Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 3

[LittlePoot]

So, New Year, New Thread. And the next set of New Babies are arriving! I hope they prove that there can be light at the end of the very dark tunnel we have all had to come through and I hope there are many more babies to come. In the meantime, we're here, as ever, with supportive words, virtual hands to hold and multiple fingers to cross to help everyone through these nerve wracking waits and scans. A more lovely group of ladies you could not wish to find. xxx

Hi to everyone here!

It's been months since I've been on Mumsnet! We have been super busy. Like Coffee San Alex has bad wind issues. We have had a period of 3 weeks where he is up at 2am and screaming until 7am.... Rest of the day is fine! We finally got a prescription for gaviscon and he's a different child!!

I fully intend to devote some time to catch up on the thread and post something decent!!!

Very quick post as not got much time (sunshine, DD's eager to get out in it, easter bonnet parade at pre-school this afternoon etc).

Just wanted tp respond to Kitten's post, glad they have finally identified what could be causing the miscarriages. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Hello to everyone else, will post properly soon. All good here, 16+1 now and getting a bump xx

MESSAGE BELOW IS FROM EAVERS.
I CHANGED USERNAME AND FORGOT TO CHANGE BACK

Hi all haven't posted for ages but I have been lurking a lot. Good to hear so many positive birth and scan stories.

I've had a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions these last 2 weeks but I think most of it is caused by me worrying and googling to much.

I am now 21+1 and have a big bump now. To recap my story my NT measurement was 2.7/2.8mm not great but not terrible. The risk of T21 was 1:480 (NHS) and 1:1315 (FMC). Decided not to risk the CVS.

Had a scan at 16 weeks and all was fine. Had 20 week scan and all was ok apart from the amniotic fluid level which was right at the top of the normal range. High amniotic levels can sometimes be an indicator of structural/chromosonal problems. We weren't too worried because it was still just in the normal range and I had exactly the same issue with DS2 and he was fine.

However when I got home I looked at the baby's measurements and the Abdominal circumference was on the 95th centile but the femur measurement was on the 3rd centile!!! (I'm not short at 5'7")

Phoned the doctor who had done the scan and she didn't seem too worried about it and said they get measurements like that all the time and it is usually nothing. I knew short femurs can be a marker for downs, she said it is a minor soft marker when pressed the other thing she mentioned was Skeletal Dysplasia of which there are many types one of the milder types is dwarfism.

Spent the rest of the week getting into a right state, crying, getting really depressed. I could put to the back of my mind one problem but the combination of the highish nuchal, the fluid and the femur length was enough to convince me there was a problem. Found myself detaching from the baby.

I came close to booking an amnio, though DH was not keen, but thought I would first go back to the FMC for another anomoly scan. They were great there and said that the fluid level was normal and the femur bone seems to have grown (or measured more accurately) quite a lot in a week from 29.2mm to 33.3mm, which puts it in about the 33rd centile, a lot better, normal range they said. The Abdominal measure was also closer to average about 66th centile.

But.. they did pick up someting new 2 choroid plexus cysts in the brain which are harmless in themselves but can be a marker for Edwards or Pataus. However the doctor said that for these syndromes they would in 99% of cases pick up other problems on the scan, and everything else was fine. So I am not going to worry about this, its not something I would risk the amnio for. So as a result of this my risk of Downs was halved and the risk of Edwards/Pataus remains the same, can't remember the figures 1:900 and 1:2000 I think.

I am going back to NHs hospital next Tues to check on the fluid levels and back to the FMC the following week to see Prof Nicolaides.

Even though they picked up the cysts I am not worrying too much and my feelings of detachment have gone, am feeling postive again about this pregnancy.

Sorry for the long self indugent post, needed to write it all down

Eavers

Eavers you sound remarkably composed for having all those worries to deal with. I'm so glad you are staying positive and fingers crossed you get good news at the hospital and the FMC next week.

Kittens that is great that the consultant has a plan for you. I'm sure short-term steroid use will be fine - more than fine if it does the business. Have a lovely holiday.

Hope everyone is able to get out and enjoy the sunshine today.

