due, sounds like hard work.

Hi coffee you sound good and a bit more sorted with bambino, it does all get easier but mainly cos you get used to being tired!! gillian hope your scan goes well and kittens I hope your dad is managing ok without you. take care xx

Hello everyone,

Hope everyone is well. i've been wondering about MyAngelAva and Ghislaine particularly - any scan news? How are you both getting on and how many weeks are you now?

Coffee - thanks for the congrats and glad bambinocino is doing well. I remember thinking the same about the lack of uninterrupted sleep and then noticing in amazement when I first slept a whole night through - it was such a novelty! Now of course being pregnant again it's back to waking up regularly!

Manitz - I suspect I will be banned from MN soon too by DP who pointed out to me that I spent 3 hours last night reading threads on my phone. Mostly in the relationships section which is just so compelling!

Natz/Grandj/Babylily/Eavers - hope all well with you all. Time is moving on - who has the first due date?

I'm now 21 weeks and feeling lots of movement which is lovely. Have told DD about the baby now too, mostly to try and stop her clambering boisterously over me. She asked yesterday how the baby was going to get out and when we went swimming told me I had to be careful in case I got water in the baby. Cute! She told me its a little girl so we'll see. I've been feeling more like its a boy but I did that with DD and of course was wrong!

Have fair been in the wars though over the last couple of weeks. My holiday toothache nightmare has continued and I've been back and forward to the dentist 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Have also had horrible leg pain which I was really worried about in case it was DVT. Saw GP who said it wasn't and was more likely referred pain from lower back and the nerve being pressed. I dont know if others have had this but ever since being hit with the bombshell in my last pregnancy I have been feeling so insecure in the world. Like I'm now acutely aware that anything bad can happen at any time. So being in pain has led to me catastrophising and worrying about losing this baby. Hoping everything will settle down and I can have a pain free run - it's really been getting me down.

Anyway enough moaning! Hope everyone is well. Cherry x

Thank you Cherry and I'm sorry that you are in so much pain with your leg. I'm sure that everything is fine and I have had referred pain in my legs when I had a v bad back a few years ago (although I wasn't pregnant). It is very debilitating and I hope it eases off soon. I can relate to the 'anything going wrong at any time'- not only do you have your own experience but through that a whole world of others' experiences has opened up. I guess our only option is to be positive and remember that the majority of pregnancies are happy and healthy. That's in theory...!!!!!

I am nearly 11 weeks now and have my first (early) scan on Fri. I'm then going to have my Nuchal scan & bloods at the FMC in London, 2 weeks today. I'm not really thinking about the scans yet, as I know that they will be very nerve racking but will also make the pregnancy feel real. At the moment I just feel sick, tired and a bit fat around the middle! :)

Hello to everyone else, I'm off for a sleep whilst DS has his lunchtime nap!

I'm still here, 10w5d along and very anxious about my scan next week. I find myself re-reading thread six over and over as it was started around the time of my bad news - I guess I am trying to reconnect with the pain and anguish I felt at time, perhaps to prepare myself for feeling it all again. I think I also feel a bit guilty for moving on with a new baby. I've also had some obviously symbolic dreams. Last night I dreamt I was out with friends and then we all repaired to a huge yacht for a party. Only I found myself in the galley, making crudites. I served them all, the yacht docked, and then they all went on to the next party. Clearly my subconscious doesn't do subtlety.

I also found dealing with the antenatal midwives really stressful. I had to deal with two over trying to sort out my notes (still not sorted, but I have given up. If there are no notes, there are no notes) and I don't think they really appreciate the specific anxieties women like us have, as well as the fact that our experience just make us more anxious generally - Cherry and Myangel, your experiences ring very true with me. I probably should have stayed in the FMU where I belong!

And we're in the middle of moving house! Up to my ears in boxes and not looking forward to having no internet for a bit. Still, the new place is really nice. We had it repainted and changed some of the light fittings so it really seems like ours now.

I spoke to Sarahmia over PM about Mr Pandya & I've encouraged her to pop in so we can start the pom poms...

Must pack. Must pack.

hi cherry we must just be days apart. I'm due 29 oct when are you due? I'm not banned by anyone except myself (and obviously not that banned as I'm here ).

I have quite a lot of leg pain and it comes and goes though apart from a horrible cold am feeling quite well. Ds has just started to semi believe me that there's a baby in me, he said 'sorry baby' as he used my tummy to lever himself up from the sofa earlier which was really sweet and often holds an ear to my breast so he can hear the baby. I've tried to explain that that's not where the baby is but at least he's in the general area rather than aiming for a limb or something. dd1 (8) is obsessing about what happens during a cs and is considering whether she'll go for a vaginal or cs delivery!

Ghislaine, the house move will help keep your mind off things - transfer that anxiety to your boxes! it does get less worrying I promise though I can now feel the baby and if I don't for a period I'm absolutely convinced it's over. I am still saying 'if I have a baby in autumn I will need to do ....' rather than when I have a baby.

so I think it's a good luck to gillian, ghislaine and Myangelava for next week. Hope I haven't missed anyone. x

ps does anyone think I'm mad to consider taking 3 kids (2,6,8) to see scissor sisters at sandown in a few saturdays? It starts at 9pm. They are our fave family driving band and we alternate between the 3 cds we have and do not listen to anything else and so know all the words (hearing ds sing 'i'm so lonely I could die' in his cheery high pitched voice is a bit odd). Dh thinks will be hard work but we'll have a buggy with us. I think the kids will love it and it would feed my secret jake crush

Just a very quick fly-by hello! Had a quick skim read, looks like everyone is doing well. Ghislaine, best of luck with the move, as Manitz says, should be a good distraction for you - just make sure you dont push yourself too hard!

Had my 28 week scan today, all looking good, baby VERY wriggly and was not impressed by sonographer pushing on my tummy. Had a scare at the weekend as baby was not moving for a few hours, so rushed to DAU and as soon as we got there she gave the midwife a massive kick...

Off to see Take That tonight!!!! VERY excited and rushing to get the kids clothes ready for a night at the grandparents.

Hello to everyone and will have a proper catch up soon xx