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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

997 replies

LittlePoot · 12/01/2011 13:28

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

OP posts:
Havingkittens · 19/04/2011 00:09

Great to hear your news Manitz!

The moustachioed hedgehog was just a small part of a very surreal shoot for Stella Artois. There were also dogs and horses wearing wigs, a lobster with false eyelashes along with various other oddness. When I'm back I'll see if I can find a link.

Coffeeandchocolate · 19/04/2011 10:07

Great news manitz, I am so pleased for you. Good luck tomorrow to eavers and babylily! One day at a time and you will get there.

Kittens, I'd really like to see the false eyelashes lobster!!! :)

Hello to everyone else. We are well, getting a bit more sleep at night, but Coffeebean will have the first vaccines this afternoon, so it might all go to pot for a couple of days. A bit apprehensive, but I'm sure it won't be as bad as I imagine. I keep on calling him Coffeebean, but a bean he is not, he is a chubby little boy who is growing so quickly...

Better go now, I'll be logging on tomorrow to see the scan news.

manitz · 19/04/2011 10:39

ah those vaccines. I remember my kids looking accusingly at me after someone jabbed them in the leg. mine slept well immediately after from what I recall, recovering from the trauma of mummy's betrayal! good luck.

NumptyMum · 19/04/2011 22:26

Just thinking of Littlepoot - I always see her message as I'm opening the thread; Poot - if you're lurking, I hope everything is OK...

Manitz, I'm glad that the nuchal went well; hope your meeting with the consultant is good.

Babylily, your list sounds like a very good idea; I hope it helps you get through the rest of the waiting time, will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Coffee, I hope Bean's sleep isn't too disrupted following his jags.

Must get off to bed, sorry not to say hi to more folk but I am reading and thinking of you all.

xx

babylily · 20/04/2011 13:46

Had a fantastic anomaly scan. The midwife doing the scan had met me at clinic before and was really sensitive to how petrified I was. She talked through every marker and every check, reassuring that it all looked fine.

We came away feeling properly like we will be having a baby, and now feel able to think about the future, birth choices, names, what he might look like.
Just can't believe that it wasn't bad news after all. Want to tell the world now that I'm pregnant rather than feel reserved about mentioning it to anyone as it measn one less person to tell when it goes wrong.

Hope everything has gone well for eavers today too.

x

manitz · 20/04/2011 13:55

brilliant news babylily. how nice to get to this stage, nice mw too. x

Cherrybug · 20/04/2011 14:40

Babylily - that's wonderful news, am so so pleased for you! What a great feeling to be able to look forward and start planning. Cherry x

NumptyMum · 20/04/2011 15:48

So pleased for you, Babylily - and glad that you had a great mw who really helped to reassure you.

eavers · 20/04/2011 16:29

Babylily- That's fanastic news, I'm so pleased for you. I did write a good luck message for you last night but I managed to delete it. Didn't you mention you did pilates, that would explain your 'smallness'.

Manitz - that's a great nuchal measurement. I sure thay would do an extra scan, I had one at 16 weeks as I didn't have the CVS.

My scan today at FMC was OK in that it didn't tell me anything new. Everything is fine except for the CP cysts, which they don't even mention on NHS scans if they see them in isolation. Measurements all fine, the femurs which were a major worry 3 weeks ago, are on the 50th centile now, so perfect. I got some fantastic 3d photos, he looks just like my dh!

Have decided that I'm not going to worry about a low risk of something being wrong.

Instead I am going to start worrying about .........potential premature birth my 2 ds were born at 36 and 35 weeks and I need to decide whether to have the steriods to mature the lungs. There is always something!!

Enjoy the lovely weather everyone.

babylily · 20/04/2011 20:24

Really pleased for you too eavers... and great news that the femur length is bang on average. Our scan pic was pretty poor - baby was happy to comply with making himself available doe the anomaly checks, but turned completely inwards when it came to getting his profile on screen!
How stressful for you having 2 x prem births...guess it means you will have to be prepared for another...and on a positive note, that you really don't have that long to go before you meet DS3!