Mimsy - thinking of you and hope things are well where you are.

eavers you sound brilliant. Anything can send you into a panic when you have had bad news in the past but your odds dont soudn too bad even when halved. I hope your next scans are reassuring.

Kittens, I'm pleased they might find a solution to your miscarriages and that you feel ready to meet your friend's baby.

cherry, I think you asked about my nuchal. Not till 18th so another week to wait. have told most people now - don't ever tell me a secret!

coffee have you seen the baby massage stuff about colic/wind? bicycling the legs and the abdominal U massage. used to do it after a bath. still dd2 still had quite a lot of trouble. found infacol best for us.

hello everyone x

Thanks Manitz and ghislaine, I am not completely worry free but a lot lot better than I was a week ago, when I couldnt stop crying.

When I said my downs risk had halved I actually meant it had gone from 1:1300 to 1: 2600 as there weren't any markers for downs from the FMC scan.

The brain cysts he picked up are not a marker for downs or anything else only pataus or Edwards. In isolation they are not a problem and will disapear in a month or two. He said 1 to 2% of normal pregnancies have them.

Eavers - just wanted to say how much I admire your strength. If you hadn't had the history you have, you would probably be blissfully unaware of any of these signs - and it's so great that the odds are now so good that your baby is healthy. Can't imagine what you must have been going through last week though - if we lived in a fair world, we would all have risks in the 10s of 1000s (although maybe we would think of other things to worry about then).

Kittens, I'm glad (if that doesn't sound odd) that they have found an explanation for your miscarriages and have fingers so crossed that the treatment works.

Natz I think we are almost exactly at the same stage. I am 16+2 today and the bump is definitely arriving...

Kittens, I am glad that now at least you have a probable cause for your miscarriages and they know what needs to be treated. So frustrating though that you had to go through so much before this. Fingers crossed the treatment will work and we?ll soon hold your hand in here through positive scans and test results.

Eavers, my jaw dropped while reading your post, a rollercoaster ride indeed ? as if this pregnancy weren?t stressful enough. I agree you sound so positive and composed and I hope next week will bring you some much needed reassurance.

All well here, but Coffeebean can be so unsettled sometimes, still finding it hard to poo and bothered by tummy cramps. Manitz, I?m doing the bicycle thing and also massaging his tummy, but the only thing which seems to help, even if just temporarily, is a warm bath ? he loves it and it so relaxed, I could keep him in there all day.

Grandj, funny you should mention cranial osteopathy, I had booked a session just before reading your post. He had it on Saturday. It really didn?t look like she did much and he had a colic attack just then. She told us he might be more unsettled the following day and he was (I had to sleep with him on my chest). But according to her he should get better gradually. We are booked for a second session next Sunday. Not sure I believe in this, but it?s worth a try, it can?t harm.

Gina, you and your DH must be exhausted, poor you and poor little Alex! How many weeks is he now, do they say it should get better before 3 months? You have my sympathy.

Cantdo, when is Babycant?s birthday? How are you and the little ones? Big wave to Mishta and Numpty as well. I hope Poot is ok, we haven?t heard from her in a while.

Right, I have some sleep to catch up on. Much love xxxx

Hi Coffee just a quick one as Alex will be awake any min!! It started off exactly like your CBean, windy which progressed on to full blown colic. Or so we thought ...... We think the problem was reflux which was why he was waking at night. Gaviscon has helped so we're getting there!

We tried infacol but found that made him constipated and made it worse. Are you still breadtfeeding? If you are on formula then we found cow and gate comfort helps the wind issues! Alex is 14 weeks now and the wind issues do seem to have improved! He's a strapping lad now over 12lbs!! Very smiley too he just laughed and grins at me all day!! Melts my heart !

Hope things improve for Coffee Bean poor chap. Xxx

This is just a fly by post - if you think that AT/C is the wrong place for MumsnetHQ to have relocated the thread about the inquiring into the reasons for terminations, please report the thread and let them know why.

I am not sure if I'll be posting here anymore. I feel there is no safe place to talk about my experiences. I have really valued all the support and kindness I've received from you all and I wish you all the very best on your onward journeys.

x

[Cross-post with sister thread]

Fly-by post from me too -
Ghislaine I reported a post of my own earlier today, and while I was there mentioned the above to MNHQ. Hopefully they will find an appropriate place for it, though not sure where that would be.

I know its upsetting, but this will blow over, believe me. Would hate to see you leave because of it. I bet, if you take a break from here for a week or so, when you return, it'll have been all but forgotten (hopefully).

If you felt you just wanted to move on, that would be a different story, but please don't let the thread in question be the reason you go xxx

A big hello to everyone else, I have been reading and answering each post in my head, but haven't got around to posting. If only there was a telepathic iPhone... Will make the effort to say a proper hello soon though. Love to all xxx

Ghislaine I totally agree. I logged back in here for a catch up and was shocked to see that thread in here - of course the thread title meant I felt compelled to read it and now am feeling quite churned up. This thread has always felt like a safe little corner, silly, I know this is a public forum, but somehow I feel quite exposed now.

Sorry to hear about the windy/colicky babies... coffee we had great success with cranial osteopathy with DD. She had three sessions I think and was a lot more settled after that.

Kittens that is positive news that your consultant has found something and that you have a plan. Steroids sound a bit horrid, hope you're feeling ok on them.

I am having a lazy day today. DD is at nursery so Lawrence and I are chilling at home. He is having his lunchtime nap now so I might catch up on a bit of sleep... xx

Hi all, a fly-by-post from me too!

Ghislaine, have posted on that thread, think it is extremely insensative to move that thread to AT/C! I understand why you would want to avoid MN. Catlady, I also felt that AT/C was a 'safe' place, where those who wanted information and support could go, not the judgemental type who can come and throw stones

Coffee, hope Coffeebean finds some relief from his pain soon, so horrible when baby has problems with wind/poo's etc. Hugs to you!

Grandj, I am due 22nd Sept, hope your bump is looking like a bump, and not just a cake blimp like mine...!

Eavers, sorry you have had such a stressful time lately! Will be thinking of you on Tuesday, let us know how it goes.

Gina, good to hear Alex is thriving and glad the gaviscon helped. I luckily never had too many problems with colic or reflux, but my nephew has Oesophicus-gastric-relux (unsure of spelling or exact medical term, but sounds like that) and my poor SIL has been through hell with him, he is now a year old and they have finally decided on his diagnosis after many many tests and hospital admissions. He is under a specialist at Guy's Hospital now.

Am off to eat now as my appetite has perked up this week! Tesco's is making a small fortune off of us

Not such a fly-by-post after all

Hello all. That bl**dy thread. Didn't get through all of it myself as too many people on it who have no idea what they're talking about. But, like you guys, I am mostly annoyed with mumsnet for putting it here. This is not the place. And now they've been told it's not the place, it should have been moved. Very cross.

Anyway, I had my extra scan today. Such a stressful experience as I know you will all understand. Basically, the baby looks ok, no major problems that they can see at this stage (17 weeks). The only thing is that at the moment, the baby has a hole in the heart, but apparently that is not unusual for 17 weeks and the consultant said she would expect it to have gone by the 20 week scan as the heart is still developing. I am forcing myself to have faith in what she says and to stay away from Google.

Everything else looked fine and measured fine, although we had a nightmare 1/2 hour when she couldn't see the stomach and made us go away and come back to be rescanned, by which time the baby had filled it up and it was visible and normal. I feel a bit reassured. At least there are no major visible problems like the last 2 times. Oh, and it's a boy - massive surprise, as I was totally convinced it was a girl for some reason.

Love to all

Grandji that's really good news. I don't know much about it but I have heard that holes in the heart can and do often close up. It sounds as though it is as the consultant said, something not unusual and so hopefully no need to worry. Easier said than done I know! Shame you had to go through extra anxiety with not seeing the baby's stomach at first too, as if it's not worrying enough. But so glad to that so far so good. Hopefully scan at 20 weeks will be textbook normal and you can start to perhaps relax a little more.