Still smiling from this morning and keep browsing blue baby stuff!
Hope the sun is shining on everyone and that we all have a chilled and lovely easter weekend.x

Havingkittens · 21/04/2011 13:13

Pleased to hear good reports from Babylily and Eavers.

I have been thinking about Poot too. I hope she's well.

I am now officially TTC! I forgot that I seem to ovulate at around 16+ days so I got back in time. Bit nervous about becoming a spotty bloater with insomnia from the steroids but I guess if that's what I need to do then so be it.

Coffeeandchocolate · 21/04/2011 16:16

Great news Babylily and Eavers! I remember very well the post anomaly scan relief, by that time I was struggling with keeping it a secret.

Kittens, good luck! I wish I could say something more meaningful, but I really am keeping everything crossed for you!

Not sure I'll have a chance to log on in the next few days, but wishing you all a Happy Easter, enjoy the lovely sunshine! xxxx

Mishtabel · 22/04/2011 05:43

Hi all, have been reading but limited time for posting as DH is home for Easter. Lovely to hear all the good news scans Manitz, Eavers and Babylily. Kittens all the luck in the world to you

Just wanted to share with you lovely ladies that it would have/should have been my eldest DD's 18th birthday today. I cannot believe it has been that long. While I was moving homes, I came across the journal that I used to keep following my DD dying. I flicked through it and found an entry written by my now 16 year old DD, when she was 5 or 6. I had no idea until recently that she had even opened up the journal, let alone written in it. It is very sweet. I've typed it exactly how my DD wrote it, so hope you can understand:

'my sessdus is six 8. I did not get to ce my on sisst. I dot no wot se looks lik. I mes her very much. I wish I saw har. cos I luve sherudn. luve sherdns sidusse'

To say it brings a tear to my eye is an understatement. I never even realised she felt like that at that age, and it makes me wish I'd have spoken to her more about how she felt.

Well, must go help DH install a clothesline - fun, fun. Sorry for lack of personals. Have a lovely Easter everyone

Love to all xxx [busmile]

grandj · 22/04/2011 09:47

Mishtabel, what an amazing message. Unbelieveably sweet and lovely. And a total eye-opener into what goes on in their heads. I have been trying to shield my 4 year old from any talk of our two lost babies. Maybe I shouldn't do that. Thank you for making me think.

Babylily, such great news about the anomaly scan. Congratulations on having a boy! Get out there and buy some blue stuff. I hope you feel able to relax a bit more now, and enjoy it.

Eavers, so glad to hear about the great scan, I'm really pleased for you. Can't believe you have prem birth to worry about as well as everything else - I really think we are due for uncomplicated pregnancies, surely.

Kittens - GOOD LUCK. Fingers massively crossed.

Happy Easter to everyone x

LittlePoot · 22/04/2011 12:07

Hello!! God, sorry for the massive delay in posting again, but I've only been getting internet on my ipod for a while and its such a pain to post I didn't quite manage it....

Just a 'quick' one to say congratulations to everyone getting good scan news at the moment and the new babies whose arrivals I missed. Hope all's going well all round. And very pleased to hear kittens' news that there's new things to try - fingers crossed you finally get a good outcome sweetie, I'll be thinking of you.

Hello to everyone else too - I have been thinking about you all, but have been so all over the place getting used to Jacob and motherhood and all the rest. Went through a bit of a rocky patch with insomnia and general not-coping-ness and had to give up breast feeding as my boobs seemingly didn't work, but things are definitely back on track now. Jacob's now 11 weeks old and smiling and cooing merrily all day. He has just about found his hands but doesn't seem to quite know what they're for just yet. Sleeping's not TOO bad....he did manage one 10 hour sleep a few days ago (at night, luckily!), but usually we still have a 2am feed and an unsettled 5am onwards. I think he might be hitting another growth spurt so we'll feed him up for the next few days and see if that helps encourage more of that 10 hour business.... Now that mummy's getting a bit of sleep again, I can focus on just how damned cute he is and that really helps with the 2am starts. We've been out and about quite a lot with my NCT group and other baby-friendly mates and even managed a trip to the cinema (one of those screenings where you're allowed babies under 1 so screaming all round but a nice morning out!). Hopefully starting swimming lessons soon because he just loves the bath and we're definitely enjoying the sunshine.