The 'thread' has been really upsetting for many, particularly those who've had such a recent experience. It's highly disappointing that MNHQ have ignored the requests to move it and their rationale for not doing so shows a lack of regard. Still it will go away eventually.

Hope everyone else at various stages of pregnancy are coping well and feeling ok. I've been feeling pretty tired and sick which I'm seeing as a good sign as it's very similar to my pregnancy with DD and not similar to my lost pregnancy. Nuchal will be 4th May and I'm trying not to think about it too much as I am truly dreading it. They've told me it will only give a risk for downs as NHS won't test for Edwards/pataus. This surprised me as I thought it was for all 3. Not here it seems. So even if it goes well, only reassuring for one condition. Anyway one step at a time.

Hope all mums and babies are doing well and getting some sleep. Love too to all TTC.

Hi Cherry and thanks for your message. Just a quick one to say that even if they don't give you a risk ratio for edwards/pataus, you should be able to get an indication from the hormone levels in your blood test. With my last baby, who had Edwards, that's pretty much how I knew there was a problem (though the hospital didn't listen to me) - because even though the NT was normal, the hormone levels in my blood were both so low they were off the scale. This time, although I still didn't get a risk ratio for T13/T18, my (different) hospital could tell the results weren't high risk because the HCG and Papp-a levels were much more normal, so hopefully your hospital can do the same. But I'm sure your results will be fine and it won't be an issue, though I know how awful the waiting and worrying can be.

oh grandj every time they've sent me off for a while before rescanning it's been bad news. I think if it happens to me i would presume the worst. i'm glad you were able to see the stomach.

My cousin and a friend both have kids who have been born with holes in their hearts. They won't operate as they aren't affecting them and are likely to close naturally. I hoep that's a bit reassuring but hopefully yours will close at 20 weeks like they said. Cherry, I thought edwards and pataus were also signified by a raised nuchal? must be wrong I guess.

Hi all,

Grandj, I hope too that the 20 week scan will bring you some reassurance. Scans are so stressful and I imagine today was a huge worry for you. I didn't know about the hole in the heart being a common occurance. Glad that the stomach was visable after the second attempt though.

Cherry, will be wishing the time away till your NT scan, 4th May not too far away when you aren't waiting for it, so a big of virtual hand holding here

We had our 16 week appointment (although 17 weeks today) and was told that I will be having my 20 week scan, another at 24 weeks, then again at 28 weeks then a final one at 34 weeks... and the consultant wants to see me again the day after the 20 week scan.

Is this normal? I was told by the midwife at my booking in appointment that if all was well with the scan that I would be put back onto normal care. I know I am probably over-reacting and that they are probably just keeping a close eye on me to put my mind to rest, and it would have if the midwife had not said that we would be put back to normal care with a good scan.

Been an emotional wreck since the appointment, even though we got to listen to babys heart beat and have been feeling baby wriggling and dancing away in there, but the whole extra scans has really upset me. So flipping hormonal!

Hi everyone, just wasted too long reading 'the thread' and getting cross, so not enough time to type the important things... GRR...

Anyway Grandj, what a rollercoaster scan! Good to hear all is okay though and the hole in the heart very minor - a friend's DS was born with a small hole in his heart but it just healed itself. Congrats on having a boy - blimey we are blue around here, aren't we?!

Cherry, I didn't get a numerical risk stat for T13/T9 either last time around - they made it emphatically clear that the risk given was for T21, whereas with my first lost baby, in 2008, I had a low DS risk and a 1 in 2 T13/T9. I queried this and they said that they check for T9/T13 at the anomaly scan as conditions incompatible with life should show up there (whereas T21 might not) but that there would possibly be indications of them at the nuchal scan anyway and that these would flag up need for further scans/CVS etc in their own right. So you will get a numerical risk for T21, but if they can see anything indicative of possible other trisomies at the nuchal, they will say so and more testing will be offered. Good luck anyway for no nasty indicators!

Ditto Manitz - is your nuchal very soon or have you had it and I've missed it? I'm a bit confused.

Kittens, are you feeling more optimistic now? So good to have a plan at least.

Hi to Gina, and Coffee, and Catlady, and other relatively newbie mummies though your little ones will all be smiling and everything now! Wow. Time flies.