Better go as I can hear squeaks from downstairs - would rather catch them before they become screams..... Love to all and will try and post a little sooner next time! xxxxx

OP posts:
babylily · 22/04/2011 20:08

Mishtabel, my eyes have gone all prickly reading what your daughter wrote. We've always been very open with our daughters about their two brothers that aren't with us, despite some opposition from family who thought they didn't need to know; but it's always made us feel that they are part of the family, whether with us or not. Reading your post has reaffirmed that for me as it's something I can imagine my elder daughter writing. Thoughts with you on this birthday too. My first boy would've been 5 in february, but it seems too surreal to imagine as DD2 will be 5 in the summer and if he had been ok, she would never have been here. (too complicated for my pregnant brain anyway)

bestest luck to you Kittens.

Hope everyone has a lovely and a relaxing easter weekend. I actually packed away all my normal clothes today and got the maternity stuff out!

Coffeeandchocolate · 23/04/2011 09:26

Mishta, I logged on quickly and saw your post. Just to say that I've been thinking of you on Sheridan's anniversary, and your dd's message brought tears to my eyes xxxx

Hello to everyone else.

mrsbigz · 25/04/2011 20:51

hello

i've been lurking in the shadows on this thread (as i'm currently a more active member of the sister thread, where i'm getting huge support from those currently in the same situation and many of you too, who have been through it and can offer support from being further down the line). so firstly thank you to all of you who have shared words of wisdom with me in the past couple of months since i found myself here on this board. also i'm sorry that this post will have an obvious lack of personals - but i promise next time i visit to remedy that! and congratulations to all of you who are pregnant again after your losses - you don't know how inspirational it is to read about your stories and know that there may be light at the end of a (very) long tunnel.

for those who don't know, i lost my daughter Eve at 17wks, nearly 4 weeks ago to DS, she also had a large cystic hygroma, and we made the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy. like many of the ladies on the sister thread, i am desperate to start ttc again and i just wondered if i could ask you all a few of the questions that have been playing on my mind recently.

erm......ok is it really anal of me to number my questions? eek - here goes...

  1. i'm still waiting for my first period to arrive since Eve was born. I usually have about 5 week cycles. did your first period take ages to come back - or was it when you expected it?
  2. did you start trying before your period came back, or did you wait for the first one (or more) before properly ttc?
  3. how long did it take you to fall pregnant (and how did this compare with your previous pregnancy(s)? my history is really random - we fell with ds1 on the first cycle. ds2 took just over a year (with 1 early mc). we have a surprise pregnancy when my period returned after ds2 was born (but ended in mc at 9wks). then we fell pregnant with Eve on the first proper cycle after that mc. so i suppose i do know that i CAN fall pregnant. I'm just so scared that this time it will take forever.
  4. having been through a TOP, did you find that you were offered better care with the next pregnancy (monitored more closely etc)

thank you and i'm so sorry for all the random questions.....these are just the things (i'm sure there are more!!!) that flit around my head every night when my head hits the pillow.

i really appreciate you taking the time to read this (if you've made it to the end!!)

Kxxx

NatzCNL · 25/04/2011 21:21

Welcome to this thread Mrsbigz xxx I read your experience on the sister thread, and am glad you have found your way over here Smile

Am just doing a fleeting visit so Im sorry if the answers are fairly breif.

  1. I bled for about 4/5 weeks after my TOP - had tests etc to check for infection but all clear, then my 1st proper period came about 2 weeks after I stopped bleeding.
  2. We started trying after my 1st proper period, purely because I was worried about the prolonged bleeding.
  3. It took us 3 months to concieve, which is unusual for me as I usual fall on the first attempt. However as a friend pointed out, I was extremely stressed at the time with all the test results from our baby Cara being returned and the funeral, so was not really surprising it took us a little while to fall. To me it felt like years TTC after the TOP, but I think this is the same for everyone, especially when the need to be pregnant again is so strong.
  4. This time around we have not had extra special care, but they are giving me extra scans due to the reason we decided to terminate. Our little girl had Turners syndrome and Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The midwives I have met so far have been so understanding and supportive, and even recently asked about counselling and exra support for this pregnancy. Which has resulted in our HV coming to visit me later this week to check I am coping ok with this pregnancy. Ive never had any contact with the HV before the birth of my other babies, so this is quite new for me, however it is nice to know that they are aware of my history too and are there should I need them.

Well, my not so long post was a bit longer than i anticipated! I hope this helped a bit?

Sorry for lack of personals, and big hello to everyone. 18+4 now and this bump is so large Blush, but feeling good and trying to prepare myself for 20 week scan! xx

mrsbigz · 25/04/2011 22:07

Natz thanks for the welcome and thank you ever so much for taking the time to reply to my questions. it's so comforting to know that need to ttc straight away seems to be inherent in most people who have lost a baby in this way. 3 months does seems like ages when you want to be pregnant again straight away! i'm glad that the midwives have been so understanding - that's (something else!!) that i'd thought about, also the health visitor - it is nice to know that they're aware and are making the effort to check that you are coping ok too.

(belated) congrats on your pregnancy and i hope that your 20 weeks scan goes very smoothly!!

Kxx

babylily · 26/04/2011 19:37

hello mrs bigz, sorry you lost your little Eve. There is a huge amount of knowledge and compassion on this board; I've found it a lifeline and I hope you do too. No question is too random!
Re your questions...I've had a Downs and Edwards pregnancy and it's very different with both. Similar but different answers to Natz, and not as clearly answered- sorry!

With my 1st loss (Downs, termination at 15 wks) I bled for 6 weeks and had to go back for a D&C. Started trying again straight away and had 1 period exactly 28 days after the D&C and got pregnant that month with (healthy) DD. My Edwards pregnancy was very different as DH developed fertility 'issues' after a virus...baby had taken 15 months to conceive, then I had a torsion of an ovary at 10 wks and had to have it removed. It took a 10 months for us to fall pregnant again after that, but that also involved a wait for surgery for my husband and me with only one ovary, so very not the norm.
Both times we just started trying as soon as bleeding stopped (my consultant said we didn't need to wait for any physical reasons). Fertility can be high after a loss, so it made sense to us to get trying...that said, it was emotionally what I really needed- to be pregnant again, but this isn't right for everyone. How you feel is completely normal, I felt desperate for a while, then resigned to it not happening, then elated followed by extremely anxious when it did happen.

  1. have experienced a lot of kindness and special care from my medical team - particularly this time. With my first pregnancy following termination I was quite taken aback to be treated as 'normal' following a low risk nuchal at 12 weeks (i'd expected to be encouraged to have a CVS based on previous history). It was kinda nice to be normal again (but this time I'm actually enjoying being special as it will be my final pregnancy).

Hope you've managed to read to the end of my epic message, and good luck with TTC.

Natz- with you on big bump now - I was measured at 22 weeks yesterday (at only 21), where it has sprung from I have no idea...but may well be cake related...
lilyx

Coffeeandchocolate · 26/04/2011 21:12

Hi mrsbigz, and welcome, although I wish no one had to be welcomed on this board! It is a lifeline though, as Lily said, and I hope it will help you too. I am sorry you lost Eve.

I lost my baby girl last Feb at 22 weeks, due to severe brain anomalies. It took about 6 weeks for my period to arrive, but it?s been erratic for a couple more weeks, and I bled on and off and for what seemed like ages. I waited 3 months before ttc again, although I was obsessed with getting pregnant again. We took ages to decide what kind of memorial service we wanted, whether we wanted a funeral or a cremation, and also we had a post mortem done and it took 3 months for the results to come back (we didn?t want to try again before having an answer as to why this happened, even if the answer was in the end ?random bad luck?).

I fell pregnant the second month of trying and now my 9 week old is sleeping upstairs. My care during the pregnancy varied. My local hospital were not great, except for the antenatal screening coordinators, who were brilliant. However, the professor at St George?s in London who diagnosed Silvia last year was a godsend, he scanned me four times throughout the pregnancy and told me I can self-refer anytime. I was under consultant care until the anomaly scan, and then when nothing was found they put me under mw care. It seems to differ a lot though.