Ghislaine, please don't vanish. You're massively appreciated here. You, Mish and Natz and others from the other thread have worked so hard to try to get understanding on the other thread.

I have to go but before I do, 1) Babycant is now 1! believe it or not. She is endlessly cute and funny. 2) we've been through all the judgement and invasion before. Just ignore, ignore, ignore. People do have the right to say what they like and since MNHQ seem to think we don't have the right to not hear it, we just need to ignore it and it'll go away. And as Coffee said somewhere else, nobody has invaded our safe threads where we support instead of judge and empathize instead of hypothesizing.

hi can't it's on monday with a follow up consultant appt on thurs. I'm veering between thinking about the future and trying to stamp out those thoughts. i can't really believe it could be ok and like others before me I'm considering having a cvs whatever the nuchal says. repeat after me - one step at a time - but it's so bloody difficult.

1 is a lovely age.

natz try not to worry about it (yeah right). on one hand they are looking after you brilliantly (esp with the cuts and all) on the other it would be more reassuring to be treated normally. It can't be anything they've seen or they'd have you in and I think they'd be obliged to tell you too. if you are worried, ask them outright I think. Not long till 20 weeks then?

Just quickly, as am definitely going to sleep before midnight tonight...

Natz, I am too embarrassed to say how many scans I had with Bella, and so is, I believe, someone else here, but I won't out her

Cant kisses for Babycant. Agree that 1 is a great age

Grandj, Numpty's BabyJ was born with a small hole in her heart, which IIRC was healed by her first check-up (correct me if I'm wrong Numpty)

Good to hear from you Eavers, and that all is well

Also Gina - hope you nights are continuing to improve

Coffee, just to confuse you, I thought Bella's, shall we say 'evening crankiness' was caused by tummy upset/wind though turned out to be overtiredness - symptoms can be very similar

Is Kittens still on holidays?

Hello to everyone else. Sorry if I've missed things. Have let the inappropriately-placed-thread take up too much of my time/energy xxx

Oh how did I forget - Good luck for Monday manitz xxx

Good luck Manitz! I will be thinking of you.

Natz, I was scanned every 4 weeks. Think it is pretty standard to be offered that after a baby with a problem where we are, anyway. I welcomed it. I reckon if you don't, you could probably say so - but suggest you take it until the anomaly scan anyway...?

Best of luck Manitz for Monday! I hope you are bearing up ok, I was such a state the days leading up to the scan - Im hoping you are much stronger than I was xx

And thanks all for the reassuring words. Was just having a really emotional day.... Had a sort of run in with a guy off the alotments next to our house and spent most of the day in tears, even though he hadn't actually been mean to me. Was all emotional and confused as I had expected the consultant to just tell me all was good and wish me well in the pregnancy. Of course they are just looking after me, and I appreciate that. I think my fear is as Manitz said, that they had found something and not told me. Although I now very much doubt that. Mishtabel, ha ha, I am sure there is no such thing as 'too many' scans. I am a bundle of nerves and a very miserable person to be around on the run up to scans since we lost Cara. I miss the innocence of my DD's pregnancies and have never been so stressed out before. Slightest thing triggers tears or temper. Poor DP!

Cant, I loved my DD's aged 1, and it only gets better (with the occassional tantrum and stomping of the foot...!) I think 4 is by far one of my favourite ages so far, such a little miss independant, but still my baby. Other DD needs to get there pretty quick because age 3 is not a fun age in my experience . I will go for all the scans, never anything wrong in checking again. Just not what I expected because of the booking in appointment midwife. With any luck I will calm down after the anomaly scan and start enjoying seeing baby every few weeks. DP is already really excited about the prospect of checking in on junior more frequently and is desperate to know what dates the scans are so he can book the time of work (bless him)

I hope everyone is well and sorry for the lack of personals. xx

thanks all. just feel like i'm getting ready for an exam. stressed but really busy redecorating bedrooms. is it bad to put ds in big room so he can share it with a baby I'm trying to pretend wont exist? I don't think my thoughts and actions are matching up tbh.