There is no right or wrong, it all depends on your individual circumstances. It is a difficult, nerve wracking journey, but it helps so much to have your hand held, even if only virtually, by women who understand and who have been through this. I hope you have good support in RL too.

To everyone else, a big wave. I hope the bumps are growing well and fingers still firmly crossed for Kittens and the SWI :). Better go now, I have to catch up on sleep, but as usual I am lurking and thinking of you all xxxx

mrsbigz · 26/04/2011 21:31

thank you ever so much Babylily and Coffee for sharing your experiences. Coffee - I had seen that you had a little coffeebean - many congratulations!!!! and to you Babylily on your growing bump.....it is so reassuring to know that things 'can' be ok on a subsequent pregnancy.

It's also reassuring to know that there is no 'normal' after a loss. i think because now i should be at my fertile time (in a normal cycle) i'm feeling a bit lost....we are trying but i'm not expecting anything to happen before aunt flo returns (whenever that is).
i just hope and pray that it doesn't take me forever to get pregnant again and am hoping the 'fertile after a loss' scenario happens to me. i'm surrounded my people who are pregnant, getting pregnant, have newborns, and while i'm nothing but happy for them, it's just a constant reminder of where i should be (and want to be again very soon please).

on a different note though, i have a little brother, and him and his wife have been ttc with no success for nearly 4 years (with one failed ivf treatment in jan) - so whenever i'm feeling that things 'aren't fair' i think of them and i'm reminded that i should be more than thankful for the family that i already have.
sorry.....wandered slightly off track then!

thank you again for your responses, and for the warm welcome and i hope to be posting here much more in the coming weeks xxxxx

NatzCNL · 27/04/2011 08:51

Ha ha Lily - I am putting mine down to the easter eggs and hot crossed buns...! Oops. Glad all is going well. Lovely to hear from you Coffee, hope coffeebean is seeping better now? Also thinking of Kittens and hoping the SWI is erm... fun?!!! Shock Blush

Mrsbigz, I too have family who have been trying to concieve for about 8 or 9 years with failed IVF and are still childless, so can relate to your post. I actually felt like I didn't have a right to grieve because I was fortunate enough to already have children - not that they made me feel like that, if anything, they were some of the most supportive people we had in RL! Being thankful for the blessing you already have and grieving for the child that you have lost are seperate, and nothing takes away from the fact that you have suffered a heartbreaking loss. I did find much comfort in my daughters, and I hope you do too xx

I dont know if any of you are Holby City watchers at all, but last night I sat down for my usual tuesday fix and got such a shock, really knocked me for six. There was a girl on there who was admitted at the begining of heart faliure due to Hypoplastic Left Heart.... I just stared at the screen with my jaw wide open. Both me and DP just sat in silence for about 5 mins. Then I kept saying over that I had never heard of it before (Cara). I know it sounds stupid, but there is still a part of me that thinks the Doctors just made up the name to give it a name IYSWIM?

I didn't cry but felt myself welling up when the girl was talking to Greg saying how she didn't fear dying and that he would understnd if he had a life with her condition. I know it's only a tv show but it really felt so real esp as if Cara could have survived the pregnancy she would have lived a similar life, possibly. Argh, NOW Im getting upset!

Sorry, big me post again! xx

Coffeeandchocolate · 27/04/2011 16:13

Hi Natz, of course you got upset. Try and remember though that you had sound medical advice before making your decision and it was the most humane decision for Cara. Easier said than done, I know... Big, unMN hug for you.

Sleeping is still hit and miss in the Coffee household. Victor is sleeping a bit better generally and I am coping most days, but now that he is 9 weeks I am trying to get him to sleep in his cot as well. We removed one side so it's rather a co-sleeper, and he is always within arm's reach. He sleeps in it fine from about 7.30 to 11.30pm (longest stretch he is doing at the moment), but after that it takes ages to settle him, so I end up most times with him in my bed. And most of the time I don't manage to settle him anyway, he is asleep but grunting and stretching all the time, so I worry he is unhappy and take him next to me. Looks like I will end up co-sleeping with a toddler :)

I have to go now. What is the next thread milestone? Is it Natz's anomaly scan? xxxx